Quote Originally Posted by Kamangir View Post
My family and I are having a problem with my ESTp brother. He sits around waiting for a chance to call my sister all sorts of vulgar names. If she trips, he'll laugh and call her a dumbass, if she is eating a lot, he'll call her fat, and the list goes on and on. Any attempt to rein him in only leads to him calling us "prudes".
I used to do this kind of thing a LOT when I was a little younger than this at school. We had this group with girls and guys. And it was pretty constant, unless I was occupied. And even then I'd bounce a bit.

With me, it's like not only would I do it. But there was this other guy that'd do it too. And it's like girls would easily feel "ganged up on", with "constant harassment".

I was probably the primary offender. Then this guy who sat to the right of me would try to harass me, or a girl, or something. And the guy to the left sometimes did more clever harassments not so immediately.

I know he's 13 and that is the time when people are super confused, but he is power-playing with my sister, continuously asserting his "dominance" over her. I really want him to chill out, but I'm not sure how to go about that. I try talking to him about it all, but he just makes a mockery of it, and I can barely get him to listen.

Any advice?
Well, back then, there used to be one girl I listened to. And sometimes she'd speak up, and get me to stop. And then I could not only stop myself, but get other people to stop too. Sometimes I'd iterate that if you don't like it, you should tell me to stop. Although sometimes that was met with "YOU DON'T LISTEN!".

Anyway, I had a few things that seemed to me make me back down a little.

1. Loud squeeling. Although I'd be like "Don't make that noise"
2. Threatening to leave. Although I'd be like don't leave, we need you, and get other people to say that we needed them.
3. This girl that I listened to. When confronted about why I only listened to her, I tended to say that she had a nice voice. And that if other people used nice voices then I'd listen to them.

Anyway, as crazy as it sounds. I met someone iterating similar behaviour to how I used to behave. I've heard people being sensitive to the tone used, and excusing their not listening based on the way that someone else said something. And doing irritating/agitating behaviour with a "what are you going to do about it" stance just like me. It was strange, because back then I tended to often threaten people, and I had a high need to be in control . And he seemed to reiterate that. Although me, myself, my need for control has dropped significantly. And curiously that guy only threatened me once. And it didn't seem head on. Although, he was a little on the explosive side. And somehow, I kind of stopped being very explosive at one stage. (although if you can get explosive, you can get explosive however long you've gone without exploding)

Anyway, this listening thing. My younger brother was also pretty good at getting me to listen. And he made it out as if it was really hard to get me to listen. Although he did seem to figure out strategys. And it's like he was kind of like the girl that I'd listen to. It's like because he didn't have a problem all the time. Because he was kind of "easy" when he had a problem. And because he tolerated my behaviour to some degree. It's like he had a way of calming me down.

The other thing that seemed to bug some of the girls, was the way that me and the other guy, we'd tend to fight. And as the intensity started increasing. It's like some got uncomfortable, and didn't like the aggressive vibes spreading out. Although we'd stand from sitting etc.

I'm not really sure how he was asserting dominance. But I used to often say about how girls were the inferior sex. That they're only hear to please us. That they should be useful. And I also used to kind of be fair / level. Like I'd say something mean about everyone going around in a circle. I also used to compliment though. And do things like say how we "needed" people, and how "useful" they were, and how "we can't cope on our own" and how "they can't cope on their own" and so forth. So in a way I was trying to hold the group together. As long as no-one complained about how it was being done.

There were rules too. And one of the girls that I had the most problems with, she'd often complain, and not want to follow rules. And be annoying. And abrasive and so forth. And whilst people were well behaved, I wasn't so abusive.

I don't think it's just SLE's that engage in such behaviours though. As lots of other people seem to. Back then there was a lot of asserting though. With the typical things of "Only I'm allowed to abuse", "quiet in the cheap seats" etc.

And I've seen that kind of behaviour more recently too though. It's like okay for one person to abuse, but no-one else. Which seems to confuse some victims