Somebody beat Socionics out of me

[Aivonaima]

Out of curiosity – which type do you think the person in question is?

There is some truth to socionics, I've noticed. I used to think it's not that important, after all I was in a good, long-term relationship with an LII when I was first introduced to socionics.

So I thought, fuck that, as long as we love each other and get along, that's all that matters, right? Yet the reason I decided it's not going to work out in the long run is ridiculously easily explained by socionics – our motivations and ambitions didn't meet. He's an alpha introvert Sp, and is fine with living a quiet, comfortable life with simple pleasures and light-hearted fun. And I'm not. I realized I couldn't afford being emotionally invested in someone with very few goals in life, and especially someone who considers my ambitions megalomanic and not only refrains from pushing me towards my goals but also bluntly refuses to help me achieve them.

And I could easily imagine several similar scenarios. For instance, conflicts between Fe/Fi valuers could really drain you in the long run. And yeah, two infantiles might still expect – unconsciously if nothing else – caregiver behavior from each other and end up feeling that their needs go unfulfilled.

Idk. I'd probably stick with quadra members. Then again if you don't encounter this sorta problems, who's to say you couldn't work it out? Not all dual relationships work out either, after all. Try it. Talk to them. Express your needs and reservations. Good communication works wonders.

[willekeurig]

Out of curiosity – which type do you think the person in question is?

There is some truth to socionics, I've noticed. I used to think it's not that important, after all I was in a good, long-term relationship with an LII when I was first introduced to socionics.

So I thought, fuck that, as long as we love each other and get along, that's all that matters, right? Yet the reason I decided it's not going to work out in the long run is ridiculously easily explained by socionics – our motivations and ambitions didn't meet. He's an alpha introvert Sp, and is fine with living a quiet, comfortable life with simple pleasures and light-hearted fun. And I'm not. I realized I couldn't afford being emotionally invested in someone with very few goals in life, and especially someone who considers my ambitions megalomanic and not only refrains from pushing me towards my goals but also bluntly refuses to help me achieve them.

And I could easily imagine several similar scenarios. For instance, conflicts between Fe/Fi valuers could really drain you in the long run. And yeah, two infantiles might still expect – unconsciously if nothing else – caregiver behavior from each other and end up feeling that their needs go unfulfilled.

Idk. I'd probably stick with quadra members. Then again if you don't encounter this sorta problems, who's to say you couldn't work it out? Not all dual relationships work out either, after all. Try it. Talk to them. Express your needs and reservations. Good communication works wonders.

He's Ne-IEE, so that's still a Delta. I didn't realise the extent to which it is possible to suck at Si until I met him. I used to think I was super bad, but I'm actually even able to help him a little with it, which he seems to appreciate. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt the same way about me and Te. Oh well.
What I wonder the most about is if/how the temperament issues might arise - I've often been praised by my EP friends for always being ready for adventures and having a certain flexibility when it comes to plans and changing them. Maybe that's the Sx talking in me. I actually wouldn't be surprised if, in the end, the stackings made a bigger difference than socionics compability. At least looking at my friends it seems that the ones that stick around the longest are always Sx doms, even if we are supposed to have a bad socionics compatibility. (Good thing this IEE dude is definitely Sx). Out of mere curiosity, would you care to tell me some examples of your and your (ex?) boyfriend's clashes where you think the Sp vs. Sx conflict has played a significant part? I too have learnt it the hard way that Sp types (especially Sx lasts, ugh) will in most cases drive me up a wall in the long run. Would be interesting to see if our experiences coincide.

[Aivonaima]

I actually wouldn't be surprised if, in the end, the stackings made a bigger difference than socionics compability. At least looking at my friends it seems that the ones that stick around the longest are always Sx doms, even if we are supposed to have a bad socionics compatibility. (Good thing this IEE dude is definitely Sx). Out of mere curiosity, would you care to tell me some examples of your and your (ex?) boyfriend's clashes where you think the Sp vs. Sx conflict has played a significant part? I too have learnt it the hard way that Sp types (especially Sx lasts, ugh) will in most cases drive me up a wall in the long run. Would be interesting to see if our experiences coincide.

(He's something like a platonic-status-quo-life-partner-best-friend-trusted-person Idk I hate to classify human-to-human relationships because I can never tell what sort of feelings tomorrow brings. Eeeh victim much?? )

Humm, well, since he's Sp/Sx (I think???) and I'm Sx/Sp (I think??? I'm not sure), it's not as bad as it could be. The biggest problem we've had is probably that he needs to feel safe and comfortable in order to enjoy that Sx intensity whereas for me, it's the other way around – I feel safe and comfortable through that Sx intensity. When we're both feeling fine it's no problem, but when we're not, it turns into a tug-o-war where I'm trying to make a contact with him and he keeps evading my attempts, which in turn makes me feel rejected and unsafe while he feels pressured and like I'm violating his personal space. This was a waaaay bigger problem back when we were still intensely romantic though. But yeah. That's basically it.

It sounds to me like your infantile/infantile problems could easily be overcome. If your stackings and quadra values match anyway you can probably work out the rest with good communication. Or just hire a caregiver to change your nappies/car tires (or whatever else delta caregivers do, I really don't know nor care), problem solved

[willekeurig]

(He's something like a platonic-status-quo-life-partner-best-friend-trusted-person Idk I hate to classify human-to-human relationships because I can never tell what sort of feelings tomorrow brings. Eeeh victim much?? )

Hah, this actually seems very much "intelligent/intellectual/open-minded human being"- related to me.

It sounds to me like your infantile/infantile problems could easily be overcome. If your stackings and quadra values match anyway you can probably work out the rest with good communication. Or just hire a caregiver to change your nappies/car tires (or whatever else delta caregivers do, I really don't know nor care), problem solved

I'll keep my thumbs up Thanks for your insights ^^