I love you, I love you not, dear SLI

[UDP]

sigh. . .if only more guys were like you. . .

I'd prefer it if other guys were less like that, yeah.

I have a hard time with the idea of "settling." Maybe that is why I am single for so long. But when i think of the possibility of settling I feel despair, nausea, and I want to cry. So the way I see it is, I'd rather be single than settle. Maybe that will change with time, who knows.

The other problem is, I dont really know what I looking for. . .sigh. :frown:

I've come to terms with that myself. I may be tempted, especially if I find someone physically appealing, but in reality I know that I simply cannot 'settle', and I've tested it and tried it enough times to know that such is how it is: if I settle, I will not be happy, I will not be psychologically at ease; I would rather not be in a relationship than be in a poor or unfulfilled one.

You hae to be reasonable about your expectations, of course, but, the reality seems to be that if you are really looking, the pool of people to choose from is low. So it's hard, but it's the only real choice - for me, anyway.


Not knowing what you're looking for is also a problem - it makes the decision making process a lot easier. If someone is 'a good person' but just not going down the same life path as you are, then, it's relatively pointless to try for something serious.

[Suz]

Not knowing what you're looking for is also a problem - it makes the decision making process a lot easier. If someone is 'a good person' but just not going down the same life path as you are, then, it's relatively pointless to try for something serious.

RYUUU!! We were of identical perspective on the issue until you touched on this. You're forgetting that my primary function is Ne!! I'm going to see potential in the relationship and try to make it work, no matter the obstacles. At least, that's how i've approached my feelings in the past. Unfortunately SLI is a complete 180o from this. For them it's not "relatively" pointless, it's COMPLETELY pointless! Maybe thats why they need IEE, who knows.

[UDP]

RYUUU!! We were of identical perspective on the issue until you touched on this. You're forgetting that my primary function is Ne!! I'm going to see potential in the relationship and try to make it work, no matter the obstacles. At least, that's how i've approached my feelings in the past. Unfortunately SLI is a complete 180o from this. For them it's not "relatively" pointless, it's COMPLETELY pointless! Maybe thats why they need IEE, who knows.

Just realize you might over-play your desire for things to have whatever potential you want; don't be too idealistic about people.

You have to try to look into the core of who they are, yes, "their soul", to figure out whether or not they are really going to line up with what you want. Part of that is coming to terms, of course, with what you really need, and acknowledging that you yourself are not infinitely flexible. Go from there and be realistic about how other people line up with your non-negotiables.


I'm hesitant to say that this stuff is "why someone needs their dual" or whatever. When you said "I wish more guys were like you", referring to me, that's not because I'm LSE, it's because I've developed a certain stance or opinion of relationships. I didn't always feel that way. And I know other LSEs who feel differently..... so I think this matter is essentially outside of socionics.

-- which is why I advocated what I said earlier.

I'm going to see potential in the relationship and try to make it work, no matter the obstacles.

Sure, but, even you acknowledge that there are losers out there who aren't worth your time.

Potential and possibilities and putting lots of effort into relationships is great, and yes, STs do need that from NFs sometimes, but that doesn't discount advice about being efficient in terms of expending energy on relationships. As your dual, delta STs are supposed to help you with that, yes, by being more conservative about such.

[Khola aka Bee]

I feel for you, but I'm putting myself in the same situation with a guy at the moment as most people know on here.....so I'm probably too lovestruck to give you an appropriate response. Or at least a sensible one. Hugs.

[munenori2]

I don't know what advice to give you, but this what my guru said.

[Brilliand]

I don't know what advice to give you, but this what my guru said.

That was even weirder than I expected.

[UDP]

I feel for you, but I'm putting myself in the same situation with a guy at the moment as most people know on here.....so I'm probably too lovestruck to give you an appropriate response. Or at least a sensible one. Hugs.

Oh jeeze - an SLI and/or frat boy, who's on this site?

ehhh good luck....

[Khola aka Bee]

Oh jeeze - an SLI and/or frat boy, who's on this site?

ehhh good luck....

No, not on here, the same stooge I've been moaning about for years now.

[Mattie]

SiTe suck, let them get together with each other until they beg for NeFi again That'll teach 'em.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

for what it's worth, I have now finally ended the thing w/ my now-ex-for-good SLI (also a former frat guy) who I caught buying a girl a drink and then stormed off leaving me in a not safe situation. I didn't want to believe it either, especially when you can see so much good in someone and feel such strong compatibility/bond. But the bad 20 percent is enough to ruin everything...just make sure your decision takes care of yourself most. This guy is quite old and still has the same college mentality, so they don't always out grow it, and not everyone can change for the better, despite what our Ne would have us believe....

good luck I know it's hard and stressful to decide something like this.

