Primary issue is that you are confusing identity with type. Your type isn't really your identity in a general sense. It's not a neat box stored away at a russian's office.

Identity is like broken glass forged largely through darkness and pain. Other people will tell you who you are and what you are not your whole life, and if a lot of people tell you the same thing about yourself, this is your ego/identity/who you are, but it cannot so be neatly summed up as 'Okay I'm an estj that's why I like going to work every day.' Eh I suppose it can in a sense.

What were you like as a child? Were you one of those romantic and shy loner types, or were you a bully? Were you sporty and protective of those who were shy or were you the class clown? Were you practical and down to earth as a kid or did people say you were idealistic and starry-eyed? It's important to be objective here. Screaming that you're not emo when you are isn't really good, just own that emoness baby.

Kids have a purity to their nature. Then we get socialized to act more equal and alike to others than we really truIy feel. I mean that's why as a kid you had very strong emotional and personal reactions to whoever was in the room at the time, don't you remember that? That's intertype relationships in a more raw form.