Is Duality over idealised?

[Olimpia]

so i think while your closest friends you identify best with are often going to be in your quadra, i think it's a good idea to have friends and relationships outside of it as well, so you don't get too insular-minded by only spending time in your quadra. but yea, when you find the right people who are also in your quadra, the dynamic is pretty hard to beat. (e.g. spending the day out with an EIE and SLE last week was one of the best times i've had in a while.) the freedom of expression, the unspoken mutual understandings, and not feeling judged by your quadra-mates when in the right group is pretty awesome.

As of now, I actually have no friends of my own quadra! I do feel like I am missing out on something. Most of my best friends in the past (and now) had been ESI girls. I've never really bothered with Delta people on a closer basis, though I had been hanging out with one chill EII E-9 girl in High School more regularly; same for another kind E-9, an SEI.

So, I do agree that it is good to be able to be on friendly terms with any quadra; it gives you a much more varied character, and a larger pool of people you can influence...
Also, I see how that point mostly feels to be beneficial for the SO instinct. SO blindspot would care the least for that, and rather just prefer good connections on a small, intimate level.

[echan]

It is not. I have a Femo-ISFj wifey and she is very kind fo me. She touches me so gently I get turned on by it instantly.

Sigh.

The love between an infanetile and a caregiver.

That'll take take care of us.

[Olimpia]

It is not. I have a Femo-ISFj wifey and she is very kind fo me. She touches me so gently I get turned on by it instantly.

Sigh.

The love between an infanetile and a caregiver.

That'll take take care of us.

ISFj is + and Aggressor in Socionics.
Sounds like you are mistaking ISFp ( ) for ISFj.

[echan]

ISFj is + and Aggressor in Socionics.
Sounds like you are mistaking ISFp ( ) for ISFj.

You need to eat more bread.

That take!

[hatesyardwork]

That one person who was the most difficult to deal with for me actually turned out to be my Conflictor.
Suddenly, it all made sense to me why we could not really click, why we'd always have big disagreements concerning certain issues etc.
Finally understanding that dynamic gave me so much relief. All the conflict had made me feel like it was all my fault only, particularly because they'd always make me feel it was.

Is this how you see all Socionics defined intertype relations......................or just your conflictor? Do they all click? Do you have faith in finding your SLE?

[Pink]

You need to eat more bread.

That take!

Lolwut.

[Olimpia]

Is this how you see all Socionics defined intertype relations......................or just your conflictor? Do they all click? Do you have faith in finding your SLE?

Is this a serious or sarcastic question?
(I'll just treat it seriously, ha.)

Anyhow, I've seen the intertype relation descriptions to be pretty accurate. They tend to err on the too negative side (not so only for Duality ), so that is what I don't focus on too much. (For Conflict the negativity is truly warranted, though. One of the greatest reasons why I am still struggling with certain insecurities is thanks to having a Conflictor Dad.) But having experienced all those relations (not necessarily romantically) they all "click" for me, yes.

"Do you have faith in finding your SLE?". Hm. I have faith in finding the one person that is good and right for me. Ideally it would be an SLE, because this way our type differences would not be the issue, and more easily resolvable as a whole. Really, Duality is mostly about a union that "just works" without having to compromise as much as with other relations. In Duality you are simply the most open to be "just yourself". I'd really like that, and I find SLEs interesting. I surely know that I need a romantic partner to have in their valued functions (minimum), most preferably in their Ego. I've been attracted to throughout my entire life, with differing degrees of strength, depending on my internal balance and/or stress levels. I am strong subtype. I need someone to be the balance to that.

The only other type that did not possess valuing/nor Ego I have ever been truly strongly attracted to, was an IEE-Fi. I attribute that to the fact of me having been drawn to what I thought to recognize as Se ego in their Super Ego. And also, the fact that Fi subtype moves IEE more closer to Aggressor and away from Childlike. And then the EP temperament. And the same Cognitive Style as my Dual. And then the fact he was my "physical type", and we shared a few interests. Haha.

