ISTps/SLIs intentionally making their significant others mad

[SongOfSapphire]

Yes because they like the drama and to get the sense that you love them. Hidden agenda...to love. And they have a temper that flares up with things that they take in but don't have the ability to verbalize their feelings towards.

Take care

I agree they like the drama...at least to an extent, and a healthy IEE doesn't bring too much drama for a healthy SLI in my experience and observation. It genuinely cracks my husband up sometimes to annoy me or intentionally rile me up. (I should clarify he doesn't do truly hurtful things to hurt me on purpose, ever.)

And it probably does reassure them that you care

@Maritsa, I think you are thinking of SLE hidden agenda: To be Loved. The SLI hidden agenda is: To Love.

Now, yes, they do seem to be mostly okay with some drama. The SLIs I know often end up with SEEs because they don't mind the drama that SEEs are happy to bring along, and also because SEEs are socially assertive and they are not, and the SLIs are happy to be led-along socially. Especially by a pretty girl. And one "who does not flinch at her own sexuality", well - all the better.

But as to @sapphire's question - yes, Sapphire, my Dh SLI does this, a little bit, some of the time. And at times, that has touched on past trauma for me, as my ex had serious problems with verbal/emotional abuse and he LIKED to see me uncomfortable but for him, in a serious way (with intent to harm). With SLI, there is NO intent to harm. Its a mild teasing thing. SLI's hidden agenda in fact is "To Love", so they do not manifest this teasing agitation in a way that would jeopardize love, their priority in relationship. In fact, if my husband is doing this (its very subtle), and I feel uncomfortable, since I have great freedom in my relationship with him as a result of feeling protectively and securely loved, I feel free to speak my mind, and I protest rather pointedly that I DON'T LIKE THAT, with a rapid explanation of how it makes me feel (hurt, or reminds me of past trauma) and he stops immediately, and he remembers, and does not do that again. However, if I, instead, just show normal mild (or unconscious) discomfort, and I don't come out and complain or ask him to stop, he will do the same thing again in a similar situation. Its sort of a tease thing. Its interesting because I read here that his SLI type does that, and probably particularly because of past trauma, I always notice when he does, and each time I make a choice inside to let him go ahead or to protest. And it makes me feel secure to know that I can protest, and if I do he will pay attention. And when I don't protest, I just smile inside, and think, "Ok, I know what you are doing, and I'm letting you..."

Good point on SLIs ending up w SEEs -- I have seen that too, and it's probably a lot easier a relationship to get started than IEE-SLI relationships, in a lot of cases.

Your experience and mine seem to be similar.

It's one of the things that keep duality from being boring, I think...duals get along so well, but are still so different and w silly little...what to call them? Even "spats" is too strong a word...things stay interesting, at least ime.