Have you ever liked a dual less after getting to know them more?
The descriptions make it sound like duality only strengthens over time. I’m wondering if it ever happens that the bond weakens after seeing more of their personality? Like because your interests or views are too different or maybe you just realize that they’re really annoying.
I'm trying to think of an example but I can't. If I don't like them they usually end up being a different type anyway, cuz they realize the dynamic they are having that isn't working is also something that is going on with other IEIs.
If they are too much of an asshole maybe (which I would usually sense right away), but I find true SLEs can actually have a harder time hurting ppl's feelings verbally but are more just physically strong which I don't mind. Like that meme of cut my body up but leave my soul alone. If I sense somebody trying to be mentally cruel or use my issues against me - it turns me off, but that is something more unhealthy IEIs and ESIs do than SLEs in my experiences, being sensors with weak Fi they aren't usually good at those sadistic N games anyway to me.
My SLE friend just said to me 'I like protecting you' and I love to be protected. <3 U often need N to know where to hurt, and they can hurt me more indirectly but it's not as intentional as when others do it. Socially my ILE friends are more of an asshole, which is a turn off but their duals are more like 'durr I don't care I'll just bake you a cake anyway' but it can cause these kind of petty mirage clashes in us that are kinda cringy to talk about- since illusionary is more good than it's bad and we both don't want to ruin the Fe peace. lol.
It can happen that duals fall apart. So it makes sense to think that it's not unlikely..
But I have to make it clear that once you've been close to a dual, it's very hard not to admire them, especially on the aspects related to your Super Id
Sometimes you don't have motivation because you lack purpose.
Sometimes you don't have purpose, because you lack self-knowledge
Sometimes you don't have self-knowledge because you lack love
Sometimes you don't have love because you lack self-love
Sometimes you don't have self-love because you lack guess what? Ask Gulenko!!
I've known many duals of both sexes over the years, and some have remained close and some have moved away, but I still like all of them. As a matter of fact, I've never not liked a Dual.
Even the Dual whom I was dating for three years, I still like. I only broke up with her because she's Dismissive Avoidant, and I want more contact in a relationship than she could provide. However, her condition was not her fault and I don't blame her for it. I just wish she were Secure.
Oof, but it kinda IS her fault as she is also an adult who chooses her reactions . I've been through similar bullshit and it helps to know attachment styles, but at the same time it can lead to almost backward type thinking.Originally Posted by Adam Strange
Sorry it's none of my business
I think it's just individual quirks, honestly. I met an LSE who frustrated me more and more as I got to know her, but to be fair she was younger than me and also pretty insecure. I didn't dislike her function usage; just her health level.
never felt like I could get close to one
it just never clicks like that in the beginning for me
that being said several of the LSEs I came across were not single, not that I was even necessarily interested in them that way
what is refreshing is their integrity; in one way or another they verbalize their strong sense of fidelity and commitment
ultimately probably the (only?) kind of person I can get vulnerable with and actually feel good about it.
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I had a crush one quite conventionally attractive LSE who was already taken. Recently on a group we are both on mentioned how he met with and approached his fiance, "no bs" straightforward, sharing values, etc.
its so simple and yet something I think I might have overlooked.
trusting someone makes my feelings grow stronger.
Most romcom movies usually depict the process of dualization as I understand it. I really like romcoms !
Edit : That said, socionics is just a theory and can't explain the real magic that is Lobu and that transcends TIMs sociotypes etc...
Bonus, this are my favorite romantic stories though, because they feel real to me and they hit home...
Last edited by godslave; 05-22-2024 at 04:19 AM.
some of them disown their Fi for some reason. I have never had an antagonistic relationship with my Te so idgi
since I am veeeery emotional, the polar opposite of me would likely be unperturbed and not emotional at all tho
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I am trying to integrate such qualities in me so I can come closer to the center
if they are attracted to you they inappropriately leak it too, so will XLIs but there's more buffer is the best way I can put it
LXEs can be all too obvious
I worked with a female EII and a male LSE, both of whom were married to non-duals. The smart EII got a divorce from her stupid husband but was feeling like she would never find another guy, so I told her about Duality.
She really, really doubted that something like Duality could exist, so I told her that the LSE was her Dual, and at a minimum, he would be unable to resist her requests. At least I, personally, find it almost impossible to refuse a request from a Dual, so I assumed it would work the same way for the other Fi-Te Dual pair.
She thought about that for a minute, then she went into the LSE's office. Now, this woman is from Missouri and she has a voice like honey, and is very sweet and feminine in a Southern Belle kind of way, but she really has a backbone of steel.
I couldn't hear what she was saying to him, but suddenly, I clearly heard him say "Wait a minute! I can't talk right now. I just remembered that I have to call my wife! Right now!" It was, like, 2:45 in the afternoon, which is not a time when most guys spontaneously call their wives from the office. He was calling his wife to shield himself from the irresistible pressure he was feeling from the EII. Lol.
She went back to her office and thought about that for a bit, considering the LSE type (in general) as a potential partner. She later told me that she thought the LSE was kind of a pain, by which I think she meant, he was set in his male ways and didn't have her imagination.
But hey, that's exactly why LSE's need and stay faithful to EIIs.
