Duality attraction, etc

[tiny_dancer]

I have a friend who I didn't develop feelings for until much (like 10 years) later, and I think the quality of the relationship is FAR better than the duals who I've been wildly attracted to from the beginning. Sometimes I wish I could just shut off my hormones because they really screw things up. There's a mutual friendship, openness, and respect, with no anxiety, mistrust, or clinginess whatsoever. It felt like we were on the same level in pretty much every way. After my ex, you have no idea how amazing that feels. I guess it would be characterized by one day waking up and realizing you're in love with your best friend, while being completely clueless of it up to that point. Hm, now that I think about it I guess it could be the type of relationship that is truly healing for both parties.

But it still didn't become a relationship, for a number of other issues. And now he's dating some chick he met on the internet. (Fuck you e-harmony for messing with the perfection of duality! *shakes fist* lol)

So yeah, I know what you're talking about.

[Suz]

I have a friend who I didn't develop feelings for until much (like 10 years) later, and I think the quality of the relationship is FAR better than the duals who I've been wildly attracted to from the beginning. Sometimes I wish I could just shut off my hormones because they really screw things up. There's a mutual friendship, openness, and respect, with no anxiety, mistrust, or clinginess whatsoever. It felt like we were on the same level in pretty much every way. After my ex, you have no idea how amazing that feels. I guess it would be characterized by one day waking up and realizing you're in love with your best friend, while being completely clueless of it up to that point. Hm, now that I think about it I guess it could be the type of relationship that is truly healing for both parties.

But it still didn't become a relationship, for a number of other issues. And now he's dating some chick he met on the internet. (Fuck you e-harmony for messing with the perfection of duality! *shakes fist* lol)

So yeah, I know what you're talking about.

I feel your pain.

:frown:

Does he know how you feel about him?

[UDP]

It's not unusual at all. chemistry isn't related to duality, necessarily. Chemistry is something else.

[Park]

I think these thoughts about "duality" and the dynamics of psychological attraction are only temporary, and you'll probably get over the habit of idealizing relationships or anything else at some further point in life. Simply because magical scenarios ain't happening in real life, and nothing ever plays out as imagined; or even if it does, the experience you get out of it is not something you can understand or prepare for/anticipate in advance. So, the less you think about stuff like finding happiness and things falling into place etc, the more chances of it to happen. My 2 cents, anyway.

[Beautiful sky]

I think these thoughts about "duality" and the dynamics of psychological attraction are only temporary, and you'll probably get over the habit of idealizing relationships or anything else at some further point in life. Simply because magical scenarios ain't happening in real life, and nothing ever plays out as imagined; or even if it does, the experience you get out of it is not something you can understand or prepare for/anticipate in advance. So, the less you think about stuff like finding happiness and things falling into place etc, the more chances of it to happen. My 2 cents, anyway.

And this is how Ni role works....

[Suz]

It's not unusual at all. chemistry isn't related to duality, necessarily. Chemistry is something else.

i think they are related, big time. Duality is a particular kind of chemistry. Of course you can feel chemistry with people of other types, but it's a different sort of chemistry.

[FDG]

i think they are related, big time. Duality is a particular kind of chemistry. Of course you can feel chemistry with people of other types, but it's a different sort of chemistry.

Yeah, I agree. In my experience, they're obviously related. I understand how other people's experience can differ, so I doubt we can universalize any relationship between duality and chemistry.

[Beautiful sky]

It's not unusual at all. chemistry isn't related to duality, necessarily. Chemistry is something else.

I agree with you; for once

Chemistry is attraction and most people don't know what they are looking for except for pretty eyes and other body parts...most people don't read into things that deeply.

[hotasphyxiation]

So are duals usually drawn to each other at first or do they kind of just pass each other by unnoticed..? Are dual relations easy to start up (and how likely is it that you would want to get to know each other if you weren't forced to interact on a regular basis, such as at work or in school)? Is it true that the extrovert might not realize that the introvert is compatible with them in the beginning because they're looking for someone who is more like themselves and vice versa or can both people recognize the qualities that, according to socionics, they should be drawn to in the other person?

I mean I know every situation is different but, even before I started reading about this stuff, I think I've always been attracted to SLEs... their whole demeanor is just soooo damn attractive... I'm pretty sure a guy I dated recently was SLE and I have never been so turned on/intrigued by a man in my entire life... seemed like the feeling was mutual too (LOL while it lasted), but at the same time both of us were holding back from each other, like neither of us wanted to show any vulnerability and look like the weaker person. I think that's why we aren't dating any more (plus he's a dirty dirty dog... but a really sexy dirty dog ). Anyway what I was trying to get at is that I have always been able to detect the inherent studliness of my duals, not just physically but mentally too and I was wondering if this works on both ends of the spectrum. And if they don't recognize my IEI-esque captivating undeniable allure and girlish charms then that really sucks for them.. seriously though they are soooo so so sexy and I hope they notice me the way I notice them

[neverthesame]

I don't find ESFj's attractive. Ever. In fact, the only Feelers I can be attracted to are IEEs. Feelers...ewww...

[Suz]

Have you actually interacted closely with what you think were ESE, or is this sort of a theoretical comment.if the former, Neverthesame, looks like you need to either re-examine what you have in mind as ESEs or reconsider your socionics typing of LII.