THE RULES

[ladyinred]

The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

Have you read this? Men and women, guys and girls, what do you think??



Here are the 25 rules as found in summation

Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other."
Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance).
Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.
Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First.
Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date.
Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3.
Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.
Rule 11 Always End the Date First.
Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.
Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.
Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do.
Rule 17 Let him take the Lead.
Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.
Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast.
Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious.
Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.
Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment).
Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man.
Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules).

[Lobo]

This stuff makes me cringe... . Then again, I usually cringe at the whole "I'm a man/woman so I have to do this" kind of things.

[ashlesha]

i think any guy worth dating would be put off by the idea that you followed a list of rules and steps on the way to a relationship instead of being yourself. the gender role aspect is kinda gross, too, but not as gross as the fakeness imo.

edit: ftr, i don't think all the rules are bad, i think they range from bad to silly to good. its more the idea that they are "rules" than anything else.

[Creepy-male]

apply common sense, be yourself, don't be shy/scarred/intimidated, and if there is attraction things work out.

lists like these are dumb and confuse people.

Typical reasons people fail

1) Lack of common sense
2) Being fake/cheesy
3) Being shy/scarred/intimidated
4) There is no attraction

3 of these you control
1 you do not

3 skills can be developed
1 is merely a function of opportunity and patience

You can develop

1) common sense through experience
2) confidence to be authentic through experience being yourself
3) confidence to act on your goals through experience trying to pursue them

Most people lack the first three because they over obsess about the single one they can't control, attraction

that to me is about all the dating advice that is required, I think if people apply these, things will ultimately work out for them

[Creepy-]

I deny traditional gender roles in their entirety. I think they are useless, archaic, and incredibly insulting (to both parties). But if someone "follows" them, I won't bother with it unless they ask for my opinion.

That being said, many of these are just straight ridiculous. "Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.""Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious." Seriously?

By the way, if a woman ever expected me to take initiative or to lead her, she's just out of luck.

[Creepy-male]

I deny traditional gender roles in their entirety. I think they are useless, archaic, and incredibly insulting (to both parties). But if someone "follows" them, I won't bother with it unless they ask for my opinion.

That being said, many of these are just straight ridiculous. "Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.""Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious." Seriously?

By the way, if a woman ever expected me to take initiative or to lead her, she's just out of luck.

Yea that's part of the problem.... when they say things like "let him take the lead", they are assuming all men are leaders... which is dumb, they are also assuming all women want a leader like man. These rules suck because they contain gender roles and stereotypes, they make too many assumptions and are too detailed too a level that can't be predicted or controlled.

If people apply them they could potentially risk not being true to themselves "playing the role of a submissive woman that needs a strong man to lead them", when that may not be who they are.

Or they risk turning a guy off because they don't match a stereotype, like someone may be attracted to some guy, but turn them off because they aren't a "leader type" and they may find it stressful.

Compound this with both aspect, the guy is stressed having to make all these decisions and lead and take charge, the girl is stressed because shes trying to hard and isn't being herself, and the whole things a clusterfuck because she is deciding to take some shitty magazines advice on something. It's especially bad if there was attraction there in the first place but it turned out all awkward because of some dumb list of rules.

[Beautiful sky]

apply common sense, be yourself, don't be shy/scarred/intimidated, and if there is attraction things work out.

lists like these are dumb and confuse people.

Typical reasons people fail

1) Lack of common sense
2) Being fake/cheesy
3) Being shy/scarred/intimidated
4) There is no attraction

3 of these you control
1 you do not

3 skills can be developed
1 is merely a function of opportunity and patience

You can develop

1) common sense through experience
2) confidence to be authentic through experience being yourself
3) confidence to act on your goals through experience trying to pursue them

Most people lack the first three because they over obsess about the single one they can't control, attraction

that to me is about all the dating advice that is required, I think if people apply these, things will ultimately work out for them

Nice Ti

[Park]

Nice Ti

[Cyrano]

This stuff makes me cringe... . Then again, I usually cringe at the whole "I'm a man/woman so I have to do this" kind of things.

Lobo, I think they're great rules. I think It's smart for girls to go slow.

[Creepy-]

Lobo, I think they're great rules. I think It's smart for girls to go slow.

Why do you think so?

[Cyrano]

Why do you think so?

To my mind, women are something of a prize to be won. Might be an old-school concept, but I think the package is more inticing before it's opened.

I don't mean to suggest that women are objects to be possesed, but they are to be pursued. These 25 rules play to that theme.

[Lobo]

Lobo, I think they're great rules. I think It's smart for girls to go slow.

Yeah but... The stuff on the list encourages what I see as playing games. You don't really do what you feel like doing.

[717495]

This stuff is boring to me. I expect a woman to be herself, and not have to follow rules of etiquette. If I wanted a lady robot, I'd have one shipped in from Japan already.

[ashlesha]

If I wanted a lady robot, I'd have one shipped in from Japan already.

