LIEs how often are you attracted to IEIs? (ENTj INFp)

[UDP]

Just curious...

[force my hand]

(...UDP wants to fight you...)

[FDG]

Did you mean EII, IEI? I've been attracted to both; I generally get along great with INFps when we're alone, not so much in a group of people. But I am highly attracted (sexually and mentally) to female INFps, especially of the Ni subtype. I've found them to be excessively elusive though, it's hard to develop something long-lasting. It could just be that I'm approaching them the wrong way.

I've got two EII female friends. We share more in common in comparison to me an the IEIs, and they're generally very gentle, caring and optimistic people. Most of them are pretty smart, too. I'm not as sexually attracted to them as I am to IEIs, but I think they're probably among the best types of girls overall, especially to have as girlfriends.

[Joy]

it's been known to happen

[aka-kitsune]

But I am highly attracted (sexually and mentally) to female INFps, especially of the Ni subtype. I've found them to be excessively elusive though, it's hard to develop something long-lasting. It could just be that I'm approaching them the wrong way.

If you're trying any approach that's overly aggressive, you're probably scaring them away. Sustained subtle efforts. Casual interest at first. I also prefer the indirect approach (sometimes oblivious even). Make no mistake, if I'm interested, I'll put out signals. Eye contact, flirting with innuendo, gradually I'll invite someone into my "personal zone" (sidle next to them, sit close, solicit contact, etc.).

Don't know if this is true of all IEIs, but I generally flirt with intent. I try not to encourage someone I'm not actually interested in. I'll immediately back off from someone flirting with me if the feeling isn't mutual. It's exceedingly uncomfortable to be the target of someone's attention if I'm not interested.

In my case, I've usually been the first "attracted" party. The other's inattentiveness usually gives me a chance to warm to them gradually, building my interest without any expectation on their part.

[UDP]

I said IEI, I meant IEI.
INFp

[UDP]

(...UDP wants to fight you...)

?

[ScarlettLux]

But I am highly attracted (sexually and mentally) to female INFps, especially of the Ni subtype. I've found them to be excessively elusive though, it's hard to develop something long-lasting. It could just be that I'm approaching them the wrong way.

If you're trying any approach that's overly aggressive, you're probably scaring them away. Sustained subtle efforts. Casual interest at first. I also prefer the indirect approach (sometimes oblivious even). Make no mistake, if I'm interested, I'll put out signals. Eye contact, flirting with innuendo, gradually I'll invite someone into my "personal zone" (sidle next to them, sit close, solicit contact, etc.).

Don't know if this is true of all IEIs, but I generally flirt with intent. I try not to encourage someone I'm not actually interested in. I'll immediately back off from someone flirting with me if the feeling isn't mutual. It's exceedingly uncomfortable to be the target of someone's attention if I'm not interested.

In my case, I've usually been the first "attracted" party. The other's inattentiveness usually gives me a chance to warm to them gradually, building my interest without any expectation on their part.

Spot on!

[misutii]

Maybe some ENTjs here confirm this? But I think that ENTjs in general would be more likely to be attracted to INFp-Ni subtypes than Fe subtypes. Particularly ENTj-Nis. ENTj-Tes on the other hand would probably find INFp-Fes extremely annoying and whiny like ISFps.

[Expat]

Maybe some ENTjs here confirm this? But I think that ENTjs in general would be more likely to be attracted to INFp-Ni subtypes than Fe subtypes. Particularly ENTj-Nis. ENTj-Tes on the other hand would probably find INFp-Fes extremely annoying and whiny like ISFps.

I agree with this.

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally. As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

[FDG]

But I am highly attracted (sexually and mentally) to female INFps, especially of the Ni subtype. I've found them to be excessively elusive though, it's hard to develop something long-lasting. It could just be that I'm approaching them the wrong way.

If you're trying any approach that's overly aggressive, you're probably scaring them away. Sustained subtle efforts. Casual interest at first. I also prefer the indirect approach (sometimes oblivious even). Make no mistake, if I'm interested, I'll put out signals. Eye contact, flirting with innuendo, gradually I'll invite someone into my "personal zone" (sidle next to them, sit close, solicit contact, etc.).

