Delta STs missing the spark, settling for insensitive and dry

[Lobo]

I have noticed that most of you guys don't see life as being "happy," in that you expect things to always go wrong, or that you are "assholes" and there is nothing you can do about it. It's this "spark" that's not there when I talk to them, like they just settle on being insensitive and dry. Like, "I'll get dumped sooner or later when she gets tired of me." It bothers me when they just don't try to improve on being more confident in expressing their loving side, like it's something wrong to do. I'm guessing that it's awkward for them? I do see that the females are more encouraged to be this way, though they might feel bad that it's not as open as other types. Is all of this just my perception? It's like I have to melt their hearts, as cheesy as it may sound . I know how to do it, but then the level of attachment to me might not be a good idea.

[force my hand]

Doesn't really matter anyway.

[Lobo]

Why doesn't it matter?

[force my hand]

Why doesn't it matter?

You missed the joke, bud.

[Lobo]

Maybe I really didn't, and I am just setting up for a joke myself...




Nah, I didn't get it.

[UDP]

I have noticed that most of you guys don't see life as being "happy," in that you expect things to always go wrong, or that you are "assholes" and there is nothing you can do about it.

You seem to be touching on a lot of different things here - that is a broad brush you are painting with.

It's this "spark" that's not there when I talk to them, like they just settle on being insensitive and dry.

As opposed to.......?
Being glittery and happy like an ENFj or an ESFj?
That's just not going to happen

Like, "I'll get dumped sooner or later when she gets tired of me."

What kind of an attitude is that?
Now this is just being a puss-bag, lacking confidence or self worth - this is not type related at all.
I have never - ever - ever
in my entire life ever said anything like that, and I never will. Count on it.

It bothers me

(yeah, that bothers me, too....)

when they just don't try to improve on being more confident in expressing their loving side, like it's something wrong to do.

See - this is something separate from what you said above. Believing I'll get dumped sooner or later is not the same as showing your loving side - so what are you really getting at here, in this post? It is unclear.

A lot of delta STs are very caring and protective of the people they care about - perhaps you've just not seen it? But still, what exactly are you getting at here?
I can be a cold sob, and have been, for a while - when I am not around people I care about.

I'm guessing that it's awkward for them? I do see that the females are more encouraged to be this way, though they might feel bad that it's not as open as other types. Is all of this just my perception? It's like I have to melt their hearts, as cheesy as it may sound . I know how to do it, but then the level of attachment to me might not be a good idea.

See, I can't tell if you like what you see, or what you are really getting at here. It almost sounds like you like the melting hearts idea or something - why don't you explain all of this more clearly.

Emotions are extremely awkward for me, I will say that much. Especially when I am unsure of my real bond or relation to someone - Fi stuff. However once I am sure of loyalty, I am much more generous and expressive. How types melt my heart is they soften me a lot, and calm me down, and make me feel like I can trust them. Sometimes it is like an education thing, because I always get a sense of becoming better around them. I feel somewhat like a more primitive type of person because morality comes oddly to me, but seeing people who are so sure in it does warm me up so to say. I see someone who needs to be protected, and they perhaps see me as someone who is willing to learn and grow, somewhat. I'm not sure.


Do you expect delta STs to be just like you?

[Lobo]

Great, now I have to start writing all over again because message got deleted before posting...

Let's see if I can explain the general idea of what I wrote.

I can't explain in a logical way what I mean . To me, a lot of Delta STs can take mundane things too seriously and can be pessimistic, resulting in them getting grumpy. Of course, this doesn't apply to all Delta ST, but I do see this in a lot of them. When I joke around with select few I tend to transmit other messages than the actual joke, and I see that they are receptive and respond well to it, which makes me conclude that they really need what I'm transmitting. I know how to joke and "show the love" at the same time. For some reason, they can laugh so hard and have a good time when I joke this way, which gives me more of a reason to believe that they need it. I don't know if what I'm writing makes sense to you, but I don't know how to explain it better.

[UDP]

I can't explain in a logical way what I mean . To me, a lot of Delta STs can take mundane things too seriously and can be pessimistic, resulting in them getting grumpy. Of course, this doesn't apply to all Delta ST, but I do see this in a lot of them. When I joke around with select few I tend to transmit other messages than the actual joke, and I see that they are receptive and respond well to it, which makes me conclude that they really need what I'm transmitting. I know how to joke and "show the love" at the same time. For some reason, they can laugh so hard and have a good time when I joke this way, which gives me more of a reason to believe that they need it. I don't know if what I'm writing makes sense to you, but I don't know how to explain it better.

What you say sounds somewhat like creative - boosting people emotionally.
But, I think I know what you mean.

Do you see yourself as boosting people's moods, or developing relationships with them?
I don't need my mood boosted, but friendships and relationships are nice.

Like, warming up to them and showing them that it is ok to be friendly and good natured to other people?

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[implied]

I can't explain in a logical way what I mean . To me, a lot of Delta STs can take mundane things too seriously and can be pessimistic, resulting in them getting grumpy. Of course, this doesn't apply to all Delta ST, but I do see this in a lot of them. When I joke around with select few I tend to transmit other messages than the actual joke, and I see that they are receptive and respond well to it, which makes me conclude that they really need what I'm transmitting. I know how to joke and "show the love" at the same time. For some reason, they can laugh so hard and have a good time when I joke this way, which gives me more of a reason to believe that they need it. I don't know if what I'm writing makes sense to you, but I don't know how to explain it better.

