Getting annoyed by beneficiary (benefit relations)

[Slacker]

I don't know if i spelled that right and I don't care.

So tell me what you think is going on here.

We as a family have become very concerned with where our food comes from, particularly related to animals. We have made a family decision to not purchase any meat or dairy products from factory farms. We found a local farm, very close by, where we can get these things where they are produced in a much more ethical and sustainable way. My husband and I discussed everything and have all the information we need.

So my mom hears about it and decides to weigh in. She has her own information and wants to continually tell me how wrong I am. "Amish chicken is good enough." No, we specifically will only eat free range chicken. "That meat is too expensive." No, this is how much it costs to buy meat, eggs, cheese, etc. that is produced in an ethical and sustainable way, and we're willing to pay for that. This kind of thing, over and over. Although I kind of think she might be interested and might start buying stuff from there as well. Just a feeling.

I am hugely annoyed by the continual input of her opinion, and I think it's because I'm getting my Te needs fulfilled by my husband, and now that my mom is trying to put her Te in the mix, it's not needed. What do you think is going on from a Socionics standpoint. I am IEE, my husband is SLI, my mom is LIE.

[1981slater]

EIEs disturb me because of massive use of Fe.
I disturb LSEs when I give them too much Ne.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Families are glorious beings. Just as well we're usually genetically programmed to dig them...

[Krig the Viking]

I think Supervisees and Beneficiaries are most annoying when they have a (real or perceived) position of authority over us. "Why should I listen to you," we think, "when I know better than you?"

[Slacker]

I think Supervisees and Beneficiaries are most annoying when they have a (real or perceived) position of authority over us. "Why should I listen to you," we think, "when I know better than you?"

I think you're right. I've often thought that we'd get along better if the benefactor/beneficiary thing were reversed.

[Skeptic]

She may just be becoming old and senile .
Regardless, you could agree with her and not follow through. Or you could get your husband to have a face off and convince her that there is a more reasonable way to do things, an explanation that a base would have to have first before revamping their ideas.
As for the beneficiary/benefactor relationship, it would be different for each type, so there would not be any universal solution.

[Brilliand]

Recalling Labcoat's benefit-relation description... the base function input is lower quality than the creative function input. Your mom is offering knee-jerk reactions to counter your husband's more considered conclusions... these knee-jerk reactions aren't half bad, and she's capable of providing them every five seconds all day long, but they don't have quite the quality of what you've retained from your husband (that your husband can't provide every minute of every day, but you don't need that much).

[krieger]

Beneficiaries are always too sentimental and perfectionistic about the only thing we share their values with.

[Ave]

LIEs can be huge pains in the asses with no human sentiment fyi.


Besides benefit and activation partners sometimes unwillingly destroy your efforts.

[717495]

Beneficiaries do typically come across as annoying. They try to assist you, and have something you like, but they pull it off in a really uncomfortable and annoying way, which ruins the core of what they have. You should always try to be on mutual terms though, or else the whole sequence of maintaining a decent relationship gets harder and more uncomfortable, but viable. To them, you're sort of a weak magnet. They glide along side you, and you have to brush them off. I try not to engage much with them, but they will be the ones to try to initiate, until you give into them. Communication is always difficult, and being on their "good side" can be hard to handle: They show me things and talk to me about things that I'm not interested in, and then critique me when I'm not being attentive enough to their dominant function.

[Joy]

I also find my beneficiary hugely annoying. I think it's probably pretty normal.

[Blaze]

wow, really? i kinda like my beneficiary. they are usually hilarious.

and my benefactor. very kind and supportive. their dual seeking is kind of weird to me, but not really annoying.

[Joy]

I sometimes find my beneficiary hilarious/enjoyable too, but it doesn't make up for their screwed up reasoning.

[Beautiful sky]

Mine would be ISFp; I love all types; I especially love how warm and creative, artsy and helpful they are.

[Slacker]

Mine would be ISFp; I love all types; I especially love how warm and creative, artsy and helpful they are.

Is that your beneficiary or your benefactor?

[Beautiful sky]

Is that your beneficiary or your benefactor?

I wish I had an S like yours

ILI. i love them too. I just don't like suggestions with regards to Te. I want them to take care of Te, not me. I wanna do Fi.

[Absurd]

Mine would be ISFp; I love all types; I especially love how warm and creative, artsy and helpful they are.

Is that your beneficiary or your benefactor?

I wish I had an asS like yours

You're not alone in this, Maritsa.

