Feeling protective towards ones supervisee

[marooned]

I was wondering mainly how people feel about their supervisees, which I know is a really general question, and has probably already been covered. But what I was mostly wondering is if it would actually be typical to not go the way of somehow despising your supervisee because their PoLR is your lead function and they ignore all of your input, but instead valuing them because you agree that their lead function is terribly important (just not quite as important as they seem to treat it as, but close enough), and then feel protective of them regarding their "weakness" (your leading IME) and able to accept that it just isn't a strength and they don't value it (and that's okay) because you do feel "aligned" with them in a subtle sense regarding your creative function. And then perhaps the people who not only disregard your leading function but don't share any quadra values with you end up becoming the greater "annoyance" when you have to be in close quarters with them because you can find no common ground whatsoever, where as with your supervisee you at least know you can rely on them to address and cover half of your quadra values... so then why feel that different about them than you would of your business relation, just with the exception that they suck at and devalue your leading IME even more than your business partner who at least can sort of address it as a great pain in the ass in their existance. (though of course the temperament clash would apply with the supervisee)

(forgive the free use of IME/function as though they're interchangeable and the same thing... hopefully you know what I mean)

I think that I've been thinking it would make more sense to feel protective of the supervisee (and then become the "benevolent leader" who tries to bestow their wisdom upon the supervisee, something that the supervisee may find endlessly annoying). But I realize this all depends on context, and I have not given one.

[DirectorAbbie]

Oh sure, I often feel protective toward my supervisee. I like SEIs, but how can anyone function properly without a somewhat decent ?

[redbaron]

I think that I've been thinking it would make more sense to feel protective of the supervisee (and then become the "benevolent leader" who tries to bestow their wisdom upon the supervisee, something that the supervisee may find endlessly annoying). But I realize this all depends on context, and I have not given one.

this is the problem, over time. I love my supervisee but he's become so unhappy with me because he feels that I'm condescending and know-it-all, and now his unhappiness is having a huge effect on our relationship. I'd be fine if he weren't so prickly about it all the time. It really does effect the supervisee more than the supervisor but this becomes a problem for both of them. The supervisor just doesn't understand why the supervisee becomes so dissatisfied and grumpy and then starts to appear pathetic to the supervisor. I have seen it more than once, in several marriges. But again, there's nothing about him that really bothers ME, only the fact that I bother him. Which starts to bother me. If that makes sense.

(and there are endless circular conversations in these relationships. things never get worked out, never can you reach understanding or agreement...)

[Slacker]

The one I'm closest to is my little brother, who has gotten himself into some terrible jams in his life, so yes but it isn't necessarily Socionics-related in my case.

[DirectorAbbie]

The one I'm closest to is my little brother, who has gotten himself into some terrible jams in his life, so yes but it isn't necessarily Socionics-related in my case.

My closest supervisee is my younger brother too. It's partially family-related, but my youngest brother is an SLE, and I'm not protective of him any more than he's protective of me.

[Azeroffs]

I think in general supervisors like and connect with their supervisee. The only time supervisors start to despise their supervisee is when they finally push them over the edge and the supervisee begins to act out. So, the supervisor feels like the supervisee is attacking them for no reason.

[redbaron]

I think in general supervisors like and connect with their supervisee. The only time supervisors start to despise their supervisee is when they finally push them over the edge and the supervisee begins to act out. So, the supervisor feels like the supervisee is attacking them for no reason.

yes, exactly.

[Creepy-male]

yes, exactly.

Is it always with a sense of "no reason" for you?

As in, there's always this core sentiment that the acting out is for no real reason, with an additional attitude over the top of that of "Well, it's cool. That's an area we're mismatched on" or something? I'm not trying to accuse you of lacking empathy!

[redbaron]

Is it always with a sense of "no reason" for you?

As in, there's always this core sentiment that the acting out is for no real reason, with an additional attitude over the top of that of "Well, it's cool. That's an area we're mismatched on" or something? I'm not trying to accuse you of lacking empathy!

At this point I really have no more empathy. Because all the accusations do seem to be for no reason! I think that in the beginning I was more like "well okay, whatever, no biggie" but now... it's become really annoying. Only because he doesn't let it go. He can't. It's not really his fault either so I don't want it to sound like I'm blaming him. I see things very clearly but (and here's where it's weird knowing socionics when others don't) I can tell that it frustrates him because he doesn't understand what's going on. Yet it's hard for me to explain it without irritating him further.

[Creepy-male]

It's not really his fault either

Early on, did you get into the pattern of thinking "Oh, it's this external circumstance" (like stress, natural low, whatever) or consider yourself as part of the problem? That last point was more where I was trying to get with my last post, but I'm tired and a song with lyrics came on

[redbaron]

Early on, did you get into the pattern of thinking "Oh, it's this external circumstance" (like stress, natural low, whatever)

oh yes, very much so.

or consider yourself as part of the problem?

I think I had an inkling that it might be something about me but I could never figure it out really (this was long before I knew about socionics). I totally attributed it more to external factors and to his own personality which seemed to become more and more difficult with added stress and with the passage of time.

at the moment, he knows I'm at the end of my rope with it and he's in one of his "good behavior" stretches. But given enough time, it will all come out again. this the pattern that's been established.

[Blaze]

I think in general supervisors like and connect with their supervisee. The only time supervisors start to despise their supervisee is when they finally push them over the edge and the supervisee begins to act out. So, the supervisor feels like the supervisee is attacking them for no reason.

yes. agree w this. i've watched myself do this w infj and i've seen istj do this w me a million times. for a while there, i had a lot of istj friends and at one point, my work supervisor was an istj.

in fact, this dynamic worsens over time and becomes entrenched and people can start to have lasting resentments. for someone else watching, it's bewildering.

to me, there are just certain relationships that can only go but so far. supervision is one where the supervisee has to set some clear boundaries, but even that doesn't work since the supervisor can't really help it since it's their leading function.

it's kind of a drag, really. that some relationships don't work out no matter how hard you try.