But slowly it dawned on me he was not "what I thought he was" (here the extinguishment comes!), and that he reminded me a lot of my Conflictor Dad (fellow Delta, ha!) After that, I was totally disenchanted and brought back to reality. Let me mention at this point that I did not even know about Socionics at that time. So, I did not know it was the "Delta values" which were so opposite to mine; I just intuitively knew that he was "similar to my Dad" in similar with me conflicting ways, and that this fact made us incompatible.

[Myst]

Hm. I have faith in finding the one person that is good and right for me. Ideally it would be an SLE, because this way our type differences would not be the issue, and more easily resolvable as a whole. Really, Duality is mostly about a union that "just works" without having to compromise as much as with other relations. In Duality you are simply the most open to be "just yourself". I'd really like that, and I find SLEs interesting. I surely know that I need a romantic partner to have in their valued functions (minimum), most preferably in their Ego. I've been attracted to throughout my entire life, with differing degrees of strength, depending on my internal balance and/or stress levels. I am strong subtype. I need someone to be the balance to that.

Yes, the key is, less compromise is needed, and you actually get growth from the whole thing. However, without enough psychological maturity, duality relationships are going to get just as fucked up as any other bad relationships.

[Olimpia]

Yes, the key is, less compromise is needed, and you actually get growth from the whole thing. However, without enough psychological maturity, duality relationships are going to get just as fucked up as any other bad relationships.

Exactly. Just because someone is your Dual and you love them, does not mean they will be good for you. There is more that goes into compatibility and a good relationship, like the psychological health and maturity of the partners involved.

[Olimpia]

This would be the profile of your "ideal partner":

• Dual (with matching subtype)
• compatible instincts (Synflow or Contraflow is shared)
• psychological and physical health
• mutual sexual/romantic attraction
• shared goals, values, beliefs, interests, sense of humour
• compatible lifestyles
• preferred and legal age
• in your vicinity
• sexual compatibility
• friends/family like them too
• loyal and reliable
• maturity and good emotional intelligence
...

Now... Duality is an add-on to the list of the "ideal partner", but you see how you may come to the conclusion it tends to be "over idealised", given there are many more factors that go into a good relationship/partner.

[Myst]

This would be the profile of your "ideal partner":

• Dual (with matching subtype)
• compatible instincts (Synflow or Contraflow is shared)
• psychological and physical health
• mutual sexual/romantic attraction
• shared goals, values, beliefs, interests, sense of humour
• compatible lifestyles
• preferred and legal age
• in your vicinity
• sexual compatibility
• friends/family like them too
• loyal and reliable
• maturity and good emotional intelligence
...

Now... Duality is an add-on to the list of the "ideal partner", but you see how you may come to the conclusion it tends to be "over idealised", given there are many more factors that go into a good relationship/partner.

God, that list is getting too long.

Also I'd add, similar level of intelligence. At least to me that's important.

[Olimpia]

God, that list is getting too long.

Also I'd add, similar level of intelligence. At least to me that's important.

Haha yeah, I just wanted to show how Duality is only one part of the whole pie.

[hatesyardwork]

Yes, the key is, less compromise is needed, and you actually get growth from the whole thing. However, without enough psychological maturity, duality relationships are going to get just as fucked up as any other bad relationships.

I was claiming ILI te, but I am leaning LIE Ni now and that means ESI is my dual and it makes me quite curious. Honestly I have always been physically attracted to flirty girls but emotionally attracted to quiet, modest and what I now know is Fi Ego's who are self contained and ironic, and then become physically attracted later over time. Is this dualiztation.........subconscious attraction you don't understand but creeps up on you? It's never love at first sight, but certain girls grow on me.......Fi types. I just understand where Fi types are coming from. Gamma SF I mean.......the Delta NF are interesting to me, but we always end up agreeing to disagree a lot. Is this personal preference or an example of unconscious Quadra attraction consistent with duality or activation? Is the lack of needed compromise with duality that you suggest easier because it's unconscious or is it submitting to a compromise because you are infatuated, comfortable and perhaps more accommodating like any relationship, dual or otherwise?

[hatesyardwork]

Is this a serious or sarcastic question?
(I'll just treat it seriously, ha.)

Anyhow, I've seen the intertype relation descriptions to be pretty accurate. They tend to err on the too negative side (not so only for Duality ), so that is what I don't focus on too much. (For Conflict the negativity is truly warranted, though. One of the greatest reasons why I am still struggling with certain insecurities is thanks to having a Conflictor Dad.) But having experienced all those relations (not necessarily romantically) they all "click" for me, yes.

