Results 1 to 31 of 31

Thread: how to deal with emotional pain

  1. #1
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default how to deal with emotional pain

    <3

    Fous on being happy on your own

  2. #2
    the Dreamer Remiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Canopy of Memories
    TIM
    Ni-ILI 584 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,120
    Mentioned
    37 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Doesn't help.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ― Thucydides

  3. #3
    the flying pig Capitalist Pig's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Colorado, USA
    Posts
    5,939
    Mentioned
    122 Post(s)
    Tagged
    7 Thread(s)

    Default

    Easier said than done.

  4. #4
    ouronis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    TIM
    &*self
    Posts
    872
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    deal by not dealing
    salmon

  5. #5
    the Dreamer Remiel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Canopy of Memories
    TIM
    Ni-ILI 584 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,120
    Mentioned
    37 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Last time I had a break up I decapitated a canadian goose. And proceeded to eat it. Think I will write about that in my thread later on.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ― Thucydides

  6. #6
    Kim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    TIM
    IEE e7 783 sx so
    Posts
    6,857
    Mentioned
    380 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Positive people. <3
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  7. #7
    Tigerfadder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    TIM
    e7
    Posts
    934
    Mentioned
    25 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Be a angle of good to weight up for the miserable destiny yourself have faced.
    Last edited by Tigerfadder; 08-08-2016 at 02:23 AM.

  8. #8
    Hedgehog in the Fog myshkin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    TIM
    EII-Fi 1w9 sp/so
    Posts
    1,251
    Mentioned
    148 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    my strategy for emotional pain is to surrender to it. don't deny it, but don't wallow in it, either.

    "this, too, will pass" is something i try to remember. emotions are transitory, misery isn't any more "real" than hope is

    in retrospect, i look back on my emotional trauma as the process of coal being refined to a diamond. each experience strengthened my 'emotional endurance', as it were. i have a steady foundation to fall back to; trauma doesn't knock me down anymore.


  9. #9
    epheme's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Japan
    TIM
    9w1 sx/sp
    Posts
    431
    Mentioned
    26 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hag View Post
    my strategy for emotional pain is to surrender to it. don't deny it, but don't wallow in it, either.

    "this, too, will pass" is something i try to remember. emotions are transitory, misery isn't any more "real" than hope is

    in retrospect, i look back on my emotional trauma as the process of coal being refined to a diamond. each experience strengthened my 'emotional endurance', as it were. i have a steady foundation to fall back to; trauma doesn't knock me down anymore.


    "If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    West Coast
    TIM
    EIE-Ni 478 sx/sp
    Posts
    230
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Feel entitled enough to bestow upon oneself the authority to tell other people how to deal with their emotional pain. Does wonders.

  11. #11
    summerprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    US
    TIM
    IEI 4w3 sx/sp
    Posts
    519
    Mentioned
    35 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    It's difficult

  12. #12
    both sides, now wacey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Canada
    TIM
    9w8
    Posts
    3,290
    Mentioned
    124 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Remember it is temporary.
    "Traffic lights and loneliness. Paper cans and tape cassettes. When the world feels like this. Static shocks and bitterness."

  13. #13
    Pookie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    TIM
    IEI-Ni 6w5-9-2 So/Sx
    Posts
    2,135
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Grow up.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

  14. #14
    End's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    TIM
    ILI-Ni sp/sx
    Posts
    536
    Mentioned
    86 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    You stoically deal with it. You will fume, you may even consider suicide, but in the end, you must know that your enemies ultimately want you to kill yourself. Given that perspective, just keep being you. Let em' hate ya, for in so doing they destroy themselves. Let thine enemies commit suicide, that's the smart move. If they're eager to fall into the punji pits then by all means, let em' plunge into said pits like the idiots they are. Good Riddance!

    Basically, realize that they have a crab mentality and merely seek to drag you down to their level because, heaven forbid, YOU manage to escape the trap that ensnared them! The inferior always seek to drag down the superior. Remember that, acknowledge that, and just stop giving a fuck about the low life idiots attempting to keep you from escaping the bucket. The world lies beyond the bucket, fuck anyone who tries to keep you from escaping it and experiencing the world beyond .
    Last edited by End; 08-22-2016 at 06:03 AM.

  15. #15
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    You don't deal with it. You just let it run its course like the flu.

