Eliza, you sound kind of a demanding and controlling employer...
Eliza, you sound kind of a demanding and controlling employer...
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
I agree that she's a bit whiny nevertheless I think that's important to get along with an employee when you work with him so close. Not going along can be a reason to fire this person just because it doesn't fit even when you made bigger mistakes during the hiring phase even when you are the problem and not the other person.Originally Posted by Scapegrace
IEEs have a chronic inability to be straightforward, often overstating what they feel or want or understating what they feel or want. Either way being delta NF it'll be everyone else fault. I've yet to meet a direct and methodical IEE in the flesh.
My best friend is IEE i don't think creative Fi ist not able to decide what it wants or feels. The opposite is true he is very good at letting people get as close to him as he wants while having a lot of acquaintances. He also knows when he wants to get out of a relationship and is able to give clear good advice in relationship matters. He is not methodical at all though.
He didn't say IEEs don't know what they want or feel; rather, in his experience, they don't communicate those wants or feelings very well. (If I've misinterpreted him, he's free to correct me.)
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
often overstating what they feel + or want or understating what they feel or want = ???
Yes. The problem is in communication, not self-awareness.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
Yes. And InvisibleJ wrote they overstate or undestate there wants and feelings. I think thats at first an internal process before you communicate it. He didnt wrote eventhough they know what they feel or want they are not able to communicate it properly. It's also ridiculous that he marked your post as constructive just because you took his side.
I also made the experiance that they can communicate it not worse than others maybe not so good in a business situation
In other words, when voicing a want/feeling, they either say too little about it/don't emphasize it enough, or they say way too much about it/emphasize it more than necessary.
That doesn't contradict anything I've said here.I think thats at first an internal process before you communicate it.
I don't see why he should have had to include that disclaimer. If he meant that they don't know what they want or feel, that's probably what he would have said, and you seem to be the only person who's misunderstanding his statement. (If anyone else has, they certainly haven't spoken up.)He didnt wrote eventhough they know what they feel or want they are not able to communicate it properly.
Or perhaps he found my post to clarify or reiterate his original thought in a way he approved of. I found it nice that he did that, as it showed me that I did not misunderstand his message.It's also ridiculous that he marked your post as constructive just because you took his side.
OK. You have your viewpoint, and he has his. Whether he wishes to engage you on that is totally up to him, but it'd help if you first understood what you're objecting to.I also made the experiance that they can communicate it not worse than others maybe not so good in a business situation.
Last edited by Cuddly McFluffles; 06-09-2013 at 11:29 PM.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
of course
Yes, sort of, I guess I should explain and I will on another post.
exactly. I didn't explain it because I though it was obvious. Yes. I believe prolonged stress compromised my immune system. I am probably guilty of not acting sooner on this caregiver situation. I give the benefit of the doubt for too long, and I give lots and lots of leeway when mistakes are made (many previous things had happened before this; I mentioned some) and I make up excuses for people in my mind rather than confront them. I guess I give people a chance to self-correct. But I she probably took it as "she doesn't care so I will keep being careless".
Good point. And I wasn't whining. I was venting about a problem. Don't we all run into problems sometimes?
Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 06-10-2013 at 04:08 AM.
Oh, she runs into plenty of problems, her problems are people saying things about her she doesn't like, then she uses those things and repeats them incessantly and when she does, she doesn't want that to be seen as either whining or venting.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Wow, I wonder why you feel a need to be so defensive of her. I wonder why you jump to such rash judgment about me. Is jumping to rash judgement just your normal way? I don't know. Just asking.
Or do you have personal employee/employer issues and you are projecting them onto me? Think about it.
Or are you a SEE and this hits too close to home?
Rash accusing rants do get the most enthusiastic attention on this forum. Look, you got the most "likes!" on this thread! If you crave attention, just make a cutting comment to another poster at 16types.info and you are ensured a barrage of "likes!".
Shayley, Kill4Me, Aquagraph, Deestructor, woofwoofl were all enarmoured with your rants. The only more popular post on this thread was your other (misinformed) judgement:
Nomenclature, Ath, Narc, FDG, Aiss, Ryene Astraelis, the16types, lungs, Raver, dolphin, InvisibleJim, woofwoofl liked this post!
I suspect you are more interested in "likes" than any actual answers to your questions. However in the unlikely case you are, here are some answers:
You assume she is a compassionate caregiver. She is not.
