Not Attracted to my Duals
Is this normal.
I have been watching a lot of videos of of SLI celebrities how could I ever marry one?
Out of all the SLI interviews I have seen there was only one that made me think to my self "She's cool I can relate to her, I can see myself with someone like her"
Duals tend to overlook each other and view each other as uninteresting persons in the beginning. But they often grow on each other on prolonged social contact. The first contact is often somewhat awkward.
According to the standard intros to socionics on the web, anyway.
Last edited by ragnar; 05-31-2009 at 01:36 PM. Reason: formatting
Greetings, ragnar
ILI knowledge-seeker
duality is rather an experience. Feeling liberated, free, understood, having found your soulmate, and feeling protected.Originally Posted by ProcrastinateTomorrow
You don't get that by watching video's. At least be in the same room with them! You get duality by having your dual around at close psychological distance, meaning dating them, or having close/personal interaction at the workfloor / school etc.
That's not true Movies and Music can make people feel lots of different emotions so why can't a person experience duality through video?
An interview is even more raw and honest that a movie.
Maybe you're not IEE?
As an aside, what you just said there made me think "wtf?"
Conversation is in my opinion the only true avenue to discovering how you interact and experience someone. Watching someone talk to an interviewer (who is most likely also a stranger, not to mention their type) with a list of canned-questions isn't going to tell you anything real about anyone!
Sorry for sounding rude, but this sounds ridiculous. How could you possibly feel genuine emotions for a celebrity that you've never met? That's silly, what you really want to do is see your relations with SiTe in your actual life, as well as other types. I don't think you're going about this the right way, because you also shouldn't consider marriage with someone just because some personality hypothesis that you may or may not have a full understanding of says that you have the best relation with another person. There's other stuff in life to look at, like physical attraction, shared interests, the things they do or say to you regardless of type, how you actually feel, etc.
In the end, you also might want to brush up on the functions and see if you have yourself typed correctly, and also if you're typing others correctly. For me, SiTe have always stood out and I've felt a special rhythm of conversation when I'm with them. I'd say look back and see if you have the basics right and rethink how you use socionics.
Once again people misunderstand me i'm not very good at explaining myself.
This isn't about feelings, dislike, like, it's about the comfort I feel when I watch an interview.
Example
When I watched that interview I felt disgust when she would smiles or bat her eyes I feel uncomfortable. Conclusion what ever function she is using is off putting.
Example
Now watching this interview I feel comfortable her voice is quite loud but other than that she seems pretty cool.
Conclusion what ever functions she is using I feel comfortable with.
I hope I have explained myself well enough.
I think the point is you shouldn't be using these celebrities as any sort of landmark without how you interact with SiTe... Because you're not interacting with them. They might not even be SiTe (but I have a biased opinion, I don't like the fad of typing celebrities) and you're not experiencing anything. Here is a quote from your OP:
How else is one supposed to take this other than you've been questioning the "marriage material" of a personality type off of videos of people you will most likely never meet or know, and find qualities that might not have anything to do with SiTe to be unattractive to you?
The point: Try finding (accurately) typed SiTe people (assuming you're actually NeFi) offline that you can interact with at your own will, and judge from there, taking into consideration non-type related factors that could sway your opinion.
That's not exactly practical and more importantly how do I know who is an SLI.
I figured If I observed SLI's in action Ie: Interviews.
I would be able to identify them in the outside would I would call myself the most social person when I meet people I almost immediately know whether I will have anything to do with that person again.
I don't want my time on people I don't connect with. I will decide whether a person deserves to become my friend.
I have people that I know they invite me out sometimes I always turn them don't I don't like them I don't enjoy there company so why waste my energy.
I would rather stay at home.
Actually it makes a little sense.
I've once read in a duality description that duals experience a period of frustration in their relationship when they notice how their dual interacts with others. This is because they've got an opposite personality and therefor approach people in a way you wouldn't do it yourself.
The great moments of duality are when you are interaction together instead of looking how your dual is interaction with another.
Sorry if I come off preachy, but wow, your post really boggles my mind. Especially if you represent a demographic of people learning Socionics.
"Not practical"? Are you bride shopping online or something? In my personal view for my life, love and relationships come organically even when I'm looking. There's no active weeding people out and devoting all my attention in finding "the one." I think most people are like this, but I could be wrong. And how do you know who's SiTe? Sorry, again, this is harsh, but learn Socionics! If you learn the hypothesis and try applying it to offline relations, you'll soon find that you can type the people around you, and eventually, the world! If you want to devote that much time, that isBut really, look around, learn, and ask questions... There are many topics of people typing and recognizing types offline, and if you get to know the workings well enough, you can start doing it too.
