Introverted Aggressors

[Narc]

How does an introverted aggressor (particularly, a female one) actually come across in a romantic interaction/flirtation?

I've had extrovert Se girls hit on me and it was super direct like the way some men hit on girls, but I'm having trouble seeing the introverts doing the same thing. Is it much the same?

[Beautiful sky]

What do you mean by aggressor? As in an aggressive socially, sexually?

[Narc]

As in the romance style employed by types with Se in their ego block. The complementary half to victim types.

[Scapegrace]

HOW HAS MARITSA NOT "LEARNED" THAT PART OF SOCIONICS YET?!

[Beautiful sky]

As in the romance style employed by types with Se in their ego block. The complementary half to victim types.

That's ISTj and ISFj, right? Um, I don't know about female ISTj
but Male ISTj see me and head strait for me and start talking to me in a loud and expressive tone until I respond and then they drop out of the convo to think about it. But they don't leave me alone; they are aggressive, they will make blunt comments and prod at me about my appearance, my hair, clothes etc, if they see something they like they will ask "where did you get that from; that color looks good" etc. If I have a tear in my jeans, and I have had that once, an LSI stuck his finger right in it. I was like "wooooo, ok date over."

@lungs
@blackburry

[ashlesha]

lol, maritsa, where was the hole?

i can only speak for myself (though my ex i type esi wasn't remarkably different than this)

my "flirting" would be better categorized in my mind as testing the waters. i feel super shy about playful banter stuff because i'm not great at coming up with cute remarks off the cuff so if i engage in that i'm probably not particularly concerned with how i'm coming across (so likely not interested). its more like a hand on the arm or a certain kind of eye contact or a stand-alone compliment or statement. not intended to be obvious or "hitting on" him but just to gauge his reaction to see if i feel safe being more direct later. and once i've established that, i have a history of being sort of unsettlingly direct because in my mind its like: okay, time to suck it up and let him know, here goes. not extremely suave but i just feel like it has to be done. a frank: "i'm into you and i wanna go out with you" thing. subdued and clear and usually not flirty. it might not be typical for all isxjs but i could attribute it to se-creative getting nervous about ambiguity and the future and just wanting to get it on the table and clear and simple. sometimes he catches on and asks me out first which is convenient but it's nice to not feel like i'm sitting on a secret. which is why i kinda suck at the games girls are supposed to play, or whatever.

in my ex's case he did the testing of the waters and then kissed me. from the outside it was sorta funny how the kiss was seemingly spontaneous and "aggressive" but not exactly unexpected.

[Beautiful sky]

lol, maritsa, where was the hole?

my upper thigh

I felt all sorts of violated.

[ashlesha]

lol, maritsa, where was the hole?

i can only speak for myself (though my ex i type esi wasn't remarkably different than this)

my "flirting" would be better categorized in my mind as testing the waters. i feel super shy about playful banter stuff because i'm not great at coming up with cute remarks off the cuff so if i engage in that i'm probably not particularly concerned with how i'm coming across (so likely not interested). its more like a hand on the arm or a certain kind of eye contact or a stand-alone compliment or statement. not intended to be obvious or "hitting on" him but just to gauge his reaction to see if i feel safe being more direct later. and once i've established that, i have a history of being sort of unsettlingly direct because in my mind its like: okay, time to suck it up and let him know, here goes. not extremely suave but i just feel like it has to be done. a frank: "i'm into you and i wanna go out with you" thing. subdued and clear and usually not flirty. it might not be typical for all isxjs but i could attribute it to se-creative getting nervous about ambiguity and the future and just wanting to get it on the table and clear and simple. sometimes he catches on and asks me out first which is convenient but it's nice to not feel like i'm sitting on a secret. which is why i kinda suck at the games girls are supposed to play, or whatever.

in my ex's case he did the testing of the waters and then kissed me. from the outside it was sorta funny how the kiss was seemingly spontaneous and "aggressive" but not exactly unexpected.

basically, being an introvert aggressor means i circle like a vulture before attacking. my sli ex compared me to a venus fly trap.

[ashlesha]

my upper thigh

I felt all sorts of violated.

did you really end the date?

[Beautiful sky]

basically, being an introvert aggressor means i circle like a vulture before attacking. my sli ex compared me to a venus fly trap.

LOl but a cute venus fly trap

[Beautiful sky]

did you really end the date?

I didn't end it; I ended seeing him again LOL; I'm not that bold.

[jet city woman]

Truly, I don't hit on guys in the extroverted fashion you've mentioned. I've tried it but I didn't enjoy it. It's uncomfortable because it ends up being me doing the chasing, and truly, I don't want the chase. I might give someone compliments if I think they're cute and I like them, and/or just to make them feel good, but that doesn't mean I actually want a date with them.

If I feel comfortable with a guy who I find might be a real potential partner, I will make a move, such as talking more to them, but it won't be in a sexual manner. If I confide in someone directly, that means I feel comfortable with them. Generally, I stay at a certain distance with most people. And then when it's time and we know each other, I will make the first move sexually.

