Overindulging in daydreams

[kadda1212]

So, a girl I know has a problem she confessed to me. She spends a lot of time daydreaming - and how she described it, it's a little bit more than that. She plays act like children do, something I think is strange for an 18-year old.
She says she doesn't like it and depresses her actually. But it's like an addiction to return to this world of fantasies she created for herself in which she is successful and everybody loves her.
As she opened up to me, I'd really like to help her, give her some advice.
Have people here experienced similar? How did you manage to return to reality?

[Reficulris]

I do that.
My bills usually return me to reality. (ánd scare me into daydreaming)
Also, violent shaking seems to do the trick, but it makes me bite!

Apparently the way to lure ILE daydreamers out of their daydream is baking and cooking (preferably naked in just an apron) Might not work for every type (some types are stupid! this follows logically from the previous statement).

[anndelise]

I read an article somewhat recently that pointed out that daydreaming is harmful in the sense of providing the brain/bodily systems with the rewards of an activity/goal without the effort/skill development to bring it into reality. And that when people who regularly day dream about those rewards finally try to implement them, lacking the experience, knowledge, skill required, they get frustrated too easily by even small setbacks, or small errors. Normally overcoming or learning from those mistakes and setbacks are what leads us to success in our goal, but day dreaming allows us to bypass that work, thereby stunting our progress.

One thing that might help is exercise. Something that requires her to focus on the physicalness of reality and doesn't allow for daydreaming. For example, walking and running encourage a wandering mind, but super slowly lifting weights forces the mind to focus on the here and now and the body's response signals. Or maybe learn some dance moves. The idea is to build focus and concentration.

Finding other activities she finds engaging, interesting, and is curious about is another thing that might help. If the activity engages her then she won't be inclined to day dream as she'll be too interested in what she is doing. If she is curious about it, then it's easier to develop the skill of learning from mistakes/errors. What does she want to learn/do? If her answer is for external validation (which seems to be what her daydreams are about), or some future result/reward, then she needs to look for a different reason, something more internally rewarding as she's pursuing it.

And working on mindfulness. Maybe initially a band on wrist she can use to snap herself back to reality and spend a bit of time not thinking, just being in the moment. Initially it might be only a few seconds, but throughout her day she'll eventually see the band on her wrist again, snap it, and be reminded to practice mindfulness. If she develops the habit of snapping it as a trigger to be in the moment, her subconscious might start snapping it when she's day dreaming to say hey...we need to focus here.

[kadda1212]

I do that.
My bills usually return me to reality. (ánd scare me into daydreaming)
Also, violent shaking seems to do the trick, but it makes me bite!

Apparently the way to lure ILE daydreamers out of their daydream is baking and cooking (preferably naked in just an apron) Might not work for every type (some types are stupid! this follows logically from the previous statement).

Well, Refulcuris, I can't possibly give that young, innocent maiden the advice to bake cookies or something like that naked in an apron.
I'm not sure whether she is ILE, by the way, so that method probably won't work. I guess she's some intuitive and logical type. And she seems quite introverted, even more introverted than me. She doesn't speak up in the group, she needs a lot of time for herself. She doesn't seem like she values Fe, much different from her older sister, who I would type SLE, strong and willpower driven, the only person I know who can understand and explain the meaning of German official judicial language and can party a whole night long in some club, but whenever we talk about something "deep" she starts crying in front of me. Communication is pretty easy with her, but her younger sister is a totally different type.
Still I want to help her in some way, cause I get the impression she isn't happy and she suffers.

[kadda1212]

I read an article somewhat recently that pointed out that daydreaming is harmful in the sense of providing the brain/bodily systems with the rewards of an activity/goal without the effort/skill development to bring it into reality. And that when people who regularly day dream about those rewards finally try to implement them, lacking the experience, knowledge, skill required, they get frustrated too easily by even small setbacks, or small errors. Normally overcoming or learning from those mistakes and setbacks are what leads us to success in our goal, but day dreaming allows us to bypass that work, thereby stunting our progress.