"Do you have faith in finding your SLE?". Hm. I have faith in finding the one person that is good and right for me. Ideally it would be an SLE, because this way our type differences would not be the issue, and more easily resolvable as a whole. Really, Duality is mostly about a union that "just works" without having to compromise as much as with other relations. In Duality you are simply the most open to be "just yourself". I'd really like that, and I find SLEs interesting. I surely know that I need a romantic partner to have in their valued functions (minimum), most preferably in their Ego. I've been attracted to throughout my entire life, with differing degrees of strength, depending on my internal balance and/or stress levels. I am strong subtype. I need someone to be the balance to that.

The only other type that did not possess valuing/nor Ego I have ever been truly strongly attracted to, was an IEE-Fi. I attribute that to the fact of me having been drawn to what I thought to recognize as Se ego in their Super Ego. And also, the fact that Fi subtype moves IEE more closer to Aggressor and away from Childlike. And then the EP temperament. And the same Cognitive Style as my Dual. And then the fact he was my "physical type", and we shared a few interests. Haha.

But slowly it dawned on me he was not "what I thought he was" (here the extinguishment comes!), and that he reminded me a lot of my Conflictor Dad (fellow Delta, ha!) After that, I was totally disenchanted and brought back to reality. Let me mention at this point that I did not even know about Socionics at that time. So, I did not know it was the "Delta values" which were so opposite to mine; I just intuitively knew that he was "similar to my Dad" in similar with me conflicting ways, and that this fact made us incompatible.

Yeah, I got you, attraction to duality is unconscious. I like Se and Fi and never really knew why or thought on it until typology. I now know why it's so attractive to me but I can't at all describe how I even manage to recognize it IRL, but I know it when I see it.

[Myst]

I was claiming ILI te, but I am leaning LIE Ni now and that means ESI is my dual and it makes me quite curious. Honestly I have always been physically attracted to flirty girls but emotionally attracted to quiet, modest and what I now know is Fi Ego's who are self contained and ironic, and then become physically attracted later over time. Is this dualiztation.........subconscious attraction you don't understand but creeps up on you? It's never love at first sight, but certain girls grow on me.......Fi types. I just understand where Fi types are coming from. Gamma SF I mean.......the Delta NF are interesting to me, but we always end up agreeing to disagree a lot. Is this personal preference or an example of unconscious Quadra attraction consistent with duality or activation? Is the lack of needed compromise with duality that you suggest easier because it's unconscious or is it submitting to a compromise because you are infatuated, comfortable and perhaps more accommodating like any relationship, dual or otherwise?

Dualization is supposed to start relatively slowly compared to Activation so whichever gamma SF matches that, that one is your dual

Interesting, you aren't the first person on this forum who says socionics ideas correlate with how they actually work

The lack of needed compromise works out automatically with you being yourself more, like SisOfNight said.

[Beautiful sky]

You can't dualize if you put up walls reject and act standoffish. Open mind open heart!

[Olimpia]

You can't dualize if you put up walls reject and act standoffish. Open mind open heart!

I used to do that so much years ago, haha!
It's true, I have probably unconsciously repelled many duals in my vicinity by doing so.

[hatesyardwork]

Dualization is supposed to start relatively slowly compared to Activation so whichever gamma SF matches that, that one is your dual

Interesting, you aren't the first person on this forum who says socionics ideas correlate with how they actually work

The lack of needed compromise works out automatically with you being yourself more, like SisOfNight said.

If it's a slow burn than ESI is my dual. I have no doubt met hundreds of ESI, but only got to know a handful well thru circumstance...........work/family and mutual friends and usually like them. Very guarded girls who will watch you carefully for a long time I have found out. Seeing one now, she watched me for months before she "vetted" my character, ignored me the whole time, before she put herself in my orbit. She was attracted to me because she heard second hand that I had turned down the advances of a women she despises with a passion and considers a slut........and that raised value in her eyes. WTF? She decided I was in after that, and slowly got to know me.
In the past it was with girls who didn't really stand out but I got to know them well and became very attached to. But it wasn't a bolt of lightning......it was over time that I became attracted, so I can see why duals sometimes overlook on another. Either stand out too much, or not enough.

