How do SLEs/ESTps behave when they're attracted to someone?

[betterthandead]

yomama

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Animal]

A fool and his money are soon parted?? . . . nevermind, that was mean. I just have a hard time imagining someone spending that much on a date. Carry on.

I'm going to have to agree. That's way too much for the first date. I could see maybe close to $100 at a nice restaurant or seeing a play or something, but nowhere near approaching $200 on the first date.

IME, ESTps just tend to try and make you laugh a lot if they like you. They might spend a lot on drinks and flashy stuff (for themselves ), but seem to migrate to people who aren't as flashy as they are.

[FDG]

I'd spend 100 dollars on a first date if my income was six figures

[Mediator Kam]

What I've seen is that ESTp's don't necessarily spend money on someone they are attracted to, they'd rather hang out with said person, but never spending more than 10-20 dollars.

Yesh, dey love being playful.

[Animal]

I can't really imagine what I would spend $100+ on for a first date. Is there really anything all that worthwhile that requires that much money before you even get to know the person? I'd much rather just spend time in a sketchy dive making fun of the sketchiness of the dive with someone I like, than at an impersonal, velvet-rope affair where they try and manufacture European charm and mass-market romance surrounded by yuppies (God help us all).

[FDG]

I can't really imagine what I would spend $100+ on for a first date. Is there really anything all that worthwhile that requires that much money before you even get to know the person? I'd much rather just spend time in a sketchy dive making fun of the sketchiness of the dive with someone I like, than at an impersonal, velvet-rope affair where they try and manufacture European charm and mass-market romance surrounded by yuppies (God help us all).

Dunno depends on how costly is life around there too! I mean I can IMAGINE it for exampleee

going out for dinner (I eat a lot, and I like girls that eat a lot): 40 dollars at a normal place
going to see a concert me paying: 30 dollars
a drink or two at the concert: 10 dollars

[Animal]

I can't really imagine what I would spend $100+ on for a first date. Is there really anything all that worthwhile that requires that much money before you even get to know the person? I'd much rather just spend time in a sketchy dive making fun of the sketchiness of the dive with someone I like, than at an impersonal, velvet-rope affair where they try and manufacture European charm and mass-market romance surrounded by yuppies (God help us all).

Dunno depends on how costly is life around there too! I mean I can IMAGINE it for exampleee

going out for dinner (I eat a lot, and I like girls that eat a lot): 40 dollars at a normal place
going to see a concert me paying: 30 dollars
a drink or two at the concert: 10 dollars

True, I can see how that could all add up, although it kind of seems like a lot for one night - especially in the beginning stages when you're just trying to feel the waters out. More time concentrating on each other, and less on external things like food/music/etc. That can always come later, if things click on the first date.

Now of course I'm a college student, dating other equally-poor college students, and only working part-time at the moment, so of course I'd rather err on the side of being creative and seeing how far I can stretch a dollar. There's all sorts of really cool free/cheap events in the city and some great food to be had for not-too-much money.

[force my hand]

First date usually involves coffee ($5) or drinks/food at a lounge ($10-20).

No way I would ever blow $100 on a first date. That's fucking ridiculous.

[Jarno]

Just curious if they're the same as ISTP. For example, I usually spend $100-200 on the first date.

That is wrong for 3 reasons:

1) It's not worth it. Use your money for when you really have something going on, not in the "research" fase.

2) You make an impression of being a big spender. That makes you look like you have nothing else to convincing her to be with you.

3) You are sure to attract at least all the golddiggers.

[Ezra]

What I've seen is that ESTp's don't necessarily spend money on someone they are attracted to, they'd rather hang out with said person, but never spending more than 10-20 dollars.

Yesh, dey love being playful.

Agree 100%

[mustachio]

personally, being the frugal type, i don't spend too much on a girl i barely know. i keep things simple. the movies, perhaps a restaurant or bar, then we hit the club. the movies is always a good one for me because i'm studying film so it's a given that we'll end up there without it seeming too unoriginal. taking a girl to places i know is important because i'm in my comfort zone and i can make her giggle and ultimately seduce her if it hasn't already been done. i only spend on a girl who's been my girlfriend for awhile. normally, your first date should not exceed the 50-100$ zone. if you can keep it below 10$ and still score you're my clone. ever heard of Starbucks? ime, a girl who's truly interested in you as a person won't be as impressed by your money as she will by your forked tongue.

[betterthandead]

yomama

[mustachio]

I meant $1.00-2.00 , typo.

now you're talking!

