A duality story of kind

[shapeofthings]

Not all the things duality's supposed to be applies to us. We have fought a lot - especially at the beginning. We had a really emo and weird phase. He felt I wasn't being myself (I wasn't). There have been misunderstandings (not getting the other's point across). Something that's been at the back of my mind always however is: Stick to it, stick to it. I don't know why.

Things started off by talking over to each other online. He's a clever, charming SLE, who knows all sorts of people through all sorts of mediums. I posted something on my journal and he responded. We started talking. From our first interaction I sensed something, and I developed a crush of sorts to the person. I KNEW something, and he was being his flirtatiously cybering self. He didn't feel or think like I did at all. I accepted it, and was perplexed by how wrong had I been. My intuition is rarely that strong. I moved on, and we kept talking.

He was coming to meet his friends later, and we also met up. By label, we were loosely something akin to friends. That first night we went out in the town, I got a little tipsy and he initiated lots of physical contact - pushed me to snow, played with my hair, held my hand etc. I didn't think much of it, at that point I didn't see him in that light at all (I had been so wrong before). We went out clubbing as well, and the dancing got... A bit.. Sexy. STILL didn't think much of it. With the amount of alcohol in my blood I was probably also not at my sharpest.

I was also seeing another guy at the time. It wasn't yet serious, but still, I had in my mind not to sleep with him or kiss the SLE, as much as fun as it was to just live the moment. Ridiculous, in a way. We got back to my place and I teased him (and myself) till I went to sleep. Well it was fun. I resisted and stayed as my usual reserved on the inside - self.

He stayed at my place for few days and it was nice. From my perspective, I had never realized how much fun I could have at DOING things and GOING TO places. It was like his mere company sort of protected me (like it literally felt like a bubble) from the fatigue that I had always felt before if I spent too much time in the "real world" or something, doing stuff, interacting with people.

I could do more shit I never thought I'd enjoy.

I didn't love him NEARLY as much as I do now, but something started to pull me to him, again, although I had buried my stupid feelings away long before. From his perspective, he said he had never even thought of me that way (based on online interactions). He said he developed a crush on me the minute he saw me and my smile.

I thought I was the most boring person to him, even throughout our online interactions. But when we met and were together, I felt like I had all the space in the world to express myself - to be myself. Like he seems so much more enthusiastic and bubbly than me, but in reality, I'm more of it than him, when I'm with him. And I love bringing that side out of myself.

I don't really know why I like him so much, and that used to be our thing. We used to continously ask each other: "WHY do I like you so much?" I sensed it from the earliest online interactions. Sensed what? I don't know.

I very much love him, although it doesn't feel as much "transforming" anymore, I don't need his company as much to be able to feel at home in the real world anymore, with people etc. But it brings me such joy, a sense of comfort. We have our issues but they don't really seem like issues because they don't stay unresolved.

I think I've gotten so used to it now that I don't really even notice it anymore.

Maybe it's typical for those who fall in love, to feel this way. I wouldn't know because I haven't been in love before.

This however has been my duality relationship experience. Thanks for letting me share, comment if you want, I am just happy and in love and feeeeeeeeling good.