ISTp-ENFp duality and implicit perception of emotional needs

[Slacker]

I do get kind of anxious when people have expectations of me. I hate obligations. If I'm going to do something, I want to do it for my own reasons and not because someone else thinks I should or have to.

And true enough, my husband doesn't have a lot of expectations of me. He wants to be fed every day but he has no particular expectations about how that should happen.

I don't think that's *all* the attractiveness or even necessarily most of it, but it is true that I like that. Or at least not being like that that repels me.

[consentingadult]

He wants to be fed every day but he has no particular expectations about how that should happen.

Wouldn't that be a thing that an SLI is perfectly capable of doing himself? I would have expected HIM to take care of dinner

I don't think that's *all* the attractiveness or even necessarily most of it, but it is true that I like that. Or at least not being like that that repels me.

Perhaps 'attractiveness' is not the right word, maybe I should have used 'appeal' instead, and then in a more subconscious meaning of the word as well. BTW, I assume here that you are talking about type-related aspects of the attraction/appeal, because of course they must be things in your husband that you like but aren't type related.

Feel free to elaborate what it is in SLIs that works for you. What I'm actually looking for, is an understanding of IEE-SLI duality, and only those aspects that are type related.

[Slacker]

Have you ever seen the Neil Simon play "Plaza Suite"? In the third part of that, there's this bride freaking out worried about getting married who locks herself in the bathroom. And her parents are freaking out about her being locked in the bathroom while the guests are arriving. This goes on for ages, with her parents getting more and more upset and getting nowhere with her. So finally, the groom comes up, and they begrudgingly tell him what the problem is - that she's anxious and crying, and she's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out. He shows no emotion, walks over to the bathroom door, pounds on it and says "cool it". And that's all she needed - she comes out of the bathroom ready to get married. The anxiety of her parents wasn't helping her anxiety. She needed someone without all that extra emotion to relax her.

That is the best thing about ISTps.

[consentingadult]

Have you ever seen the Neil Simon play "Plaza Suite"? In the third part of that, there's this bride freaking out worried about getting married who locks herself in the bathroom. And her parents are freaking out about her being locked in the bathroom while the guests are arriving. This goes on for ages, with her parents getting more and more upset and getting nowhere with her. So finally, the groom comes up, and they begrudgingly tell him what the problem is - that she's anxious and crying, and she's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out. He shows no emotion, walks over to the bathroom door, pounds on it and says "cool it". And that's all she needed - she comes out of the bathroom ready to get married. The anxiety of her parents wasn't helping her anxiety. She needed someone without all that extra emotion to relax her.

That is the best thing about ISTps.

No never heard of that movie, but it sounds like fun. IMDB says it's a TV show, is that right? Let's see if I can get a copy of it.

The more I think of it, the more I doubt I've ever run into an ISTp. I had a date last year with a woman that didn't say very much and actually gave me the feeling she wasn't interested at all, not in the positive sense, but also in the negative sense, her attitude seemed completely neutral to me. So at the end of the date, I wanted to shake her hand and say goodbye, and she suddenly smiled joyfully as if she liked me and had enjoyed the date and wanted to give me a friendly goodbye kiss (the way we Dutch typically do: 3 kisses on the cheeks). I was flabbergasted at the contrast in behavior. Does this sound ISTp to you?

[Slacker]

Well, when my husband and I started going out, after the first few dates I honestly thought he didn't like me. He just didn't show much response to me at all. I was mystified. He still mystifies me sometimes - I'll think he's angry or upset or something and I'll ask him what's wrong and he'll say, "Nothing's wrong. Why would you think that?" But I don't know about the joyful thing at the end. Sometimes he will suddenly surprise me and show a lot of emotion but that isn't a really common thing, and it particularly wasn't when we had just started dating.

So she could be ISTp but it's hard to say from so little information.

[consentingadult]

It was kind of a strange date anyway: I'm webmaster of a social-networking community, one were not much is going on anymore, and one day she sends me a message asking about the inactivity on the forum. But she didn't start the message with that, instead, she asked me out of the blue if I had seen 'Das Leben der Anderen'. So I thought, why would anyone start a message to a stranger with an opening like that? Anyway, I felt she was fishing, so I asked her if she wanted to go together. Somehow I feel like I completely misunderstood her emotional inhibition and fucked up the date

[xyz]

I guess the "I thought you weren't inrested in me in the beggining" must be a type thing because I've gotten that myself as well. Um, I haven't met many IEE's but one big appeal is the breath of fresh air they can bring to the most mundane (to me) things.

[applejacks]

Well, when my husband and I started going out, after the first few dates I honestly thought he didn't like me. He just didn't show much response to me at all. I was mystified. He still mystifies me sometimes - I'll think he's angry or upset or something and I'll ask him what's wrong and he'll say, "Nothing's wrong. Why would you think that?" But I don't know about the joyful thing at the end. Sometimes he will suddenly surprise me and show a lot of emotion but that isn't a really common thing, and it particularly wasn't when we had just started dating.

So she could be ISTp but it's hard to say from so little information.

I'm resurrecting an old post! My apologies, but I have to chime in because this is me and my husband in EVERY way!!

I'm fairly certain that I'm IEE (very much Ne leading, and always wanting to bond via sharing Ne and Introverted Ethics about ourselves, experiences, etc).