[blackburry]

yes? I was summoned by marista lol.


hmm.. are you asking to use this information to your advantage? awwww.

I honestly have no clue what I do. I feel the person out.I think I flirt in a teasing way. But only if the other person seems to be receptive and does it back. Usually I'll put my foot in my mouth the first few times when I'm trying to figure out the other person's sense of humor. Subtle at first. Then increasingly more direct. I do know I get annoyed if I have to take a huge initiative, but also if someone is too persistent. I like a "whatever, that's cool" kind of vibe, not a huge amount pressure until I'm actually close with the person.

[ashlesha]

I do know I get annoyed if I have to take a huge initiative, but also if someone is too persistent. I like a "whatever, that's cool" kind of vibe, not a huge amount pressure until I'm actually close with the person.

yeah. not really a "challenge" but chill and receptive.

[Beautiful sky]

yes? I was summoned by marista lol.


hmm.. are you asking to use this information to your advantage? awwww.

I honestly have no clue what I do. I feel the person out.I think I flirt in a teasing way. But only if the other person seems to be receptive and does it back. Usually I'll put my foot in my mouth the first few times when I'm trying to figure out the other person's sense of humor. Subtle at first. Then increasingly more direct. I do know I get annoyed if I have to take a huge initiative, but also if someone is too persistent. I like a "whatever, that's cool" kind of vibe, not a huge amount pressure until I'm actually close with the person.

You and Lungs both are quite good at sensing the reception of others to your flirtation. I'm poorer with that kind of stuff.

[shakealittle]

If it is with a Ni type - they project this certain vulnerability that I pick up on - and I act on it.

With this IEI at the moment - I will see him in the corridors and he will look timidly at me - then look away. I think to myself 'hey we know one another - if this was with any other person they would probably acknowledge them - so there must be something more than casual friendship and approach them with confidence that they are interested and express interest back to reassure them.

With an LIE - I would call him to meet up with me and he would say yes excitedly and then not show up. I think to myself ' well he seemed so keen - what changed' so I call him again and he is reassured that I want him around so he comes over.

I like interacting with aggressors too but eh it feels less special? and when they come at me I sorta want to retreat?

With an infantile I will do something caregiving and they sorta resist at first or get picky and I get pretty fed up straight away and angrily say 'well do you want it or not' - because I know I'm not going to overextend myself catering for them!

[Scapegrace]

I love how nobody posting in this thread knows what they're talking about. It proves how awesome socionics is. Two thumbs up.

[blackburry]

I love how nobody posting in this thread knows what they're talking about. It proves how awesome socionics is. Two thumbs up.

'cuze me?

yeah, uhhuh, do tell....

I wrote about how I do it in real life. Pretty sure lungs did to. There's a problem with that?

[717495]

All aggressor means is Se. You want to know what Se means?

[Absurd]

All aggressor means is Se. You want to know what Se means?

Something taken for granted I would say.

[Scapegrace]

'cuze me?

yeah, uhhuh, do tell....

I wrote about how I do it in real life. Pretty sure lungs did to. There's a problem with that?

I didn't mean literally I meant most people. Read it.

[ClownsandEntropy]

All aggressor means is Se. You want to know what Se means?

Maybe we could talk about what Se means when "it" "interacts" with other people (so to speak).

And also try and reconcile the difference between introverted females - who are seen as being more passive by Socionics and society (respectively) - and the more controlling nature of Se.

Or you could just link me something from wikisocion as a snide comment, if you want.

[FDG]

In my experience LSI women are pretty direct, especially if they like you physically, they will give out compliments which feel basically like they are hitting on you (I am NOT saying I dislike this approach, lol).

[Park]

How does an introverted aggressor (particularly, a female one) actually come across in a romantic interaction/flirtation?

Work hard, fuck harder.

[Phantimo]

PUSH N' PULL BASICALLY

[Leader]

Erm...I don't know what you're asking really..

Introverted Aggressor? Like ISTj, ISFj? They are more likely to use (Se) and be alot more direct with how they are coming across.

As opposed to ESFp, ESTp, introverted conscious functions which make them more smooth and calculating inward.

For example...me, I wish I could really just walk up to a girl and be like hey..you wanna fuck? Or just grab her and fuck her there....can't do that. Im too damn aggressive and in the moment, I want it NOW (Se). Now it really all depends on the situation, if its in a place that has high Se like a club...then I could do that, but other than that i'd have to rely on my experience and Ti to try to smooth my way and gradually capture my prey. Infact,in the aggressor/victim relationship, the one with the extraverted -conscious- functions (ISFJ,ISTJ,INTP,INFP) really initiates the contact in the first place in some way, although anyone who uses Se will be direct in some form, whether it be phyiscal contact/ eye contact/ w/e. Then its up to the aggressor if he/she wants to play. Plus I have other values that influence my behavior but thats just me, I value myself first as a man so I dont chase.