    Sometimes you actually have to take the blue pill to have some sense of happiness in your life. You have to trick yourself into thinking humanity is basically good when all evidence is pointing to the contrary. You can't just be happy going "see this is it, this is objective - this really does happen!" That's why therapists often go "would you rather be happy, or would you rather be right?" The world still does have goodness- but you have to make the choice to be good yourself.

    Also you fuck away the pain. You don't get afraid to be a little animalistic, a little sexual- even a little sadistic.

  16. #16
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    Seer
    Posts
    12,823
    Mentioned
    368 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    It helps to take pain killers (they work the same on emotional pain). Something as simple as aspirin even helps. NyQuil works pretty well for me to personally numb things out... but you may not want to take that advice.

    I find that trying not to focus on the pain also helps. Listen to positive music, feel positive vibes, watch retarded things on YouTube, own an awesome cat. Anything to drown out the sound, really.

    I dealt with PTSD symptoms for for several months and little things like this helped.
    Last edited by fox; 08-22-2016 at 01:14 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

  17. #17
    LauriesCrusador's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    TIM
    α-ω
    Posts
    293
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Suck it up.
    "The spirit of resistance to government
    is so valuable on certain occasions,
    that I wish it to be always kept alive.
    It will often be exercised when wrong
    but better so than not to be exercised at all.
    I like a little rebellion now and then.
    It is like a storm in the atmosphere."
    Thomas Jefferson

  18. #18

  19. #19
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Remember it is temporary.
    This probably helps the most for me

  20. #20
    Exits, pursued by a bear. Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    TIM
    It sneaks up on you
    Posts
    3,051
    Mentioned
    83 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'll probably delete this message eventually, so please don't quote it.

    The biggest lesson I learned about emotions over the years is that they aren't problems to be solved. They're a reflection of who you are. They're the place where who you are, your unique likes and dislikes and disposition, your humanity, meets the world. When you're unwilling to have your emotions, you're unwilling to have your self.

    One thing that's helped me is to write about it. My biggest tip when you write about painful emotions is to be simple about it. Pare it down to its bare guts. Don't be afraid to even be childlike in your expression of it. The reality is that emotions are very primal, simple things. The feelings you have as an adult are no more complicated or different from the ones you had when you were a kid. The things you have feelings about may be of greater significance, but the actual emotions are very straightforward. This is why the movie Inside Out was so relatable to people, regardless of age. The other tip is, keep the focus on yourself: on how it feels for you. It's best if you just stick to sentences that amount to "I feel [name of emotion]" When you spin out into thoughts about the world, or other people, or an abstract sense of your life as a whole, that's when you start abandoning your feelings and end up in fruitless rumination that is the opposite of the inner integration that you're seeking.

    A good example is what Teddy Roosevelt wrote in his journal the day both his mother and his wife died:



    In 2010, my fiance was killed by a drunk driver. I spent the next three years trying to make my own feelings go away. I couldn't sleep because neglected emotions are like neglected pets, and always paw at you asking for attention, and often this happens at night when your conscious defenses are weakened and the floodgates open. And in waking life, the emotions came out as a vague but pervasive feeling of being cut off from the rest of humanity and from myself. Then, one night in the summer of 2013, I was at my parents house. They had gone to bed, and I was sitting in the living room. And, for the first time in three years, what I was dealing with really hit me.

    This is what I wrote on a piece of notebook paper that night:

    Dear [name],

    It's me, Auvi. Do you remember me? I miss you. I've been very sad since you left. I've had a hard time knowing what to do with my life in the way it's turned out. I've found it hard to cope. I've spent the last three years alone. I don't talk to people anymore and I'm getting very lonely. I just want to spend time with you again. I'm sad, but I hope I can see happiness again soon.

    I love you,
    Auvi
    That's the sort of language I'm talking about. I could have written that when I was 6 years old and, unlike any amount of eloquent intellectualizing or rationalization, it conveyed exactly what I was feeling in its most honest sense. But, reading that immediately after I wrote it, I felt real, genuine self-compassion for the first time. I could see how life had been for me for those three years, what it was I was really missing, and what I was really hoping for. Basically, my inner human came out, where for the last three years I had tried to be superhuman. And the bare emotion wasn't something I needed to "deal with" or solve or even "heal" in any way. It was just... there, as a testament to me. The emotion itself -- the sadness, the fear, the longing -- was a sign that everything about me was still functioning exactly as it should, not a sign of pathology. I'm a human. I have feelings. That's it.