[FDG]

I can't really imagine what I would spend $100+ on for a first date. Is there really anything all that worthwhile that requires that much money before you even get to know the person? I'd much rather just spend time in a sketchy dive making fun of the sketchiness of the dive with someone I like, than at an impersonal, velvet-rope affair where they try and manufacture European charm and mass-market romance surrounded by yuppies (God help us all).

Dunno depends on how costly is life around there too! I mean I can IMAGINE it for exampleee

going out for dinner (I eat a lot, and I like girls that eat a lot): 40 dollars at a normal place
going to see a concert me paying: 30 dollars
a drink or two at the concert: 10 dollars

True, I can see how that could all add up, although it kind of seems like a lot for one night - especially in the beginning stages when you're just trying to feel the waters out. More time concentrating on each other, and less on external things like food/music/etc. That can always come later, if things click on the first date.

Now of course I'm a college student, dating other equally-poor college students, and only working part-time at the moment, so of course I'd rather err on the side of being creative and seeing how far I can stretch a dollar. There's all sorts of really cool free/cheap events in the city and some great food to be had for not-too-much money.

I actually agree with you really, I was just imaging the possibility on how it could play out. Here, 40 dollars isn't even THAT expensive for a dinner provided that both parties like to eat and drink! But I agree that there are plenty of things around that aren't expensive.

btw, I've generally spended 5 dollars @ first dates (an ice cream for both and if the girl wants more, well, there's free stuff she can get=0)

[Kristiina]

btw, I've generally spended 5 dollars @ first dates (an ice cream for both and if the girl wants more, well, there's free stuff she can get=0)

hahaha...

[Blaze]

yeah coffee is like the classic first date. if you had some kind of cake or something, it could turn out to be around $10 or so. you don't want to seem overly eager or anything on the first few dates.

but as to the question of how you can tell an estp is interested in you....they'll talk you up. they'll call you on the phone. they'll hang around the group you're in and watch you. you will definitely know they are interested they are not at all shy about it after they've watched you a few times.

then they'll be kinda gallant, turning the world upside down to arrange cool experiences....weekend getaways....whatever. they are really fun to be around and even when they're broke will find a way to make money so they can take you out. if they are a guy that is, i just realized i was thinking about male estp's.

[redbaron]

yeah coffee is like the classic first date. if you had some kind of cake or something, it could turn out to be around $10 or so. you don't want to seem overly eager or anything on the first few dates.

but as to the question of how you can tell an estp is interested in you....they'll talk you up. they'll call you on the phone. they'll hang around the group you're in and watch you. you will definitely know they are interested they are not at all shy about it after they've watched you a few times.

then they'll be kinda gallant, turning the world upside down to arrange cool experiences....weekend getaways....whatever. they are really fun to be around and even when they're broke will find a way to make money so they can take you out. if they are a guy that is, i just realized i was thinking about male estp's.

Wasn't your ex and ESTp? Ah, I would love that stuff. Being pursued is the best (when you really like him, that is) but it has to be done in the right way. Like you said: cool experiences, not cheesy stuff like roses and candy.

[Wittmont]

Boo

How is a socially shy ESTp going to meet a socially shy INFp then? Ooh the cruelty of the world!

[Wittmont]

Let's just say that shit happens, and things have a way of working themselves out.

Yay :wink:

[Mediator Kam]

Let's just say that shit happens, and things have a way of working themselves out.

Yay :wink:

I wish I could be some kind of cupid, pushing duals together sometimes, but I'm not confident with my social skills, too weird xD.

[Blaze]

but as to the question of how you can tell an estp is interested in you....they'll talk you up. they'll call you on the phone. they'll hang around the group you're in and watch you. you will definitely know they are interested they are not at all shy about it after they've watched you a few times.

while i agree that this would apply to certain estps in certain situations, there are actually lots of estps out there that won't do this type of thing outright like that. i think it depends on how approachable you are, how approachable your friends are, and how outgoing that particular estp is (believe it or not, some estps can actually be quite shy socially). i think that logical subtype estps are more likely to take a more subtle route than that.

yeah i spose....i was mainly talking about a male estp, also. they're usually very straightforward in my experience. but hey maybe when they are young or female they are not so much the outgoing one. *shrugs*

edit: changed my mind, see post below.

