How to attract ESFp women

[Jimbean]

What advice is out there? For example: being honest but not offensive?

I know this is a dumb*** thread, but what the heck.

[Beautiful sky]

They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.

[Azeroffs]

Well, the victim's supposed natural approach to romance is to be elusive and effectively lure in people they're attracted to.

[Bardia]

You don't find them. They find you.

[Ave]

You don't find them. They find you.

Exactly. You cant attract an ESFp they have to be attracted to you for their own reasons, and then feel like theyre making the move. Letting them come to you first is all you can do.

[Suz]

Well, the victim's supposed natural approach to romance is to be elusive and effectively lure in people they're attracted to.

Can you explain this a bit more?

[Azeroffs]

Can you explain this a bit more?

I have the idea that Ni types tend to set things up for people to come to them. Essentially they do everything without ever actually doing anything if that makes any sense. A good analogy would be that they set up the dominoes for Se types to knock down. Ni types secretly take control over situations without ever letting you know, and they're sneaky and a bit manipulative in that way. Maybe that's more the case for ENxjs who take a more active approach. They say and do the right things to make it seem like it was your decision when in reality it was them pulling your strings. I think it's more innocent than I made it sound, though. Ni-types just have strong insights into how what they do will affect the way things go, and they know the subtle buttons to push.

[carrina]

I have the idea that Ni types tend to set things up for people to come to them. Essentially they do everything without ever actually doing anything if that makes any sense. A good analogy would be that they set up the dominoes for Se types to knock down. Ni types secretly take control over situations without ever letting you know, and they're sneaky and a bit manipulative in that way. Maybe that's more the case for ENxjs who take a more active approach. They say and do the right things to make it seem like it was your decision when in reality it was them pulling your strings. I think it's more innocent than I made it sound, though. Ni-types just have strong insights into how what they do will affect the way things go, and they know the subtle buttons to push.

Omg this is why i love the ni's so much. But it's even more subtle than this. They are more suggestive and avoid being directive. I don't know if that's because they're afraid to tell people what to do, because they think it's rude, or what. But it is rather nice. It gives us se types a feeling of autonomy and control over ourselves. It's like "hey here are your choices and this is what each will bring" and the se types do it (hopefully it benefits all ni's too if they're smart enough ). I know this thread is probably long dead but it's in the quick links so just a suggestion: sometimes the se types very distracted so you can feel free to give a little push sometimes. They might not like it but it'll get their attention.
To answer another question about attracting them: if you spot them, like Marissa said, their eyes dart around because they're quick thinkers (disorganized). And confidence will get their attention but don't be aggressive. There are many cases when i put a guy on mental ignore because they've been too dominant with me. It's disturbing to say the least.

[Jarno]

I have the idea that Ni types tend to set things up for people to come to them. Essentially they do everything without ever actually doing anything if that makes any sense. A good analogy would be that they set up the dominoes for Se types to knock down. Ni types secretly take control over situations without ever letting you know, and they're sneaky and a bit manipulative in that way. Maybe that's more the case for ENxjs who take a more active approach. They say and do the right things to make it seem like it was your decision when in reality it was them pulling your strings. I think it's more innocent than I made it sound, though. Ni-types just have strong insights into how what they do will affect the way things go, and they know the subtle buttons to push.

Quite nice insights especially the last line is correct. I noticed it in myself at some age that I used to predict on forehand what kind of reaction a certain sentence would give to another person before i said it. It's even more pronounced in writing. Also I once worked with an ENTJ/LIE where the difference was striking. He was explaining stuff in a way that was more like spilling out words, so he got rid of them, but he had not thought of whether i would understand his words. But the ILI usually thinks and searches for the right words, so the opposite side understands what is being said. I guess subtle button pushing is second nature for ILI. They secretly play with it sometimes. They are usually very aware of what kind of impressions they will activate in the other.

[Pole]

I have the idea that Ni types tend to set things up for people to come to them. Essentially they do everything without ever actually doing anything if that makes any sense. A good analogy would be that they set up the dominoes for Se types to knock down. Ni types secretly take control over situations without ever letting you know, and they're sneaky and a bit manipulative in that way. Maybe that's more the case for ENxjs who take a more active approach. They say and do the right things to make it seem like it was your decision when in reality it was them pulling your strings. I think it's more innocent than I made it sound, though. Ni-types just have strong insights into how what they do will affect the way things go, and they know the subtle buttons to push.