You know, my IEE female bud is pretty good at getting guys and is also pretty good at dumping them when need be.

She's getting shot of this ILI guy, he's really good looking, but crap bf in other ways. It's amazing that she equates his lack of emotion with what is really is more like a lack of Si.

Aww Jewels. . .I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know the feeling all too well and i imagine it's so much worse when you're actually in a meaningful relationship with the guy (like you were, as opposed to me). It's uncanny how similar these guys are!! I just dont understand why. . . Why do they act like this??

Anyway, I'm glad that you had the strength and good judgement to dump him.

They are not gentlemen. They are not polite, and by polite I mean it in its original sense, the word which comes from the jeweller with his precious stone, polite as in polished.

Some people require a solid back bone of morals and self purpose, at the very least, they could start off by reading the philosopher Frances Hutcheson and then can take it from there.

SiTe suck, let them get together with each other until they beg for NeFi again That'll teach 'em.

Oh my lord you are cruel.

[jewels]

Y

They are not gentlemen. They are not polite, and by polite I mean it in its original sense, the word which comes from the jeweller with his precious stone, polite as in polished.

Some people require a solid back bone of morals and self purpose, at the very least, they could start off by reading the philosopher Frances Hutcheson and then can take it from there.

Good points Cyclops. yes, not everyone is a gentleman, even if they seem like it initially. They may seem sparkly and polished at first, but underneath if they lack those morals you mentioned, then yeah, they are not at all kind. That pretty much sums it up.

[UDP]

for whatever reason I think IEEs (and EIIs) have a hard time accepting that at some point, especially because they want things to be idealistic anyways and think that by hoping so or acting so it will create what they want. But sometimes, it just isn't there.

[Suz]

Just realize you might over-play your desire for things to have whatever potential you want; don't be too idealistic about people.

And you have just stated the root of my problem

You have to try to look into the core of who they are, yes, "their soul", to figure out whether or not they are really going to line up with what you want. Part of that is coming to terms, of course, with what you really need, and acknowledging that you yourself are not infinitely flexible. Go from there and be realistic about how other people line up with your non-negotiables.

That is really great advice for me. Thanks Ryu. It's sometimes hard though for my brain to convince my heart, once things are already rolling. . .But hearing that is a real comfort to me and really brings things in perspective. You're totally right.

I'm hesitant to say that this stuff is "why someone needs their dual" or whatever. When you said "I wish more guys were like you", referring to me, that's not because I'm LSE, it's because I've developed a certain stance or opinion of relationships. I didn't always feel that way. And I know other LSEs who feel differently..... so I think this matter is essentially outside of socionics.

Oh, no when I said that I meant you personally, not LSE's in general and my comment was not socionically motivated. It was simply a thought that I had and a compliment to your personal philosophy. Heck, there are probably tons of LSEs out there who are frat boys, i'll bet.

[jewels]

for what it's worth, I have now finally ended the thing w/ my now-ex-for-good SLI (also a former frat guy) who I caught buying a girl a drink and then stormed off leaving me in a not safe situation. I didn't want to believe it either, especially when you can see so much good in someone and feel such strong compatibility/bond. But the bad 20 percent is enough to ruin everything...just make sure your decision takes care of yourself most. This guy is quite old and still has the same college mentality, so they don't always out grow it, and not everyone can change for the better, despite what our Ne would have us believe....

good luck I know it's hard and stressful to decide something like this.

[Suz]

for what it's worth, I have now finally ended the thing w/ my now-ex-for-good SLI (also a former frat guy) who I caught buying a girl a drink and then stormed off leaving me in a not safe situation. I didn't want to believe it either, especially when you can see so much good in someone and feel such strong compatibility/bond. But the bad 20 percent is enough to ruin everything...just make sure your decision takes care of yourself most. This guy is quite old and still has the same college mentality, so they don't always out grow it, and not everyone can change for the better, despite what our Ne would have us believe....

good luck I know it's hard and stressful to decide something like this.

Aww Jewels. . .I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know the feeling all too well and i imagine it's so much worse when you're actually in a meaningful relationship with the guy (like you were, as opposed to me). It's uncanny how similar these guys are!! I just dont understand why. . . Why do they act like this??

Anyway, I'm glad that you had the strength and good judgement to dump him.

[Suz]

Ok, dear IEE's i think this calls for a group IEE hug!!!

Darned SLIs

[Beautiful sky]

Aww Jewels. . .I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know the feeling all too well and i imagine it's so much worse when you're actually in a meaningful relationship with the guy (like you were, as opposed to me). It's uncanny how similar these guys are!! I just dont understand why. . . Why do they act like this??

Anyway, I'm glad that you had the strength and good judgement to dump him.

they like to know you'll be there for them so don't run away or quit things easily.