[Blaze]

yeah coffee is like the classic first date. if you had some kind of cake or something, it could turn out to be around $10 or so. you don't want to seem overly eager or anything on the first few dates.

but as to the question of how you can tell an estp is interested in you....they'll talk you up. they'll call you on the phone. they'll hang around the group you're in and watch you. you will definitely know they are interested they are not at all shy about it after they've watched you a few times.

then they'll be kinda gallant, turning the world upside down to arrange cool experiences....weekend getaways....whatever. they are really fun to be around and even when they're broke will find a way to make money so they can take you out. if they are a guy that is, i just realized i was thinking about male estp's.

Wasn't your ex and ESTp? Ah, I would love that stuff. Being pursued is the best (when you really like him, that is) but it has to be done in the right way. Like you said: cool experiences, not cheesy stuff like roses and candy.

lol yes he is/was estp....we were around 27 years old when we dated and he definitely pursued me after a period of watching me closely and in a bunch of situations. it was very obvious he was watching me also. and he was quite suave....for a long time i felt that he was an introvert. so it's this combination of him being the strong organizer and initiator coupled with a tendency to watch and observe.

[redbaron]

yeah coffee is like the classic first date. if you had some kind of cake or something, it could turn out to be around $10 or so. you don't want to seem overly eager or anything on the first few dates.

but as to the question of how you can tell an estp is interested in you....they'll talk you up. they'll call you on the phone. they'll hang around the group you're in and watch you. you will definitely know they are interested they are not at all shy about it after they've watched you a few times.

then they'll be kinda gallant, turning the world upside down to arrange cool experiences....weekend getaways....whatever. they are really fun to be around and even when they're broke will find a way to make money so they can take you out. if they are a guy that is, i just realized i was thinking about male estp's.

Wasn't your ex and ESTp? Ah, I would love that stuff. Being pursued is the best (when you really like him, that is) but it has to be done in the right way. Like you said: cool experiences, not cheesy stuff like roses and candy.

lol yes he is/was estp....we were around 27 years old when we dated and he definitely pursued me after a period of watching me closely and in a bunch of situations. it was very obvious he was watching me also. and he was quite suave....for a long time i felt that he was an introvert. so it's this combination of him being the strong organizer and initiator coupled with a tendency to watch and observe.

Interesting. The ESTp I know also does a LOT of watching/observing of people. At first I didn't like him because I assumed he was too serious-minded but that was before I got to know him. He's actually a lot of fun, just doesn't show his emotions much. Interesting thing is that he's the youngest of five kids but takes care of the entire family almost single-handedly now that many of them are older and sick, etc. Plus his much older mother. But yeah, he's the guy to call when you need to get something done. Now that we know each other a little bit and he knows I think he's funny, he tries to make me laugh almost every time he sees me. So I can imagine how someone like that might be if they were romantically interested.

[lefty]

I can't really imagine what I would spend $100+ on for a first date. Is there really anything all that worthwhile that requires that much money before you even get to know the person? I'd much rather just spend time in a sketchy dive making fun of the sketchiness of the dive with someone I like, than at an impersonal, velvet-rope affair where they try and manufacture European charm and mass-market romance surrounded by yuppies (God help us all).

[lefty]

taking a girl to places i know is important because i'm in my comfort zone and i can make her giggle and ultimately seduce her if it hasn't already been done.

that's hot.

[lefty]

I have to say, btw, that I do romanticize estps in addition to feeling pride for them. And I feel commradery (sp) and friendship and I do learn from them. Anyway I think as their activity partner I can be interested in extracting the best out of them and its not a whole experience, but find their level of energy very captivating. So in honor of the ESTP is a poem which, granted, also gives homage to the esfp, but def the beloved estp and sort of gives more depth to that reflective aspect that estps have running through them about the implications of their actions and experiences:




JACK KEROUAC ON BRANDO, DEAN AND PRESLEY

America’s New Trinity of Love: Dean, Brando, Presley
(Written at the instigation of the two Helens, Weaver and Elliot 1957)

Love is sweeping the country.

While wars and riots rage all around the world, in a vortex that resembles the dying Dinosaur Age of Violence, here within her sweeter shores America is producing a Revolution of Love. Three young men of exceptional masculine beauty and compassion and sadness have been upraised by its reaching hands.