[nefnaf]

Duality tends to be the most comfortable and natural-feeling of all relations. This tends to work out well in romantic relationships, short-term or long-term. In a parent-child context this relation can leave the child somewhat poorly adapted to living separately.

[Sol]

In a parent-child context this relation can leave the child somewhat poorly adapted to living separately.

No. The child will get best informational help, support to beleive in himself and respect himself. While bad IR impede this.

[hatesyardwork]

Interesting, you aren't the first person on this forum who says socionics ideas correlate with how they actually work

This is not the first post you have been a wise ass to me. Warning I am a motherfucker at banter

[Myst]

This is not the first post you have been a wise ass to me. Warning I am a motherfucker at banter

Your warning doesn't scare me

[Beautiful sky]

No. It's nice. Hope your duals aren't mean to you.

[SongOfSapphire]

Overrated depends on whos rating it. Its relative.

If ease of communication is paramount to someone having a successful relationship, then dual is probably a great fit.

I agree w this. It depends on what you're looking for.

If you're looking for an experience that is intense and heart-pounding right from the beginning, duality may not do it for you (I'd guess circumstances are important to whether and how things start out too, though).

But if you're more looking for fun in a lower-key, more sustainable way that gets better with time, duality is probably your best bet imo/ime. Things may or may not start out being intense or even obvious, but once they get started, the going can be very, very good.*

Then again, maybe how duality feels/plays out is dependent on types and quadra, too.

*Disclaimer: it could be that I favor duality bc as a Delta I am relatively boring and therefore favor my simple, low-key fun, secretly awesome dual experience.

[Olimpia]

I agree w this. It depends on what you're looking for.

If you're looking for an experience that is intense and heart-pounding right from the beginning, duality may not do it for you (I'd guess circumstances are important to whether and how things start out too, though).

But if you're more looking for fun in a lower-key, more sustainable way that gets better with time, duality is probably your best bet imo/ime. Things may or may not start out being intense or even obvious, but once they get started, the going can be very, very good.*

Then again, maybe how duality feels/plays out is dependent on types and quadra, too.

*Disclaimer: it could be that I favor duality bc as a Delta I am relatively boring and therefore favor my simple, low-key fun, secretly awesome dual experience.

Maybe this question is too personal for you to answer, but what was your relationship with your parents like growing up? Easy or rather difficult?
It seems like people who need intense and heart-pounding interaction from the very beginning grew up with a rather negative parental influence, which has shaped their idea of a romantic partner in return... Long story short, those people will be more drawn to drama.

What I am wondering, is whether you've had any drama in your childhood, have ever been drawn to drama in relationships... And maybe how your Duality relation started in the first place?

All of this would probably be very interesting to know about, especially in order to gauge whether Duality is indeed over-idealised or not.

[Adam Strange]

Maybe this question is too personal for you to answer, but what was your relationship with your parents like growing up? Easy or rather difficult?
It seems like people who need intense and heart-pounding interaction from the very beginning grew up with a rather negative parental influence, which has shaped their idea of a romantic partner in return... Long story short, those people will be more drawn to drama.

What I am wondering, is whether you've had any drama in your childhood, have ever been drawn to drama in relationships... And maybe how your Duality relation started in the first place?

All of this would probably be very interesting to know about, especially in order to gauge whether Duality is indeed over-idealised or not.

This is a very interesting question, Sis. One I have been considering for a few months now, ever since I met two females: an ESI-Se and an ESI-Fi.

I did have a lot of conflict with my parents growing up, and I seem to not trust relationships which don't include some drama. Intellectually, I see that this is fairly screwed-up, but knee-jerk emotionally, it is where I seem to be.

Being an LIE-Te subtype myself, people tell me that I should get along better with the ESI-Fi than the ESI-Se. In practice, I get along very, very well with both of them. There is little or no conflict, easy understanding, and mutual support. I also find myself feeling happy when I'm around either of them, and "happy" is not a word I would normally use to describe myself.* So, that part is good. However, the ESI-Fi seems so free of drama that I'm worried I'll become bored. The ESI-Se is not boring, but neither is there the feeling of easy attachment that I get around the ESI-Fi.
And I think I prefer the ESI-Se for some reason. Perhaps, as you say, I've been trained from birth to expect drama.