Wow. That makes a lot of sense. I always saw that as being manipulative and would avoid them just for doing that, how dare you make your idea seem like it was my idea when it was really your idea from the start! (Not you personally, but that is my thought process concerning those with more social finesse than me, just how dare they? Scares me away when I catch on, not that what they're doing is so evil but that I'm more paranoid than most).

[nanashi]

Can you explain this a bit more?

I will give my experience w/it. I see a powerful/social horse person champing at the bit (ESFP-Se) or a kitten/puppy person smiling and sharing their enjoyment of life with people around them (ESFP-Fi).

I pull the movie/model/insightful scientist/autistic pose and look into the ether or the distance as if I've had my attention caught by something.

They are irrational first, like ILIs, so acting like you're getting informational input and have your attention fixated on something is intriguing.

also allowing yourself the freedom to ignore the discomfiting Fe and Si restraints of some social dealies seems good. Id est, I don't let my non-group-oriented self get rigid nor keep my eyes down in crowds/groups of people like I used to. I don't force myself to keep from moving around my physical body or my eyes just because I'm having a conversation with a friend/date. If the person seems to need reassurance, I just say with a nod, I'm listening to you. I then ask an insightful question or rephrase what they said to further reassure them, and I can be me and just go with the flow, picking up the ivory elephants on the desk or gazing at the light flickering off the ceiling , etc.

[Suz]

I will give my experience w/it. I see a powerful/social horse person champing at the bit (ESFP-Se) or a kitten/puppy person smiling and sharing their enjoyment of life with people around them (ESFP-Fi).

I pull the movie/model/insightful scientist/autistic pose and look into the ether or the distance as if I've had my attention caught by something.

They are irrational first, like ILIs, so acting like you're getting informational input and have your attention fixated on something is intriguing.

also allowing yourself the freedom to ignore the discomfiting Fe and Si restraints of some social dealies seems good. Id est, I don't let my non-group-oriented self get rigid nor keep my eyes down in crowds/groups of people like I used to. I don't force myself to keep from moving around my physical body or my eyes just because I'm having a conversation with a friend/date. If the person seems to need reassurance, I just say with a nod, I'm listening to you. I then ask an insightful question or rephrase what they said to further reassure them, and I can be me and just go with the flow, picking up the ivory elephants on the desk or gazing at the light flickering off the ceiling , etc.

so then, how does the ESFp react to this?

[Beautiful sky]

Yeah SEE and company outside the home seems to be a thing. I like company at home. Mess up the place then go home and relax and I'll do the clean up

[stevENTj]

They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.

HUH?

[Galen]

Hide shiny things like jewelry all over your clothes. Se/Ni cannot resist shinies.

[Suz]

Hide shiny things like jewelry all over your clothes. Se/Ni cannot resist shinies.

LOL, btw!

[Suz]

They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.

to you they are the majority of women because that's what you mistype them as.

[sarinana]

They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.

You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.

[Jarno]

You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.

according to either mbti or keirsey, I forgot, the majority of women are ESFJ.
Men were ISTJ and ESTJ at numbers 1 and 2.

[Azeroffs]

according to either mbti or keirsey, I forgot, the majority of women are ESFJ.
Men were ISTJ and ESTJ at numbers 1 and 2.

Was a it a majority(>50%) of women, or just that the highest percentage of women were ESFJ?

Rod's book actually stated that a majority of women were ESFp.

[Suz]

Was a it a majority(>50%) of women, or just that the highest percentage of women were ESFJ?

Rod's book actually stated that a majority of women were ESFp.

LOL well that would explain why Maritsa was typing everyone and their mother SEE here, and fighting tooth and nail to rationalize it!

[Absurd]

You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.

She's still quoting Rod Novichkov. I tell you, that guy has a powerful rod for convincing.

[nanashi]

You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.

If someone has an opinion which doesn't match reality, they are dumb? So we are stupid if we do not know everything?

I don't know that the 60-40, F-T deal accurately represents the female pop anyway, since people often report what they think will make them look better, and some females are trained that women SHOULD be nurturing and social (with some men being trained to do the opposite). This could account for the difference reported, so we could actually have a 50-50....

[Ave]

If someone has an opinion which doesn't match reality, they are dumb? So we are stupid if we do not know everything?

its just that maritsa posts are sometimes so abrurd they make you wanna rip your hair out. Im not the only one who experiences this, and neither is Sandra.

Stop defending someone whos posts(including the one in question) have proven to be immature and nonsensical by so many of us on this forum.