    There's a good book I've read since then called Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them. The author, a counselor named Tina Gilbertson, explains in very easy-to-understand language how to let your emotions be what they are and how that can be helpful.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  21. #21
    Heart Chamber Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Germany
    TIM
    IEE 3w4
    Posts
    7,573
    Mentioned
    594 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Found this thought, it's one approach:

    "Forgiveness is not a one-time thing, it's a lifestyle."

    Inner peace depends much on attachment to something. Letting go of attachment, to whatever it is, alleviates the burden. Forgiving is exactly that, you can apply it to things and people that cause you emotional pain. Letting go is important, it hurts less than it seems.


  22. #22
    Mermaid with Stellar views SyrupDeGem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    All about dat heart, no trouble.
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    1,472
    Mentioned
    87 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I agree with Animal about writing about it, I have seen numerous therapists over the years, I find talking about things really difficult and to be honest t's really hard to share pain for me because part of me wants to hold on to it. Writing to someone is easier because it can still be very personal and private, even if that person has gone forever.

    Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.

    In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.

    When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.

    So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.

    InvisibruJim

  23. #23
    Owl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    TIM
    NF
    Posts
    784
    Mentioned
    85 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't know why people avoid emotional pain. Like any other pain, your body/mind is trying to tell you there is something wrong. That means your mind wants you to take care of something and remind you of it. Find out what it is that causes the pain, it doesn't come out of a thin air, there's always a trigger. More than the pain itself you should deal with the cause of it and solve the core issue or else it will never leave you.

    The real issue is when you start to overly identify with your emotional pain and reject other positive feelings in favour to feel it (that is unfortunately my issue) ... Than not much can be done by you yourself so other things like medications and professional help are needed to solve that.
    INFP
    4w3-5w6-1w9
    Hyper introverted extrovert
    Melancholic

  24. #24
    Nymeria's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    TIM
    ILI 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    347
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    There are times, where it becomes necessary. When you don't want to drag the muck further down the road. You do the work and then you know what was and when it’s over, it’s over. You close that chapter.

    When I was younger I never really looked into myself (emotionally). There was just really no necessity to. You are just there to start out and everything is still like spanning out for you. Nothing’s ever really bad, because there are a lot of interesting, inspiring things, that lift you up and ‘guide’ you a bit. The silver lining, that cuts through everything and connects you to a different place and gives you direction. It anchors you. There is always something, that you can occupy yourself with, so that the space in your head doesn’t have to be occupied with other downer things. I think, that was a beautiful way to deal, because nothing is ever miserable as long as you can still be happy. But of course, you have to keep that up, because other things were not about to vanish, just because you managed to go elsewhere for some time.
    Last edited by Nymeria; 11-26-2016 at 05:04 PM.

  25. #25
    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    my own personal bubble
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    4,108
    Mentioned
    94 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Crystal meth.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



  26. #26
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    I wanted to give a kind of deeper answer then what I said earlier- because there are different levels of emotional pain.

    If you want to transcend the metaphysical planes (warning: this is incredibly scary and not for everybody) then you have to be willing to endure even more emotional pain so much where you feel like you can't literally stand it- like you will literally die and go crazy over feelings. Sometimes this can even just happen naturally if you feel bonked around in life- and pressured by other people, and feel like you can't even really go your own way with anything.

    Your instincts will at first tell you to make it better with cheesy inspirational messages/dumb cat videos on youtube/numb it right away but that is actually the wrong answer- you instead go so deep into the grimdarkiness- into the sadism. And it feels so worse and dark then anything you ever experienced. You feel like you are dying and not in a good way- You have to abandon all your Hope. Hope is ironically the illusion that kept you stuck.

    What is happening here is that you are killing your ego- in hopes to rebuild a new one or to enhance the one u already had. It was not serving you before.

    If you keep this up u will go through what shamans call 'Dark Night of the Soul' and you will suddenly and instantly feel a state of Pure Oneness. This is amazing. This is the romantic upliftment you have been waiting for after so much time in the dark. Gay rainbow colors literally swirl in your head of pure and total bliss and happiness. "The only way out is through" and you just actually lived through it. It's not some distant meme anymore but part of your own concrete truth.

    Congratulations. You just climbed a Metaphysical level. Your very identity and being changed- not your logical decisions, but your entire essence/aura. You have climbed one tiny step to heaven. But there are so much more to go....

    (and when you have your Ego-death moment you will realize all the ways you were an asshole and will have true redemption and truly stop with the victim blaming or the self-righteous stuff that pushed everybody away, or all that stuff your ego liked doing before - you will receive true atonement. You don't beat yourself up for anything though- you instead feel just so redeemed.)

