Fe Demonisation

[Park]

LMAO. LokiV actually scared Sirena. Who is taking emotional comments as facts now?

[Sirena]

LMAO. LokiV actually scared Sirena. Who is taking emotional comments as facts now?

HAHAHA I ain't scared of LV!!!! (alright, I'm done here)

[xyz]

HAHAHA I ain't scared of LV!!!!

You should be.

[Park]

Yeah, well this is how I've always been. It's what I value. I value your happiness and my genuine-ness. I search my heart and measure my words to make sure that I feel good towards you and don't take things the wrong way, and that I'll say it in a way where you can do the same. Maybe its a love...or belief...in wellness, more than just being well.

Even when I'm unhappy or my life has taken a downturn, it would make me more unhappy if everyone around me felt it too. I know I could get over the "emotion" of it (which is not the same as the understanding of it) if I create atmospheres where people can be supportive and loving.

I don't think I would mind that type of Fe as nearly as much as the one I am used of getting from ENFjs, actually.

[Park]

You should be.

Now you definitely got her confused. (and scared)

[Joy]

Yeah, well this is how I've always been. It's what I value. I value your happiness and my genuine-ness. I search my heart and measure my words to make sure that I feel good towards you and don't take things the wrong way, and that I'll say it in a way where you can do the same. Maybe its a love...or belief...in wellness, more than just being well.

I think that's a good way to see it, regardless of one's type. Your focus is on forward/upward movement (not in an EJ "GOALS GOALS GOALS" sort of way, but in a seeking wellness sort of way). This will serve you well.

Even when I'm unhappy or my life has taken a downturn, it would make me more unhappy if everyone around me felt it too. I know I could get over the "emotion" of it (which is not the same as the understanding of it) if I create atmospheres where people can be supportive and loving.

I don't think there's any value in trying to spread misery (in doing so you're only focusing on it more, which only causes more of it for yourself), but I do think it's really important to be honest with yourself about your feelings because they are important indicators.

[Joy]

My Mom has " explosions" rather frequently... it looks like an adult throwing a tantrum. I'm not sure that I'd call it Fe explosions though because it's just venting. Things turn her mood sour and then she has to vent all of it. When she's doing this, anything you say will be unheard... she cannot see reason... she's just incredibly upset. Actually I don't really like being around her when she does this because it's kind of overwhelming (and all you can do is wait it out). But as soon as "the storm" passes, then her mood clears up and she's ready to move on like none of it happened. Although I think my mom is ESE, I think also that she's just high strung. I actually don't have these sorts of "explosions." I tend to be more calm than not. I can easily keep a cool head. (except for my recent issues with anxiety... I don't think that's type related though as it isn't inherent to my nature/temperament)

I don't think I've ever said any of those things to anyone. There have been times when I'm hurt and crying and I'm thinking "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," but I don't say it because I know I will regret it afterwards (because I don't mean it) and it might damage things in a way I might not be able to fix later. But it depends I suppose on who one is upset at. I usually assume words such as "I hate you" and "I wish you'd just leave" are searing and destructive and can create huge gaping rifts in relationships because they can be poison to relationships. I also though need people I'm close to to understand how I feel, but I can also feel that it isn't safe to express my feelings... that I just have too many of them and I don't want to overwhelm anyone with them.

Actually my very emotional ESE mother has never said any of those statements either - mainly because I don't think she's very hateful. If she actually felt hatred I'm sure she'd express it, but she's actually very kind-hearted. The thing with her is that a lot of what she feels is right out there on the surface... her emotions are very externalized. She can be insincere about many things, but not about her emotions. What you see is what she feels.

See, I don't know if I could either. If someone repeatedly tells me they hate me and they wish I'd just leave, I would feel very insecure about the relationship and I probably would just leave. Why should I stay and subject myself to that or stay with someone who I don't think really cares about me?

An ego type also has strong . This shouldn't be terribly confusing to them in this hypothetical scenario.

The ESE's I've known have been the same way.

(I've addressed most of the rest of what you said in later posts, the ones about wellness, etc.)

