This might be a bit of a complicated question, but...Originally Posted by Anonymous
Can you elaborate on this. Like, how would you hurt someone? What do you look for to see if they are hurt? What if they didn't seem to be hurt but just went about their business?
I ask because my istp friend can be very nice and then suddenly be very cold and distant (which really hurts).I most often pretend like I dont care and just go hang out with other people. Then he comes around and starts acting friendly and warm again. Its crazy. I never know if I can count on him. He's too moody. Is that common behavior for istps?
We went through a period where we hung out alot and I confided in him. Now he's more stand-offish and I dont know how to correct matters.
Topaz
Let me first start off by saying that I usually like people more than they think I like them. I guess I can act in ways that don't show much interest in a person, but then I might actually say something like... *gasp*... a compliment. It might be that I'm not always concious of what other people are feeling at the time although I really DO care.
And it doesn't always have to be about "hurting" other people. There are also times when I just feel comfortable around them (super comfortable) that I can feel open (sort of). Really, any time I don't feel like the other person is harmful to me, or I feel that what I say can't be hurtful to me, I'll say it. There are other people I just don't trust at all.
OK, now that I've danced around it, the hurting part. Take, for example, if I have interest in a girl, and we are talking on-line, she might say something that shows interest back or whatever (like signing off "lyl, xoxo, etc.") but I usually don't reply with the same amount of emotion. To tell you the truth, it is hard for me even to write THIS. There are also sometimes when I walk by people I know without acknowledging them, but I have worked on that. Now most of the time I do, instead of blowing them off. I have also said some insensitve things to people and I don't know why (usually not thinking that it's insensitive at the time).
And there's really not much more to look for (from the SLI standpoint) than if the other person is still around. Really.
The important thing to remember is to not invade our personal space. There are times when my EIE Mom does this, and I can't stand it. Sometimes I really don't need to talk about things, and if you try and do this, drawing attention just makes it worse. When I mean "don't need to talk" I mean there are things that don't bother me in a personal way (like failing a driving test or whatever) but talking to me LIKE SOMETHING SHOULD BE WRONG or that I SHOULD BE UPSET just makes it painful (even though it wasn't at first). The odd part is, there are times that I do like to talk, but only when I truely feel frustrated in an emotionl or personal way. If he keeps on pushing away, then chances are that he geniunely does NOT want to talk, and backing off a little bit is what he'd perfer. I'm sorry if this seems needlessly complicated or it's hard to understand.
OK, did I cover it?
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