The rest of your post... Well, to each their own
Are you sure she's not a beta ST? She really seems like an aggressor, and lots of the little things she does are unattractive to me or just plain turn offs. Her detached lethargy makes her seem like she's trying to project an image of superiority. Even the way she combs her hair with her hands seems fake and condescending.
I never implied that she was SLI. Just that she annoyed that crap out of me.
Was thatshe was using.
lol I'm exactly the opposite. SLI females appear to understand me. SLIs guys... honestly, I have no idea. Men and women have completely different expectations and norms for their relationships. Unfortunately I seem to be unable to figure out what those are entirely. At least not without completely screwing up everything first. In fact, I think I've just added my most recent dating experience to the fuck-up pile.My experience with ISTp females have been rather painful. Great, but oftentimes stressful.
Whereas with ISTp males we're just good friends, no expectations, no dramas.
IEE
I think it's been said, and it's a reasonable train of thought I reckon, that when a person describes their ideal partner, it's pretty much an idealised version of their dual. Maybe, PT, you could describe your ideal partner and that would give some indication to what/who your socionics dual is?
I think when people with little experience describe their ideal partner, it is more of a mix of their ego elements and cultural upbringing, and what they end up with (ideally) is a relatively favourable relation.
But yeah... carry on.
I agree with this. I would (in the past) have probably described someone who was female, exactly like me and looked great in a skirt.
Yeah, in my adult life I was attracted to brash, outgoing guys. And I'd date them and I'd have basically the same relationship over and over, and it always fell apart. I wouldn't have put "quiet and reserved" on my list. BUT I did always say that I wanted to marry someone who was handy - a carpenter, an auto mechanic, etc. And my parents would get snobby and say that wasn't the "right type" for me to be looking for - I needed to marry "our kind of people" - as in someone whose profession requires a university education. But I never cared about that. So I guess it was a little of both for me.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
On one hand, PT is being criticized for trying to gauge his interest for SLIs using a celebrity in an interview, while in the other, his type is being put into question because he's not interested in the supposed SLIs in the videos.
What Si valuers like is to have someone who cares for their well being and who is comfortable with giving affection. It may come naturally for Si types, but anyone can provide these things if they really wanted to... I've noticed that the IEE here tend to apply a lot of "value" arguments into Socionics, which just goes to show how opinions can be different with people in the same quadra. What I mean is that there is an emphasis on weakness/strength in terms of the functions, and how the property of duality is that duals just have to be the best relation there is, soulmates. In order to hide this, there might be the occasional "but there are other aspects of course to consider," but essentially, I think that the Ne view of Socionics is believing that there just has to be a type of bond that is true in all cases (aka duality). This is a potential setup for disappointment if a duality relationship in real life does not work out, because it was the ideal, so what else could there be?
I think that it would be better if there is more emphasis on how people of a certain type are receptive to information aspects (Information aspects - Wikisocion), and how this comes into play in relations. Something tells me that IEEs might not be interested in something like this, at least I can imagine telling my friend about it and she would be snoring throughout
I must confess, when I read that my brain was thinking "boring please stop." But that might just be the mood I'm in at the moment!I think that it would be better if there is more emphasis on how people of a certain type are receptive to information aspects (Information aspects - Wikisocion), and how this comes into play in relations. Something tells me that IEEs might not be interested in something like this, at least I can imagine telling my friend about it and she would be snoring throughout
I think IEEs like to talk about duality, imagine how great it could possibly be. But I think at the end of the day an IEE would be more than happy with someone who didn't make them feel trapped, or worse bored.
Not attracted to your duals? Well maybe you haven't been around someone to see how it works? It's more than just mannerisms or how they talk or how they look, etc. The interaction itself between the two of you can really draw you in. But you need to experience that to see how it works...
I find that when I see Si, for example, it attracts me. Not every person is going to be "attractive" to you physically, or how they smell or whatever, but all things being equal, if there are 2 guys and one is making me more comfortable, and the other isn't, then it's clear to me who I'll be drawn to.
In the past I actually was super attracted to a couple of guys who my friends couldn't understand why I was dating. One guy wasn't "conventionally attractive" and seemed grumpy and not very sociable, so my friends were like ???? But he was an ESTj (under stress), so he didn't want to go out because he was so tired (was getting like a few hours sleep a night). But alone he'd always treat me nicely when we were hanging out and he had a lot of Si, so I was always wrapped in a blanket or something like that and always felt really comfy. My point is that I was super attracted to him when if he didn't make me feel comfortable like that, I don't think I would have been.
I remember the opposite happening w/ an INTp...he bought me a couple drinks and then wanted to go on a long walk...I said I needed to pee and he made jokes that I could go on the street. It was a looong time before we came back and found a bathroom. And then we never got any food and hung out for a long time until I was so dizzy I felt like I was going to pass out. In the end I was really pissed off that he didn't focus on making me feel comfortable, etc. So I ended up tired, hungry, w/ a headache and I absolutely hate being far from a restroom in that situation...so all in all, despite him being, as my friends said, "gorgeous" and about 6'3" and a "respected" job, I felt absolutely NO attraction for him. I didn't want to see him again.
