ISFp-ENTp relations: getting to know each other (SEI thoughts CORDIALLY received!)
[EDIT1: Please excuse my grammar mistakes. Engrish is not my first ranguage]
[EDIT2: Corrected the last question]
OK, so I'm quite certain that I have found my first SEI after 25years of mostly unconscious searching. I will not fuck this up.
Problem is, she has (naturally) managed to put herself in a situation where her emotions are braking my quest for progress.
When we meet, we hit it of immediately. This has happened three times. Problem is, she's extremely hesistant to getting to know me deeper. She attributes this to her perception that she 'also wants to, but is confused and need to deal with her emotions first'. I apply these 'emotions' specifically to the accounts of a) irrational loyality and b) resistance to change - i.e. I know that she's had some relationships which were no good for her and which she find difficult to leave, and she selects these past experiences as ingredients when cooking up her 'worst case scenario' which would be: I fuck her over just like everyone else.
My own rational take on this is that she need to actually interact with me instead of running around in circles. More to the point, I need to convince her that I am safe and that she must not fear me. I see continual interaction as the only tool which can eliminate her fear, since it is only through interaction she can grow her perceptual intake and thus actually make some positive cognitive/behavioral changes. She tries so hard to rationalize, but of course does this very poorly. I DONT want her to make a 'rational' decision when she is the one being 'rational'.
Now, at first I was accepting of all of this. After she said she needed 'more time' the first time, my reply was basically "I perceive you to be wise and I am sure you'll make the right decision. Good luck".
Three months later without interaction, and I met her out drinking. Both are somewhat drunk. We look deeply at each other and she immediately starts doing what she has done every single time I have met her; she starts telling me Im beautifull and we exchange some touching which had quite deep emotional effects.
After this happens, I notice that she had a guy sitting next to her (I opposing her). He looked really weirded out when we 'greeted' each other, and reacted with petting and caressing her quite demonstratively. I looked at her and gave her my attempt of a "I-know-I-can-do-better-than-that-guy-and-so-do-you"-smile, and she smiled back in a eeriely approving way. However, she (naturally) needed to 'pet the guy back'!
This was deeply uncomfortable for me. I'm perfectly fine with the fact that she flirts with other dudes as a way of coping with some of her shit (I know that it won't solve her issues long-term though). What I hated was her doing this IN FRONT OF ME. That's a big fucking lack of respect in my book, which I have extremely hard to accept. In fact, I would cut it of instantly if I didn't think she was my dual.
So I left with some friends (amongst others one of her close female friends (MB ENFP) which also happen to be my flatmate). We leave my supposed dual with that dude as well as her other friend and some other dude. My ENFP friends calls my dual SEI after we've left and ask her if she wants to join us, and get's the reply "If it's fun". So, I interpret her action as a direct indication that she's not interested. Although I suspect that an alternative is that she simply couldn't leave that first dude because that would make him 'feel bad'.
This basically prompted me to send the following message as soon as I got home: "Im sorry (name), but I see/saw so much potential in you. I understand that you have issues, but I need to know if you want to get to know me?"
Unsurprisingly, she has not answered in two days. Instinctively this is also a big turn-off for me, but seeing her as a SEI, I suddenly become accepting.
Now I am completely drowning in multiple theories of how this may play out, and this uncertainty is sooo emotionally taxing on me. Even if I'm somewhat certain that everything will fix itself, I don't feel that I want to wait the amount of time which she 'feels' that she need to have. I need to close the gap between current and desired reality as quickly as possible here.
Any feedback on this?
Does my analysis seem accurate?
What are peoples ideas on her behavior - and of course im specifically interested in other SEI's ideas here.
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Originally Posted by qma
): It is my feelings which guides me toward her, but my rational thinking will dictate my final actions.
