Originally Posted by
bg
no contact is the only thing that works for me, which makes it so much worse when it's a friend who you've spent half your life with (and who tends to come back after years long breaks). I had tried confession of feelings towards the girl who i got into it bad with, but it was so mumbled and awkward that i could easily write it off inside my head as being the method that was turning, not the perfect situation that it's supposed to be when it all just works out. no amount of directness ever felt enough to convey things, in either direction. and at the same time it can feel like nothing, and so silly and stupid and god why even bother. klafjjklsdf
anyways, yes. for me, cut off from that person has worked best. i feel freed, as if i can finally breath, as if something huge has been lifted off my life. and of course i feel bad about that in some way, but the freedom makes it easy to accept.
sigh. yes.
it also makes it difficult to approach people you'd be interested in in general somewhat. with my first notice that i have interest in someone, remembering the road i always seem to go down has me anxious and paranoid of my interest, of how much i'm fantasizing instead of experiencing them, how much am i rerunning imagined discussions, and is it making me feel more than they would? How much of my life and thought am i spending in my head over this person? ajhdskfhskjdfjkhf
a friend of mine who's a psychologist put it really simply when i brought up the limerence thing to him, something along the lines of "limerence is just another word for your wanting to love and be loved." It doesn't seem like much maybe, but it's something that I do feel hearing has helped me a bit to not feel like such a freak or loser because of how my interest develops. I just try to be open about it now, so that I'm not trapped in some hole of not being able to talk or acknowledge it. I do still have a rough time accepting even seemingly direct responses from the people I'm interested in at face value (usually it's with good responses hah, funny enough), but I think I'm getting better at it. and if nothing else, getting better at accepting all this stuff as normal and fine, or at least nothing freakish that can't be worked through.
Reply With Quote