Doing stuff, flakiness, planning, stiffing: type related?

[Blaze]

so what do we think? is stiffing type related? do rationals vs irrationals think it is more or less ok to cancel plans or flake on people? or is it type or quadra related?

i find i straddle the middle...i like to have some plans but i absolutely hate getting into commitments that are on a weekly schedule or some such. if i make a plan, i consider the other person and what this means about how solid the plan is. i love last minute invitations, but abhor last minute cancellations.

[Mariano Rajoy]

so what do we think? is stiffing type related? do rationals vs irrationals think it is more or less ok to cancel plans or flake on people? or is it type or quadra related?

i find i straddle the middle...i like to have some plans but i absolutely hate getting into commitments that are on a weekly schedule or some such. if i make a plan, i consider the other person and what this means about how solid the plan is. i love last minute invitations, but abhor last minute cancellations.

Hi Blaze.

Of the choices 'doing stuff', 'flakiness', 'planning', and 'stiffing', only the last is type related. Irrationals stiff at every opportunity, therefore it is not quadra related as each quadra is burdened with stiffers. You don't mention if you stiff yourself, therefore I assume you do and are too embarrassed about it to say. Ultimately you are an irrational stiffer like the lot.

Hope this answers your question.
Faithfully,
Mariano

[Blaze]

LOL!!!! i usually hate stiffing mariano. i don't really like last minute cancellations like i said. if i think i'm going to stiff then i'll make the plan tentative, but i'll tell the person that it's tentative. then i'll confirm later. what i like are last minute invitations esp if i'm not doing anything. if i have plans already and it's a really really good invite, then i'll stiff but i'll beg forgiveness. but this hardly ever happens lol.

[Ezra]

so what do we think? is stiffing type related? do rationals vs irrationals think it is more or less ok to cancel plans or flake on people? or is it type or quadra related?

i find i straddle the middle...i like to have some plans but i absolutely hate getting into commitments that are on a weekly schedule or some such. if i make a plan, i consider the other person and what this means about how solid the plan is. i love last minute invitations, but abhor last minute cancellations.

I used to think that I liked planning, but I'm beginning to question this. I'm constantly keeping my future open, and I prefer not to make future dates definitive, as if I enjoy the unknown of the future. I absolutely love change, and I really like surprises (this kind of relates to what you're saying about last minute invitations). However, if I commit myself to something or someone else's plans, I find it extremely difficult to go against these commitments (which, funnily enough, relates to what you're saying about cancellations!). I hate remitting my plans, because I feel like I'm disrespecting someone, or dishonouring them. Honour and respect are very important principles for me.

[FDG]

For me it depends heavily on:
- how many people are involeved in the event
- what I am committed to

If it's something one-on-one, I never cancel anything. It's very bad to cancel something when that something is dependant on your presence. When there are more than 4 people involved, I don't feel bad about canceling.
Moreover, if it's something involving close friends/my girlfriend, I never cancel last minute. If it's something involving a group of people I don't really give a shit about, I have no problem dropping out.

I really really dislike it when somebody drops out at the last minute and it's a one-on-one meeting.

No problem for me with last-minute-invitations. If I have nothing to do, I welcome them.

[Markuz]

so what do we think? is stiffing type related? do rationals vs irrationals think it is more or less ok to cancel plans or flake on people? or is it type or quadra related?

i find i straddle the middle...i like to have some plans but i absolutely hate getting into commitments that are on a weekly schedule or some such. if i make a plan, i consider the other person and what this means about how solid the plan is. i love last minute invitations, but abhor last minute cancellations.

I never cancel any plans i've made unless I do so at least a day in advance due to unforseen circumstances. I also DO NOT LIKE when people make plans with me the day it's supposed to happen, even if i'm not doing anything...I don't know, something about sudden plans just annoys me.

[aestrivex]

so what do we think? is stiffing type related? do rationals vs irrationals think it is more or less ok to cancel plans or flake on people? or is it type or quadra related?

yes.

[Blaze]

yes.

uh ok so like do you stiff? what do you believe about flakiness and stiffing?

[Slacker]

I flake out on people all the time, but it isn't intentional. I also hate making plans in advance.

[Ritella]

I am constantly being accused of "flaking out" on people.
It makes me feel guilty, but at the same time I feel like I go majorly out of my way for people when they are in real need of help.
I'm not sure about other types.
My experience about EII vs IEE flakiness is this:
The EII will flake out as a result of feeling too moody or insecure to interact with people, and will proceed to hole herself in her room. The IEE will flake out because she is doing something else/hanging out with other people (and possibly not feel guilty about it?).

[aestrivex]

what do you believe about flakiness and stiffing?

i believe that is intimately related to socionics information. in obvious ways.

