Beta and Delta quadra interactionI'm confused!

[jewels]

I know with Betas in real life, I have offended them when it was not my intention to -- especially my ENFj sister. But yet, Betas often throw around insults and really mean-sounding things as banter and other Betas don't takes offense...I don't get that. Is that the difference between Fe and Fi? Can someone explain the Beta motivation and why it's ok to insult people w/o that being a problem?

I know it should be expected between Delta and Beta and the intertype relations, duh, but I don't understand it in a practical, non-theory, real way.

For instance, during the time I'm offending them/or vice versa, I don't understand what specifically is happening. I also can't seem to avoid offending them.

I usually don't have much of a problem with ESTps, because they are so straighforward. I've dated a few INFp guys and we didn't offend each other. And I've had several female ISTj friends over the years and that's been fine. But male ISTjs and female ENFjs...it's like an all out war....and I'm not sure why....

[07490]

Intertype relationship and social relation doesn't make sense, if it does, the INTX would be socially skilled.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I have noticed this too. I think that a lot of the insults are attempts to influence the environment in an Fe way, creating-bringing about moods, externalise emotions, ya de ya. Of course the ENFj would be expected to have strong Fe given it's their dominant function so they are quite strong and able to respond and enjoy- contribute to the atomsphere sufficiently for ISTj. Given that it is influenced as well by Se valueing there is a lot to me of posturing and excessive forcefulness. It's been my experience that creative Se tends to be those things more than dominant Se, perhaps because dominant Se is an accepting function it is better able to choose it's moment rather than seeming to just switch on.

I don't think it's just always the ISTj's and ENFj's of beta, but I think they tend to be worse than the other two members of the quadra, like you say. For me I kinda like some INFp's fwiw, maybe like you mention for some ESTp's.

I don't want to go into excessive functional analysis, re like above might be, but suffice it to say, I really just think it is the Fe seeking of ISTj's that they enjoy trying to set the scene that someone will help and respond to alter the mood by acting like that. ENFj responds and enjoys the Se style of delivery

Deante was a good example on the forum recently-he was enjoying himself, which he said and of course the ENFj JuJu posted to say he thought it was great.

[Creepy-male]

Also, as to Fe vs Fi:

Fe is dynamic. At least, with Alphas, there's just the acceptance that everything being said is said in the moment. It's all about the fun and the silly... and the weird theoretical bullshit

I suppose for Fi quadras, because the group is constructed around a static element, it's about not offending people... but I wouldn't know. I'm not a Fake Delta anymore.

EDIT

Oh, right, back to the topic...

I suppose what could be offending them is that you're being too serious. I know IEEs can annoy me when they refuse to take things lightly. I suppose for Betas there's none of the "Alpha ******ry" (thanks Nick ) preventing them from saying you're a closed-up stick-in-the-mud.

[Slacker]

Some people are really hurt by Fi. Actually, I think Fi can be used to hurt anyone. (You know those Junior High School exclusion things? Fi all the way.) But some people are more sensitive to that than others. I see this most between my IEE daughter and her LSI friend. The LSI gets aggressive, which makes my daughter angry, and she uses Fi. "I'd rather play with Sophie anyway." "If you don't stop it, I won't be your friend anymore." It's more blatant because she's a little girl, but I think that's how Fi feels to people who are more sensitive to it.

[07490]

interesting to say that I find myself less problem with the Delta Judging types than the perceiving types.

[Jimbean]

I have come to realize that with the IEE that I live with, whenever he would talk to me in a child-like, non-offensive way, he is actually trying to say something to me without pissing me off. I think he and my EII sister are sensitive to my hard mood swings, so if they say something to me that they think will piss me off, they talk to me in that way. I used to think that my IEE room mate was talking like that to talk down to me, which would only make me more angry.

[Brilliand]

I have come to realize that with the IEE that I live with, whenever he would talk to me in a child-like, non-offensive way, he is actually trying to say something to me without pissing me off. I think he and my EII sister are sensitive to my hard mood swings, so if they say something to me that they think will piss me off, they talk to me in that way. I used to think that my IEE room mate was talking like that to talk down to me, which would only make me more angry.

Are you going to type yourself LSI now? That's an interesting pair of types to conflict with.

[Park]

interesting to say that I find myself less problem with the Delta Judging types than the perceiving types.

[meatburger]

Deltas, especially the rational ones, seem to want to "control" me" and "tell me how to behave" or "how to do things". I totally, totally hate when people try to control me. Nothing is more offensive, imo. I need to be free to do things the way I find better.

I can see that. ISTp's often just take control from me if im struggling with something and i actually really enjoy that. Its usually not something i care not to master and its normally when im really deep into my brain not giving it my full attention. An ESTj in the kitchen said to me last night "did you just cool your pan with cold water? you should use hot!". I didn't mind at all, i just agreed with him. Funnily enough after this he said "although if you dont care about it because you will only be here a while it doesn't matter". I find ISTj's incredibly controlling though and it drives me totally wild.

@Jewels i have seen the beta banter you talk about and i can kind of see why its not offensive to them. Not sure i could put into real world terms though (especially with my cold right now haa)

[Creepy-male]

meatburger!

You're back <3

Anyway. I think Merry quadras are reading the emotional content of what's being thrown around, so you could scat-sing with an angry tone of voice and piss someone off (super-exaggerated, but the idea's probably there, somewhere... hopefully). This is because Fe is object-oriented, dynamic, and internal.

Bam!