Why is it that I attract only my least compatible types? ENFJs and ISTJs especially? And when I tell them we aren't compatible, they just argue with me. *confused*
Why is it that I attract only my least compatible types? ENFJs and ISTJs especially? And when I tell them we aren't compatible, they just argue with me. *confused*
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
lol they argue with you to convince you that you are compatible?
yeah. I kinda think they just want to be right. *sigh*
I don't get it. I'm not sure if it's only those types in particular, of if it's a guy thing in general.
I wonder if it would work to go around telling ISTPs that our relationship is doomed from the start? lol. maybe not.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
I'm probably a bad example, but if a girl shows me that she doesn't like me I completely lose interest in her that second. *shrug*
I'm surprised you actually dated an ENFj though, from what I've seen (and read here) they can't stand ENFps. My ENFp roommate constantly singles out ENFj girls for being bitchy/snobs/etc, and my ENFj brother thinks ENFps are annoying (he even hates Elliot from scrubs!).
If you want to attract ISTps just continue being your weird self. You'll probably also get the attention of every straight guy within a 1 mile radius, but that's what you get for being an ENFp.
jewels, does it really subjectively feel like a bad relationship? Because it's important not to judge too quickly based on socionics - you might have mistaken their types.
OP definitely made me LOL.
jewels for the win.
Yes, I'm also surprised I dated ENFJs. And yeah, you're right about the mutual not getting along thing for sure. Well, at least all I have to do is be my weird self to attract the ISTPs
Thanks for the other comments everyone.
And I am pretty sure about their types. The latest ENFJ walked over on New Years and at first, he seemed ENFP, so I thought "cool." But before long, he was talking about social issues and influential music. And he talked a lot, in that ENFJ way. He used much bigger words than I would use.
The ISTJ shot down all my entreprenurial ideas, and then he said my career was "out there" and that his friends all had "normal jobs." I emailed him later on and said I was too artsy for him and he needed someone more traditional. He argued with me for a while, sending emails back and forth. And then a month later he starts texting me saying that he is sooo okay w/ me being artsy, that he wouldn't mind if I didn't shave my legs. It was really, really weird.
I think they must have me confused with someone else, such as a person they would like.
So, I'm off to continue being slightly strange to attract the ISTPs... Oh! And speaking of being wierd to get ISTPs attention...there was a guy pouring wine at a winery who seemed ISTP. Calm, laid back, knew tons of facts about the wine, and he had two dogs that roamed around the winery and would sleep by the bottles. So I took a picture of one of the dogs sleeping by the wine bottles (is that weird? I didn't think it was) and he laughed. And then we went into the room with those big barrel things the wine is stored in and couldn't figure out how to take a picture of our whole group, and he randomly appeared (you know how ISTPs see everything, even though you can't tell that they do?) and offered to take it. But then I saw a wedding ring. Still, renewed my hope.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
lol! Did you mention that you would prefer it if you didn't have to shave your legs?
*shrug* I don't know about weird but he probably just thought it was cute & funny that you were taking pictures of his sleeping dog. You guys are just really random, and it's hard (impossible for me) to predict what you're going to say or do, which is why it's fun being around ENFps.
I have a question, do ENFp guys (assuming you've met more than 1) always try to "act" tough? My ENFp roommate does this all the time with his friends and it gets on my nerves since I can see through it. He doesn't do it when he's around me unless he has one of his friends with him at which point I have to make white noise in my head to drown out the conversation or I'll want to hurt him. I'm sure it's the whole gender issue since he comes off as a fairy when he's acting like himself, lol. But it still makes me curious since the ENFp girls I've known were really girly (and art students, woohoo!).
Yeah jewels, just be your frigging self. I always get crazy crushes on the artsy chicks...
Probably just simple immaturity.
I think most ENFp guys eventually learn to be OK with being considered untraditional, in terms of typically "male" sense. But I can imagine they probably have some difficulty fitting in among social groups, identity-wise when growing up. My ENFp brother dabbled in delinquency when he was younger; I think this was his way of getting attention and "fitting in" with more "tough" individuals.