I'm just saying the personality stuff is powerful, because it's how someone else can make you feel that attracts you also...or repels you
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
Lol.
For better or worse, I feel compelled to ask, why is this Lol?
Because I have no idea what to say to that question.
do you play wc3?
Yeah, all the time. Please don't hack me. Me love you long time.
hey we should play a game sometime, what channel do you hang out in?
your duals behavior in their own world is different than their behavior when they're around you. they change when they're around you, and you'll probably change when you're around them. it's also possible you've mistyped yourself. it's also possible you've mistyped the celebrities you're observing, and that they're actually your conflict type or something like that. that's all for you to decide. One thing which I know for a fact is that duality is enjoyable, and if you are repulsed by duality it means something isn't adding up.
The other thing is that you kind of have to actually experience it in person rather than just watch it on TV. It's like deciding whether to live in the middle of a big, fun city, or to live in a quiet place on a tranquil lake. If I had never lived on a lake and were watching TV shows about different locations, I'd probably choose the city. But if I'd already lived on a lake and experienced the calm and tranquility of it, I'd have a hard time giving that up to live in the city.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
i think you would feel attraction in your imagination through watching them on TV if they were really your dual. rewatching that "SLI interview" .. the girl seems really fake and nervous to me, too. I think the poster is ENFj.
I think ENFj makes sense, because the first video (I think the girl was ISTp), so clearly an ENFj wouldn't like that as much. And the second video the girl almost seems ENFj to me, or is using Fe in any event, which an ENFj would prefer.
Though the first girl wouldn't maybe be my "favorite" person, I liked her and thought she was funny about the tattoo thing. The second girl I found to be very annoying and just watching her made me feel anxious. I'm wondering how other ENFps reacted...
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
yes, it's true. I found myself nodding to almost all the advice in this thread. When I first came here and learned about socionics, I couldn't imagine EVER feeling comfortable with SLEs the way they were described. But now that I've experienced it, I can see how it works. I feel safe and free to be myself when I'm with my SLE friend. But he was the one who noticed me first (he has duality experience). I was skeptical and held off getting to know him for years. The first time I noticed it, we were standing there alone, waiting for someone and I thought it would be awkward because we weren't talking much but it didn't seem that strange at all, and then out of the blue he asked my advice about something and I was surprised. I couldn't believe he was being serious. I just saw him as being all-sufficient or way above me. But I gave him my advice/opinion and he seemed really appreciative and I was like wtf???And the whole thing was comfortable. Even now (two years after that first realization) we don't talk that much, just what we need to say. Maybe that sounds weird. It's more like what we say counts for a lot but there doesn't need to be a lot of talk. (contrast this to my IEE mom who has--pardon the expression--diarrhea of the mouth in the constant search for understanding and flushing out of her ideas) I don't know if this lack of talking holds true for other sets of duals or not or maybe it's just our particular relationship (which is not romantic). Anyway, it's very cool.
IEI-Fe 4w3
Several possibilities:
1) your type is not IEE (you may try some dichotomy tests, plus analyse famous people of wich types you like and most cause romantic feelings in you, in general)
2) those were not SLIs (better look at my list)
3) you have too few information and some disturbance factors can prevent your good impressions (look more video with these men)
I feel like I should have a deep thoughtful response to that. Unfortunately... I got nothin'. Nothing I want to type, at any rate.The real question is, what do you learn each time another one goes on the fuck-up pile?
IEE
'Next time you meet someone who is like that, don't have sex with him'
All the types most likely want an ENFp.
Its probably true, we are quite sexy
Actually because i just woke up i feel that i didn't give enough credit in my last post. What i meant to write is that i am constantly surprised by the detail in how ISTp's judge a woman. For example one said to me "I do like her but she is so much of a princess". She likes to get her way and complains a lot. This was exactly the same impression i had of this girl. Or another time when he brought a date out he said "Shes quite nice, but I didn't like how she didn't seem interested in you. She didn't ask any questions about you or your life". He actually seemed quite concerned about this.
Asking questions really is an ENFp thing to do. In fact when i met her i asked her a lot of questions about herself and the ISTp must have liked that. So ive noticed that ISTp's can be quite specific in what they are looking for.
ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
Yes, it is normal. Your dual is not challenging, and people want to date someone challenging. This is especially true for woman between 17 and 28 years of age.
maybe. although having been friends recently with a dual, I have to say that he is challenging to me (perhaps because there's no chance for a romantic partnership) in this way: I see how his Se is effortless and it motivates me to be more like him.
IEI-Fe 4w3
I'm the wrong type of challenge, damned
...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.
INTp
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