Getting along with conflictors and supervisors

[jason_m]

I've noticed that I often have a hard time with ESTps and ESFps. However, it isn't all of them that I have a problem with; it's only the ones who seem to take themselves too seriously. I think I might know why. I value Fe, and it seems to me that the ones who are less serious seem to use Fe more than the others - especially ESTps. In other words, they are more well-rounded, and so they are more able to appeal to me. Has anyone noticed a similar phenomenon - that you get along well with certain kinds of conflicting types, but not others? If so, have you noticed any pattern to it?

Jason

[Jimbean]

it's only the ones who seem to take themselves too seriously. I think I might know why. I value Fe, and it seems to me that the ones who are less serious seem to use Fe more than the others - especially ESTps.

I doubt that has anything to do with it.

In other words, they are more well-rounded, and so they are more able to appeal to me. Has anyone noticed a similar phenomenon - that you get along well with certain kinds of conflicting types, but not others? If so, have you noticed any pattern to it?

Yes. Whether or not I like some one has more to do with non-socionics related matters than their type.

[1981slater]

My point of view: among my best friends, I've conflictors, super egos, supervisors, etc. The common background is very important when it comes to lifelong friendships. But, when you are an adult, it's really difficult to build strong friendships, even with members of your own quadra. I feel as if ESFps and ISFjs I know IRL are constantly attacking me, perhaps because of our different quadra values.

[Ms. Kensington]

My point of view: among my best friends, I've conflictors, super egos, supervisors, etc. The common background is very important when it comes to lifelong friendships. But, when you are an adult, it's really difficult to build strong friendships, even with members of your own quadra. I feel as if ESFps and ISFjs I know IRL are constantly attacking me, perhaps because of our different quadra values.

this is sort of a different way than that I have thought of relationships over time. I think I was shyer when I was younger and didn't gravitate or have close friends who were my conflictors, though I grew up with one in my immediate family. I thought that when you get older you would have more chances to get in touch with all quadras via interests.

[redbaron]

The common background is very important when it comes to lifelong friendships. But, when you are an adult, it's really difficult to build strong friendships, even with members of your own quadra.

yes, absolutely.

[redbaron]

this is sort of a different way than that I have thought of relationships over time. I think I was shyer when I was younger and didn't gravitate or have close friends who were my conflictors, though I grew up with one in my immediate family. I thought that when you get older you would have more chances to get in touch with all quadras via interests.

it's so hard to make quality friendships, period, when you're an adult. And especially when you're an introvert and have child-rearing responsibilities. It's very easy to move along in life in survival mode while the kids are small and then wake up one day with no friends, no life, etc. I find that in general, I'm pretty drawn to a) others in my quadra and b) SEIs (lookalike). Then SEEs find me (I've had one woman practically insist that we become friends, she invites me to every party, she talks to me at every opportunity--actually it's pretty nice) Others like ESIs, LIEs, LSEs, are civil and even occasionally friendly but it's like we can both sense that we'll never be close.

[jewels]

to get along w/ conflictors, I focus on the parts of them that are impressive to me (such as qualities I don't have). I then focus on ignorring the things about them that stomp all over my personality, but remembering that is just how they are and it isn't personal. I actually have a pretty easy time avoiding conflict w/ conflictors by doing that.

i.e., if an ISTj says "you're a f***** hour late! Where the h*** where you?" I will remember that are an ISTj and I am an ENFp. So I will just not take it personally. And when they are doing something like stating opinions strongly or being very confident (that I admire) I'll be like "aww that's nice."

[jason_m]

I doubt that has anything to do with it.

And how can you be so certain that it doesn't?

Jason

[betterthan]

Sometimes I get on very well with my mum, who is an ESTj (I am INFp), like when we speak about wordly affairs, lol. But most of the time, we really grind each others nuts. I find her intelligent and she finds me 'fun', but soon after these conversations we get each other round for 'no reason' and have arguments where we both agree, if we can't find any other way to let out the negative feelings we have towards each other.

Also, I agree that non-socionic related things a very important like I have an EIE friend and another friend who might be ISFp? I'd rather spend my time with the latter, just because she is more fun, in my opinion, also I know a ISTj, and I get on well with her but I don't invest extra time into the relationship because I don't find her very interesting =/.

Also I can not be friends with people who's morals are in wack, unless I can help 'heal the pain' or whatever LOL.

[krieger]

According to tcaudilllg's theories it is actually not the socionics type, but the information domain that most strongly influences which people you get along with and which you don't. Socionics type coflict is just awkwardness. Information domain conflict is much more deep-seated. In fact, the information domain is difficult to detect in oneself precisely because it is hard to admit that the things that really spark conflict in you are just the characteristics of legitimate alternative orientations to life. It's much more comfortable and easy to us to think of people of the different domains as "evil" instead of as "just different from me".