Stuff people have said here:
And now my thoughts (maybe not directly tied to duality):easy, 'clear communication' and little risk of miscommunication, be myself and be accepted for who I am, It gives you a head start in a relationship. A lot of relationships have to learn to communicate with one another and how to give their partner what they need. With duality, you kind of already naturally do most of that stuff, compatibility and intimacy
I don't buy into the idea that your dual is the best person for you, best relationship etc etc. But, there's something else I've been thinking about if you assume some of those characteristics of duality are true (the ease of communication, natural interaction etc.) Easy does not mean good.
My easiest relationship, that felt very natural, super-easy communication etc. with what seemed like no real obstacles turned out to be the worst relationship I've ever experienced. When things fall together so easily and naturally it's very easy to lose awareness of yourself, your interaction with the other person, and with them. Everything is exactly as you expect it to be. Their reactions to you are exactly what you expect, you can be exactly "yourself" without having to change anything and it's no problem. You may fight sometimes but it's in a way that seems normal to you, and there is a stability and normalcy to even your worst fights. It wasn't necessarily predictable, and it wasn't boring, and there wasn't a single person we knew that didn't think we had a great relationship.
We worked very well together, and even ran a company together for awhile. We were together for 7 years and our relationship never seemed difficult.
-BUT-
The reason we fit so well together is because my issues and problems complemented his. We fed each other's problems, and rather than growing as people, we regressed. We each became worse, more entrenched in unhealthy behaviors and attitudes, and an insular self-righteousness developed to an extreme degree. We never looked at ourselves or each other as having any problems - everything wrong was "out there" in the world, and those people just didn't understand. Anything bad happening was an attack on us, and we had to stand together against everyone, against anyone trying to breach either of our shells, against anyone trying to encourage any real growth. We even had a bit of a persecution complex developing.
I was so caught up in this world that I didn't see how he was affecting me. I ignored a lot of things that I shouldn't have ignored. I didn't even notice how he had started purposefully isolating me from my friends and family, how I was being manipulated, how he was more detrimental to me than any of the imagined evils in the outside world. I grew up in a cult, and broke free only to enter a relationship that was just as isolating, elitist and damaging as the cult I left. And that's why it all seemed so natural and easy.
It seemed so normal to me- so natural and easy- because I was used to unhealthy environments that had the same effect on me.
That's why I think the ease of a relationship is no measure for how good it is, and may mean that you're just settling into comfortable old habits that may not be very good for you. I think a good relationship is instead one where you grow, where you remain aware of yourself and your interactions and support each other in real, healthy growth. I also think it's very important to retain friendships and connections outside of the relationship to keep some balance and perspective in your life.
So, if I have to struggle a little bit to overcome some communication problems, if I don't get the kind of responses I expect, if we have to work a little, and if my every need isn't magically taken care of for me - that's fine by me, because I don't need easy - I just need good.
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Originally Posted by squark