*The way I would describe myself is "a person with intelligence, flexibility, barely restrained greed, physically fit, sexual, inclined to utterly destroy any competition, and having a charming personality." Nowhere in there is the word "happy".

Edit: I should explain that neither the ESI-Fi nor the ESI-Se produce "drama" of the type described by other posters below. They are more like a perfectly calm surface of a pond, or a pond's surface with small ripples. Nothing at all like the violence, intrusion, and disapproval that I experienced with my parents.

[Beautiful sky]

This is a very interesting question, Sis. One I have been considering for a few months now, ever since I met two females: an ESI-Se and an ESI-Fi.

I did have a lot of conflict with my parents growing up, and I seem to not trust relationships which don't include some drama. Intellectually, I see that this is fairly screwed-up, but knee-jerk emotionally, it is where I seem to be.

Being an LIE-Te subtype myself, people tell me that I should get along better with the ESI-Fi than the ESI-Se. In practice, I get along very, very well with both of them. There is little or no conflict, easy understanding, and mutual support. I also find myself feeling happy when I'm around either of them, and "happy" is not a word I would normally use to describe myself.* So, that part is good. However, the ESI-Fi seems so free of drama that I'm worried I'll become bored. The ESI-Se is not boring, but neither is there the feeling of easy attachment that I get around the ESI-Fi.
And I think I prefer the ESI-Se for some reason. Perhaps, as you say, I've been trained from birth to expect drama.

*The way I would describe myself is "a person with intelligence, flexibility, barely restrained greed, physically fit, sexual, inclined to utterly destroy any competition, and having a charming personality." Nowhere in there is the word "happy".

You would get along with both subtypes

[Satan]

This would be the profile of your "ideal partner":

• Dual (with matching subtype)
• compatible instincts (Synflow or Contraflow is shared)
• psychological and physical health
• mutual sexual/romantic attraction
• shared goals, values, beliefs, interests, sense of humour
• compatible lifestyles
• preferred and legal age
• in your vicinity
• sexual compatibility
• friends/family like them too
• loyal and reliable
• maturity and good emotional intelligence
...

Now... Duality is an add-on to the list of the "ideal partner", but you see how you may come to the conclusion it tends to be "over idealised", given there are many more factors that go into a good relationship/partner.

you make it sound so boring.

[Satan]

...honestly, I don't see the point of being overly tolerant to try and work out everything with everyone outside my quadra, especially the opposing quadra. Why change myself just so that I fit with everyone? Or what do you mean by getting "too insular-minded"?

Don't get me wrong, I do try to be tolerant of differences to a reasonable degree and I can appreciate people even from opposing quadra, I get along quite well with the delta family member too but that's not the same thing as trying to have real close relationships with them. I guess that's just me tho', I'm sure some people can go beyond intertype relations dynamics lol

I totally agree on having to work on the relationship - and in duality it seems like it's much less wasted effort put towards that, which is a great part of duality.

sometimes the path of least resistance is to agree and move on. choose your battles

[Myst]

sometimes the path of least resistance is to agree and move on. choose your battles

Idk what made you say that here

[Satan]

Idk what made you say that here

don't try and jive with people of diff quadras. or argue

[Myst]

don't try and jive with people of diff quadras. or argue

Yeah I spend a bit less time arguing with them since socionics. I try, at least.

[ashlesha]

This is a very interesting question, Sis. One I have been considering for a few months now, ever since I met two females: an ESI-Se and an ESI-Fi.

I did have a lot of conflict with my parents growing up, and I seem to not trust relationships which don't include some drama. Intellectually, I see that this is fairly screwed-up, but knee-jerk emotionally, it is where I seem to be.

Being an LIE-Te subtype myself, people tell me that I should get along better with the ESI-Fi than the ESI-Se. In practice, I get along very, very well with both of them. There is little or no conflict, easy understanding, and mutual support. I also find myself feeling happy when I'm around either of them, and "happy" is not a word I would normally use to describe myself.* So, that part is good. However, the ESI-Fi seems so free of drama that I'm worried I'll become bored. The ESI-Se is not boring, but neither is there the feeling of easy attachment that I get around the ESI-Fi.
And I think I prefer the ESI-Se for some reason. Perhaps, as you say, I've been trained from birth to expect drama.