Don't know if this is true of all IEIs, but I generally flirt with intent. I try not to encourage someone I'm not actually interested in. I'll immediately back off from someone flirting with me if the feeling isn't mutual. It's exceedingly uncomfortable to be the target of someone's attention if I'm not interested.

In my case, I've usually been the first "attracted" party. The other's inattentiveness usually gives me a chance to warm to them gradually, building my interest without any expectation on their part.

I did all those steps right actually, what didn't work was the wavering interest she displayed after the courtship was over. I tend to think that once I start to date a girl in a more countinuos fashion, I don't need to worry any more about her changing her mind all of a sudden if everything's going smoothly. Perhaps this assumption is wrong!

[Suomea]

But I am highly attracted (sexually and mentally) to female INFps, especially of the Ni subtype. I've found them to be excessively elusive though, it's hard to develop something long-lasting. It could just be that I'm approaching them the wrong way.

If you're trying any approach that's overly aggressive, you're probably scaring them away. Sustained subtle efforts. Casual interest at first. I also prefer the indirect approach (sometimes oblivious even). Make no mistake, if I'm interested, I'll put out signals. Eye contact, flirting with innuendo, gradually I'll invite someone into my "personal zone" (sidle next to them, sit close, solicit contact, etc.).

Don't know if this is true of all IEIs, but I generally flirt with intent. I try not to encourage someone I'm not actually interested in. I'll immediately back off from someone flirting with me if the feeling isn't mutual. It's exceedingly uncomfortable to be the target of someone's attention if I'm not interested.

In my case, I've usually been the first "attracted" party. The other's inattentiveness usually gives me a chance to warm to them gradually, building my interest without any expectation on their part.

I did all those steps right actually, what didn't work was the wavering interest she displayed after the courtship was over. I tend to think that once I start to date a girl in a more countinuos fashion, I don't need to worry any more about her changing her mind all of a sudden if everything's going smoothly. Perhaps this assumption is wrong!

I think thats what keeps us ExTps interested. They can change their mind at any time. It's intense and rediculous and I hate it too........ though maybe I need it.......

[UDP]

Maybe some ENTjs here confirm this? But I think that ENTjs in general would be more likely to be attracted to INFp-Ni subtypes than Fe subtypes. Particularly ENTj-Nis. ENTj-Tes on the other hand would probably find INFp-Fes extremely annoying and whiny like ISFps.

I agree with this.

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally. As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

I had that experience with an ENFj before. Repeated exposure to it made me realize I could not spend much time around this person, especially relationally.

[redbaron]

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally. As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

I admit that I sometimes do this. I tend to try to read between the lines of everything and yes, it's gotten me into trouble/misunderstood. I have learned to be aware of this tendency and try to stop doing it. I also have the inclination to "emotionally mobilize" the other person which isn't always appreciated. Sometimes if I feel like the other person is in a rut (and I'm talking friendship too, not just romantic relationships) emotionally, as in they seem dulled to the world or bored or uninspired, I'll try to get them to feel something. Try to figure out what will excite them or I'll say something to get a reaction. Fe I guess.

[marooned]

I do read between the lines a lot and may not just take things at stated until I've decided there's nothing between the lines--that what I see is what I get... I don't usually let other people know I'm doing this though. I am more likely to wait, and probably won't question something unless I'm either sure it isn't the way it appears (at face value) and is worth mentioning, or if I'm so uncertain that I can't figure it out (assuming it matters).

I also don't try to get people to feel things... though I feel enough that I could if I wanted to I think.

I have at times felt hurt by the implications in what people have said to me in a close relationship. It's not necessarily that the person intentionally implies something--more that I note the implications that weren't intended which can tell me someone else doesn't actually care "enough" (because if they did they would have their thoughts organized in a different way about whatever it is)... This is often very silly of me, so I try not to get lost in this sort of thing.

[misutii]

Maybe some ENTjs here confirm this? But I think that ENTjs in general would be more likely to be attracted to INFp-Ni subtypes than Fe subtypes. Particularly ENTj-Nis. ENTj-Tes on the other hand would probably find INFp-Fes extremely annoying and whiny like ISFps.