One thing that might help is exercise. Something that requires her to focus on the physicalness of reality and doesn't allow for daydreaming. For example, walking and running encourage a wandering mind, but super slowly lifting weights forces the mind to focus on the here and now and the body's response signals. Or maybe learn some dance moves. The idea is to build focus and concentration.

Finding other activities she finds engaging, interesting, and is curious about is another thing that might help. If the activity engages her then she won't be inclined to day dream as she'll be too interested in what she is doing. If she is curious about it, then it's easier to develop the skill of learning from mistakes/errors. What does she want to learn/do? If her answer is for external validation (which seems to be what her daydreams are about), or some future result/reward, then she needs to look for a different reason, something more internally rewarding as she's pursuing it.

And working on mindfulness. Maybe initially a band on wrist she can use to snap herself back to reality and spend a bit of time not thinking, just being in the moment. Initially it might be only a few seconds, but throughout her day she'll eventually see the band on her wrist again, snap it, and be reminded to practice mindfulness. If she develops the habit of snapping it as a trigger to be in the moment, her subconscious might start snapping it when she's day dreaming to say hey...we need to focus here.

That's interesting.
I mean, when I was younger my head started spinning around, too. Only my daydreams were not rewarding, they were frightening. I watched TV to stop my brain. While watching movies, your mind is inactive, I've heard, unless you watch complicated movies like Memento.

[anndelise]

You don't want her mind to be inactive, it obviously needs the activity, just a different activity.

In my younger years I had problems with daydreaming, myself. I was so desperate for love and understanding. And I felt I had so little control over my life that daydreaming was my only escape. And when I finally escaped the situation I had been stuck in, the relationships I got involved in couldn'toffer anything near what my fantasies could. Which depressed me.

I still struggle with the tendency to day dream, but it's now about succeeding in something...which of course distracts me from doing what it takes to succeed at it. However, it also lets me know that i am not enjoying what I'm doing, for whatever reason. So I use it as feedback now, about what I need to change.

I do still allow myself to imagine conversations, arguments, or other means of solving a problem i am dealing with. The difference is that while there is still a reward mechanism when i find a possible solution, i'm still going through a learning process while doing it.

[Absurd]

Try hypnosis on her to tell her that her imagined fantasy world is burning, and she needs to evacuate asap.

[Beautiful sky]

I do that and so do LSE. I think finding satisfaction and acceptance for just what you are will bring the person back and closer to reality

[kadda1212]

I do that and so do LSE. I think finding satisfaction and acceptance for just what you are will bring the person back and closer to reality

But it makes her feel sad...I think, not the dreaming itself, but what she dreams about: Getting into a relationship with a famous person, etc. Very much dreams that are more befitting for a teenage girl, not for a grown up woman.

[Beautiful sky]

But it makes her feel sad...I think, not the dreaming itself, but what she dreams about: Getting into a relationship with a famous person, etc. Very much dreams that are more befitting for a teenage girl, not for a grown up woman.

Yeah. That stems from a lot of things and places. Creating fantasy worlds to detach from reality isn't uncommon. I heard a case like this in in psychology class. It can be a type of an addiction an escape into a place that for that momsent makes them feel good but after the reality is that they escape so much into it that they realize it makes them different from others. It's good that she opened up to you at least she can get to talk about it. Shame is a terrible infantile emotion. On one hand it makes people realize they are doing something out of the ordinary but it causes a lot of other problems like making the person feel empty inside which is the true bigger problem. How to find fulfillment depends on the individuals social role. Once that is understood, accepted and embraced then the person can find fulfilment in their lives

[Aylen]

Sometimes I can't tell what state is the "dream" and what is so called "reality". When I sleep it feels more real and solid in my dreams than it does when I am "awake".

