ISTps fearing being misunderstood and withdrawing

[jessica129]

Growing up, I treated my boyfriends horrible, I cheated on nearly every single one of them...but then again, they weren't very serious relationships to begin with. I'd like to think that was a phase and I am ashamed of it. I haven't cheated on my current b/f and I don't plan to. People can change.

[meatburger]

Growing up, I treated my boyfriends horrible, I cheated on nearly every single one of them...but then again, they weren't very serious relationships to begin with. I'd like to think that was a phase and I am ashamed of it. I haven't cheated on my current b/f and I don't plan to. People can change.

I agree. I think that hopefully if you are with someone who is right for you, there should be no inclination to do it. Cheating is often a bi-product of people in shitty relationships.

Back onto the thread subject though, i think its that first few times with an ISTp that they will dislike you when you annoy them. If you become their actual friend they will be happy to forgive.

[JuJu]

Back onto the thread subject though, i think its that first few times with an ISTp that they will dislike you when you annoy them. If you become their actual friend they will be happy to forgive.

mb, you're talking about the "smallest offences" thing, and I believe that you're right about it... The "serious quarrel" thing is different, however--generally that only happens after, well, there's something about which to be serious, e.g. a serious relationship.

The advice in this thread has been awesome so far (!!)

Jessica129, I identify with what you wrote--during my first few relationships, I cheated in every one, sometimes with numerous ppl... I'm ashamed of it now, and can't believe how badly I acted back then--makes me sad to think about it. Like you said though, people can and do change... I would never do it now--I'd never do it again, actually. For me, this change occurred around the age of 19 or 20, so 5-6 yrs ago.

[mikemex]

Know what? I've become quite cruel nowadays. Before I used to care a lot about separations and such, but now I've decided I'm not willing to bend over my knees to get anyone to like me.

I've had many bad experiences with SLIs so I'm now leaving them to drown in their own shit.

[Lobo]

I agree. I think that hopefully if you are with someone who is right for you, there should be no inclination to do it. Cheating is often a bi-product of people in shitty relationships.

What if it happens with the person that is right for you, and it's not a shitty relationship?? It's ironic how you can ask someone that cheats if they would date a cheater, and they would say no... Like I said somewhere else, Fi+Ne slaps to kingdom-come is what's called for. It helps the world in the end. No judging really, more like showing a lot of disappointment of character and explaining lack of trust. This should work with people who care enough to feel really, really bad about it, to the point of crying. If no one does it, the person might never lose the bad habit.

[meatburger]

What if it happens with the person that is right for you, and it's not a shitty relationship??

Well that of course is the source of fear of mine, i certianlly see what your saying. Heres a few reasons i could think of where people could cheat in a good relationship.

a) They are ruthless and have seen a better relationship anyway. If you are with your dual they have met another dual who they like more and are willing to take that risk
b) they have some element of a personality problem, where they need sex or dont feel they are close enough to the other person.
c) The person just goes what the hell why not just go for it for fun and try to hide it.
d) The relationship just dims down and some element of boredom / unhappiness sets in
e) It happened because of some random chance encounter when they were really drunk
f) etc..

I dont deny these are definate possibilities.

I think

a) tough luck. The person chose someone else over you, telling them they did something wrong is gonna get nowhere because they are probablly more happy now anyway.
b) Thats their problem, unfortunately people like that probablly need psychological help and may never settle down until they do
c) um. I dunno some kind of crazy new age thinking. They obviously dont really care enough about the idea of relationships and /or you.
d) I suppose that qualfies for a shitty relationship (to some degree).
e) Probablly the most interesting one. I personally believe i have enough self control that no matter how drunk i am i know what im doing. No idea about other people tho.

I would just think that most of the time cheating has simpler explanations. I recon its likely they are in a poor intertype relation already. It seems to me generally when two people really do care for each other, cheating is unlikely to happen.

Like I said somewhere else, Fi+Ne slaps to kingdom-come is what's called for. It helps the world in the end. No judging really, more like showing a lot of disappointment of character and explaining lack of trust. This should work with people who care enough to feel really, really bad about it, to the point of crying. If no one does it, the person might never lose the bad habit.

I dont even have a trying to sort them out policy. I just have a im dumping you and thats that policy. One of two things occurs.

a) They dont really care that they are not with you. Good luck to them
b) They do care greatly and want you back.

With a) theres really nothing you can do any type of making them feel guilty is unlikely to work as they are off getting wet with someone else.
b) is more interesting. At least being brutal to them for a long time/forever might actually teach them a lesson (which is what you said sereno).

I just read over my post and its total stream of thought nonsense. Its certianlly not perfect just use it for ideas please

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Personally I don't cheat. One of the things I like about relationships is establishing long term, trusting, 'internal' bonds. So to cheat would kind of defeat the purpose of that.

[meatburger]

Personally I don't cheat. One of the things I like about relationships is establishing long term, trusting, 'internal' bonds. So to cheat would kind of defeat the purpose of that.

Im reinforcing that behaviour

you get a cookie

[Lobo]

Well that of course is the source of fear of mine, i certianlly see what your saying. Heres a few reasons i could think of where people could cheat in a good relationship.

a) They are ruthless and have seen a better relationship anyway. If you are with your dual they have met another dual who they like more and are willing to take that risk
b) they have some element of a personality problem, where they need sex or dont feel they are close enough to the other person.
c) The person just goes what the hell why not just go for it for fun and try to hide it.
d) The relationship just dims down and some element of boredom / unhappiness sets in
e) It happened because of some random chance encounter when they were really drunk
f) etc..

I dont deny these are definate possibilities.

I think

a) tough luck. The person chose someone else over you, telling them they did something wrong is gonna get nowhere because they are probablly more happy now anyway.
b) Thats their problem, unfortunately people like that probablly need psychological help and may never settle down until they do
c) um. I dunno some kind of crazy new age thinking. They obviously dont really care enough about the idea of relationships and /or you.
d) I suppose that qualfies for a shitty relationship (to some degree).
e) Probablly the most interesting one. I personally believe i have enough self control that no matter how drunk i am i know what im doing. No idea about other people tho.

I would just think that most of the time cheating has simpler explanations. I recon its likely they are in a poor intertype relation already. It seems to me generally when two people really do care for each other, cheating is unlikely to happen.



I dont even have a trying to sort them out policy. I just have a im dumping you and thats that policy. One of two things occurs.

a) They dont really care that they are not with you. Good luck to them
b) They do care greatly and want you back.

With a) theres really nothing you can do any type of making them feel guilty is unlikely to work as they are off getting wet with someone else.
b) is more interesting. At least being brutal to them for a long time/forever might actually teach them a lesson (which is what you said sereno).

I just read over my post and its total stream of thought nonsense. Its certianlly not perfect just use it for ideas please

Yeah, we're on the same page... and I didn't think that what you wrote was nonsense.