[Park]

An ego type also has strong .

I have come to a conclusion that creatives have a stronger, or at least more valued than leading types. Or at least that's how it appears to me.

[Joy]

I have come to a conclusion that creatives have a stronger, or at least more valued than leading types. Or at least that's how it appears to me.

It should. Fe dominants have Fi for their 7th function, their ignoring function. (Keep in mind that the 7th function answers our dual's 3rd function by telling them that it doesn't matter as much as they think it does.)

[misutii]

Also there are issues of perception in how fake and clear we appear to our various quadra members and confliction quadra members. It would be quite a problem if we were to find our own duals in such a negative fashion. In effect, the perception is a demonization of conflicting information rather then the information being deceptive or fake.

Hmm interesting I have some views on this matter too I don't know if anyone agrees but... in terms of people 'appearing fake' to others, in my experience there's individuals that seem to overcome this. I suppose they'd be "self-actualized" or whatever you want to call it but they've developed a certain kind of social responsibility that even if they're a member of your opposing quadra they don't seem fake.

Different types seem to have different defense mechanisms, and when they perceive they're being attacked they lash out aggressively with their strong functions. I find it's usually an exaggerated use of the strong function that causes problems because it can seriously hurt someone not prepared for it. For an Fe type it's usually, like Joy was saying, an emotional outburst on a ridiculous magnitude, like screaming "I HATE YOU!". For Se types a physical threat (or with Se females malicious gossip), with Fi types a kind of moral condemnation, for Ni types a sudden vengeful cold avoidance etc. Because the leading function is basically a person's natural state of being it makes sense that when threatened they'd instinctively revert to it full force.

But that being said a person of any type can overcome this. For example my aunt and uncle are ESTj and ENTj respectively, and both have a healthy lifestyle and I know that they want me to be who I am and they never reprimand me for using functions, which according to socionics they don't value. Like my uncle Te'd my resumee to bits but did it without being condescending at all (somehow turned my paragraphs into sentences lol) And my aunt, an ESTj accountant, was quick to encourage me to find a career in creative writing/journalism (fields that value Ni and Fe that most ESTjs would dismiss as not being real jobs).

Also I find that it's also possible to view my dual, for example, as acting 'fake', particularly if said person is going through difficult times or is simply immature. But in such situations I still feel a certain sense of compassion towards them... like instead of judging them outright as being fake on purpose I try to understand what brought them to act like this

edit: I can't remember where I read it but I remember reading something about how duality can actually serve as a natural cure for neurotic behaviour.... thought it was interesting, wish i could find where it was

[dbmmama]

I really dislike that sort of thing too. It’s extremely rude, because the person has no idea who you are, what you might be going through. It’s basically saying “I don’t give two hoots how you’re feeling right now. I don’t know who you are, but make me feel better please.”
So I don’t walk around on the street with a smile plastered on my face if I don’t feel like it, but at the same time I think you can get too carried away with ‘being true to yourself’ and just end up being selfish. It’s not fake to try and make a friend feel better by smiling and trying to lift their spirits even when you don’t feel like it. It’s not fake to smile at a stranger who asks for directions in order to make them feel like they’re not a complete waste of your time. If you’ve been invited to a dinner party or something, are you going to walk around with a scowl on your face just to let people know how you’re really feeling? The people you interact with are therefore influenced by your mood, and go home feeling a bit worse, and you’re thinking “I feel good about myself. I was honest about my feelings.” Well, good on ya. W00t.

Saying that Delta types are fake when they don’t represent their true emotions is arrogant and closeminded. Being diplomatic is a decision to put your own feelings aside for the benefit of the other person. It’s not pretending that you’re feeling a certain way. It’s seeing that you have a chance to influence someone for the better, and being unselfish enough to ignore yourself while you’re interacting with them. There’s a time and place to get your feelings ‘OUT THERE’ – sure - but you should realise it’s not always about you.

+100000

now we're talking! you've said it beautifully! that's the perfect balance to me.