This is strange and it is good. Up to now the American Hero has always been on the defensive: he killed Indians and villains and beat up his rivals and surled. He has been good-looking but never compassionate except at odd moments and only in stock situations. Now the new American hero, as represented by the trinity of James Dean, Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley, is the image of compassion in itself. And this makes him more beautiful than ever. It is as though Christ and Buddha were about to come again with masculine love for the woman at last. All gone are the barriers of asceticism and the barriers of ancient anti-womanism that go deep into primitive religion. It is a Revolution of Love and it will become a Religion of Love. The Garden of Eden might come back in its pristine form. The old American Hero fought the Devil; the new American Hero knows that the Devil never existed except in the minds of anxiety. There will be no more tempting of the woman by the Devil and no banishment from the paradise on earth.

It’s got to be. A Revolution of Love is the positive answer; banishment of war and the Bomb is only a negative answer. There have been Revolutions of Love before, accomplished always by some isolated individual like Cassanova, Valentino, Sinatra. But now the intensity and the need is such, that there are more than one. It’s not a vain and self centered thing, but it spreads. This is implicit in the James Dean movie “Rebel Without A Cause” where, when the hero and the girl sneak off to make love in the empty mansion, leaving the desperate boy alone (Sal Mineo), and all the trouble takes place, Dean says: “We shouldnt have left him alone,” the girl says “But I needed you,” and Dean states “But he needed you too.” This is child-like and innocent. “Suffer the little ones to come unto me.” There is the need all around to be recognized and adored by some other human being, the need all around for kindness, for the ideal of love which does not exclude cruelty but is all-embracing, non-assertive, simply lovely. Not necessarily the Dionysion orgy but the tender communion.

As always when something new grows out of the groaning earth, this earth which is a recent event in the cosmic eternity of light, there are angry complaints raised from all stations. The dryer intellectuals complain that the adulation of the dead James Dean by thousands of American girls represents a kind of unhealthy necrophilia; they point out the fact that 1,000 fan letters a month are still being written to Dean as tho he were still alive, asking for his pictures and asking him to come back because they love him. “Even if you look bad and you’re all cut up from your car-crash, come back anyway.” Yet if Ste. Teresa can make us the holy promise that she will come back and shower the earth with roses forever, this belief in the immortal lovingness of James Dean by thousands of eager believing chicks is well-rooted in a reverential mystical tradition that has certainly never harmed the sleeping babe in his crib. It augurs well for the world that it will refuse to believe that in death endeth loveliness, or endeth enlightenment.

Elegant complainers say Marlon Brando is ill-dressed, vain, self-centred, Kowalski-Terry Malloy hoodlumish, irresponsible; they picture him as wandering away to leave his girl crying. Yet what is it he has?–that made a girl say “I just feel that Marlon Brando would know how to love me better than any man in the world, that he would go skipping down the street with me hand-in-hand, that he would do anything I asked him, and be kind. Because his soul is free and that’s why he’s so beautiful!”… Brando is indeed a free soul; his individual approach to his work as well as to his way of life bespeak a strong faith in himself as a man and as an American.

[Fallen Adalia]

I'm a female ESTP, on the first date with a female INFJ we:

1) got coffee smoothie things and a pastry or a sandwich of some sort. ($5 or 10)

2) played a couple games of pool in the coffee house basement. ($2)

3) walked around downtown looking at cool old buildings, snuck into this hotel that is basically an old mission with lots of old passageways and gardens. Funny enough sneaking in was her idea, suffice it to say from that moment on I've been crazy about her. We walked around the mission like we owned the place, exploring the basements and the roof levels and the locked gardens. I pretended to read her palm, and we looked at the moon wishing we had our cameras. we were also basically in our PJs btw, we wanted to be laid back so we agreed over the phone not to dress up.

4) After the mission Inn we walked around more and there was this town celebration thing going on, I don't know what it was about. Point is some band was playing at the steps of the church, we snuck around back and walked into the church that was supposed to be closed. We went up to this classroom in the church and there was this piano there. I don't actually know how to play piano but my brother does, he showed me how to improvise and how to make it sound like music. All he told me was enough for me to pretend I know what I am doing.. I played scary sounding notes and began to tell her I could feel someone else was in the room, perhaps a ghost. she got a little scared and asked me to stop, I told her I didnt actually feel anything I was just messing around. you could tell she knew I was messing around, but it still made her uneasy so she turned on the light. There were children's hand prints all over the walls in paint. Funny enough it gave us the creeps, but the more scary I would make my story the closer she got to me.. it was nice, like taking her out to a horror movie. she clung close and bit her lip a few times, eventually she said if I didn't stop she would go. So I played some nicer sounding notes, and we joked a bit till we were kicked out of the church.
it was funny cause she seemed to have this anti authority thing going on when the lady who caught us asked us to leave. IDK it she has always been difficult to understand, but over all I'm just glad she was upset to have to cut the date short.. it ment she was having fun.

