Originally Posted by
anndelise
You know, I don’t really understand the concept of Fe that's floating around this forum.
Fe creatives have the hidden agenda of "to understand". How does pushing others to abide by some emotional atmosphere, or forcing them to contribute to an emotional atmosphere, or "faking" emotions contribute to their hidden agenda?
IMO, descriptions of Fe creative should somehow involve how it fits in with the hidden agenda. (Actually, not just Fe creative…any ego creative description needs to be cross checked with how it helps aid achieving the hidden agenda, imo.) This would be an excellent way of ensuring that one's not pushing one's on biases onto the function/type.
A couple of examples of two Fe creative types that I spend a lot of time with.
1) Richard (SiFe) is willing to do a lot for me. I'm not clear in the signals I give out, and that's pretty much all he asks of me. If my signals aren't clear to him, then how can he understand what I want from him? So I have to make an extra effort to be clear verbally about what I want from him. The clearer I am, the happier he is.
This man is willing to do a lot for me. But he doesn't know what I want from him, unless I signal/tell him. For example, today, he worked his ass off for me by building a temporary fence for our home. I wanted it so that we could let the dog outside and let her enjoy some space and smelling and the nice weather without my having to stand out there with her every time. So I told him what I wanted done, what materials I wanted him to use, and when I wanted it done by. At first he hemmed and hawed. It's a lot of work to contemplate, and he'd never put up a fence like that before. But I insisted. Because I insisted, it obviously was something that I really really wanted! So he did it. He purchased the materials I wanted, even called me while he was at the store to let me know what my options were, and to get further clarification. Today we went out and worked on it, and he listened to my suggestions and even input some of his own (obviously, since HE's the one building it). One of my suggestions that helped him a lot was when I suggested building a refillable trench so that we didn't have to worry about the unevenness of the ground affecting the tightness and durability of the fence. His suggestions involved more aesthetic appeal (he's a real perfectionist when it comes to that kind of thing). And a few times I had to put my foot down and tell him that it didn't need to be perfect, just functional and durable.
He worked all day on this project for me. What did he ask for in return? Acknowledgement of how much work he was putting in, appreciation for his efforts, and maybe a little loving later (lol). Again, since my normal signals aren't that easily readable, I have to put in effort to clarify them. Does this mean I'm supposed to fake my emotions? Not all. Just be CLEAR about them.
Clear != Fake
Fake != Clear
2) I spend quite a bit of time with my brother (NiFe). Not as much as I'd like to since I moved down here with Richard, but almost every time I am in town, I call him up and he'll join me on my errands and such. He doesn't care what we do, it's the quality time we spend together that he enjoys, I think. When I ask him what he wants to do, where does he want to go, what does he want to eat, etc, he most of the time says that he doesn't care. If I suggest something that he doesn't particularly want, he'll offer an alternative suggestion…lol, which usually leads to me offering suggestions and hoping he'll make the decision, and so on until (usually) I get impatient enough that I decide on a place. Again, it's not where we go, what we do, what we eat…but spending time together.
When we talk about things, particularly things that are important to either of us at the time, he spends a lot of time trying to read my signals. But again, my signals aren't very clear. He may start doing things like raising his voice a bit, or talking faster, something…ANYthing…to get me to start signaling to him that I understand him..what he's saying. Unfortunately, the faster he talks, or the louder his voice goes, the more quite and mellow I get…the less signals I put out for him to read. The less signals I put out, the more unsure he is if I'm understanding him..or if he's understanding me.
It takes a little more time and effort on my part to be clear when interacting with my brother. My signals aren't clear, so I'm left with words. But most of the things we discuss are so abstract that I have a much harder time being clear. My thoughts just aren't clear enough, nor structured enough to communicate easily. However, in day to day kind of things, like what I want to do, or sharing/discussing memories/experiences, etc, our communications flow MUCH easier.
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Both of them are very accommodating of other people. Just so long as they themselves aren't being pushed upon in ways they don't like, then they are "easy". Both of them pay attention to signals, and the clearer the signal they're given, the more at ease they feel.
And for those who didn't get it the first round…
Clear is not Fake
Fake is not Clear
And, ime (not just with the above two), Fe creative types really want CLEAR signals, and CLEAR signals help them understand those around them.