ISTp+ENFp emotions, mutual correction (IEE-SLI)

[astralsilky]

Do ENFps ever get really emotional (eg, expressing their heart, even tearfully) in private with their ISTps and the ISTps don't mind it at all? They can handle it, and even say "it is a good thing" because of the honesty/etc. ISTp of course will not "join in" but allow the ENFp space to process, until they find their own inner peace again, and then the ISTp is right there, able to rejoin them? (It's a support, just BEING there?)

Also, it has been said that INTp+ESFp often engage in mutual correction in a way that is mutually edifying. Do ISTp+ENFp experience the same? I'm not talking about naturally filling in for each other's faults - rather - being able to vocalize these things often and each takes it to heart in a good way.

Feel free to compare/contrast any of your assertions with INTp+ESFp duality, as it could be helpful.

[Slacker]

Yes

[xyz]

I find that I am able to stand some emotional outbursts SOMETIMES, but definitely if emotional outbursts rival that of a drama queen, I can get drained real quick and just start tuning you out

Moderate is key

[astralsilky]

I find that I am able to stand some emotional outbursts SOMETIMES, but definitely if emotional outbursts rival that of a drama queen, I can get drained real quick and just start tuning you out

Moderate is key

Cool. That suits the situation I'm examining. So maybe I'm ENFp-Fi after all ...

Thanks for the validation, guys ...

Yes

About mutual correction, too?

[Slacker]

Yeah. I think I've posted about that at some point. I don't remember the specific scenario. I think this often tends to be a gentle kind of teasing (but not always). One of us will tease the other to gently bring something to their attention.

[xyz]

I try to do that with my ENTj girlfriend.



...She usually cries more

[jessica129]

lol, excellent conversation. I utterly despise when people get personal with me but I guess that's how people get 'close' to each other. blah.

[xyz]

anytime im quiet my gf tries to pry me open with 20 questions. i hate it.




entj's....scoff

[force my hand]

What Hitman says seems true for the most part. Some people are alright, I don't mind being grilled by them because I just say whatever and it makes them happy, but some people asking me questions is like nails on a chalkboard. I so want to be a sarcastic asshole with them...

[FDG]

Supposing I'm ENTj. I never had those problems with my ISTp friend, in fact, he even seeks me out for advice in love matters (? not that I'm good at giving it either), calls me to go to places/etc

Although he often buggers me by telling me I'm not assertive enough (usually coupled with his ENFp friend) when I easily reply "yes okay" to suggestions from my ISFj friend on where to go.

OTOH when I was single he'd always bring me girls asking them if they liked me and creating me opportunities :S i didn't really enjoy that because it felt like he thought i was unable to take initiative, but i saw the good intentions behind his actions anyway.

Also he'd handle me his money/car keys all the time when he wanted to get drunk/do something dangerous because he knew he could trust me I wouldn't completely lose control.

[ScarlettLux]

I don't get this. Why would you be so hostile/uncomfortable to someone who is merely attempting to understand who you are/where you're coming from by asking you questions? I know it can seem personal.. but some people (like me) just don't know what else to talk about when we get away from the introductory small talk and random bits here and there. What do you expect us to say to get to know you?

[jessica129]

I can understand that..there is a point where you have to get personal if you want to progress anything, but for someone I don't know well, it feels very....rude and invasive. Almost as if they're trying to get something out of me to use against me. I only speak for myself. Maybe i'm just very paranoid. It doesn't help either when you're shy and people keep pushing and insisting you to be open about everything and if you're not, there's that awkward silence and rude judgements about your personality. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't have a problem opening up but in time.

[force my hand]

I don't get this. Why would you be so hostile/uncomfortable to someone who is merely attempting to understand who you are/where you're coming from by asking you questions? I know it can seem personal.. but some people (like me) just don't know what else to talk about when we get away from the introductory small talk and random bits here and there. What do you expect us to say to get to know you?

Interviewing someone is just tacky. Talk about something and have the social sense to realize which topics are of interest to the other person. That's how I get to know people, anyway.

[ScarlettLux]

I don't get this. Why would you be so hostile/uncomfortable to someone who is merely attempting to understand who you are/where you're coming from by asking you questions? I know it can seem personal.. but some people (like me) just don't know what else to talk about when we get away from the introductory small talk and random bits here and there. What do you expect us to say to get to know you?

Interviewing someone is just tacky. Talk about something and have the social sense to realize which topics are of interest to the other person. That's how I get to know people, anyway.

I don't interview people... I mean, of course I do that whole mutual topic of interest thing.. but I just thought you guys were saying that to ask any personal questions were a no-no. But what would you consider to be tacky? I probably come off as too personal with a lot of IxTps without realizing why they are uncomfy around me.

[meatburger]

I actually find the ISTp's i know can dump on me a little. One in particular complains about life and people and girls etc. Complains about his ex who moved to england who hes still in love with. I dont mind at all i just try to place a healthy perspective out there to counteract the negativity. Oh and they tend to do it when the comfort level gets to a certian level, i dont even need to ask them

I tend to complain about small things like "oh my god i feel like shit tonight" etc. ISTp's just say "oh damn" and dont say any more hehe. Thats exactly the response i need really. Just for them to know im not myself but not to worry about it.