[dbmmama]

Yeah, well this is how I've always been. It's what I value. I value your happiness and my genuine-ness. I search my heart and measure my words to make sure that I feel good towards you and don't take things the wrong way, and that I'll say it in a way where you can do the same. Maybe its a love...or belief...in wellness, more than just being well.

Even when I'm unhappy or my life has taken a downturn, it would make me more unhappy if everyone around me felt it too. I know I could get over the "emotion" of it (which is not the same as the understanding of it) if I create atmospheres where people can be supportive and loving.

+1000

[Kristiina]

Yeah, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who said stuff like that. I need ethical stability (Fi), and Fe is too... well, dynamic.

I've heard from an INFj that when she gets angry, they don't want to let the other person know this. Her logic is that she still cares about the other person, so she doesn't want the current anger ruin the relationship.

One ILE told me about one time when he was hanging out with an EII and everything was going well. 2 weeks later he heard from a third person that the EII suddenly hates him for saying something insensitive that time and the EII is not willing to hang out with him anymore.

My logic says that stability in a relationship can only come when important emotions are expressed. When both people know what's going on and when there is no secret hatred or anything. When the Fe type has an "Fe-explosion", Ti type is typically well aware that the Fe type cares about them. That's because the Fe type person has expressed it in many ways and many times already.

[Sirena]

I've heard from an INFj that when she gets angry, they don't want to let the other person know this. Her logic is that she still cares about the other person, so she doesn't want the current anger ruin the relationship.

One ILE told me about one time when he was hanging out with an EII and everything was going well. 2 weeks later he heard from a third person that the EII suddenly hates him for saying something insensitive that time and the EII is not willing to hang out with him anymore.

My logic says that stability in a relationship can only come when important emotions are expressed. When both people know what's going on and when there is no secret hatred or anything. When the Fe type has an "Fe-explosion", Ti type is typically well aware that the Fe type cares about them. That's because the Fe type person has expressed it in many ways and many times already.

Although I see your point and think we agree on the final goal, I don't think that having an explosion is a constructive way of communicating, especially knowing how it could affect the other person. It will often do more damage than good, however good we think it might feel to let those words out at the time. Those of us who value Fe should also be able to control how we express our emotions, doing otherwise I consider is irresponsible. In other words, there should be a balance between being able to express yourself and doing so in a way that will get the right message across. While I agree that we should let others know how we feel, we should do so in a way that the other person can be receptive to, especially if they are not Fe valuer types. We should not assume that the other person will somehow know that we don't mean what we say. Words are powerful. I'm not saying I've never made this mistake, but when I have I don't use the "this is just how I am" cop out. I take responsibility for my words and actions. So in my opinion, communication is key, when done in a non-threatening and constructive way.

[mm]

Above two posts nicely show the difference between leading and creative Fe.

[Kristiina]

just in case you guys take me too literally and think I'm a raving madman - usually I prefer insulted "I don't want to talk with you because of these reasons: ..." explained silent treatment to "I HATTTE YOU! I despise you and I hope you die and you suck and you are horrible and I hate you I hate you I hate you!!!" angry Fe explosion.

I have the other ones about once in 3 months and I don't remember the last time it was directed at the person I was talking with (excluding Kim, it must have been my SLI ex about 7 years ago). In stead my angry Fe explosions are more indirect, "The computer SUCKS! I hate it!!!!!" or "Can you imagine she actually told me that?! What a bitch!!!"

But when I'm just generally angry even at the ILI, I tell him very directly without sugarcoating, "I think it was your fault and I am angry." Mhh... I realized I never tell him I am angry at him. Must be some subconscious way to avoid going against his Fi-hidden agenda. I make the problem sound pretty inanimate, I describe what should have happened and what should have been done, but I don't really tell him, "you should have done this!"

[dbmmama]

this is an interesting convo guys!

yes, you can really tell the difference between Fe base and creative here. and even though Kristiina explained how she's not a "mad woman" you can still here how it's MORE than the creatives.

i am completely on board with the creatives way of seeing and doing it!!!!! absolutely!

great post qbsirena06! +100000 sweetheart!!

