The world is so massive. We can't know all the possibilities, even if we wanted to. So we go through life with blinders on, seeing only what's in front of us. We go through school. We join the rat race out of requirement. All for our protection. But then as we get older, we realize that there are those blinders hindering us from seeing all the things we could be doing...and so we reach to remove them.
I reach to remove mine, and I overflow with total, paralyzing fear. It wells inside of me, creating a dense weight in my feet and chest, and then it climbs higher and spills out of my eyes.
I could be doing anything in this world, but I was trained to only see the paths. I thought I understood that I was "free"....free to be what I want, or go anywhere. Get in my car and go. But there's this other meaning to freedom that totally terrifies me. It's a meaning to the word that feels foreign and taboo. The idea that you can actually...just leave. Leave all this. Whatever your day to day life looks like, you can drop it and go. You can throw it on the floor and get in your car and be gone in the bat of an eye. Anywhere. It doesn't matter where. You can walk yourself right into a concert venue and introduce yourself if you dream of performing on stage. Your dreams can actually become real. You won't find your dream job on simplyhired.com or craigslist. You have to create the opportunity. But the thought of that is so overwhelming. I'm trying to bring the idea inside me and digest it..but it's just so huge.
There are invisible chains around our minds and our ankles that limit us. We are told we are free. And we think that we understand what that means. But we don't.
And when I realized what it meant just an hour ago, I was filled with Dread. Dread and Hope.
How do you set yourself free? I want to be free......
I wonder if you know what I mean.