Are IEIs-INFps capable of meanness?

[Suz]

Mkay, I'm going insane. Dual is ignoring me, I got upset and hurt, and called him an alcoholic.

I felt better for like 5 minutes, then felt the intense wave of guilt I always feel whenever I feel I may have hurt him.

The guilty feeling intensified over the course of an hour, and I ended up apologizing. I still feel terrible. But still mad at him for ignoring me.

Are IEIs capable of meanness or am I just not IEI?

[thePirate]

I dont see your specific comment as outside an IEIs realm at all.

[ArchonAlarion]

In fact, IEI's are often mean.

But usually in a funny way.

[strrrng]

lol. Whether they're perceived as mean or not, somewhat depends on intertype. The typical style seems to be one of biting ridicule, which is probably influenced by the fact that the majority of them are E4s.

I don't consider myself mean.

[thePirate]

the only person I really consider mean on here is allie. I read a post where she tore into JuJu; it was almost inhumane, I was wtfing and it wasn't even directed at me. her comments in general are kind of appalling.

[Lotus]

well it was directed at juju so who gives a fuck? and dear god i am not that bad lol

[thePirate]

I've seen some sick fucks who were/are IEI. Can be some creepy, manipulative fuckers.

- manipulative = ILI

[Morcheeba]

No offense, but this is an incredibly dumb question. You mean to tell me that you think IEI's go around being happy and unassuming all the time?

[strrrng]

the only person I really consider mean on here is allie. I read a post where she tore into JuJu; it was almost inhumane, I was wtfing and it wasn't even directed at me. her comments in general are kind of appalling.

Link.

[Suz]

Ok thanks guys. . .I feel a little better. . .just a little though. . .WHY am i tormenting myself so much! I feel like my attempt to insult him backfired on me. He probably will feel less bad than I am feeling. Not gonna make that mistake again.

[Suz]

I've seen some sick fucks who were/are IEI. Can be some creepy, manipulative fuckers.

And SLEs still like them?

[redbaron]

Oh Work I'm sorry that happened! Best thing to do is forget about it. To the SLE, it's probably already forgotten. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[thePirate]

strrrng: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/515986-post48.html

well it was directed at juju so who gives a fuck? and dear god i am not that bad lol

you're pretty oblivious to how you come off to people and dont really seem to care either way. I find your responses to things are odd too, I dont know any ESI that would just dismiss and evaluation of them like that, but then again adding up all of your posts there does seem to be contradictions in general. maybe its my lack of experience. I do find the matter of your type interesting and puzzling. you would think with so many posts, you would be pinned down by now.

workaholic: thats because you have feelings and your Ni obcessess

[strrrng]

strrrng: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/515986-post48.html

lmao

you're pretty oblivious to how you come off to people and dont really seem to care either way.

Compensatory Fe-seeking.

[silverchris9]

Oh Work I'm sorry that happened! Best thing to do is forget about it. To the SLE, it's probably already forgotten. Don't beat yourself up about it.

This is good advice. I can totally relate to what you're talking about. I think it's part of the nature of INFps, or at least part of my nature. I can't stand being consciously and actively mean to someone, at least if I really think it will hurt their feelings badly. I think it's because IEIs tend to both be very capable of manipulating others' emotions and very conscious of this capability, causing us to feel bad when we've blatantly misused it. Unless we convince ourselves that the other person *really* deserved it, in which case, w/e.

Also @ that allie quote, infinite lols. My favorite part was "comparable to that of a fairy". That part made me really happy.