[Logos]

Although I see your point and think we agree on the final goal, I don't think that having an explosion is a constructive way of communicating, especially knowing how it could affect the other person. It will often do more damage than good, however good we think it might feel to let those words out at the time. Those of us who value Fe should also be able to control how we express our emotions, doing otherwise I consider is irresponsible. In other words, there should be a balance between being able to express yourself and doing so in a way that will get the right message across. While I agree that we should let others know how we feel, we should do so in a way that the other person can be receptive to, especially if they are not Fe valuer types. We should not assume that the other person will somehow know that we don't mean what we say. Words are powerful. I'm not saying I've never made this mistake, but when I have I don't use the "this is just how I am" cop out. I take responsibility for my words and actions. So in my opinion, communication is key, when done in a non-threatening and constructive way.

I do not think that Kristiina is advocating emotional outbursts or explosions, but merely emotional openness in which the emotional feeling is made apparent, vocalized, or displayed.

[Logos]

Actually I was wondering how Ti leading types react to intense emotional "explosions" or upsetedness or snappiness or whatever - how is it unique, or in what ways?

Storms and weather fronts lose their potency when they reach the impassable and unmovable mountains. But the mountains like it that way, since at least they get all the rain that they need for their mountainous slopes. The mountains do not mind either; they have been there for thousands of years, and they know that however angry the storms are or however dark the clouds may seem, it will pass and the skies will become blue and sunny following the storm. The sky is a harsh and fickle mistress, but the mountains still embrace her ways and she still seeks to cling to their rocky exteriors and shed tears on their unmoving shoulders.

[marooned]

Storms and weather fronts lose their potency when they reach the impassable and unmovable mountains. But the mountains like it that way, since at least they get all the rain that they need for their mountainous slopes. The mountains do not mind either; they have been their for thousands of years, and they know that however angry the storms are or however dark the clouds may seem, it will pass and the skies will become blue and sunny following the storm. The sky is a harsh and fickle mistress, but the mountains still embrace her ways and she still seeks to cling to their rocky exteriors and shed tears on their unmoving shoulders.

That was beautiful. I think my eyes may have teared slightly.

[Rubicon]

Storms and weather fronts lose their potency when they reach the impassable and unmovable mountains. But the mountains like it that way, since at least they get all the rain that they need for their mountainous slopes. The mountains do not mind either; they have been there for thousands of years, and they know that however angry the storms are or however dark the clouds may seem, it will pass and the skies will become blue and sunny following the storm. The sky is a harsh and fickle mistress, but the mountains still embrace her ways and she still seeks to cling to their rocky exteriors and shed tears on their unmoving shoulders.

I have to quote that again. That is an awesome analogy. :-)

[Rubicon]

I don't think I've ever said any of those things to anyone. There have been times when I'm hurt and crying and I'm thinking "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," but I don't say it because I know I will regret it afterwards (because I don't mean it) and it might damage things in a way I might not be able to fix later. But it depends I suppose on who one is upset at. I usually assume words such as "I hate you" and "I wish you'd just leave" are searing and destructive and can create huge gaping rifts in relationships because they can be poison to relationships. I also though need people I'm close to to understand how I feel, but I can also feel that it isn't safe to express my feelings... that I just have too many of them and I don't want to overwhelm anyone with them.

Actually my very emotional ESE mother has never said any of those statements either - mainly because I don't think she's very hateful. If she actually felt hatred I'm sure she'd express it, but she's actually very kind-hearted. The thing with her is that a lot of what she feels is right out there on the surface... her emotions are very externalized. She can be insincere about many things, but not about her emotions. What you see is what she feels.

See, I don't know if I could either. If someone repeatedly tells me they hate me and they wish I'd just leave, I would feel very insecure about the relationship and I probably would just leave. Why should I stay and subject myself to that or stay with someone who I don't think really cares about me?

An ego type also has strong . This shouldn't be terribly confusing to them in this hypothetical scenario.