"Light Housework" is always an expectation of caregivers. I have only asked her to load the dishwasher and not leave the day's dishes all over the counter for me to take care of before I can start dinner when I get home. I never asked her to do laundry; she likes doing laundry and picked that all on her own as her way to contribute something amid the daily phone and movie marathons. She started doing extra housework only this week after I asked her if she wanted to do one thing daily of her choice for $5 extra per day. She did. I gave her a long list of options and said pick one thing,whatever you want, each day.
The nausea is from whatever is swirling around in your head.
Where in the world did I say I was a Christian? Your prejudices are showing. Stick to the topic.
Those are things she remembers about you that she's willing to throw at your face to get an emotional reaction out of you, that's the only way she can read who you are. Discontinue engaging LOL
*whispers to you* She's an IEI type
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Oh my gosh I should be real good at that. Its what we do with my behaviorally-challenged autistic student. "Discontinue engaging" is our most powerful redirection technique. I have to actively look over his head or behind his ear to avoid [the reward of] eye-contact when he is shrieking.
Hmm. Shh. I will have to read up on my possible future daughter-in-law...Not terribly impressed right now** but I most of all I want my son to be happy...(IEI is SLE Dual.)*whispers to you* She's an IEI type
**Oh! Fe.
Though I think it was most wrong of you to point out those who have pressed the like or constructive button for Scapegrace's posts in this thread to attempt to shame them or something...
...I would like it noted Eliza that I clicked 'constructive' for Scapegrace's post not 'like' as I thought her view held some constructive points which were worth consideration particularly her question of have you asked your mother how she feels about having her caregiver replaced.
Last edited by Hays; 06-10-2013 at 05:39 PM.
Honestly, why the hell are you wasting so much time thinking about this crap. Build up some courage and just fire her, problem solved.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
Come along now, people should show discretion and consideration when they are in a position of authority over someone, the caregiver may have a family and kids to feed. Show some compassion, have some heart.
OMG...did you just grow a heart?
That's my favorite word next to love.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Yeah I'll go for 100 Ave Maria tonight!
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
@Eliza Thomason The hell, woman? Some people happened to like or agree with what Scapegrace said. It happens. The only one making a big deal out of it is you.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
It's a seriously butthurt outcry. >.>
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
My thought reading this was exactly what a bunch of other people already said. Fire her. If you're not happy with an employee - you fire them. Find someone better.
Considering the amount of time a fair number of the members spend here rubbing butts and nutts together and high fiving one another it's a valid observation.
That's why I like Park; he has a low incestuousity quotient.
I don't recall any instances of him whining about it.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
Or maybe Scapegrace's observation just made sense?
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
I agreed with Scapegrace's comment, but the point stands. *Hat tip*
its something i get accused of a lot. and when i've voiced a few pretty unpopular opinions and had plenty of arguments regarding theory with the people whos asses i supposedly kiss but then my opinion is automatically brushed off because i happen to agree sometimes its pretty frustrating. its an easy and convenient dismissal and it often just screams of.. well, butthurt.
I don't understand: does the outcome not agree with what you hope it would?
Apparently it's unsatisfactory to you, but its all a matter of perception.
Wait until lungs reads my masterpiece thread I always forget to create, Jim. Total mind blown...
You bitch.
Just have sex with her. Problem solved.
eliza and the word 'sex' don't go together.
so what happened did the latino get fired
Assumptions! No, her ancestry appears to be the usual American mix. Looks German, has an Italian last name. [acts Canadian, my son says...].
She's not fired yet but just got confirmation of a replacement who can start next week! I am so glad. Now I need a couple of days to find out how to let her know nicely. She is in complete denial she could have POSSIBLY had ANYTHING to do at ALL with the broken screens. OR the FIVE mini-blinds that custom fit the unusually-sized extra-long windows we have -- I didn't mention those here and how now I have large rectangular black holes staring at me at night now. Yes, two mini-blinds broken and removed from past times she stayed with my Mom while I went to SLI's (in next state), and three more the same day she ruined the screens. Nothing. They were "deteriorated!" "Old!" "Already broken." "15 years old is old!" (age of this house...) I guess 15-years-old things are supposed to spontaneously fall apart all by by their little lonesome....
So I don't see the point in insisting she sees reality. She lives outside of reality in so many other ways, too, so I don't see the point in making her see. My INFJ friend thinks I should make it clear to her she is not fooling me. But I just want to be briefly honest with why I am letting her go (so many reasons - the breaking stuff and not feeling a bit of responsibility, making me have to bear all the consequences every time, and I need a caregiver who actually likes Mom or at least feels a calling to be kind and helpful to old persons) and yet not burn any bridges.... I will certainly emphasize that her showing up on time consistently has been a great benefit to me and that I very much feel appreciative of that....
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