[Wittmont]

I'm notorious for avoiding committing to anything more than a day in advance. And my friends will tell you that once I agree to something it's best not to give me any time to change my mind.

Like a friend once invited me out dancing. It sounded fun, so I agreed. But I needed to shower and stuff. By the time I finished showering I'd talked myself out of going. Now she just tells me she's on her way. This gives me about 30 minutes to get ready.

LOL and ugh, this is so typical me too. If a friend does the 'announce 30 mins in advance' thing I will bitch and moan to myself but get ready and be happy they did that most of the time.

I am constantly being accused of "flaking out" on people.
It makes me feel guilty, but at the same time I feel like I go majorly out of my way for people when they are in real need of help.
I'm not sure about other types.
My experience about EII vs IEE flakiness is this:
The EII will flake out as a result of feeling too moody or insecure to interact with people, and will proceed to hole herself in her room. The IEE will flake out because she is doing something else/hanging out with other people (and possibly not feel guilty about it?).

Yup, that is typical of my EII mom, but it certainly goes for IEI's too.

[Blaze]

i believe that is intimately related to socionics information. in obvious ways.

yeah. but the question is: do you flake?

lol

[Kristiina]

I never cancel any plans i've made unless I do so at least a day in advance due to unforseen circumstances. I also DO NOT LIKE when people make plans with me the day it's supposed to happen, even if i'm not doing anything...I don't know, something about sudden plans just annoys me.

I hear ya!!! I hate it too.

I don't mind cancellations much, because then I get mysterious extra time that wouldn't have existed otherwise. During this time I don't feel guilty if I totally waste time doing nothing practical.

[Kristiina]

I flake out on people all the time, but it isn't intentional. I also hate making plans in advance.

I'm the opposite - I always plan, even if I fake that I'm being impulsive. I rarely cancel plans the last minute.

[Slacker]

I'm the opposite - I always plan, even if I fake that I'm being impulsive. I rarely cancel plans the last minute.

I'm not sure how accurate that was, really. I hate making strict plans. I like general plans, maybe more like general guidelines of what I might do. But like having to make reservations for dinner. What if I'm just not hungry for that particular restaurant that night? I can't plan what I'll be hungry for in advance, or even what time I'll get hungry. Or planning to go to a show. What if something more fun comes up and I've spent a ton of money on tickets? Then I'll go to the show because I don't want to waste the money but I won't enjoy it like I should because I will have gone partially out of a sense of obligation. But to plan to go to vacation, well it's fun to say, "I'll be in Florida for a week" and leave it a bit up in the air specifically what we'll do what day. We could have some ideas of fun things we might do and places we could go and just each morning decide what to do that day. The problem with that is that you have to have hotel reservations so you at least have to know what city you'll be in.

[aestrivex]

yeah. but the question is: do you flake?

lol

rarely.

[Blaze]

rarely.

bbbut you're irrational...lol.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I got tired of doing most of the work in social events. I was always the one that was left planning a lot of things. I come across as 'responsible and reliable' but I had a feeling other people were treating me as a doormat, so I had to cancel a lot of stuff due to other people's ambivalence and not working together. Plus people overestimate my good nature and believe in me too much, so when I do something wrong it always has to be this big thing.

It's from having super good Fe I think. I get trusted way too easily & quickly and it overwhelms me.

So that's the thing. I always find myself in these roles, but do I ever volunteer myself? NO. Unless I'm starting the group myself. I'm actually pretty good at that but I don't consider it a 'plan' if it was, I wouldn't do it. If that makes sense... because well I hate the thought of something I HAVE to do, sooo to get anything done I have to kind of turn everything into a joke.

[marooned]

I don't like to flake out on people. So I'm just hesitant to commit my time to things instead and give a lot of "maybe"s rather than a definite yes or no. Because I know when it reaches that time, I may not feel like it anymore, or have changed my mind (perhaps several times). I try to anticipate how I might feel about it ahead of time and factor that into my decision. But I really like my time to be free, so I don't have to do things when I don't feel like it. If I actually make a time commitment though, I'm very unlikely to cancel it, especially at the last minute. Maybe it's like Ezra was saying: it's dishonorable or something. Though it really depends on who, what, and why.

I'm also really aware of the phase where my mind starts changing and increasingly I don't "feel right" about it anymore... what I want to avoid is when it settles into a definite "I don't want to, and it's final!" if I've actually committed my time. Sometimes I say "we need to do it soon, before I change my mind" or "I'm starting to change my mind!" or "I'm starting to feel like this isn't a good idea anymore." That's not really about time commitments though...