I completely relate to this Loki. I guess there is a big difference to the way Fe dominants and creatives express their Fe. If someone makes me angry, then I might yell about the issue at hand, but I wouldn't make sweeping statements that I know would hurt the person for no reason. I wouldn't tell someone I loved them either unless I really meant it. But that's just who I am. I don't feel like saying those things unless I really mean them. Whereas it might be genuine for an Fe-dominant to have flashes of contradictory emotions and to express these - it would be a consciously-manipulative manoever if I were to do the same.

My emotions can be intense, but I don't feel like they distort reality. I feel like I'm responsible for my own emotional state, so I don't have any right to let others suffer through no fault of their own. I would actually prefer it if I could sit down calmly with someone I have a problem with and discuss it, but I usually can't. :-( So it's not my choice to get emotional normally, but that doesn't mean I'm not being rational about what I'm saying.

My sister is ENFj and her 'tantrums' used to disturb me too. She used to yell at me and call me hurtful things and then be all lovey-dovey the next day as if nothing had happened - and I would think "Well, if I wasn't to believe you when you said you hate me, then why should I believe the opposite now?" I don't like that sort of behaviour ... but then I'm the ENFj's supervisor, so maybe I'm supposed to feel disapproving?? Idk.

[Expat]

One ILE told me about one time when he was hanging out with an EII and everything was going well. 2 weeks later he heard from a third person that the EII suddenly hates him for saying something insensitive that time and the EII is not willing to hang out with him anymore.

You see, it would be interesting to know how the EII would have described it, because the way you (and the ILE, right?) put it is already seen through Fe eyes. You make it seem like Fi is a sort of "hidden Fe". I wouldn't think that, from the point of view of the EII, it was about saying something "insensitive" - which is already a Fe concept. Fi would be more about saying something contemptible, or untruthful, or with bad intentions. You know the Larry David persona in curb my enthusiasm? He's often telling small lies to his wife - not with the intention to cause any harm, sure, just because it helps him avoid getting into long and/or unpleasant discussions or explanations with her. That is the kind of thing that makes an EII slowly lose hope and eventually say "enough".

"Suddenly hates him" is also a Fe interpretation. I think it would be more like a final decision on something that had been gradually building up, as the EII lost respect for the ILE gradually. And I'd suggest that there were signs of that, that "not everything was going well" at all; but the ILE was oblivious to it (weak Fi).

Obviously, I don't know the story itself (or even if the types are correct). I'm just saying how that is a good example, to me, of how both an EIE and ILE can totally misunderstand how Fi dominants really go about things.

My logic says that stability in a relationship can only come when important emotions are expressed. When both people know what's going on and when there is no secret hatred or anything. When the Fe type has an "Fe-explosion", Ti type is typically well aware that the Fe type cares about them. That's because the Fe type person has expressed it in many ways and many times already.

Okay, so it's up to the other person to just know which Fe to take seriously or not, right?

Let me tell one story.

I lodged with a Fe ego guy once. On occasion he would explode, triggered by some minor conflict, and go "that's it! You annoy me to no end! Maybe you should just move out!!!!!!"

Okay, the next day he'd be sweetness and light. But I'd be thinking, "hmmm, ok, it was an outburst, but if he said that it's because he does think about kicking me out at some level. How do I know when the next outburst will be, and how far it will go? Maybe next time he will go all the way and indeed tell me to move out. How do I know? Okay, I'd better start looking for alternatives, rather than be dependent on his unpredictability".

So, "the Fe person has already expressed in many ways that he cares". But I can equally say that "the Fe person has already expressed in many ways that he's annoyed". So, I am the one who's supposed to just know what the Fe person meant, and what they didn't mean? How do I know that the angry outbursts are not the real feelings, and the "sweetness", just a polite facade?

I prefer not to have to deal with this kind of thing at all.

[ScarlettLux]

I love Logos

[Rubicon]

I yell very rarely (I don't seem to get angry very often). I'm actually quite mild-mannered. I can get irritated though and suddenly snap at someone. It might start with an "Ugh!" or an "Aaaaah!" which happens to vent out frustration that had been building up in the few minutes before I snap at them. Actually, since I brought her up earlier, the person I snap at the most is my mom. Generally my "snapping" is provoked by what I feel is "excessive nagging" from the other person.

