A vulnerability

[maze]

Do you have a friend like this? A socionics understanding of this? What type would you consider?

Being stressed at not being able to give her BEST to work, school, family, friends…because her time is divided into all those interests. She does not have enough time to be as effective as she wishes to be and it upsets her. She wants to be there for all those who need her. If one of her friends/family members is in trouble she assumes a certain amount of responsibility. If only she had more time to give what is needed to the situation. She is really struggling with this and feels torn. She has dreams revolving around this issue: She’ll have an old friend ask her to play basketball, but her shoes are not the right shoes and she’s uncomfortable and she hears her daughter crying in the background and she has to begrudgingly refuse the offer. She analyses these dreams and it further feeds her fears of not being able to perform her best. She talks about sacrifices and how they are a painful part of life.

All I could think of telling her is not to take on so many things. But it seemed insensitive. Seeing as how she does watch herself and is always trying to discipline herself when it comes to time management. If it was up to her, she’d pack on a ton of things to do and people to see. Her husband is very opinionated about this quark of hers. He tends to first offer solutions that allow her to have everything she needs and when that is not possible, he tells her which “appointments” are not worth the time and effort. Without him, she’d be even more loose with her interests and then miserably second guessing them.

(I <3 her <3).

[Expat]

This sounds like Ni PoLR.

[FDG]

Definitely ESFj

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

All I could think of telling her is not to take on so many things.

Trying to get an ESFj not to do so many things is like trying to get an INFp to decide on even doing *one* thing. A futile attempt, natch. Well not quite. Explain the time-frame of things to ESFj like an INTj would. My dad does this for my mom all the time. You can't criticize her directly for it or simply say 'you can't do so many things.' Also, offer to make lists for them like an INTj would- but don't get too involved in the actual physical process unless she offers you first.

ESFjs can complain a lot and go woe as me mode...like they don't see a way out of it sometimes, it's like, they don't stop and think and they make decisions hastily. For them it's no big deal to just go to the store for somebody- but for so many types, we could plan that like days ahead of time.

I'm their supervisor so I don't help them much I know but I try to approach it from the angle that INTjs do.... so maybe ask them and learn from them.

[maze]

This sounds like Ni PoLR.

Thanks

Definitely ESFj

So she does sound Si caregivery. Thanks

Trying to get an ESFj not to do so many things is like trying to get an INFp to decide on even doing *one* thing.

hehehe

A futile attempt, natch. Well not quite. Explain the time-frame of things to ESFj like an INTj would. My dad does this for my mom all the time. You can't criticize her directly for it or simply say 'you can't do so many things.' Also, offer to make lists for them like an INTj would- but don't get too involved in the actual physical process unless she offers you first.

She makes her own lists. I just offer to actually DO some of the things for her. Take a load off her plate. Her husband tells her which things shouldn't even be ON the plate to begin with.

ESFjs can complain a lot and go woe as me mode...like they don't see a way out of it sometimes, it's like, they don't stop and think and they make decisions hastily. For them it's no big deal to just go to the store for somebody- but for so many types, we could plan that like days ahead of time.

She actually is a planner. She wont appreciate someone asking her to go to the store last minute. She isn't caregivery like that. It's that she visualizes she can do a lot and excessively plans for it ALL. To the minute. She does this so that everything should theoretically fall into place. But she knows it wont and just resigns herself to live through the imperfections.