Originally Posted by
aixelsyd
If someone fucks someone over, there's no reason for the fucked over person to trust the offender. That's really just logic, in my book.
I think you are magnifying the estrangement aspect. Certainly if a sense of trust is not laid out, it's going to be harder to create a sense of closeness to the person, but if the person is otherwise not really giving a strong sense of being dangerous or untrustworthy, I think the person will not be estranged, but it will take time to let that person in. Fi doesn't want to use display of emotion prematurely for the sake of those who value it who might mistake that Fe display as a sign of real friendship when they are looking for an enduring emotional tie.
Fi usually is more concerned about, after all, stable relations and those things are tested by time and by actions. It's not meant so much to be judgmental as it is being aware, often from prior experiences, that people are not all very nice and even when that's not the case, not everyone is going to click with everyone, and Fi types tend to prefer being with those they mutually click with.
To be fair, Fe creeps me out at times, too. Well, depending on how it's being used. But with Fe, an expression of like and acceptance can quickly change. I've witnessed a number of times where Fe types express their upset with another person and try to get everyone else to feel the same way. To me it seems unfair not to hear the other person's point of view and to get people to treat the other person as an equal or at least not to resort to group think and group feel, so to speak, and alienate this person who is likely not objectively better or worse than the others on a moral level than they are being made out to be. I witnessed this on a few occasions with EIEs, on both occasions, finding something strongly disagreeable about one person and expressing their feelings to a lot of people and getting people to band together and to view this person (who did nothing to them as individuals) with contempt and treat that person (who was largely ignorant of what was going on) like they were a dirty article of clothing that no one really wanted to touch.
When it was with a group of friends, I was the one who went the distance to the estranged person (from the group) to exude understanding to their situation which aroused anger in the EIE and tended to his plight and his emotions, giving him validation and kinship that no one else would give him because of the sway of the EIE (EIE and I were the only ethical types in that group, fwiw, so I was probably less inclined to be swayed by his own feelings, having a firm grasp on my own).
Fi might seem more judgmental, but if someone has reached a certain point of connection (where mutual trust and friendship has been established), what a group of people say about that person and a single accusation or an accumulation of accusations are not going to, very likely, affect that bond.
So yes, Fi might seem judgmental, but it's more for enduring bonds. I personally prefer my valued bonds to be able to withstand opposition and when the world, so to speak, turns against my friend, I would hope I would stand with my friend and that my friend would stand with me even if the world condemns us or tries to tear us apart from one another and apart from ourselves, trying to tarnish our self-respect.
/self-appointed Fi spokes-person