[munenori2]

ARGH

[ladyinred]

Guys say this, I'm not sure I believe it all though. you are saying be yourself so is it not true that guys like to chase?? seems to me guys are FLATTERED by being hit on but then these are not the women they end up being with longterm.

??

[munenori2]

The thing about rules is that they help you when you have no idea what's going on but once you figure it out the rules just start looking like blunt instruments.

[jessica129]

Some of these are good because it's naturally how I am. Others are just ridiculous. If you want to call a guy, call him..who cares what some 'list' says you should do. If he's turned off by how you really are, guess what? Time to move on. I could see someone taking this list too literally. Why is it so hard for people to just be themselves?

[Cyrano]

Some of these are good because it's naturally how I am. Others are just ridiculous. If you want to call a guy, call him..who cares what some 'list' says you should do. If he's turned off by how you really are, guess what? Time to move on. I could see someone taking this list too literally. Why is it so hard for people to just be themselves?

555-1547

[squark]

If he's turned off by how you really are, guess what? Time to move on.

Yep. Agree completely.

[Creepy-Snaps]

The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

Have you read this? Men and women, guys and girls, what do you think??



Here are the 25 rules as found in summation

Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other."
Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance).
Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.
Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First.
Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date.
Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3.
Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.
Rule 11 Always End the Date First.
Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.
Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.
Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do.
Rule 17 Let him take the Lead.
Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.
Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast.
Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious.
Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.
Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment).
Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man.
Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules).

Playing hard to get... is sometimes really dumb. At some point, the girl has to show that she cares, and it's common courtesy to make an effort to make the relationship work too.

The rules seem quite old-fashioned... I think in today's society, it's best for women to just be themselves. It's more acceptable now than at any other time in history. Don't mold yourself with pointless submission rules, if that's truly now how you feel. Lots of dominant, alpha women out there. Still lots who like to submit. Just be yourself. Screw the rules.

But yeah, lots of the early rules are just dumb... it's ok for the girl to make the move, and tell the guy she loves him. Or initiate things, or make the phone calls, etc. Some of the later rules are good, but the first 3/4 of the list is just bad...

[chip]

why is it so hard to be yourself? obviously your concerned the person you like and are interested in will not like you for who you are! if I'm not mistaken is it not more common for women to adopt to the tastes of the man. I especially notice that of ESE. i remember going on a movie date. she first suggested some romantic moive. I said yes and said I'm only seeing this because of you, otherwise, i don't watch chick flicks - being honest. Then suddenly she says she doesn't really like romantic movies and she's not your typical girl - not being herself cause I could read her body language and tell she wanted to see the movie but would not admit it. we went to see resident evil 4 instead which i had already seen and she did not enjoy it. I think they call that people pleasing. In an idealized form "I like you and want you to like me" but that train of thought can be misleading.

[Slacker]

Some of the rules are common sense. Some are game playing. People should just be themselves and not worry about stuff like that. But by all means follow common sense.

[ashlesha]

so far it looks on the poll like there's more acceptance for this from aristocratic quadras? lol, coincidence? or why?

[Creepy-male]

Considering these are designed to "hook" the one you want, they sound pretty spot on.

Though I suppose you can infer from it that no introverted men can ever be any woman's "Mr Right"

[Park]

This thread reminds me of this comedy.

[Simon Ssmall]

so far it looks on the poll like there's more acceptance for this from aristocratic quadras? lol, coincidence? or why?

You could also say there is 100% more people in aristocratic quadras thinking it is a good idea. Reality is though that it is 2 people versus 1.

On topic though when you start using rules you start being fake. Even if it is only guidlines, you still taking some guildines from someone else instead of being who you are, which naturally is good as is already and if things don't work out it is not due to reason you didn't follow these rules.

[ashlesha]

On topic though when you start using rules you start being fake. Even if it is only guidlines, you still taking some guildines from someone else instead of being who you are, which naturally is good as is already and if things don't work out it is not due to reason you didn't follow these rules.

well said.

[golden]

Oh, for a totally different take on this stuff see the best-selling book Why Men Love Bitches. There's also this self-styled Internet guru who goes by the moniker Christian Carter and advises women on how to "catch" a man.

The thing is, it seems like these ill-advised, one-size-fits-all systems and advice on how to get a man interested and keep him interested have to point to some underlying problems, and I don't have time today to meditate deeply on what those problems are, but ...

Some that come immediately to mind are (a) general communication gaps between men/women; (b) many women seeking this advice being young and inexperienced and therefore willing to spend money on these products; (c) women of all ages feeling less than fully empowered to have equal say-so in progressing a relationship; (d) people on the dating scene sometimes having different goals--short-term sex versus long-term love.

The fact is there are no rules anymore--there used to be. We live in a complex society where dating/mating is concerned, and a list of rules seems like a misguided sentimental gesture toward a supposedly simpler past.

[Creepy-Korpsey]

Shorter version: "Pretend it's 1955."

[golden]

Shorter version: "Pretend it's 1955."

Yeah. The Rules almost don't warrant analysis beyond that quick-and-dirty statement. I still find them symptomatic of real problems, even if the proffered solution is anachronistic and hare-brained.