[717495]

If someone has an opinion which doesn't match reality, they are dumb? So we are stupid if we do not know everything?

Well, someone who reads that the majority of women are SEE in some lunatic's book, and still believes it after all these years, they are a candidate for an obvious mental disorder when it comes to interpreting this certain field of psychology. Not speaking for everyone... maybe just that one person who keeps proving it :/ If you're more tired of the people picking on maritsa, than you are her speaking her mind, then there might be something else wrong with all of us.

[Marie84]

According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.

Pretty much
Types being more common/uncommon is almost impossible to prove anyways, as that would require a constant international consensus and *even* than there is still the matter of disagreeing with said typings and who is the "authority" in judging the accuracy in the first place.
Even in Augustus's research, her data on this is really nothing more than theory based on personal observation. Anyone of us can do the same and all it would indicate is our individual perception of the people in our environment.

[stevENTj]

Been a long time since I read any stats on breakdowns by type, but from what I remember there was pretty much an even distribution of all types. A slight cultural bias towards T for males and F for females. Oh wait, wasn't there a pretty heavy bias of sensory types over intuitive? Like 75% to 25% or something? That's the only clear distinction I remember.

Anyways if SEEs were really the majority of women, the very best type of guy to be would be an ILI, and I ought to have had ladies flocking all over me. ILIs aren't particularly sociable people, but in reality I've known very few SEEs. Hardly a majority, and probably pretty much evenly distributed with every other type.

If you want to "attract" SEEs, be an ILI. Show a lot of and . Except with that initial duality 'push-away' thing maybe you actually end up repelling them. LOL. I know that's been the case with me. One confirmed case, and just realized there might be one or two more cases with me too. "Attraction", maybe be an LIE (activity).

[Jimbean]

Okay, so in other words, be your 100% and wait for them to approach you?

I like the idea of approaching women better! I always thought that was the manly thing to do, but these are people, and I'll try to keep an open mind. This is not an intelligent topic on my part anyway.

[Beautiful sky]

The one LIE that I dated very briefly just wanted to hang around and be affectionate. He loved people and was observant and orderly but not aesthetic. I like that LSE are not that touch feely. Also the LIEs mind was always on far off ventures and tasks like traveling to Greece and taking a documentary of the country. I also like that LSE are homebodies. Makes me feel like I'm not going to be on the ship by myself. My dual will always have home and family at heart and under his direct control. Even if sent far away on a job will always want and miss home something that I see LIE less care for as they like ESI to man up and manage home life and all else.

Delta and Gamma Fi are a bit different with regards to how relationships are viewed and managed

[Olimpia]

I also like that LSE are homebodies. Makes me feel like I'm not going to be on the ship by myself. My dual will always have home and family at heart and under his direct control. Even if sent far away on a job will always want and miss home something that I see LIE less care for as they like ESI to man up and manage home life and all else.

Delta and Gamma Fi are a bit different with regards to how relationships are viewed and managed

I totally see that!

My LSE-Si father is E3 (Sp instinct), hence some kind of work-a-holic, but he enjoys coming home after every work day. His motto: "Home, Sweet Home."
He also dislikes travelling, partly because he'll "just waste money", partly because he is a homebody.
In comparison, I could see LIE guys more likely to invest in expensive vacations and whatnot because of their Se HA. Their Si PoLR also makes them care less about a comfortable home.
An LIE will probably just expect the ESI to take care of those matters, being Si 4D and all.

I wonder how the roles are in a female SEE - male ILI relationship... Does the SEE take care of household duties and go out all the time when she doesn't? While the ILI is mostly staying home – and possibly being a "slack", like @hatesyardwork has said? I am still contemplating how an SEE (or SLE for that matter) could be attracted to people who seem like they never go out? Haha.

[hatesyardwork]

I wonder how the roles are in a female SEE - male ILI relationship... Does the SEE take care of household duties and go out all the time when she doesn't? While the ILI is mostly staying home – and possibly being a "slack", like @hatesyardwork has said? I am still contemplating how an SEE (or SLE for that matter) could be attracted to people who seem like they never go out? Haha.

It's a dual so my Se is activated, so I enjoy other company with them outside the home. I just don't like to entertain at my house, love to go out with SEE though, it's never dull. Inversely "home" to them is enriched by me, if that makes sense.

[Adam Strange]

Originally Posted by Maritsa
I also like that LSE are homebodies. Makes me feel like I'm not going to be on the ship by myself. My dual will always have home and family at heart and under his direct control. Even if sent far away on a job will always want and miss home something that I see LIE less care for as they like ESI to man up and manage home life and all else.