"Dreamwalker"

A dreamwalker is one who works with and within the dream to understand, to create, to heal, to meet with elderhearts, to journey this realm (out of body), to work with other worlds and realms, to teach, … to be one with the ultimate ONE.
Ways to enter the dreamtime are many. Shamanic journeying with drums can take one to the dreamworld. Lucid dreaming is a pathway for many individuals. Some people 'just do it' without any methodology. The many forms of meditation give pathways to the dreamworld. Channeling is a connection with dreamtime. Peyote ceremony is a path for Native Americans. Sweat lodges can be doorways to dream realms.
So, what is this thing called "dream realm"? In the most simple conceptual framework, it is any of many alternate realities. Realities are multiple in nature. There are other worlds similar to ours. I am aware of and work with about eight world places. There are realities I cannot begin to describe. I only know of them through personal experience. I could not have thought of them with my mind and cannot think of them now with my mind thoughts. One of those, I refer to as the geometry place - and it sounds as strange to my 'thinking' as it does to your thinking. But when I am there/it, it isn't strange at all. It is simply another reality. Of course there are also divine realms. Those are the most "blissful" to be with.

[TheWholeEnglish]

Does she have avoidant personality disorder?

I used to be so terrible about this myself. I actually saw a psychiatrist for a good while and now I don't really do it anymore. I don't even remember how. I could completely immerse myself in fantasy before. To be honest, I really wish I still could, sometimes because it was a wonderful escape.

this is also something attributed to unhealthy enneagram 4s possibly (i just remember reading an association with avoidant tendencies with very unhealthy 4s).

[Radio]

Sometimes I can't tell what state is the "dream" and what is so called "reality". When I sleep it feels more real and solid in my dreams than it does when I am "awake".

this isn't cute or charming, this is just delusional / borderline schizophrenic. not only would i seriously reevaluate my emotional and mental stability (if the only respite from an unhappy life is pretending i'm princess peach), i would also see a shrink.

[strangeling]

Have people here experienced similar? How did you manage to return to reality?

You can put the reality into the dream. I recommend that over subverting dreams for reality, which makes reality lifeless (at least to me, anyway). Can she think of any outlets for her daydreaming?

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

yoyoyo there are DD anonymous communities on the internets for ppl who daydream compulsively. maybe u can help friend turn d-dreams into reality (in a fake-it-till-u-make-it kinda way but not quite) instead of breaking her wings =<<<<

also did u no that daydreaming actually grounds consciousness streams from the 5th dimension all the way down here??? now u do

[Aylen]

this isn't cute or charming, this is just delusional / borderline schizophrenic. not only would i seriously reevaluate my emotional and mental stability (if the only respite from an unhappy life is pretending i'm princess peach), i would also see a shrink.

Thank you for your advice Dr. I neither find it cute nor charming. It is a psychiatric disorder and I have been in therapy for most of my life and will most likely have to for years to come to sort out the mess that got me here. I have also been diagnosed with shizoaffective disorder (although they are easing back on that now) as well as DID so spare me your fucking analysis. From observing you I could make my own recommendations based on your so called mental health but I won't. Don't talk to me....Unless you have something intelligent to say.

Oh and DID is not a "wonderful escape"...It is a survival mechanism.

Here are some links for people who want to educate themselves on these condition and not make ignorant (uniformed) statements.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n/con-20029221

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n/con-20031012

[kadda1212]

Does she have avoidant personality disorder?

I used to be so terrible about this myself. I actually saw a psychiatrist for a good while and now I don't really do it anymore. I don't even remember how. I could completely immerse myself in fantasy before. To be honest, I really wish I still could, sometimes because it was a wonderful escape.

this is also something attributed to unhealthy enneagram 4s possibly (i just remember reading an association with avoidant tendencies with very unhealthy 4s).

Some of what she described reminded me of myself, but the kind of dreams she has, I had them when I was 13 or 14 - at some point I realized I would never get into Hogwarts.
I said, she should try to put her dreams into stories, because that's what I do, I write them down. But I don't know if that helps her.