In reality, he's really a very sensitive guy. ENFp guys, despite their efforts to hide it, are really very feeling (and sometimes to the point of being suckers). I'm sure they also do really well with the ladies.
socio: INFp - IEI
ennea: 4w5 sp/sx
**********
Originally Posted by Mark Twain
Yes, some ENFPs do that. it can be annoying. I knew one who started doing push-ups before his guy friends came over for a pool party, and admitted he was only doing it to impress his friends, where as he didn't feel the need to do push ups for me, lol.
There was another one in the army I knew who said he'd sometimes pick fights just to prove that people shouldn't mess with him. But then he'd feel really bad about it later.
But then, there was another I knew who didn't care at all and would happily insist we go to the craft store so he could get beads for his latest craft project, lol. And he didn't seem to care at all about pretending to be manly. Sometimes, I would have preferred it if he had pretended just a bit. He was good at shopping though.
All in all, I think it's just gotta be tought to be a male ENFP, because as a girl, I even think I'm overly sensitive at times. So I can't imagine for a guy. I can see why they pretend. But they just need to strike a balance and be more "neutral" versus trying to be "manly."
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
I'm pretty sure I know at least two guy ENFps. I think aka-kitsune is on the right track in that this has to do with maturity. Neither of them are athletes, though both of them are at least in decent shape, and they both are into art and filming. They don't often act in stereotypical tough-guy ways. Unless it's, well, acting. And they, especially one, can have some feminine mannerisms. That said, it's easy for me to tell they're guys. Actually, in their case the term would be "gentlemen." As a girl I like being around them because not only are they relatively sensitive they're also very caring and kind. I don't really see them trying to be things that they're not, at least in terms of personality. I do see them trying to become better people.
So, I guess the answer to your question is, no, the ones that I know do not always try to act tough.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
Hm, I don't think my worst types are most into me - not "most". I've seen people from pretty much every quadra show signs of attraction. As far as my personality and how I act, and who is "attracted to me" based on my personality, I don't know. I am pretty sure I scare away my opposites, but then again, what EVER type you see me as, my opposite is not someone who would be approaching, controlling, or dominating. INFps just seem to stay out of my way, generally. Or perhaps more so, I stay out of their way, as I do not spend my time in areas where they do.
Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.
~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.
Well, at least that's good to know. TBH I don't think ENFp guys do well with women in terms of dating. Yeah, my ENFp roommate has tons of girls as friends but he hasn't dated any of them or done anything with any of them, and has no intention of doing so. I remember him telling me that all his best friends were girls. Strange people. I don't even know how that would work with what I talk about with most guys;
Me: Hey you watch the *insert hockey team* game?
Girl: Oh yeah!! *insert good looking player* has beautiful eyes (actual conversation)
Me: .... Go stand in the corner.
Even better
Girl: I'm booorrrred...
Me: Wanna help me fix my car?
Girl: *death stare*
The more flamboyant ENFps seem funny, in a good way that'd make me crack up. But if they acted like that in most places they'd get a ton of shit, so I guess it makes sense that try to find a neutral place.
I don't know if my roommate qualifies as an athlete, but he could very easily pass as one. But he mostly plays sports to hang out with other people, he hated it when he went to the gym with me and just had to lift weights by himself.
I can see why my roommate hangs around mostly girls, he can act like himself without being judged. Ah well, I'm happy for him so long as he doesn't talk to me about this stuff.
One is in a long-term relationship, which has been going well despite that they live far apart, and the other seems content to focus on other things until he's a bit older and more settled. So - I suppose it depends on what you mean by doing well with women and dating.
Who's strange?
First, not all girls are like that. Second, have you considered expanding your conversational repertoire? Uh, I'm not trying to be mean, just to clarify. It just sounds like you may be caught in some stereotypes.
What stuff?
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
ILI (Indescribable Lovemaking Inc.)
5w4 so/sx
"IP temperament! Because today's concerns are tomorrow's indifferences!"
Lord Fnorgle's Domain - A slowly growing collection of music, poetry and literature.
Stickam music performances
You would have to ask aka-kitsune to be sure, but my interpretation was that he/she meant it as in actually going on dates with women, which from knowing my roommate is untrue since he doesn't do that.