I know a fair number of LSEs, and I've found that they really don't stay single for long. If they do decide to get divorced, and this does happen, they usually will be married again within a few months, usually to someone they randomly chose. Having 1D Fi kind of sucks when trying to understand other people.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 05-22-2024 at 04:53 AM.
You see, theoretically dualization is supposed to happen partially unconsciously and it requires a closer psychological distance than just the superficial level of the "superego". ITR are relationships between Types of Psyche, people often forget that part. Now, If one is aware of socionics, things will be different because one will never see other people the way one used to before socionics (esp if one is convinced that it is true).
Most of us instinctively know the kind of person we like in romance. For instance we say stuff like " This lady is my type or "this gentleman is my type" however, is that idealized person really your dual though ?? I mean, socionics should change that, and put your "idealized type of romantic partner" in perspective. On the other hand, some of the unconscious part of the magic that is supposed to happen is, in the light of socionics, somewhat brought to awareness...
socionics is just an approximation, wouldn't assume that's who the person is
IME they stay faithful to whoever they are with
wdym by the last part
LSEs mainly do stay faithful to whomever they are with, but that doesn't mean they don't divorce, or are never forced into a divorce. An LSE is not many women's Ideal of a husband. Just ask an IEI. Or anyone, for that matter.
I said that LSE's need and stay faithful to EIIs. Well, as you said, they tend to stay faithful to whomever they are married to. This is largely because they have 4D Te (I can just tell someone to do what I want, and they will do it), 1D Fi (I have the emotional maturity of a five-year-old, and I like my Mommy), and 3D Si (my whole life is governed by rules from the past, so if something worked for grandad, it should work for me, and I see no reason to change anything.)
As for why LSEs need EIIs in particular, the EII balances out the rigid assholery of the LSE by leading him, as only she can do, to a better solution. The LSE has no Ni while the EII has lots of it, and so the EII can anticipate problems where the LSE will walk straight into machine-gun fire. The EII is diplomatic where the LSE is rigid, and unlike almost every other sociotype, the EII doesn't get pissed off when the LSE gives them detailed instructions on how to do something.
Really, the EII and the LSE are made for each other. Let me give you an example.
My mother was LSE. She was a violent narcissist, and it was generally "her way or the highway" in my house when I was growing up. My SLI father was in the military and he killed a lot of men in his line of work, but he was afraid of her. My mother really had no friends, and when she got Alzheimer's disease and forgot who everyone was, my father put her into a care facility, where her basic, disagreeable personality (not all LSEs are like this) was on full display. Basically, even the saints working at that place avoided her.
However, one day, I went to visit her and found her engaged in an active conversation with another Alzheimer's patient. Amazed, I sat down to listen.
The guy was talking about his life in his various jobs and he was almost completely incoherent, but so was my mother. I mean, she had no long-term memory. But she would listen to this guy chatter, and then she would say something completely unrelated, and he would respond with something equally random, and neither of them had the slightest idea what the other was talking about, but they were both having the time of their lives together.
I was stunned. I had never seen my mother this happy. Not with me (LIE), not with my sisters (LSE & LII), not with her mother (ESI), not even with my Dad. So I studied the guy. He was EII.
So, when everything else is lost, Duality remains.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 05-22-2024 at 05:36 AM.
Yea.
One LSE I knew was super charismatic at first. We kind of admired each other from a distance. Obviously to me as an introvert I was impressed with how extroverted and confident he came across, wishing I had some of that myself. And as a progrommer he wished he had art skills like mine and often complimented me on my stuff saying we should work together. So we finally teamed up on a project. But despite being the easiest person I've worked with because of how organized his process was, not only was he a power abusing asshole (thought he could talk to his teammates who are around his own age like they were children, and insult them and get away with it), he was also a rank narcissist. Now since that word is overused to describe everyone's ex, let me explain his main character trait and you tell me what you think. He took every conversation as an opportunity to go on a long personal monologue to the point where it felt like he thought the best use of your time was to sit there and listen to him yap about himself for hours on end. It felt like air got sucked out the room every time he came around. And If you every tried to contribute to a "conversation" with him, it's almost like every word you said fell on deaf ears except the general topic.
Example:
You: My grandma had her 80th birthday this weekend. She's not supposed to have sweets but I think if you make it to 80 you deserve it. So we made her an icecream cake.
Him: Oh cakes! I make the best pound cake, one time I won a contest against a buncha grannies and they were all jealous this 20 something year old man beat them at their best recipe. blah blah blah for 10 more minutes.
One time he struted in the room like he always does, and enthusiastically he made a joke for everyone to hear. To me the joke sounded rehearsed since he poised himself to say it and looked like he expected a huge laugh out of everyone. So while he's looking all proud of himself, I felt like calling him out on his joke and decide to say " Old joke new audience huh?". And that smile got wiped off his face while he just glares at me like I ruined something lol.
He was a dual, but that guy was a bonafide prick. He even took wedding pictures with his wife where he's ripping his tux shirt open to reveal an Superman S on his chest while his wife is hugging his leg. Now I know, who cares what 2 consenting adults do, but knowing the guy and how much up his own ass he likes to sniff, it was exactly the kind of thing I'd expect from him, too much so, and that's what made it cringe af.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 05-22-2024 at 06:13 AM.
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