We walked around some more then it was time for her to go home, I believe I walked her to her car. We talked some and then said good night.

Over all it was one of the best dates for me, she also talks about it every now and again. Mostly about how she kicked my butt at pool with a very lucky shot lol. I've never had so much fun with a person who wanted to be home by like 10pm or something like that lol. It's weird I thought I'd done something wrong, turns out she has my sense of fun but in short bursts.

Anyway yeah if I'd had the money i would have done more then walk around into random gay bars and sneak around chuches and old missions down town.. but I wouldn't have had so much fun. I tend to have all my first dates at this coffee house, its a good place to start and test out the person you are with. This INFJ saw outside the box, she took the date in a fun direction and she was able to keep up when I wanted to take it further.. this makes her awesome in my book... but I suppose thats not the point.

[thePirate]

you cunt

you didnt answer the question at all

you just gushed over some date no one gives a shit about

[crazedrat]

Yeah.

Anyway, this is a socionics site. Are you dating your conflictor or are you just talking in MBTI terms?

[IEI]

while i agree that this would apply to certain estps in certain situations, there are actually lots of estps out there that won't do this type of thing outright like that. i think it depends on how approachable you are, how approachable your friends are, and how outgoing that particular estp is (believe it or not, some estps can actually be quite shy socially). i think that logical subtype estps are more likely to take a more subtle route than that.

So how do the shy ones behave?

[Computer Loser]

I see my ESTp friend as a "silent assassin." Very quiet, calm on the outside, but loves to have fun and spend time with his loved ones. And yes, he is VERY observant. After the initial hesitation, when everything seems safe, he goes in for the kill.

Some things he does:

-He's an artist and he often makes "extravagant" art for his loved ones.
-Spends time, a lot of time, with that person, taking away significant time spent with other friends.
-Treats the person like a possession, kinda.
-Acts kinda "flamboyant" and "alive" around that special person

Yeah, not sure if those are type-relate, though.

I like working with ESTps...We get stuff done.

[betterthan]

you cunt

you didnt answer the question at all

you just gushed over some date no one gives a shit about

LMAO!

[betterthan]

I see my ESTp friend as a "silent assassin." Very quiet, calm on the outside, but loves to have fun and spend time with his loved ones. And yes, he is VERY observant. After the initial hesitation, when everything seems safe, he goes in for the kill.

Yeahman! Ti subtype all over baby ! Do you know his subtype?

Se subtype are more agressive and *in your face* kind of charming.

[Computer Loser]

Yeahman! Ti subtype all over baby ! Do you know his subtype?

Se subtype are more agressive and *in your face* kind of charming.

Definitely Ti Subtype... He is more of a "in the shadows" and "wait and see" type.

And yeah, I agree Se types are very aggressive and in your face. My ESTp-Se friend straight up told a little kid "I don't like you" after he got fed up with his annoyance, lol.

[betterthan]

Definitely Ti Subtype... He is more of a "in the shadows" and "wait and see" type.

And yeah, I agree Se types are very aggressive and in your face. My ESTp-Se friend straight up told a little kid "I don't like you" after he got fed up with his annoyance, lol.

Haha ! I love it.

[YXPR]

From what I have experienced they tend to do such things as:

- invade your space, for exemple: sit next to you, make sure you see them, dancing next to you at parties (but not with you unless you invite them to).
- ignore you, avoid you in a rather obvious manner (at least obvious to me).
- shout your name when they see you
- come and talk to you about meaningless things, but the conversation doesn't last because they can't make small talk. There is an SLE in my school who knows that I play music and who would talk to me about that everytime he would see me just because it is the only thing he knows for sure I am interested in.

[lynn]

From what I have experienced they tend to do such things as:

- invade your space, for exemple: sit next to you, make sure you see them, dancing next to you at parties (but not with you unless you invite them to).
- ignore you, avoid you in a rather obvious manner (at least obvious to me).

my personal "favourite", when they invade your space and ignore you at the same time

[YXPR]

aha I get that one too. There is an SLE in my school who is just constantly around me. He always makes sure I see him but yet never talks to me. It sounds silly but it actually works. I actually feel like we are somehow buddys even though we almost never talked together. It's weird.

[niffer]

Like an idiot.