[crazedrat]

IEIs can be pretty mean. I've been wondering about this in dual interactions recently because there is an ESTp girl at school who is coming on hard to me, like I can't even resist it. It's pretty intense. But she has a cock blocking IEI friend, which makes things really complicated.
I dont like the idea of being pussified by an ESTp because usually I'm the one doing the insulting and pussifying. That is hard for me to take.. to be "led around" by an ESTp almost seems too conformist for me to handle. I would like more power in the relationship then that... I really do not like to follow orders. Unless I agree with them.
I also want some emotionality from my partner .. although from what I have read ESTps have a really emotional side, and I saw a porno where an ESTp was getting really emotional while she was having sex with this INFp. It was actually probably the best porno I've ever seen.
The best solution I can think of for this is to retain power by organizing your life - developing your own ESTp side, so the ESTp doesn't have so much power over you, and at the same time stilll needs your INFp side. Basically get your own shit together and work your ass off and organize your life like your fantasies imagine it being.
Maybe a little different for an INFp female..
Yeah, then you'll have all the power in the relationship and you wont feel so guilty for insulting him, infact he will have to feel guilty for his alcoholism or whatever it is.
The other problem is ESTps always cheat on their spouses, probably even on INFps. Well fuck, in that case just tell them to fuck off or dont get in a relationship in the first place. Thats a good solution.
Maybe if you have all the power again they'll be less inclined to cheat..
The other solution is to just get with an IEI..

[discojoe]

there is an ESTp girl at school who is coming on hard to me

You know it's illegal to have any kind of sexual relations with mentally handicapped people, right?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[crazedrat]

paradox

why do you say that? ideals will restrain action to where you end up taking none?

discoblow you aren't funny, you're annoying.

[crazedrat]

yeah you're right. i need an ESTp girl to zone me in. fuck. im gona try dismissing my abstract thoughts and see if i can zone in.

[crazedrat]

lol. dammit theres no solution.

[strrrng]

Fantazising about freeing yourself from a fantasy.... You can't be your ideal self since perfection is impossible, and then you'll only end up defeating yourself. You'll probably get closer if you stop thinking about it and just experience it instead.

You can't just experience it instead. That's restrained action. Searching for light with your head underwater isn't preferable, but walking around with your head in the dirt is even worse.

[strrrng]

lol. dammit theres no solution.

lol yeah. I don't think there can be solutions to problems that were brought into existence... in order for problems to be brought into existence. Ideals are simultaneously fuel and barriers.

[crazedrat]

i think im gona freak the fuck out in every way that i can. struggle like a worm being fish hooked.

[strrrng]

ahaha... fucking victim

[Gilly]

well it was directed at juju so who gives a fuck?

PREACH!

[Gilly]

lol. dammit theres no solution.

The reason you feel the need to have an "ideal" self is because you do not live up to your own expectations; you sense that you are not doing everything you can, so you create an imaginary self that is doing more than what you can to balance out the equation. The thing you need to realize is that, no matter what you think, your "ideal self" is not what you expect of yourself, but rather a compensatory self-image that equates to the "positive" part of a balanced equation; the negative part is your current state. The key is finding the other side of the equation, the part that doesn't need positives or negatives because it is already balanced. So...

a + b = c

where...

a = current self (negative)
b = ideal self (positive)
c = realistic expectations and appraisal of own potential

I know it doesn't really help in any practical sense, but reminding yourself of this can bring some perspective and help you feel like you aren't a failure if you are trying and still not living up to your "ideal."

[strrrng]

The reason you feel the need to have an "ideal" self is because you do not live up to your own expectations; you sense that you are not doing everything you can, so you create an imaginary self that is doing more than what you can to balance out the equation.

The failure to live up to the expectations is a result of the ideal self. Good luck finding the cause.

[Gilly]

The failure to live up to the expectations is a result of the ideal self. Good luck finding the cause.

Chicken or the egg...

The cause is wholly personal. Digging up your personal history and actually getting to know the people from your past tends to help.

[Gilly]

i think im gona freak the fuck out in every way that i can. struggle like a worm being fish hooked.

step one

[Gilly]

How do you find a balance?

Wade through the shit, try to keep your head above water.

[strrrng]

Chicken or the egg...

The cause is wholly personal. Digging up your personal history and actually getting to know the people from your past tends to help.

