Experiences with Kindred or Comparative Relations

[jewels]

for me, the comparative thing was easy to start and i was really into him for a few months.
Then after he let his guard down, he started to insult me constantly/do things that offended me every hour or so. he had no idea, and thought I was wrong to be offended/refused to try to change. Followed by him trying hard to change, faking being what I wanted, adn eventually that fell apart.

All in all, icky.

But still, there's a lot of mutual "hmm that person is interesting/mysterious, etc."

Followed by "why the heck are you doing x? or y? or z? ahhhh!"

[jessica129]

That's how I feel about my comparatives too. They sort of fascinate me, because I just can't seem to get on the same wavelength as them. I'm constantly wondering what they're thinking. But yeah, it does get a bit old after awhile. Sometimes I feel like yelling "PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!! TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE FEELNG!!" just to shake things up a bit ... which is probably an ISTp's worst nightmare .... This ISTp friend of mine only opens up to me when he's drunk, which makes me wonder. I find I get on best with ISTps when we're both doing something together, like sports or something - or just listening to music. Or when we're with other people ... it's funny, I'll be sitting there with an ISTp and we'll be having this boring or nonexistant conversation and then someone else comes and joins in, and suddenly we're all animated and interested in each other again - even if the other person isn't talking much. It's weird.

That's almost exactly how i feel, almost word for word when it comes to ISFP's. I thought I was evasive when it comes to emotions but trying to get them to open up to me is like pulling teeth. I'm not used to someone else not being willing to open up...usually that's my problem. It get's too stagnant...I don't know how to keep the enthusiasm up. We get along on the surface level but beyond that, it's a very draining relationship for me. Always wondering what the other is thinking and not being able to get much out of them, it's not very healthy for either. But i do notice that in the company of others, the whole situation changes and we get closer and sort of gravitate back to each other only to get bored again.

[liveandletlive]

im friends with a bunch of SLEs and i've never really had a negative experience with them. maybe it's our "aggressor-ness" but we just tend to poke fun at our PoLRs and it's fine. one thing i do notice- which i remember reading somewhere- is that comparatives try to keep each other on the same level when around others which i completely agree with. SLEs and i will laugh at others together, cry with others together, whatever... almost like partners in crime as well. overall, IMO it's quite refreshing to be with someone who uses the same leading function as me and can be quite fun.

[liveandletlive]

Yeah, I enjoy being with SEEs.

[Rubicon]

That's almost exactly how i feel, almost word for word when it comes to ISFP's. I thought I was evasive when it comes to emotions but trying to get them to open up to me is like pulling teeth. I'm not used to someone else not being willing to open up...usually that's my problem.

That's interesting .... It never occurred to me that they may want to know what my feelings are. lol I thought that would make them feel uncomfortable.

[jessica129]

That's interesting .... It never occurred to me that they may want to know what my feelings are. lol I thought that would make them feel uncomfortable.

Generally, it doesn't make me uncomfortable when people express their thoughts on where the relationship stands. If it's excessive and dramatic, it makes me uncomfortable but I need someone who is good at expressing themselves or things get nowhere fast. It's kind of hard to be in a relationship or friendship if the two of you can't get past the aquaintence phase....and that's how I usually feel with ISFP's. I don't know if I scare them into not wanting to vocalize their feelings but that's the impression I get. I'm usually the one waiting for the other person to do the "expressing" and I don't find ISFP's particularly good at that. But maybe i'm just generalizing.

[jessica129]

No - I'd say that's true. I'm not particularly good at expressing myself without encouragement. I guess I don't want to put my feelings 'out there' without knowing that the person really wants to know what they are. It's not that I'm 'scared' - I'd just feel like an idiot opening my heart to someone who I wasn't sure really cared about what I had to say ... which sounds a bit dramatic , but anyway ...

And that's exactly how i feel so you can see why it becomes a problem in these relations, haha. Sometimes I am tempted to ask how they feel but i'm not sure if they feel anything at all towards me so I don't say anything and we're both left with that underlying tension as to where things stand. I guess I could sum this up as extremely frustrating.