Me too. Excessive nagging. I never nip it in the bud like I should. I let it build up until I can't stand it anymore and my emotions just spill over. And the person will usually be surprised because they had no idea they were annoying me.

[dbmmama]

Me too. Excessive nagging. I never nip it in the bud like I should. I let it build up until I can't stand it anymore and my emotions just spill over. And the person will usually be surprised because they had no idea they were annoying me.

me too. it's my oldest who does this to me. he has to know exactly when something is going to happen ahead of time. i don't know when something will happen until i feel the moment is right for it to happen. but i know it will happen. and he doesn't trust that it will happen if he doesn't have a time limit on it. so, he nags me. but all it does is makes me change my mind and NOT do it. we work on this one...... so i can feel free to not be pressured about when but he can feel assured that it will happen.

[Suomea]

...

[dbmmama]

Yeah I think that would be interesting as well to hear from that INFj on that interaction, or any INFj with a situation similar that has happened with an ENTp. I've definitely had a few similar circumstances which have taken me a little aback. IxFjs don't make it easy on you though because they provide very few emotional signs (external at least) that "not everything is going well." I'm extremely adaptive to others in this way. Fi dominants however don't always give 'honest' emotional information. They'll smile when they really aren't happy because it's cordial... .etc. This can sometimes make it difficult for an ENTp who just wants 'honest' emotional info.

i believe my sis has Fi and it has helped me understand where she's coming from with her way over the years. not that i agree and it's actually a continual process to keep on getting it but it sures helps to understand others who do what you say here.

i know i want honest emotional and thought info. and my mil, i believe is INFj, is like pulling teeth to get it from her over the years. i had to really realize to stop trying. but, she gives off these very subtle eye movements that tell me what she's really thinking or feeling and then i act accordingly rather than with her words. she is usually pleasantly surprised when i do that and is completely seething underneath if i don't. she NEVER comes right out and says what she wants/needs/likes, etc. i can tell not by her words, because they are always "nice." but by her body language, especially the eyes (of anyone actually).

and being a huge people pleaser myself, i am constantly trying to "read" people for what they actually want and/or need from me, but wishing they would just come out and tell me. and then i'm more than happy to accomodate then.

[mm]

So, "the Fe person has already expressed in many ways that he cares". But I can equally say that "the Fe person has already expressed in many ways that he's annoyed". So, I am the one who's supposed to just know what the Fe person meant, and what they didn't mean? How do I know that the angry outbursts are not the real feelings, and the "sweetness", just a polite facade?

I prefer not to have to deal with this kind of thing at all.

Are you just making a point here (from a LIE perspective) or are these genuine questions? I just can't figure it out

[anon50557]

I think there are two ways I perceive Fe. There's the Fe that makes demands: to join the group dynamic for the sake of the mood, ask 'how are you' when you greet people, when you don't intend to actually wait for an answer, Fe that demands that you interpret the above-mentioned emotional outbursts and know how to deal with them. In all these cases I am very much aware how Fe is my polar. I can't do this well, and usualy refuse to try

There's also a more subtle (and undemanding) use of Fe, that I think I might even seek out on occasion. Two IEIs I know are some of the best people I know to go to when I'm feeling down. If I am in a bad mood or troubled by something, it's as if I intentionally seek out the emotional manipulation that will cheer me up. I really don't notice the how of it, only that I consistently walk away in a better mood. Somehow I feel safer giving weight to emotions in their presence. I can say something's bothering me without feeling like I'm dumping unwanted and irrelevant emotional baggage, and they will know just what to say. Maybe this is Fe tempered by Fi or Ni or some other function, but it's a type of Fe expression that I greatly apreciate and value.