[VILEvenezuelan]

My dad is my beneficiary and its such a drain on my lifeforce. He always needs so much attention, otherwise he gets antsy and "cuts off contact" because he feels ignored (he also suffers from borderline personality disorder, which obviously complicates things). The unfortunate part is that he IS ignored. I like plenty, but all the damn time? And the incessant canned impersonal boring stories....ugh

The Polr can also lead to some of my beneficiaries being ABSURDLY DISCOURTEOUS, but they have no clue and can't understand why I won't just be jovial with them.

I've found that being in a relationship with an SEI has raised my standards for what I want from a friendship- duality makes you picky lol

[Marie84]

I generally like SEI's and was best friends with one for about 3 years; they tend to have this "don't worry be happy" attitude towards things that can be comforting. The main problem I've had with them is a disconnect when things are not quite rosy... I like to air things out and look for some type of solution and they just can't help me there, and I'm sure it's off putting to them since they don't want to deal with the seriousness that's being projected on them.

On the other end of benefit; I wrote about a relationship I had with an ILI once in the Gamma sub-forum a while back and it was basically about how she preferred to communicate via the Internet rather than in person and I pretty much enabled this for a while; I could see how my aversion to Se was at fault here and that I should have been more adamant in motivating her out of the situation rather than handling it passively.

I think Supervisees and Beneficiaries are most annoying when they have a (real or perceived) position of authority over us. "Why should I listen to you," we think, "when I know better than you?"

that's been my experience

[07490]

Over the long run i would have to say these relationships are the best for long term relationship, once it past a certain stage, if one and another gel romantically. Its behind duality, but they are better than supervision, activity, yes activity, and even mirror( mirror arent really built for romance if you want warmth in the realtionship).

[Beautiful sky]

My dad is my beneficiary and its such a drain on my lifeforce. He always needs so much attention, otherwise he gets antsy and "cuts off contact" because he feels ignored (he also suffers from borderline personality disorder, which obviously complicates things). The unfortunate part is that he IS ignored. I like plenty, but all the damn time? And the incessant canned impersonal boring stories....ugh

The Polr can also lead to some of my beneficiaries being ABSURDLY DISCOURTEOUS, but they have no clue and can't understand why I won't just be jovial with them.

I've found that being in a relationship with an SEI has raised my standards for what I want from a friendship- duality makes you picky lol

AMEN!

[pianosinger]

Maybe this will be a good example (no guarantees)...

I used to ask my LIE dad for help with my math homework when I was in high school. Inevitably, these "tutoring sessions" always ended badly, with him throwing up his arms in frustration and me crying and running to my room.

I would show him a single math problem, and ask him to help me solve it. I just wanted to see how it was done, so I could try to duplicate the process with the rest of the problems.

He, however, had to take me back to the principle behind the problem, take the whole thing apart and walk me through a 1-hour process. Maybe it's really what it would take for me to understand the math, but I still didn't understand it, so I just saw the whole thing as pointless (this attitude probably contributed to my not understanding in the first place, creating a sort of mental roadblock to learning this math). I would beg my dad to just show me how to do the problem, and he would say, "I am showing you!"

Oh, and the two LIE's I know (dad and brother-in-law) are so opinionated. It doesn't seem to matter how larger or small the issue is, they have an opinion on everything; and if they did not have an opinion previously, they will form one on the spot as well as they can with the information they have. Though, interestingly, they both claim to be very open-minded and willing to change their opinions; but if anyone expresses an opinion that they perceive as "wrong," they will call it immediately.

[golden]

If the typings are correct, my father was my beneficiary, and he was very unhelpful to me as a parent.

Aannd, my son would also be my beneficiary. In his case (1) I kind of have to manufacture what feels like, to me, fake Si. It's something I was long aware of doing, with no knowledge of Socionics. The other issue is that I see his interests and abilities differ from mine pretty strongly.

For now, with him, I play up the positive aspects of Fe and try not to do the intense parts of Fe, and I can do the Ne/Ti worldview with him, which is fun. But I've thought for years that I will need to help him find adult mentors who are well positioned to help him with the stuff he will probably end up wanting to pursue (math, science, technical design of some kind?). It's something I talk to him about--there may very well be things you want to learn more about that are not the specialties of your parents, and we know that, and we will get you all the support and guidance you need.

Maybe having parents who were not in a position to directly help me makes me more aware of these issues, dunno. Yes, it annoyed me--both at the time and in retrospect. But the annoyance hinges on them not having been aware of the dynamic, not on the dynamic itself.

[Beautiful sky]

Have you people noticed a pattern in some of your stories? That one of your parents is your beneficiary...could there be something to this genetically...*Maritsa goes to look at parents' types*