[Bardia]

Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other."
I prefer that people just be themselves. If that means you seem "normal" that's fine. If it means you are eccentric that's fine to, as long as its yourself.
Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance).
Dumb rule.
Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.
The staring would make me personally uncomfortable but maybe not everyone. Talking too much could be annoying I guess but so would talking too little.
Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
I guess if it was a real date, yes. If you are just getting to know one another, no.
Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
I'll assume you're not interested as that's what people aren't interested do.
Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First.
Who cares who ends the phone call?
Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
Out of date rule.
Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date.
Do whatever you want to do. If that's relaxing at home who cares?
Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3.
Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.
Rule 11 Always End the Date First.
I don't see how this matters. This and the phone call one makes it seem like its about power or something.
Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
You don't just stop dating someone for that but you should ask why depending on how long you've been dating.
Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.
I think this is a good rule for early dating. I think going out with groups is a good idea too. It helps you to get to know the real person and prevents some of the blindness of infatuation.
Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
Good rule.
Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.
Good rule.
Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do.
Most people don't like being told what to do.
Rule 17 Let him take the Lead.
I think this can be a good thing, especially when you've gotten past the getting to know each other phase and into the regular dating.
Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.
I'd say don't expect too much change. Especially don't think they will drastically change all their bad habits once you're married.
Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast.
This can be good. You don't have to tell someone all your life problems on the second date.
Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious.
Be honest and yourself, not mysterious unless being mysterious is what you naturally do.
Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.
If you lie about who you are people are going to be disappointed when they meet you.
Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment).
Good rule.
Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man.
I thought this was obvious?
Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
Good rule, though I wouldn't date someone with kids at this point in my life.
Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules).

Overall, I think many of these rules are dumb and that the goods ones are kind of obvious and common sense.

[discojoe]

Women are cunts.

[DirectorAbbie]

My thoughts on these never-before-seen rules:

Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other." An obvious goal.
Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance). Might have to talk first if he's an introvert.
Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much. I'll stare hard at anyone I don't like the look of. It keeps them away.
Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date. Meeting him halfway might be acceptable.
Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls. That's just rude.
Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First. Why?
Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday. If it still fits into my schedule, why not?
Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date. How?
Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3. Not a complete sentence.
Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time. Not a complete sentence.
Rule 11 Always End the Date First. Okay.
Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's DayKnowing what I like is more important than knowing what's romantic.
Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week. Why?
Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date. Kissing on a first date?!
Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy. Obviously.
Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do. Fine, but I'll suggest it.
Rule 17 Let him take the Lead. Sure.
Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him. Sure.
Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast. Working on it.
Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious. How?
Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads. Complete honesty is better.
Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment). Obviously.
Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man. Obviously.
Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children N/A
Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules). Eh?

[somavision]

I think that the rules (as presented) in themselves don't seem particualrly harmful as long as they're taken with a pinch of salt.
However I disagree with many of them and I believe that others can be simplified and if acted upon as presented may cause some people to act in a way that isn't authentic to themselves. My rules would be as follows

1. Respect yourself and you will attract those that will respect you.
2. Act honestly and remain true to who you are and you will attract those who would be attracted to who you are.
3. Listen to your heart and your true instincts.
4. Do what you want to do.
5. Pick the charactor from Sex And The City, you most relate to and when in moments of doubt ask yourself "What would ****** do?"

[somavision]

lol... no.

Works for me, I use Carrie.

[jessica129]

I think the most idiot proof way to be successful at relationships is by realizing that relationships consist of two people and it takes effort on both parts. I've met a few women who tell themselves I'M NEVER GOING TO CALL HIM FIRST and it's so dumb. They WANT to call him, but they're sticking to some old fashioned idea that it's 'improper' for the girl to show interest. If a guy is always the one calling you, always being the one initiating, that shows a clear lack of interest on the womans part and he'll more than likely either get tired or assume you don't care and end it...rightfully so. If you want to do something, just do it. If someone thinks negatively about you for doing what feels natural to you, are they really worth it? People just overthink this stuff and it's so simple.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

this list is creepy.the whole dating/relationship ritual is creepy.
every single sentence sounds like something carrie bradshaw yould reflect upon late at night and this is not good.
lucid nailed it once again.

[Galen]

I think the most idiot proof way to be successful at relationships is by realizing that relationships consist of two people and it takes effort on both parts. I've met a few women who tell themselves I'M NEVER GOING TO CALL HIM FIRST and it's so dumb. They WANT to call him, but they're sticking to some old fashioned idea that it's 'improper' for the girl to show interest. If a guy is always the one calling you, always being the one initiating, that shows a clear lack of interest on the womans part and he'll more than likely either get tired or assume you don't care and end it...rightfully so. If you want to do something, just do it. If someone thinks negatively about you for doing what feels natural to you, are they really worth it? People just overthink this stuff and it's so simple.

Basically everything in this paragraph.

[Capitalist Pig]

btw, I don't like the idea of "rules" for dating. The idea of it is actually pretty gross. Its better to just let things flow organically & go with your instincts.

A-fucking-men.