Yeah. But I'm just saying, that some idealized self-image isn't solely a direct compensation for an accumulation of failures or whatever. Otherwise, the issue would be easier to solve.

How do you find a balance?

By not assuming you need to find it.

[strrrng]

Gilly, are you on coke or an Eckhart Tolle binge?

[Gilly]

Gilly, are you on coke or an Eckhart Tolle binge?

I took initiative in expressive direct interest to a female for the first time in like three years

And, ew, fuck you for suggesting I might be putting my head in the sand again.

[Suz]

wow, I spawned a whole debate! Keep it coming! Awesome. . .

[strrrng]

I took initiative in expressive direct interest to a female for the first time in like three years

And, ew, fuck you for suggesting I might be putting my head in the sand again.

Well, I figured the two options sort of went hand in hand, given the subject matter.

[Gilly]

Well, I figured the two options sort of went hand in hand, given the subject matter.

Like I said, head not in the sand.

[Gilly]

I never would have imagined that smiley being used in league with debate spawning. I am genuinely impressed.

War is love, and the other way around.

[Suz]

wow, I spawned a whole debate! Keep it coming! Awesome. . .

I never would have imagined that smiley being used in league with debate spawning. I am genuinely impressed.

LOL

War is love, and the other way around.

Yeah I was just going to say, debating/discussing is a mark of collegiality!

[crazedrat]

The reason you feel the need to have an "ideal" self is because you do not live up to your own expectations; you sense that you are not doing everything you can, so you create an imaginary self that is doing more than what you can to balance out the equation. The thing you need to realize is that, no matter what you think, your "ideal self" is not what you expect of yourself, but rather a compensatory self-image that equates to the "positive" part of a balanced equation; the negative part is your current state. The key is finding the other side of the equation, the part that doesn't need positives or negatives because it is already balanced. So...

a + b = c

where...

a = current self (negative)
b = ideal self (positive)
c = realistic expectations and appraisal of own potential

I know it doesn't really help in any practical sense, but reminding yourself of this can bring some perspective and help you feel like you aren't a failure if you are trying and still not living up to your "ideal."

hmm.. I like the equation.

[thePirate]

The reason you feel the need to have an "ideal" self is because you do not live up to your own expectations; you sense that you are not doing everything you can, so you create an imaginary self that is doing more than what you can to balance out the equation. The thing you need to realize is that, no matter what you think, your "ideal self" is not what you expect of yourself, but rather a compensatory self-image that equates to the "positive" part of a balanced equation; the negative part is your current state. The key is finding the other side of the equation, the part that doesn't need positives or negatives because it is already balanced. So...

a + b = c

where...

a = current self (negative)
b = ideal self (positive)
c = realistic expectations and appraisal of own potential

I know it doesn't really help in any practical sense, but reminding yourself of this can bring some perspective and help you feel like you aren't a failure if you are trying and still not living up to your "ideal."

dude, this and your j/p post really hit home for me. I got a sense that this was going on inside me but the way you phrased it shed light on the fuzzy details. understanding it better is helpful, I've been struggling with implementation. I feel like things such as socionics only make this aspect of me worse; like I 'should' be this charismatic dynamo or whatever. it's really double sided; on one hand it gives me something to aim for, but more often than not it just serves as a cop-out(so stating it as a compensatory self-image was spot on). my mental activity intensifies when theirs something off with my life, or when I dont reach my goal which is usually my perception - due in part to having 'unrealistic' aims. Lately, its like I've been living in my head.

I know what I have to do more or less but for some reason I find it difficult. Also, when I do get success that 'good' self - image is correlated stronger with me and I feel like I have to micro-manage in order to keep it up and not destroy that in the eyes of others; sometimes it leads to immobilization. it's really limiting in a sense, the times I feel happier and free, these things weren't relevant in my conciousness.

what I find helps is to remind myself that perfection isn't real, and that doing something is better than nothing. that, and trying to put myself out there as much as possible. it takes consistency though, after not doing it for awhile I regressed pretty badly.