MEN VS. WOMEN

(I decided to write a novel about religion & morality, ethics, gender roles, gender conflicts, Male/female conflict, the attitudes towards heterosexuals/bisexuals and homosexuals and transgendered people in society etc blah blah blah blah blah. You get it.

I simply and purely call it Men Vs. Women: The Book. Enjoy!

Note: it doesn’t exactly take place in the adventurersverse but its sort of similar as there will be demons, gods and ideas and stuff. It's different in that it's not based off forum people but people that are loosely based off people I know irl. And unlike The Adventures I changed their names. So its *slightly* more professional and less trolly but you know me. <3)


Chapter 1: Share My Soul For A Wish

Lindsay Miller thought deeply. It was a big choice to make. She looked over at the man in the cave standing across from her. He was a short yet handsome man in a gray business suit, only he wasn’t a man so much at all – but one of Satan’s demons. He looked at her in that smug know it all business man way like “It’s okay take your time. We’re open until 9 pm” or whatever.

Lindsay laughed nervously. She was wearing a burgundy shirt from tj maxx and blue jeans. She had been studying the true laws of the universe for only about two weeks now. Before that she was just your average 26-year-old midwestern girl that wanted chocolate, a man, and to order things online from QVC. But there's more than the matrix, and she was always one of the enlightened ones that saw beyond the veil.

“There’s just a lot to take in. I mean I had no idea that if you kill somebody of your own gender, Lucifer hates that but if you kill somebody of your opposite gender Lucifer rewards you with superpowers. I thought murder was murder and it was all wrong.”

“Murder isn’t right or wrong, Murder well… murder is murder just not in the way that you’ve been Gaslighted to believe” the man said to Lindsay while calmly keeping his hands in his pants’ pockets. “Murder having some sort of arbitrary value system is just a lie God told you to keep you as his obedient sheep. Powerless. Weak. Vulnerable. As for the gender thing, I’m sorry but DUH. It only says homosexuality is wrong in the Bible about four dozen times. Lucifer, being God’s opposite innately glorifies in it.”

Lindsay shook her head. “T-that’s the thing. I’m not gay though” she said, as honestly as she could. She was telling the truth. She might have kissed another girl in a bar once for attention or to be cool like Katy Perry but she was pretty much 99.999% straight.

The man shrugged his shoulders. “Boss doesn’t give a fuck. Lucifer’s perception is… bigger than that. The body count is what matters.”

“But I like men. Way more than women. In pretty much all ways. Sexually, emotionally, socially…”

The demon looked like it was getting angry. “Typical self-absorbed straight person that can’t see beyond their own nose” it said. “It’s not about your petty likes and dislikes. It’s about the Grand Plan.”

“Which is?”

The man laughed. “Oh sweetie you know I can’t tell you that. It would be like the owner of Bush beans blabbering out his secret recipe or Mr. Crabs from SpongeBob telling Plankton what’s in his burgers. You just know… the deal.”

“Are all demons gay?” Lindsay asked. ”Is that Satan’s ultimate plan? To turn everybody homosexual?”

The man just looked at Lindsay like she were a naïve nothing. He couldn’t answer that question directly, but she should know that it wasn’t that simple. “You know... you already were doubting God’s power, that’s why you agreed to meet me in the first place.”

“True… I find myself conflicted. There’s lots of stuff in the Bible I agree with, lots of stuff I don’t.”

“Join the club” the man said. “The average human cherry picks; spends their entire life lost in a sea of mediocrity and ambivalent nothingness. Never really going anywhere, never choosing a Master and sticking with it. But today, that could all change for you.”

“All I have to do is kill a boy and I receive a superpower of my own choice.” Lindsay said. “Give up my soul” she said under her breath.

The business demon nodded, putting his arm around Lindsay’s shoulder. She was startled at first, but allowed it to happen. “Yes, think of the possibilities. Levitation, fireballs, teleportation - it’s all real. Or you could simply choose to permanently erase a painful memory. Those kind God wants you to keep to tie you down to what he calls Empathy. But it’s a lie Lindsay” he said, his voice drawing out and becoming heavy.

Lindsay thought again. And again and again. Then her brain was tired of thinking, tired of being all conflicted like the man said. She finally agreed, God does indeed suck.

“I’ll do it” she said.

The man smiled. “Welcome to the team” he said. He held out a hand for her to shake. But then suddenly and violently, he telekinetically pushed her back a few feet.

Lindsay looked up at him while sprawled out on the cavern floor, startled that he attacked her but curious to know why.

“And how many times do I gotta tell you. You don’t give up your soul in this. Another of God’s lies. You share your soul with another. Lucifer truly loves you. God does not.”