[Aylen]

Some of what she described reminded me of myself, but the kind of dreams she has, I had them when I was 13 or 14 - at some point I realized I would never get into Hogwarts.
I said, she should try to put her dreams into stories, because that's what I do, I write them down. But I don't know if that helps her.

Writing helps the most. Once I put it on "paper" I relax. I have kept journals over the years but that got tricky since sometimes I thought other people were writing in my journals until I found out what was really going on. I don't know if you have suggested this but gently tell her to see a doctor to rule out any kind of allergies, disease, environmental influences, etc...I had an MRI on my brain to rule out tumors.

[TheWholeEnglish]

yoyoyo there are DD anonymous communities on the internets for ppl who daydream compulsively. maybe u can help friend turn d-dreams into reality (in a fake-it-till-u-make-it kinda way but not quite) instead of breaking her wings =<<<<

also did u no that daydreaming actually grounds consciousness streams from the 5th dimension all the way down here??? now u do

I would very much like if you started more sentences with "yoyoyo" because you're my favorite, and I'll bet it's really funny.

[Aylen]

So, a girl I know has a problem she confessed to me. She spends a lot of time daydreaming - and how she described it, it's a little bit more than that. She plays act like children do, something I think is strange for an 18-year old.
She says she doesn't like it and depresses her actually. But it's like an addiction to return to this world of fantasies she created for herself in which she is successful and everybody loves her.
As she opened up to me, I'd really like to help her, give her some advice.
Have people here experienced similar? How did you manage to return to reality?

I guess if I have a "cause" in this life this is it. If she has an imbalance in her brain chemistry she may not be able to help it. BUT there is hope. It may not seem like it but I have achieved mental stability and found "healthy" ways to express myself in writing. If you think it is a deeper issue with her maybe you could tell her to see someone.

We all get lost in a good book or movie. But someone with dissociative disorder escapes reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy. The symptoms of dissociative disorders — ranging from amnesia to alternate identities — usually develop as a reaction to trauma and help keep difficult memories at bay.
Treatment for dissociative disorders may include psychotherapy, hypnosis and medication. Although treating dissociative disorders can be difficult, many people with dissociative disorders are able to learn new ways of coping and lead healthy, productive lives.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

I would very much like if you started more sentences with "yoyoyo" because you're my favorite, and I'll bet it's really funny.

lol thanks twe this always gets me!!
reading i'm ur favorite weighs heavily on my shoulders though! lets prentenf u h8 me pls??????????????????????

btw u dont have 2 do this i am no female leger!! =D=D

[Radio]

Thank you for your advice Dr. I neither find it cute nor charming. It is a psychiatric disorder and I have been in therapy for most of my life and will most likely have to for years to come to sort out the mess that got me here. I have also been diagnosed with shizoaffective disorder (although they are easing back on that now) as well as DID so spare me your fucking analysis. From observing you I could make my own recommendations based on your so called mental health but I won't. Don't talk to me....Unless you have something intelligent to say.

Oh and DID is not a "wonderful escape"...It is a survival mechanism.

Here are some links for people who want to educate themselves on these condition and not make ignorant (uniformed) statements.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n/con-20029221

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n/con-20031012

sorry, the way you phrase things and the persona you portray (manic pixie dream girl, Aerith avatar, among other things) tends to make me think you want to appear cute and charming. at least you have the capability to realize your own shortcomings.

[Absurd]

[Aylen]

@Radio

I'm sorry too. It's just a touchy subject for me.


@Absurd

You are converting me to your music. Some of it is pretty good. I have been listening to some I ignored before..haha

That song kinda reminded me of the Ramones.

[Absurd]

You are converting me to your music. Some of it is pretty good. I have been listening to some I ignored before..haha

Ehh, some of it stayed with me for 18 years so far, and I am 31 now, so it is quite of a history to me.