Delta and Gamma Fi are a bit different with regards to how relationships are viewed and managed

I totally see that!

My LSE-Si father is E3 (Sp instinct), hence some kind of work-a-holic, but he enjoys coming home after every work day. His motto: "Home, Sweet Home."
He also dislikes travelling, partly because he'll "just waste money", partly because he is a homebody.

I travel a lot, both for business and pleasure. Business travel is not "just a waste of money", but rather brings in more money than it costs. I do like to be home on the weekends, though. Vacations are not an investment, but rather are ways to spend some time wandering around some places and cultures I've never been before, because I find that to be both fun and interesting.

In comparison, I could see LIE guys more likely to invest in expensive vacations and whatnot because of their Se HA. Their Si PoLR also makes them care less about a comfortable home.

Embarassingly true. I don't care that much about my comfort, and can live almost anywhere and not care about my surroundings. I've been to a lot of other countries, and slept in some nice places and in some sketchy ones. I do like to have a nice home, but only for abstract aesthetic purposes. Not for the comfort.

An LIE will probably just expect the ESI to take care of those matters, being Si 4D and all.

Exactly true. I'm presently tearing up the inside of my house to install radiant heat (a nice techy thing to have, also comfortable in the winter, and efficient) and to upgrade the electrical service and whatever else needs to be done, and I'm confident of my technical choices here, but I need someone with good taste to make the place look like something other than a factory. I have no confidence in my ability to make the place look like a home.
So, I've hired an ESI to do that for me. So far, she has suggested several "looks" for a room, I told her which of them I really like or don't like, she plans to modify whatever she thinks is necessary to fit into the space and, after the ceilings are back in and the walls painted (according to her color choices), she will go shopping to check out the stuff in the real world. That seems to matter to her, so it is OK with me.
It is a nearly perfect arrangement, and if I were married to my Dual, it probably would not proceed any differently.

So yes, an LIE would expect an ESI to take care of the aesthetic stuff.

[blackburry]

what... the NiTe people I know are extremely direct. and can definitely be pushy.

[hatesyardwork]

what... the NiTe people I know are extremely direct. and can definitely be pushy.

Speaking for myself.......Depends on doubt and attraction, if no doubt (or misjudged doubt) and true attraction, head first and direct. If not, then games to have them reveal interest first or prove they will work to keep your graces.

[carrina]

what... the NiTe people I know are extremely direct. and can definitely be pushy.

Well, you know what they say about opinions everybody's got one.

given the relational associations that you and I share, it doesn't surprise me that you would be replying to all my comments and disagreeing with everything I say. Don't be surprised if you keep this up when I block you on the social media outlet that you and I share and further conflagration the issue in all the ways that you would hate the most. Jealousy and revenge is a bitch.

[blackburry]

Well, you know what they say about opinions everybody's got one.

given the relational associations that you and I share, it doesn't surprise me that you would be replying to all my comments and disagreeing with everything I say. Don't be surprised if you keep this up when I block you on the social media outlet that you and I share and further conflagration the issue in all the ways that you would hate the most. Jealousy and revenge is a bitch.

A) I would've replied to anyone regarding my different experience with types when I read general statements. I've nothing agsinst you or what you said. Relax. I quite mean what I say about the NiTes I know being very direct.

B) also what social media are you talking about? And not sure what relationship association you are talking about.... Our types? Feel free to PM to enlighten me.

[carrina]

A) I would've replied to anyone regarding my different experience with types when I read general statements. I've nothing agsinst you or what you said. Relax. I quite mean what I say about the NiTes I know being very direct.

B) also what social media are you talking about? And not sure what relationship association you are talking about.... Our types? Feel free to PM to enlighten me.

That's not gonna happen. You've had my input. Moving on

[blackburry]

That's not gonna happen. You've had my input. Moving on

Alright. Super creepy that you posted my name and not sure how you know my name.Delete it. Or @mods- mind editting it out from her post? (Bc you and I have never talked) (as I so graciously asked you in pm what you were referring to in regards to your vague, strange post above). To which you respond here instead. And yes, I do stand by my post that you overreacted at FDG's post. Just as you are overreacting to my post.


*edit: confused threads-- name is mentioned in Mirror thread.

[Beautiful sky]

I have an amazing SEE friend who needs a dual.

[carrina]

@SisOfNight good response thanks