*The way I would describe myself is "a person with intelligence, flexibility, barely restrained greed, physically fit, sexual, inclined to utterly destroy any competition, and having a charming personality." Nowhere in there is the word "happy".

maybe you need a neurotic Fi-ESI with a fucked up childhood in your life.

[Olimpia]

maybe you need a neurotic Fi-ESI with a fucked up childhood in your life.

Haha! Especially that wink...

This is a very interesting question, Sis. One I have been considering for a few months now, ever since I met two females: an ESI-Se and an ESI-Fi.

I did have a lot of conflict with my parents growing up, and I seem to not trust relationships which don't include some drama. Intellectually, I see that this is fairly screwed-up, but knee-jerk emotionally, it is where I seem to be.

Being an LIE-Te subtype myself, people tell me that I should get along better with the ESI-Fi than the ESI-Se. In practice, I get along very, very well with both of them. There is little or no conflict, easy understanding, and mutual support. I also find myself feeling happy when I'm around either of them, and "happy" is not a word I would normally use to describe myself.* So, that part is good. However, the ESI-Fi seems so free of drama that I'm worried I'll become bored. The ESI-Se is not boring, but neither is there the feeling of easy attachment that I get around the ESI-Fi.
And I think I prefer the ESI-Se for some reason. Perhaps, as you say, I've been trained from birth to expect drama.

Hm, be glad you are actually attracted to an ESI, and not an SEI haha.
I suppose you could intellectually re-calibrate your attraction somewhat (given you used to be married to an SLI, attracted to IEI, and now to ESI)... But yes, the need for drama will not entirely go away.
As @lungs has alluded to, if it is not the intertype relation that sucks, it likely will have to be something else to get your "juices flowing", haha.

*The way I would describe myself is "a person with intelligence, flexibility, barely restrained greed, physically fit, sexual, inclined to utterly destroy any competition, and having a charming personality." Nowhere in there is the word "happy".

Not particularly humble, haha. Is that Se HA?

[Adam Strange]

Hm, be glad you are actually attracted to an ESI, and not an SEI haha.
I suppose you could intellectually re-calibrate your attraction somewhat (given you used to be married to an SLI, attracted to IEI, and now to ESI)... But yes, the need for drama will not entirely go away.

Actually, I am attracted to SEI's, but only from a distance. They have the attractiveness, warmth, and good taste in often colorful clothes that makes them immediately visible to me. But, as I get closer to them, something goes wrong and they start to seriously dislike me. This happens very quickly with the Si subtype, and much more slowly with the Fe subtype. I'm pretty sure the problem is that they see I'm not an ILE whom they can mother, and instead they see that I'm interested in things that are horrifying to them.

They are, of course, my conflictors, and everything I see about them makes me believe they eventually see me this way:

The animal that belongs to ENTJs is the scorpion. You might think scorpions are cool, but there’s a reason you would keep them in a terrarium if you got one. These people will eat you alive. You might associate that with someone sounding “badass” but I assure you, even if you were their second-in-command they would flay you alive in the same fashion a nice person would not injure a fly. But, you know, reversely. Also if you had a motherfucking talking scorpion, the ENTJ would convince you that it’s nice and shit and you would let it out and it would devour you.

Non-conflictor's mileage may vary.

Not particularly humble, haha. Is that Se HA?

I refer you to Dizzy Dean's quotation about braggin'.

[SongOfSapphire]

Maybe this question is too personal for you to answer, but what was your relationship with your parents like growing up? Easy or rather difficult?
It seems like people who need intense and heart-pounding interaction from the very beginning grew up with a rather negative parental influence, which has shaped their idea of a romantic partner in return... Long story short, those people will be more drawn to drama.

What I am wondering, is whether you've had any drama in your childhood, have ever been drawn to drama in relationships... And maybe how your Duality relation started in the first place?

All of this would probably be very interesting to know about, especially in order to gauge whether Duality is indeed over-idealised or not.

My relationship with my parents was different w each of them. My mom and I have always been close. My dad, though, was and is a master of difficulty, and he has a flair for the dramatic in the most stressful (for me, at least) ways. I made it a point to learn him and avoid relationships with anyone who exhibited such tendencies.


So yes, I grew up with drama; no I am not drawn to drama in a relationship. Instead, I am repelled by it.

[Myst]

Maybe this question is too personal for you to answer, but what was your relationship with your parents like growing up? Easy or rather difficult?
It seems like people who need intense and heart-pounding interaction from the very beginning grew up with a rather negative parental influence, which has shaped their idea of a romantic partner in return... Long story short, those people will be more drawn to drama.

What I am wondering, is whether you've had any drama in your childhood, have ever been drawn to drama in relationships... And maybe how your Duality relation started in the first place?

All of this would probably be very interesting to know about, especially in order to gauge whether Duality is indeed over-idealised or not.

I did not have drama in childhood with my parents, just some fighting with my father. Otherwise, no, he was hardly the dramatic type. I don't know if I'm drawn to drama now over no drama, I don't have enough experience there to be able to tell for sure, but I certainly don't mind my best friend being pretty dramatic. I don't see how the general concept of duality is linked to any of it?

[Olimpia]

I don't see how the general concept of duality is linked to any of it?

It seems like some people have trouble with relating to the idea of a Dual and/or end up with totally different types, because they are (unconsciously) still seeking the drama they've experienced in childhood; and with a healthy Dual, there is the least potential for drama.

[Adam Strange]

It seems like some people have trouble with relating to the idea of a Dual and/or end up with totally different types, because they are (unconsciously) still seeking the drama they've experienced in childhood; and with a healthy Dual, there is the least potential for drama.

I'm not so sure that a need for drama keeps people from dualizing. I think a much stronger force is the ingrained need for familiarity.

I believe we have evolved/inherited a tendency to feel comfortable in familiar circumstances, whether those circumstances are subjectively good or bad. It is easy to understand why this has been a trait that is well represented in the population. It has survival value. If a bird tried to build a nest in a propeller-driven air duct rather than a tree, its innovative tendencies might not be represented in the next generation. So, too, do we tend to make life choices that reflect and reproduce the conditions we had as children. They may not have much up-side, but the down-side is not catastrophic.

When I was growing up, my parents lived in a white colonial-style house near the edge of the dense part of the city, with a large park behind the house. When I went house-hunting myself, I somehow ended up with a white colonial-style house near the edge of the dense part of the city with a large park across from the house. My parents always had two cars. I have two cars. My parents had three children. I wanted three children. And when it came time to get married, I found an SLI. My mother is LSE and father is SLI. My LII sister married an LSE. So, I basically married my father and my sister married her mother. None of these choices are particularly good matches, but they are familiar. Drama or no drama, the choices we make are usually toward the familiar, if we don't have the information for a more informed choice.

If there were no examples of duals in your family, you may never have seen how well two people can get along. And without a roadmap, you may have to find your way through life by trial and error. Still, the concept of Duality is a good one, as is the idea that we unconsciously seek our duals. However, this dual-seeking is not necessarily very strong, and is certainly not stronger than the inclination to make do with the familiar.

Here is a list of the types of women whom I have liked (and whom I can type, but have not necessarily dated), in chronological order, and with MBTI nomenclature if you will pardon me (because then the winding of the path is more like the turning wheels on a slot machine, as they gradually move toward a more optimal solution.):
INFJ
ISTP - loved
ISFP
ISTJ - married & divorced
INTJ
INFJ - began to study Socionics
INFP
ISFP

To me, this path, created by trial and error, indicates that there really is a dual-seeking function, but it is not very efficient if you only have bad examples to guide you.

If you've never lived in one, it is very easy to say to yourself, You know, I've always really liked Frank Lloyd Wright houses, but I've heard they are impractical, they leak, the kitchens are terrible, and would they be energy-efficient with all that surface area and those big windows? And really, a nice white colonial really does have some good points. At least the floor plan is predictable. I guess.

[lemontrees]

this thread has got me wondering if all of my attempts to become emotionally healthier are ruining my chances of attracting men