[Mea]

I think there are two ways I perceive Fe. There's the Fe that makes demands: to join the group dynamic for the sake of the mood, ask 'how are you' when you greet people, when you don't intend to actually wait for an answer, Fe that demands that you interpret the above-mentioned emotional outbursts and know how to deal with them. In all these cases I am very much aware how Fe is my polar. I can't do this well, and usualy refuse to try

hmm. i can relate to this.
and where i wonder, why do people go "how are you" or "what's up", when they don't really expect an answer.
now that you mentioned it... that it's only a greeting, i get it. lol.
i'd get so stressed thinking, am i suppose to say how i'm doing, or what's new in my life.
i can also relate to the "refusing to try" part, since it's awkward doing it, and pretty pointless to me.

i think Fe PoLR types have emotional outbursts too actually, because they're weak at it, thus not very good at controlling it. But from my observations, it's more of a "volcano" effect, where the frustration is probably stored for awhile before it "erupts".

[Park]

hmm. i can relate to this.
and where i wonder, why do people go "how are you" or "what's up", when they don't really expect an answer.
now that you mentioned it... that it's only a greeting, i get it. lol.
i'd get so stressed thinking, am i suppose to say how i'm doing, or what's new in my life.
i can also relate to the "refusing to try" part, since it's awkward doing it, and pretty pointless to me.

i think Fe PoLR types have emotional outbursts too actually, because they're weak at it, thus not very good at controlling it. But from my observations, it's more of a "volcano" effect, where the frustration is probably stored for awhile before it "erupts".

+1. I relate.

[dbmmama]

+1. I relate.

would that be considered "passive aggressive" because it just builds up and then explodes? my dh does that. i have to constantly be helping him "get it out" more often so he doesn't do that, especially to the kids. he appreciates that because he doesn't LIKE exploding, he likes that i help things to be smoother sailing for him all of the time.

[Park]

would that be considered "passive aggressive" because it just builds up and then explodes?

I don't know, probably. And I "explode" more often than some other people I know, too. I prefer to react right away to what bugs me if the circumstances allow it and my bigger explosions are usually the ones that have built up because of me not having the opportunity to let it out earlier. But they are all pretty much short and sharp, unlike say some EIEs' constant display of changing emotional states some of which can last for very long and be very intense and powerful.

[Park]

edit: I can't remember where I read it but I remember reading something about how duality can actually serve as a natural cure for neurotic behaviour.... thought it was interesting, wish i could find where it was

I would so love to have that, like right now!

[dbmmama]

I don't know, probably. And I "explode" more often than some other people I know, too. I prefer to react right away to what bugs me if the circumstances allow it and my bigger explosions are usually the ones that have built up because of me not having the opportunity to let it out earlier. But they are all pretty much short and sharp, unlike say some EIEs' constant display of changing emotional states some of which can last for very long and be very intense and powerful.

i'm kinda a mixture of both. i help him and my kids get stuff out so they are more emotionally healthy. but i personally can have changing emotional states. i don't think they are as often as Fe dom though. my hubby actually helps me to stay more even keel and balanced. we meet each other in the middle, so to speak.

sometimes he just needs to explode and i understand that and sometimes i enjoy the ups and downs of experiencing different emotions and he understands that.

[Sirena]

I would so love to have that, like right now!

You need to find your dual.

[Expat]

Are you just making a point here (from a LIE perspective) or are these genuine questions? I just can't figure it out

I was giving my perspective to constract with that of Kristiina's; but if someone has answers to those questions, then that's great.

[anon50557]

I don't explode, never have. I don't even know if I've ever real felt anger towads anyone. Resentment and dislike and frustration, yes. But they never lead to anger or rage. It's an emotion I don't fully understand and can only try to imagine. It's not that I keep emotions repressed (which implies a build-up of pressure that will have to be eventually let out) so much as subdued. I prefer not to stray too much from an emotionaly baseline. Thus the argument that emotions need to be 'let out' (an Fe-valuing stance, maybe?) has felt narrowminded, since ignoring the transient mood and allowing it to pass is an equally effective way of dealing with it.

[Ms. Kensington]

You need to find your dual.

i think winterpark meant the article. maybe not. Is your fiance your dual winterpark?