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I do the same things. I then try to remind myself that I was able to find true love by going through something I didn't want to at first but still, it usually doesn't end well lol.

[Khamelion]

heh.....when im excited in the moment its easy for me to commit to doing things that are far in the future or even relatively close.....but then i quickly change moods and i end up not wanting to or i get anxious about doing whatever it is i was SUPPOSED to do.

i dont like being expected, to do anything or be anywhere.

i flake...and im notorious for it. it sucks.

[marooned]

I do the same things. I then try to remind myself that I was able to find true love by going through something I didn't want to at first but still, it usually doesn't end well lol.

Heh. Yeah. Good point. Also sometimes if I start doing something I don't want to do I might find it's not so bad, or start liking it, and I might change my mind about it again.

[aestrivex]

bbbut you're irrational...lol.

yes.

your thinking is too dichotomistic and insufficiently IM-based.

[Blaze]

i do thinking flaking is somewhat disrespectful of the other person...no matter if you're rational or irrational. but it's good to keep in mind that some people do flake and try to prepare for that accordingly. i spose i reach a sort of compromise....make tentative plans, then either confirm or disconfirm plans. this way i can still get out of it if i don't feel like it. and i try to give others this kind of leeway too, like if you don't feel like it i understand. but a lot of people will simply not come out and say "i just don't feel like it." i think i take greater offense when someone won't be honest and either tries to come up with excuses or just totally stiffs.

i've been known to flake on my friends, but i beg forgiveness. "c'mon guys i don't mean to flake but i really need to get laid, you understand, right?" and they usually do. out of all the types i've flaked on LSI takes the most offense. i think if you at least say you're flaking, and apologize for it it's better than just out and out stiffing. like as in not showing up or even calling. that's really bad.

[Blaze]

yes.

your thinking is too dichotomistic and insufficiently IM-based.

well you are right in that i am looking primarily at rationality vs irrationality here. do you really think it's tied to other into elements? if so, which ones?

[jessica129]

One sure way to get me to never talk to you again is by flaking out on me. I don't tolerate it and I don't do it to others.

[Gilly]

One sure way to get me to never talk to you again is by flaking out on me. I don't tolerate it and I don't do it to others.

Your dual is TOTALLY Ne dominant.

[jessica129]

whats that mean

[Satan]

One sure way to get me to never talk to you again is by flaking out on me. I don't tolerate it and I don't do it to others.

You sound like a pretty intolerant person. Do you take medication for that?

[jessica129]

Midol.

[implied]

Your dual is TOTALLY Ne dominant.

@jess - i would imagine that is sarcasm for, "your dual is totally not Ne dominant."

[aestrivex]

well you are right in that i am looking primarily at rationality vs irrationality here. do you really think it's tied to other into elements? if so, which ones?

EP is a decent start.

Your dual is TOTALLY Ne dominant.

yeah, really.

[jessica129]

Who doesn't find flakiness ignorant? I'm pretty sure most do. That is not an indication I'm LSI. Let's not go there.

[Slacker]

I asked my husband this and he got kind of angry sounding and said, "I would never do that to anyone and I'd get really upset. I hate that."

So then I said, "What about (friend 1) and (friend 2). They flake out on you all the time."

And he said, "Oh yeah. Well I guess I expect it or something. But I don't like it."

[Satan]

Midol.

Let go.

[Satan]

I asked my husband this and he got kind of angry sounding and said, "I would never do that to anyone and I'd get really upset. I hate that."

So then I said, "What about (friend 1) and (friend 2). They flake out on you all the time."

And he said, "Oh yeah. Well I guess I expect it or something. But I don't like it."

Do you flake on him a lot.

[aestrivex]

I asked my husband this and he got kind of angry sounding and said, "I would never do that to anyone and I'd get really upset. I hate that."

So then I said, "What about (friend 1) and (friend 2). They flake out on you all the time."

And he said, "Oh yeah. Well I guess I expect it or something. But I don't like it."

lol; that's exactly how an SLI would see it.

[Slacker]

Do you flake on him a lot.

I live with him so I can't really flake out on HIM because we're together all the time, though I flake out on stuff I'm supposed to do. "Can you mail a check out to . . . .?" And I forget. He's gotten used to it and calls or emails me to remind me of things.

[unefille]

I hate flaking out on people, but often it can't be helped. I can (stupidly) overestimate how much I can do in a day. I tie myself into knots sometimes, but other times reality wins and I have to flake out. If I do, I usually apologise profusely, promise to make up for it and (lol, such a victim) demand they punish me. Usually I just get laughed off because I'm 'not being flaky, just a normal person for once.' Huh.

Speaking for idolatrie (LSI) - her most important requirement in a person? 'I need to know they won't flake out on me.'