Originally Posted by
Eliza Thomason
Interesting that I was just thinking this, particularly concerning the a Narcissist that used to be a big part of my life, who is getting older....
To clarify Narcissism for anyone who does not know, it is a serious psychological disorder - an entirely different way of looking at reality. They tend to be very functional, except for relationships to those closest to them, and they cannot relate lovingly. It is said that they, who put their all vision and energy into their image and live on the reactions of others to that image, are a vast emptiness inside, and therefore they find it too frightening to look inside themselves in therapy, which is why therapists run from them when they find that's what they are working with. But Narcissist traits are something we all have to some degree or another - except for maybe those exceptions Pookie made - because we need some traits to get by in the world. So Saffie is talking about the disorder here. Those people with a whole different take on reality.
Narcissism stems from an early wound. In these days with so many dysfunctional and broken families it is no surprise that Narcissism in on the rise - it's the fruit of woundedness. Patricia Evans in her book Controlling People explains how they got that way. They were controlled/abused/invalidated/unseen as a child and at some young age they decided that this was how the world is. You are either controlled/abused or you control/abuse. And they sure did not want to live their life in the first category - they know what that is like - so they would pick the 2nd category. And they chose that path, young, and got locked in it, and they can't get out. Its their different view of reality, as the rest of us see there are other choices in life. So also do others who grew up in the same household - not every kid in that same situation becomes a Narcissist. Evans says the difference is they had some ONE person to validate them with words, actions, or even a LOOK that said, "What is happening to you is not right." That person grows up looking for the right. While the one, who never got that, looks around and it seems to him everyone confirms this reality - that what happens to him is just supposed to be.
Hope that makes sense. I read it a long time ago.
The Narcissist that used to be a part of my life, and is not in it now, I heard a bit about the other day. He always worked very hard and was always had worldly success. His drive was beginning to make him old before his time when he exited my life, and this is also what i just heard of him. Also some of his many siblings (which I do not see all as Narcissists, but probably one other, and they all hold some trauma from having to shoulder responsibilities and fears alone at too young an age). Childhood trauma that never gets addressed tends to magnify when one becomes an adult. In the case of the ex-N. in my life, when he was young he would stay awake into the early hours waiting for his Dad to stumble in drunk from the Elks club because of the time his Dad stumbled in and laboriously made his way up the huge staircase - an old high-ceiling-ed house - and fell down the entire staircase and lay bleeding below, making a terrible noise, but N. was the only who heard it and came to his rescue, waking the others up. So night after night this child would do vigil, waiting for his Dad to stumble in and take the long, forever crawl up the stairs that could at any moment end in tragedy - a burden no child should have to take on. He felt he alone could prevent tragedy for all, by staying awake. So he always had issues sleeping and needed certain conditions to sleep.
Well so what I heard recently is that this issue has magnified and become a serious, serious problems. He not sleeping at ALL, night after night. He has had all kinds of sleep studies and they don't know what to make of it. And for the first time since I was burned by this N., I feel truly sorry for him. Particularly because I am not surprised to know those sleep study experts don't know what to make of him - he needs to get to the root of the problem, but unfortunately this is exactly what a N. desperately does not want to do - look inside. Meanwhile he carries a huge load of responsibility and commutes to work in some of the worst traffic in the country. My friend says he looks awful. And I truly feel bad for him. So I am praying. In fact I am going to pray an hour at Adoration today and will pray for him, and for the N. you know, Sapphire, and some other 16typers here who need prayer, because Jesus' heart must be heavy for them all and if I don't pray someday He will ask me why I did not pray for those He put on my heart. This is the Year of Mercy and I will pray for Mercy for all these Narcissists as well as everyone who has struggles, especially with other people (the hardest kind!).