What you say sounds somewhat like creative - boosting people emotionally.
But, I think I know what you mean.

Do you see yourself as boosting people's moods, or developing relationships with them?
I don't need my mood boosted, but friendships and relationships are nice.

Like, warming up to them and showing them that it is ok to be friendly and good natured to other people?

emotional boost and expression of emotions isn't always creative, UDP.

also -- i thought ENFps and the like could be quite fond of melting hearts? is that not Fi creative-ish?

[leckysupport]

I have noticed that most of you guys don't see life as being "happy," in that you expect things to always go wrong, or that you are "assholes" and there is nothing you can do about it. It's this "spark" that's not there when I talk to them, like they just settle on being insensitive and dry. Like, "I'll get dumped sooner or later when she gets tired of me." It bothers me when they just don't try to improve on being more confident in expressing their loving side, like it's something wrong to do. I'm guessing that it's awkward for them? I do see that the females are more encouraged to be this way, though they might feel bad that it's not as open as other types. Is all of this just my perception? It's like I have to melt their hearts, as cheesy as it may sound . I know how to do it, but then the level of attachment to me might not be a good idea.

To UDP, sereno is basically telling the truth or atleast from my perspective.

It actually annoys me when I get caught up in Delta NF land of love and flowers. Since it blinds you of dangers that could come out of the blue and do quite a bit of damage (what if she was going to dump him sooner or later, do you want him to think that she will love him forever?). Infact I think it happens more with EIIs than it does with IEEs, IEEs are more realistic, not overly full of over-nice deluding crap. I do respond well to the heart melting but I just want it done less than you get from EIIs.

[Lobo]

UDP Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:01 am Post subject:

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What you say sounds somewhat like creative - boosting people emotionally.
But, I think I know what you mean.

Do you see yourself as boosting people's moods, or developing relationships with them?
I don't need my mood boosted, but friendships and relationships are nice.

Like, warming up to them and showing them that it is ok to be friendly and good natured to other people?

I try to develop relationships with them (in the general way), which then as a side effect boosts their mood. I'm terrible at directly improving people's moods without giving them a reason to do it... The last sentence you wrote is what I was referring to.

Diana Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 5:04 am Post subject: Re: Delta STs

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Sereno wrote:

I know how to do it, but then the level of attachment to me might not be a good idea.

Why do you think that would cause a high level of attachment?

Well, I see grumpiness and aversion of people a sign of being hurt in the past by others, and it's a type of defense mechanism that I can see through rather easily. The problem is that you don't really want to remove this from them, since it makes them vulnerable, even if I don't think it's a good way of protecting yourself. That's why I say that the level of attachment to someone who removes this might not be a good idea, because then you just can't leave them that way, probably not knowing what to do. I can't help everybody though, it's just too tiring and draining. Actually, I see it as me trying to disarm a blindfolded person that has a knife. You must expect some slashes before taking that knife from them, and you must have a really good reason to go through it. Right now I just avoid all this, since I'm working on being selfish, and I don't want to take all this crap.

electric Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 2:18 pm Post subject: Re: Delta STs

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To UDP, sereno is basically telling the truth or atleast from my perspective.

It actually annoys me when I get caught up in Delta NF land of love and flowers. Since it blinds you of dangers that could come out of the blue and do quite a bit of damage (what if she was going to dump him sooner or later, do you want him to think that she will love him forever?). Infact I think it happens more with EIIs than it does with IEEs, IEEs are more realistic, not overly full of over-nice deluding crap. I do respond well to the heart melting but I just want it done less than you get from EIIs.

Well, it depends. I do agree that Delta NFs can be caught up in the land of love and flowers like you say, but that's not true in my case. Trust me in that there is probably nothing that I avoid more than to hurt people when they are exposed and vulnerable. Actually, that is one of the reasons I treat people coldly sometimes. I just don't want them thinking things that are not true, or giving them false hopes.

[UDP]

Nothing melts my heart like an INfFj, that's for sure.

[xyz]

I have noticed that most of you guys don't see life as being "happy," in that you expect things to always go wrong, or that you are "assholes" and there is nothing you can do about it. It's this "spark" that's not there when I talk to them, like they just settle on being insensitive and dry. Like, "I'll get dumped sooner or later when she gets tired of me." It bothers me when they just don't try to improve on being more confident in expressing their loving side, like it's something wrong to do. I'm guessing that it's awkward for them? I do see that the females are more encouraged to be this way, though they might feel bad that it's not as open as other types. Is all of this just my perception? It's like I have to melt their hearts, as cheesy as it may sound . I know how to do it, but then the level of attachment to me might not be a good idea.

They call us realists for a reason

Really you just have to stand out for the billions of other boring people out there sucking up the air.

[Minde]

For the record, I can understand most of what Sereno's saying in this thread. Pretty sure I do, anyway. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

[UDP]

UDP Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:01 am Post subject:

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What you say sounds somewhat like creative - boosting people emotionally.
But, I think I know what you mean.

Do you see yourself as boosting people's moods, or developing relationships with them?
I don't need my mood boosted, but friendships and relationships are nice.

Like, warming up to them and showing them that it is ok to be friendly and good natured to other people?

I try to develop relationships with them (in the general way), which then as a side effect boosts their mood. I'm terrible at directly improving people's moods without giving them a reason to do it... The last sentence you wrote is what I was referring to.

....yeah......................

I am fairly terrible at that.