My husband.. I'm not entirely sure what he is, but this sounds very much like him. I would show up for a date dressed to the NINES. I'm talking hair done professionally, form fitting dress, high heels, tasteful perfume, turning heads as I walk to him... and he won't say a thing. Yet four days later, he might make a comment to me or to someone else that I was the hottest girl in the room. But somehow it never occurred to him at that time to tell me that I looked pretty. Nor did he show any emotion or reaction to me when he first saw me.

And yet, he'll cry at the end of the Dark Knight Rises, because it was done to such perfection.

I'm so confused, but it has me fascinated!

[Park]

No never heard of that movie, but it sounds like fun. IMDB says it's a TV show, is that right? Let's see if I can get a copy of it.

other scenes

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Tying in with the subject of my avatar, I've always seen Han Solo (ISTp) and Princess Lea (ENFp) as a good movie example of SLI-IEE duality

[istpunk]

gay sex

[xyz]

Oh how I wish saying "cool it" worked for all types...

[consentingadult]

@Winterpark

Thanks!

(why didn't I think of this myself, I goddamn built a B2B YouTube-clone myself!)

[munenori2]

Have you ever seen the Neil Simon play "Plaza Suite"? In the third part of that, there's this bride freaking out worried about getting married who locks herself in the bathroom. And her parents are freaking out about her being locked in the bathroom while the guests are arriving. This goes on for ages, with her parents getting more and more upset and getting nowhere with her. So finally, the groom comes up, and they begrudgingly tell him what the problem is - that she's anxious and crying, and she's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out. He shows no emotion, walks over to the bathroom door, pounds on it and says "cool it". And that's all she needed - she comes out of the bathroom ready to get married. The anxiety of her parents wasn't helping her anxiety. She needed someone without all that extra emotion to relax her.

That is the best thing about ISTps.

This is perfect on so many levels.

Could you qualify this generally as an NF example? Ah, who cares!

[schrödinger's cat]

Have you ever seen the Neil Simon play "Plaza Suite"? ... He shows no emotion, walks over to the bathroom door, pounds on it and says "cool it". ... She needed someone without all that extra emotion to relax her.

That is the best thing about ISTps.

Especially when they solve a complex (to me) problem with a very terse, matter-of-fact remark.

Sometimes I wonder if that isn't part of our Ti PoLR - an inability to see "the big picture" in one go. It's like having a multi-faceted diamond, I can only see one, two, perhaps three facets at a time. Everything looks promising, then you tilt the diamond a little and see the other facets, and it all looks bleak. At the worst, it all becomes one big tangle. ISTps seem to be good at summing things up. Without telling me what to do, trying and making up my mind for me, giving me a chilly cold-blooded Fi-less opinion that makes me slowly back out of the room, or thinking I'm merely being indecisive, inconsistent or dim.

Another thing about IEE-SLI duality: does that ever happen to anyone else? -- You tell an ISTp exactly what it is they're doing, and you're blunt, and they just grin as if they're thinking: "Yup, that's what I'm like, how wonderful that finally someone's GETTING it!" So you could say "come here and give us a hug, you sociopathic perfectionist you", and they'd take it as a compliment? (Bad example, probably..)

[Kim]

Have you ever seen the Neil Simon play "Plaza Suite"? In the third part of that, there's this bride freaking out worried about getting married who locks herself in the bathroom. And her parents are freaking out about her being locked in the bathroom while the guests are arriving. This goes on for ages, with her parents getting more and more upset and getting nowhere with her. So finally, the groom comes up, and they begrudgingly tell him what the problem is - that she's anxious and crying, and she's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out. He shows no emotion, walks over to the bathroom door, pounds on it and says "cool it". And that's all she needed - she comes out of the bathroom ready to get married. The anxiety of her parents wasn't helping her anxiety. She needed someone without all that extra emotion to relax her.

That is the best thing about ISTps.

Absolutely. Nothing like an entirely calm "chill out babe" to snap me out of neurotic hysteria.

Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuBwxePS-s0

<3

[Kim]

Originally Posted by Slacker
Have you ever seen the Neil Simon play "Plaza Suite"? In the third part of that, there's this bride freaking out worried about getting married who locks herself in the bathroom. And her parents are freaking out about her being locked in the bathroom while the guests are arriving. This goes on for ages, with her parents getting more and more upset and getting nowhere with her. So finally, the groom comes up, and they begrudgingly tell him what the problem is - that she's anxious and crying, and she's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out. He shows no emotion, walks over to the bathroom door, pounds on it and says "cool it". And that's all she needed - she comes out of the bathroom ready to get married. The anxiety of her parents wasn't helping her anxiety. She needed someone without all that extra emotion to relax her.

That is the best thing about ISTps.

Absolutely. Nothing like an entirely calm "chill out babe" to snap me out of neurotic hysteria.

Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuBwxePS-s0

<3

@Park

[Park]

@Park

What?

[Kim]

What?

How to deal with unbearable IEEs. The wisdom that is this forum.

[mikemex]

An example of IEE-SLI duality:

Really? If I were to bet I'd say both are IEE but since Drew is a girl she's far less constrained emotionally.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I was grinning like an idiot, going "awwwwwwww" for like a whole minute after I read this. :wink:

The emotions are within