SO dominant or secondary - being included is important, focus on finding one's place in the world, neglect of other things in favor of group contributions (e.g. a workaholic), need to be plugged into something, danger of being overly accommodating. On the high side, social subtypes are the most likely to sacrifice their narrow interests in service of that which is larger than themselves.
One thing that might apply to me in this is the danger of being overly accommodating, which really only happens at work because it’s an unspoken job requirement that I be accommodating, and I never know exactly how accommodating or not accommodating I’m expected to be, but generally feel most people are somewhat displeased with my “socialness.” I honestly struggle in the realm of interpersonal interaction, and my focus/talents just have never been in this area. This is why I need to basically change my job situation. For years I could be okay by zoning out in my own world, but my current job and other changes have led me to stop doing this (in fact, to not be *able* to do this). It’s mainly that I’ve decided to stop ignoring the outside world entirely in favor of living in my own because I’m not progressing, and somehow all of my fantasies have finished playing out at the same time. I mainly need to be allowed to be myself, and most simple jobs don’t let me be myself. I’m tired of it at this point. I’m tired of the social expectations of others. You could say this is so-first due to an intense awareness of expectations, or you could say it is so-last due to not ever really being able to figure out the complex ins and outs of those expectations (only that interpersonal interaction is a messy puzzle that I can never solve and really have no interest in solving, but that i'm paranoid about because i don't actually "get it"). I’m also referring only to artificial work environments in this—work relationships are seldom “real” relationships, though it seems some people at work seem to think they are, going on in their artificial ways.
I’ve never really needed to be included (and I’m counting my childhood in this too), and I’m far too lazy to fall into a workaholic pattern. If I am intensely interested in something, I suppose maybe there’s a slight possibility because I enjoy solving mysteries, and sometimes I don’t want to stop until I have. If I can get enough momentum going I might keep going because it’s exhilarating and I love intense stimulation. But somehow I still don’t think I could ever become a workaholic. Surely the pattern would have emerged by now. I don’t like sacrificing my interests, which is one of my issues with jobs I’ve been in. Part of not being allowed to be myself involves not being allowed to pursue my own interests and agenda.
They extend themselves toward others and often have a sort of generosity with their time and energy.
I’m really stingy with my time and energy, and I’ve been growing more so over the years. I can easily fill my solitary time and I’m happy to spend *all* my time that way in introvert activities.
On the down side however, social subtypes are the most prone to feelings of social shame; as they are the most acutely aware of the opinions of others, they suffer the most when they feel a sense of social rejection. In less balanced personalities, this can lead to a need to conform to the standards of the group in order to achieve acceptance. Social subtypes can sometimes fail to focus on the needs of the self as they are searching for their identity in terms of the larger whole.
I experience a lot of shame, but it’s not necessarily social shame. It’s personal and based on my own ideas of my identity and what I accept/don’t accept as well as my ideal and the things I dislike. I’ve been this way most of my life. It’s a slow process of trying to build an identity that is both mine and that I actually like and that fits my ideals (although, ahem, my ideals shift around a lot too... really it's like chasing your own tail). I do, however, compare myself to others and will notice pieces of other’s personality that I envy. That said, if someone I'm close to rejects me for my flaws, confirming the horror I already see there, I will feel intensely ashamed. You can also morally/ethically shame me, which is perhaps the only constructive shame here, as I'll be likely to try to improve after that (assuming I agree).
SO-firsts want to know what’s going on with other people as a way to uncover the hierarchy - talk is currency, discourse and gossip are welcome. Exploring - Are we on the same team? Who can I trust? Healthy expression—how can this help everyone? Unhealthy expression—what’s in it for me? Is this worth my while?
I do think about who I can trust on a personal level. Often people overly focused on “the hierarchy” are people I feel I can’t trust, especially when they really like the hierarchy and are all about their “social status.” It’s kind of hypocritical because I do have my own inner sense of elitism or wanting to be special/unique (a shining star) and that kind of attitude can contribute to social status. But for me, it’s not really about social status. I wish for independence from social systems, or rather for loose social systems that take a back seat to individual self-expression, desire, and pursuits. This is why I think the corporate world is often the killer of people’s souls—seeking uniformity, conformity, and boringness.
SO blind spot - finds it hard to concern self with another’s agenda, dismissive. When the social instinct is least developed, the individual is going to find it difficult to see why it is important to form social connections or to cultivate multiple relationships. This, in turn, can lead to a certain amount of social isolation. As we all must find a niche in the larger whole, those whose social instinct is least developed, can find it difficult to negotiate the needs of the social realm which make this possible. They may feel that connecting socially will cost them something and consider interactions to be draining. They may find interdependence difficult and dependence on others barely tolerable, and thus attempt to attain a type of independence and self-sufficiency which is not possible for human beings. This “false independence” can lead to unnecessary suffering and impoverishment of experience. They would rather act as a lone force, lone wolves, I'm-on-my-own attitude, feeling that they don't need others and others don't need them. Fear of being emotionally crippled, being unable to connect with many people, self-conscious of being socially ungracious. It’s hard to take in the gifts and generosity of others. Projected fear - if I ignore others, they will ignore me. There’s an expectation of humiliation. A desire not to impose self on people in fear of not being wanted or being klutzy.
most of this applies to me quite a lot, *except* in really close relationships where I kind of like to merge my agenda…
soc/sx
Motivation: to
create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend." This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is [/b]usually uncomfortable in group settings.[/b] They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends.