    After this orgasmic period of Oneness, you will eventually get a new ego again and will stop being so amazingly selfless- but then you do the entire thing over again and the cycle can continue.

  27. #27
    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    my own personal bubble
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    4,108
    Mentioned
    94 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bullets View Post
    I wanted to give a kind of deeper answer then what I said earlier- because there are different levels of emotional pain.

    If you want to transcend the metaphysical planes (warning: this is incredibly scary and not for everybody) then you have to be willing to endure even more emotional pain so much where you feel like you can't literally stand it- like you will literally die and go crazy over feelings. Sometimes this can even just happen naturally if you feel bonked around in life- and pressured by other people, and feel like you can't even really go your own way with anything.

    Your instincts will at first tell you to make it better with cheesy inspirational messages/dumb cat videos on youtube/numb it right away but that is actually the wrong answer- you instead go so deep into the grimdarkiness- into the sadism. And it feels so worse and dark then anything you ever experienced. You feel like you are dying and not in a good way- You have to abandon all your Hope. Hope is ironically the illusion that kept you stuck.

    What is happening here is that you are killing your ego- in hopes to rebuild a new one or to enhance the one u already had. It was not serving you before.

    If you keep this up u will go through what shamans call 'Dark Night of the Soul' and you will suddenly and instantly feel a state of Pure Oneness. This is amazing. This is the romantic upliftment you have been waiting for after so much time in the dark. Gay rainbow colors literally swirl in your head of pure and total bliss and happiness. "The only way out is through" and you just actually lived through it. It's not some distant meme anymore but part of your own concrete truth.

    Congratulations. You just climbed a Metaphysical level. Your very identity and being changed- not your logical decisions, but your entire essence/aura. You have climbed one tiny step to heaven. But there are so much more to go....

    (and when you have your Ego-death moment you will realize all the ways you were an asshole and will have true redemption and truly stop with the victim blaming or the righteous stuff or all that stuff your ego liked doing before - you will receive true atonement. You don't beat yourself up for anything though- you instead feel just so redeemed.)

    After this orgasmic period of Oneness, you will eventually get a new ego again and will stop being so amazingly selfless- but then you do the entire thing over again and the cycle can continue.

    Sounds like really awesome if you can get that far. But I'm definitely a chicken when it comes to this kind of thing. I hate emotional pain. Even more than physical pain, and I'm highly sensitive to that as well. I will go to great lengths to avoid situations that are likely to be painful for me emotionally.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



  28. #28
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yeah there is risks involved - there might be a possibility of severe brain damage if the person is not ready maybe, I don't know. Or they might commit suicide for real. It's just so intense, and I cannot really put words to how intense it is. If you do not value Se or have Se polr especially then yeah- maybe stay away. But for me it was like I thought I was literally going to die- and the split second I 'surrendered everything over' that is when I felt my amazing Oneness moment and my ego had vanished completely. Right at the moment I thought I was going to die from some mental trauma. My body didn't die- my ego did, although at the time- it all felt one in the same, if that makes sense.

    There is no need to try to force all this, my DNOTS happened really organically, though now I am just curious if a really experienced shaman can will Dark Night of the Soul experiences every day to more rapidly explore dimensions. My ego wants to be a very high level shaman lol.

  29. #29

    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    New England
    TIM
    ESI 7 9 4 sp/sx
    Posts
    414
    Mentioned
    17 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    What helps me actually is anime, manga, and JRPG's. The messages in the stories and the things characters go through really make me think twice about my pain. I can accept what hurts but then focus on something really moving. Some of the deepest messages I've found in anime, manga, and JRPG's. It's not that I don't bury my feelings, I accept they are there, but then shift focus. Certain symbols and characters from these things are inspirational to me so I try to keep the symbolism around me so I can reflect on what really helped my mindset through certain situations.

    You could say I'm burying myself in tv but I've acknowledged how I felt before I do these things. There's a difference between ignoring your feelings and then drowning yourself in tv. It could be on the same level as emotional eating.

  30. #30

    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    New England
    TIM
    ESI 7 9 4 sp/sx
    Posts
    414
    Mentioned
    17 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sleepytime tea is also nice ^~^

  31. #31

    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    New England
    TIM
    ESI 7 9 4 sp/sx
    Posts
    414
    Mentioned
    17 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    And swearing in the shower. I do that.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •