Empathy Fi or Fe?

[Aylen]

I don't think sympathy is necessarily is out of pity, support doesn't have to come out of just pity, it can also arise from need or a sort of collective coherence. Things like nationalism are both sympathetic and emphatic and neither is necessarily based on some sort of pity. However by offering support or aid there is a sense of volitional agency that can be achieved which although is not rooted in pity, is rooted in this sense of agency.

One can be concerned for the well being of individuals around them, but it doesn't have to be due to pity.

I don't really disagree with you. It is my own personal association with the word pity that makes me prefer empathy to sympathy. The bold part is empathy to me. You can also care yet not be concerned with other's choices. I just have an aversion to the word sympathy because of it's association with pity.

There are many ways to comfort people without pitying them but commiserating is not usually one of them since it reinforces self-pity in my perception. I do comfort people that are close to me. Sometimes just by hugging them when words would be meaningless. I usually do not comfort those I am not personally involved with. I have learned to tell people I am sorry for their loss, or whatever, instead of trying to make them feel better when I know that they don't want to feel better.

I tend to see most people who are trying to illicit an expression of pity/sympathy from me as being manipulative. My mom was a "poor me" shower me with acknowledgement of my suffering, kind of person. I don't think it was helpful when her friends would do that.

An example: I was a "wild child" and uncontrollable. Her friends would reinforce that she was just dealt a bad hand by having me. hahah Instead they should have been encouraging her to stop feeling sorry for herself and do everything she could to take back control of her own child.

The other problem is my mother could not empathize with me, even though she herself was a "wild child", therefore she did not have the skills needed to get me back on track. I had to get that kind of positive guidance from "outsiders" . Had my mother empathized with me, instead of viewing me as some kind of curse for her own childhood behavior, my life might have been different.

I do not feel sorry for myself, because of my childhood, and I certainly do not want others to feel sorry for me. I am actually grateful for all those experiences since it helped me to become the person I am today.

I do like to share my experiences because I feel like they show that no obstacle or circumstance has made me a bitter, angry, or cynical adult. I know some people will be upset by my stories and want to pity me and some will empathize. I prefer the empathy. When people start to sympathize with me I find myself wanting to change their flow of emotions to a more positive perspective and to show them that damage can be repaired.

I also know that some people are like my mom and that is just how they are. Nothing truly wrong (except in my own perception) with that but I am not going to load them with sympathy when I feel they need something different. I would rather bite my tongue than say "poor you". I will give them a hug when I feel that words would just make it worse. I hugged my mom a lot even though she did not like it. Otherwise we might have killed each other. She is LSI, ftr.