[ScarlettLux]

Haha, that's funny. If someone said they feel like shit, I would immediately be pouncing on them and asking all sorts of personal questions to figure out what's wrong and attempt to cheer them up. Jeez, I must be annoying to Deltans

[meatburger]

Haha, that's funny. If someone said they feel like shit, I would immediately be pouncing on them and asking all sorts of personal questions to figure out what's wrong and attempt to cheer them up. Jeez, I must be annoying to Deltans

Hehe yeah thats your job as a NF i think. If someone is in a bad mood i ask them if there is anything they want to talk about, if so i will do the same. I wouldn't be annoyed with someone asking me questions normally, its just i tend to want to solve my interpersonal problems myself. ISTp's and ESTj's tend to just offer really basic advice and not make a mountian out of a mole hill. It really works a treat

[meatburger]

Haha, that's funny. If someone said they feel like shit, I would immediately be pouncing on them and asking all sorts of personal questions to figure out what's wrong and attempt to cheer them up. Jeez, I must be annoying to Deltans

That's exactly what I want when I'm down.
With types I just get like ethical advice(usually canned) and Fi/Se(especially my conflictor(ISFj)) valuing types would just tear me down or give me more doubt. I really just want some good ole and a back massage.

Thats a good example of the difference of Fi and Fe. When im down, theres normally some underlying reason for it. If someone tries to be funny and smiley and all happy i do find it annoying. Its almost like they are belitteling my problems. If anything i just want them to be around me and just be kind and a little sensitive but to get on with it. I suppose thats why i would guess Fi valuing types would perhaps tend to be more mopers than Fe types.

[xyz]

Haha, that's funny. If someone said they feel like shit, I would immediately be pouncing on them and asking all sorts of personal questions to figure out what's wrong and attempt to cheer them up. Jeez, I must be annoying to Deltans

ahhh back back

[meatburger]

lols "The power of christ compels you"

[xyz]

Yeah dude, if like someone's down all i can seem to muster up (without giving advice) is damn i'm sorry. I'm not very good at the making you feel better touchy feely stuff.

[meatburger]

Yeah dude, if like someone's down all i can seem to muster up (without giving advice) is damn i'm sorry. I'm not very good at the making you feel better touchy feely stuff.

Yeah thats all thats needed i find most of the time. I tend to think i understand what my problems are and just need to work through them. Im actually an emotional problem solver of sorts. I said to my ISTp friend that i was unhappy with my hair and he told me to shave it off, shave off my beard too. So i did

[xyz]

dude, i'd grow a beard but my job won't let me. I sooooo want a beard. A lumberjack's beard.

[meatburger]

dude, i'd grow a beard but my job won't let me. I sooooo want a beard. A lumberjack's beard.

I will make you one and send it to ya. You can be father xmas at the local department store this year.

[force my hand]

But what would you consider to be tacky? I probably come off as too personal with a lot of IxTps without realizing why they are uncomfy around me.

Essentially something like what Hitman described - someone grilling me about random, personal shit that probably has nothing to do with what I'm thinking about at that moment.

Consider the following scenario in a lounge:

Me: *watching game on TV, nursing beer*
Them: "So, what are your views on market economics?"
Me: *breaks beer bottle over their head*

Okay, I jest - but you get the idea. If I find someone intriguing, or I like them, I don't mind personal questions - in that case, I'm likely to be active in the conversation or even the initiator. But trying to 'break' me out of my 'shell' means you need to get hit.

[Mea]

O really? I got to know an ISTp a few months back (used to think he was INTp), but I don't think it's that hard to "get them out of their shells". (not that I tried to when I barely knew him then)

Or maybe it's because ISTps just feel more comfortable with ENFps.

(and no, I did not get hit. got hit on maybe... :wink: )

[force my hand]

O really? I got to know an ISTp a few months back (used to think he was INTp), but I don't think it's that hard to "get them out of their shells". (not that I tried to when I barely knew him then)

Or maybe it's because ISTps just feel more comfortable with ENFps.

(and no, I did not get hit. got hit on maybe... :wink: )

He probably liked you, and you probably weren't annoying.

[Mea]

Ok. The point about not being annoying. So ISTps open up to people they with comfortable with, and probably it boils down to the approach of how people get them to open up?

Reason ISTps "shut down" when around ENFjs could be the way the ENFjs probe, asking questions in a Fe manner that makes the ISTp uncomfortable? But ENFps don't?

I have always thought that since ENFps are strong at Fe, although they don't value it, they might sometimes hit the ISTps PoLR. Does anyone think this is possible?

Umm. I think I'm derailing the thread. Sorry.

[xyz]

I don't know if certain ENTj's probe upon initial meeting. But yeah that does add to the annoyance factor.

[jessica129]

It's strange..I can be very open and completely comfortable with some and completely shut down with others. I'm not quite sure what makes someone feel 'comfortable' to me..it's just a feeling. Guess this wasn't much help..

[meatburger]

I have always thought that since ENFps are strong at Fe, although they don't value it, they might sometimes hit the ISTps PoLR. Does anyone think this is possible?

Yeah i think its entirely possible. Just as ISTp's could spank our Ti sometimes. Luckily the whole idea is it doesn't really happen very often. Plus say they used Ti and it upsets us, if we wanted more information they would likely revert back to Te and things would be fine again.

The other thing i would guess is not all uses of say Ti will hit our Polr. Sometimes when someone uses Ti im just happy they know how to use it so i dont have to try.