ISTjs feeling anger and irritation
Do you find that your anger level, between one and ten, never really sits in the middle of the scale, but instead bounces from the low end all the way to the high?
Now I want to make a distinction between anger and irritation. Anger for me is an intense feeling of rage that overwhelms my ability to think rationally, whereas irritation is a milder emotion, a kind of "fuck off" reaction to things that interrupt or impede my activities.
I let irritation out all the time, saying "What?!" to people bothering me, shouting at cars on the road, responding with "Blah blah blah go away," etc.
Anger, however, is something I usually repress. It just never seems justified to me. I feel like it's ridiculous, an absurd way of dealing with troubling situations. This leads to an instinctive shuffling aside of anger-driven impulses to an almost algorithmically insignificant position in my consciousness.
Eventually, however, something pushes me over the line. When the catalyst is impersonal, it is invariably due to some kind of physical malfunctioning of something vital to my productivity, like my computer or car.
It is far more common, however, for a person or persons to cause me to go over the edge. In high school, an obnoxious, fat SLE got in within inches of my face and verbally bullied me over the fact that he was right in a dispute over a play during a game of kickball. He was such an overbearing ass that I went into this berserk rage, punched him in the face and then proceeded to run circles around him, taunting him for being too fat to catch me. I poured all of my anger into making him suffer as much as possible, saying the meanest things I could think of, like making fun of him for not having a dad, that sort of thing. This sounds like I was just being mean, but I was irreconcilably angry, pumped so full of adrenaline that almost became an animal.
Other examples are taking the hat off an ILE kid who was bullying me and hitting him in the face with it as hard as I could. More recently, Joy was being a bitch, so I took her laptop and shattered it across my leg.
The point here isn't that my actions were so extreme, it's that in each of these circumstances I went from being totally calm--or at least composed--to suddenly, unexpectedly lashing out hysterically in pure infuriation, like going from moonless night to noonday sun in an instant, no graduality whatsoever.
Do you LSIs relate to this?
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Originally Posted by discojoe
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