I meant it was strange that all his best friends were girls, not that he was strange because he didn't do anything with them. It's foreign to me because I have really different interests from most of the girls I know.
I know that all girls aren't like that, I was just poking fun at two I knew. Everyone gets caught in some stereotypes, the stereotypes I happen to fit in are things I enjoy doing, so I really couldn't care less whether or not every other guy in the world does the same thing.
Emotional stuff... yuck. I assume that's what all women do when they congregate, on top of having pillow fights during their slumber parties.
Well, I don't know your roommate, so I don't know exactly what he does or his reasons for doing so. However, I can say that the two ENFp guys that I know seem to be more on the side of focussing on people individually and sort of waiting for the right person as opposed to just going out with girls for the sake of going out. For the one in the relationship, from what I know he didn't really focus on dating much until he met the girl that he's now with. To him, it's not so much having a girlfriend and going on dates and such, but this is the girl that he loves and he wants to do what's right by her and have the best relationship with her that he can. The other is a little bit younger and doesn't seem to be heading toward any particular relationship at this point, but I can imagine that he'd be similar. So it seems there may be a difference in how you approach dating versus how your roommate might be approaching it. Which would mean that he's not necessarily "worse" at it.
Hm, am I making sense?
o.O Oh, my.
... It seems you have a lot yet to learn.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
You're missing the point, aka-kistune was implying (at least I think) that ENFp guys were Don Juan's, I was saying the opposite, and you were apparently on another planet altogether.
Please do tell, to start off I have some questions: do you guys all wear pink when you have sleepovers? And do the pillows explode and feathers fly around all over the place after the first couple of swings?
Having girls as friends can prove its uses. The hot ones can have hot friends.
I'm too introverted sometimes to continue talking to hot strangers. Not that i'm intimidated, my mind just wanders and I want to do something else, so I clam up haha. I really need to get that fixed.
Well, that's possible.
But I think I'm right nonetheless. If the point of dating is to be a Don Juan and seduce women, then I'd agree that the ENFp guys that I know are not like that. So, see, it does have to do with perspective and how one views the objective behind dating.
I think before we get to specifics, many of your premises need adjustments.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
You aren't right because I never said that the point of dating was to be a Don Juan, I just said that my ENFp roommate wasn't like that. Why are you arguing this?
Are you going to ruin my Utopian view?
Oh, this is better than I imagined.
I'm not arguing - or, at least, I'm not trying to. I'm mostly trying to understand you, though at the same time I'm also attempting to explain myself and what I see.
True, I made a leap of assumption about what you thought of dating, but that was because you weren't being clear. I knew that the assumption was unsteady, but I also counted on it making you say something in response that would make your thoughts more obvious. If you'd rather not talk about it then we can stop. It's not really that important at this point; I was mostly just curious. (That and wanting to maintain respect for male ENFps.)
As for slumber parties and such - I am a ruthless destroyer of illusions. Utopia is not reality. If you prefer to live there, prepare to starve, freeze, and otherwise suffer the consequences of ignoring reality.
Yes, I know, no need to say it. I'm a stick-in-the-mud party-pooper.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
I did ask, back when I said, "So - I suppose it depends on what you mean by doing well with women and dating." That was a request for clarification despite not having a question mark at the end.
And did I really rile you?
I am not afraid. Even if I am alone.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
Well I answered that based on what I thought aka-kitsune was implying, you didn't ask me what my take on dating was, even if you did assume that I was putting my view across.
I was getting there since you kept assuming that I thought the point of dating was to be a Don Juan, when that wasn't what I was saying at all.
Don't tell me you can crack jokes now.
I don't think there's much of a problem with talking with both guys and girls. With guys you swear and talk about sports, politics, and fucking. With girls you're nicer and talk about funny things (most of them have a decent sense of humor), either more intellectual topics or eventually fashion and f...go dancing.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
I was talking to you not aka-kitsune. If I wanted to know what she thought I would have talked with her, not you.
Hm. Riled as in merely agitated and frustrated, or riled as in you were starting to hate me?
I won't.
Anyway, I wasn't joking. I'm not afraid.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.