I mean it really depends on the situation.

[Amber]

If it is with a Ni type - they project this certain vulnerability that I pick up on - and I act on it.

Strange. I've always though Aggressors pick on some "hard to get" aspect that Victims project. In my experience they don't really like vulnerability ....unless it's something momentary in the whole "symphony" of dating&co. Introverted Aggressors have this aura of solidity, they look very contained (and to a certain extent hard to approach themselves) and observe you for a long time before getting into "attack mode". They like more games of sexual tension than extroverted ones, who are fairly straightforward in their approach. With ES_Ps there's hardly anything unpredictable, you usually know from second 2 when they want to get you and they will just pursue you instinctively. It's as if they don't need to process much of the whole interaction, they just react to immediate stimuli.

[yeves]

one way my ISxj friend does this is point something out about your appearance or something in your possession, like your drinking cup on a table, and make a teasing comment about it

[Olimpia]

I find this song illustrates pretty well what it is like being an Introverted Aggressor (ESI-Se in particular).



Mainly this phrase:

You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love

[Olimpia]

Female Introverted Aggressor example.
(Again, applying better to the subtype.)

[Muddy]

LSI most likely won't give a damn and just start interacting with their chosen partner as if they already agreed to be together. ESI will probably be more cat-like and draw things out longer to see if their partner meets their expections before closing in.

[summerprincess]

Introverted aggressors, I honestly wouldn't know because I've neverrrrr gotten hit on by any that I can remember. Maybe in like middle school. But any guys who would approach me that I can remember were extroverted aggressors or caregivers. Introverted aggressors I think will still make the first move on women in the same way an extroverted aggressor would. Maybe with a little more charm, actually and less bluntness. Introverted aggressor women will be more prone to making the first move.

[Resonare]

Sometimes direct and at other times in need of encouragement.

The individual periodically needs outside advice of how a situation will develop into the future in order to know when and how to proceed. The individual takes actions without proper evaluations of their consequences which he is faced with later. As a result he becomes more cautious and attempts to slow down, but by himself he poorly sees when it's necessary to do so and when it is needed to proceed further, and thus can end up wasting his time and powers or creating undesirable result for himself. Without an outside reassurance and evaluation of his actions, encouragement when it is beneficial to proceed further (ESI) or which actions can lead to negative outcomes (LSI), the individual is inclined to either try to remain inactive and miss good opportunities or act immediately and sometimes impulsively in inopportune moments.

[Chae]

In an online context:

---> the extrovert aggressor will show up in your private messages and be determined to talk to you
---> the introvert aggressor will seemingly be around wherever you post something

They are both very sure about their choice but the first can never be indirect. The second appears to be testing the waters even if they are already certain.

[Suzaku]

This one time I had a concussion and I didn't know it. It was like when Dwight from The Office had one and became friendly. So I called my interest singing we were going to build an airship and become sky pirates. And then you hear cussing in the background, the person trying to take me to the ER.

So in short, FAIL.

[Suz]

If I have a tear in my jeans, and I have had that once, an LSI stuck his finger right in it. I was like "wooooo, ok date over."

[Suz]

if its in a place that has high Se like a club....

hmmmm... interesting....

duly noted.

Guess that's why I dont enjoy the club scene much other than to just dance with a (large) group of friends once in a blue moon, at a reasonable hour.

[Suz]

he was getting ready to go for a jog and did not put on a shirt knowing I was going to see him.

Oh god, i find that kind of behavior to be so lame. I see right through it, and it's an instant turn-off lol. smacks of vanity, which I dont find attractive.
what i find extremely sexy is when a good-looking guy acts like he has no idea he's good looking.

[Rebelondeck]

I find that many Ijs treat the search of romance like a project that requires preplanning and or pre-staging to some degree; most will have a fairly clear idea of the objectives, what they can achieve with the tools they have, and in their own ways, will actively pursue individuals. This premeditation comes across as aggression when they are somewhat unrefined, lacking in tact and or desperate. However, all Ijs tend to aggressively seek objectives; the only difference among Ijs is the degree of subtly. I find that Ips are not as premeditated and take defensive stances having a tendency to seek romance by just putting themselves in a tactical positions and trusting fate to some degree; however, when they don't like what someone is doing or how things are going down, then one could see aggression big time. Perceived aggression has more to do with individual skills of the pursuers and the perceptiveness of the prey rather than type.

a.k.a. I/O

[Myst]

I find that many Ijs treat the search of romance like a project that requires preplanning and or pre-staging to some degree; most will have a fairly clear idea of the objectives, what they can achieve with the tools they have, and in their own ways, will actively pursue individuals. This premeditation comes across as aggression when they are somewhat unrefined, lacking in tact and or desperate. However, all Ijs tend to aggressively seek objectives; the only difference among Ijs is the degree of subtly.

Desperateness isn't aggression. I don't really like relativizing words this much.