I can’t help but think this misses the mark. If I’m really close to someone, no matter how long apart, they remain in my mind as an intense presence. My issue is that I’ll want more actual contact when it may not be available. This will cause me suffering, but also their presence in my mind is something I actually kind of enjoy, so it’s strange. If they feel the same as me, then this probably wouldn’t cause terrible suffering to me. It’s when they do not, that it becomes really terrible to deal with. I guess there are really two things here:
1. Intimate relationships/close family/really close friends (usually romantic feelings were involved before). I don’t really have too many issues maintaining *these* relationships. They are the gold of existence.
2. People who were close friends and moved away. These are the relationships I completely fail to maintain. I still think of these people often though. But I just don’t really have the energy to work on relationships where we don’t even live in the same place.
1 & 2 account for all of my relationships—I have very few. I also am not active in trying to get more relationships. Most of mine were started by the other person, or arrived out of circumstance. There is only one that I made efforts to start because of my feeling of that person being someone I already knew, and needed to connect with again.
• Expression: bright smiley, intense expression
• Energy: outward energy expressed intensely, broadly
• Behavior: bright, smiley, erratic and scattered
• Mindset: "If I can get close to people with merging/intensity, I can make sure of and keep improving my position and inclusion in the group/world."
• Blind spot: Likely to neglect their desire to seek intense connections and experiences for the sake of their primary concern of building their sense of personal value, accomplishment, and security of place with others, in average-healthy levels. May not have an awareness of the body's need for food or sleep, or of the need to accumulate wealth for reasons of security, or of the need to manage time or resources to establish an orderly lifestyle.
this is all very off. For one I’m not a bright, smiley, intense expression person. This who thing is describing someone quite different from me. I also don’t see any point at all in using relationships with others to “improve my position.” It seems alien and ridiculous. And I’ve met people who do this (despite my somewhat hateful sounding words, I’m thinking of people I liked), I’ve seen it in action, and I know it isn’t me. I think so/sx needs to be ruled out for me *if* this description is actually, um, what it is.
soc/sp
Motivation: to attain status within their chosen sphere - the "social climber."
This type is often the most comfortable in group settings, but tends to be a bit formal and awkward in one to one relations. This is the natural political type, affiliating themselves with groups or theories which best defend their social and material interests. They may lack warmth and individual identity and this could lead to problems in forming meaningful relationships outside of a shared social interest. They know what they like, but often find it difficult to get deeply excited or enthusiastic about anything.
oh dear. Another massive miss. I’m not going to bother addressing the rest of this. I’ve met people who do this too and noted our differences.
sp/soc
Motivation: to attain a position of material and societal security.
I think perhaps my “motivation” is to attain independence where I can pursue my interests, identity and self-expression in peace. However there *is* in fact a “social piece,” that being my interest in other species and my concern for the future of life. There is a part of me that longs to actually be doing something I care about. The only way to accomplish this is if that something also is something I’m interested in, where I can be myself on my terms. It’s the ideal of human freedom.
This type is generally private and reserved, and especially serious and practical minded in their focus to gain material security and in making useful connections that support their goals. When they do form a connection, loyalty is very important to them and they will not hesitate to end a relationship on grounds of disloyalty.
I haven’t been able to form/use connections to support my goals and I’ve noticed some people are particularly good at that. I also have created a rather unsecure life for myself in a lot of ways… the only security I’ve managed in my personal life is solitude and well, not starving on the streets.
This type may lack a certain degree of interpersonal warmth which can give the impression of coldness or disinterest in others, even a sense of selfishness.
I’m warm and affectionate with people I’m close to, and animals. Everyone else, I’m more cold and distant.
May be drawn to groups that attract like minded individuals, as in business clubs or volunteer organizations where a shared professional culture can facilitate social bonds. They tend to live conservatively and dress in an inconspicuously appropriate fashion befitting their status in life. May have a characteristically blunt and direct style of communication that can take others some getting used to.
They are particularly strong in matters of commitment and sacrifice, and enjoy being the benefactors in assisting society's practical needs.
well, not really. Once again, I’m lazy. My self-sacrificing streak comes out in romantic relationships the most. Otherwise, I’m selfish. You’re not going to ever find me being an energized advocate for something who keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. I can manage a few forum posts, but actually *living* this way would be exhausting. I’ve ended up in service jobs due to being bad at dealing with the job world, and I don’t feel motivated at all in them. I’m just exhausted all the time and want to drown myself. Also this *isn’t* antisocial. Everyone has the right really, imo, to be themselves and pursue their interests (why would this not be something everyone would want?). My failing is making my lifestyle into one that easily allowed for that, something which I will hopefully start fixing. One reason I was able to do this for so long is because I can maintain a strong fantasy world in my mind—the place where I *really* live. But it’s come to a crossroads, where it’s not working for me anymore.
sigh. one thing that is true of me is seeking independence from social requirements and expectations to pursue my own agenda. this is usually part of sp/sx. if you fail to gain independence does that make you sp/so? if you are aware of social pressures trying to mold you into something you're not, does that make you sp/so?
Originally Posted by Aylen
Oh it was straight up lying but the alternative seemed way worse at the time. I only had a couple close friends and the idea of my mom going to their houses to tell their parents what lousy people they were and that they were raising miscreants was horrifying. Not only did I want to make my mom admit that I was never going to be the perfect child, I also wanted to keep my close friends who did accept me as I was.
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(as per tcaudilllg)
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