I agree with this.

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally. As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

I think that's a good example of how an INFp's creative function interacts with an ENTj's Role function. I interact with two ENTjs on a semi-regular basis and I've found that can't be used to persuade them on things. I think this frustrates INFps sometimes because it's like a button that you're used to pressing to get a response from people and then you meet someone and press the button and nothing happens so you press it harder and still nothing... It took me a while to figure this out but I found it much easier to understand once I related to how an ESFj would use their on me and on how my disaffected response frustrates them. I find that when, interacting with ENTjs, I consciously tone down my and focus more instead on , things actually procede rather smoothly and, ironically, I'm able to get the positive response that I was previously using to get with no avail.

[ScarlettLux]

Maybe some ENTjs here confirm this? But I think that ENTjs in general would be more likely to be attracted to INFp-Ni subtypes than Fe subtypes. Particularly ENTj-Nis. ENTj-Tes on the other hand would probably find INFp-Fes extremely annoying and whiny like ISFps.

I agree with this.

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally. As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

I think that's a good example of how an INFp's creative function interacts with an ENTj's Role function. I interact with two ENTjs on a semi-regular basis and I've found that can't be used to persuade them on things. I think this frustrates INFps sometimes because it's like a button that you're used to pressing to get a response from people and then you meet someone and press the button and nothing happens so you press it harder and still nothing... It took me a while to figure this out but I found it much easier to understand once I related to how an ESFj would use their on me and on how my disaffected response frustrates them. I find that when, interacting with ENTjs, I consciously tone down my and focus more instead on , things actually procede rather smoothly and, ironically, I'm able to get the positive response that I was previously using to get with no avail.

Could you explain more of what you mean with the ESE pressing thing? How did that manifest itself exactly? I'm curious.

[snegledmaca]

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally.

I have the opposite pattern of behavior, I take people's actions and words too literally. Unless there is a direct clue like a smile following a statement I don't get a hint. This is especially true for expressionless sarcasm. I just stand there trying to make sense of what has just been said "But... that makes no sense, I don't understand *confused*" and then people have to explain things to me. I think this makes me seem dumb.

As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

OMG I haaate that! My ESE mother does it all the time. She barges in expecting me to stop whatever I am doing and engage her instantly. Naturally I tell her to go away, I'm doing something else, and not bother me and she gets all "Well perhaps I shouldn't talk to you at all". That's the point I realize we've entered the engage her or suffer the consequences faze and have to yield. People say dominants are the aggressive ones, that's totally not true. dominants are by far the most aggressive and domineering types precisely because they demand active engagement from the other person.

[ScarlettLux]

I've briefly dated one INFp - probably close to split subtype. She was charming, witty, and interesting to talk to. What made it difficult for me was her inclination not to take my words at face value, always trying to read between the lines "what I really meant" and what my "motivations" were. And the inclination to "mobilize" me emotionally.

I have the opposite pattern of behavior, I take people's actions and words too literally. Unless there is a direct clue like a smile following a statement I don't get a hint. This is especially true for expressionless sarcasm. I just stand there trying to make sense of what has just been said "But... that makes no sense, I don't understand *confused*" and then people have to explain things to me. I think this makes me seem dumb.

As I already mentioned here, I think, during a conversation I'd (totally unintentionally) say something that she found hostile, or whatever, and she'd then say "ok, then let's cancel the dinner/date/trip/whatever right now!!!!!!" Baffled, I'd say "ok, if that's what you want" and then she'd say I was so mean --

OMG I haaate that! My ESE mother does it all the time. She barges in expecting me to stop whatever I am doing and engage her instantly. Naturally I tell her to go away, I'm doing something else, and not bother me and she gets all "Well perhaps I shouldn't talk to you at all". That's the point I realize we've entered the engage her or suffer the consequences faze and have to yield. People say dominants are the aggressive ones, that's totally not true. dominants are by far the most aggressive and domineering types precisely because they demand active engagement from the other person.

LOL! That is so true... sometimes I stride into a room, expecting everyone to pay attention to my presence/at least acknowledge it! If I don't command the emotional atmosphere though, I am left saddened =[

[misutii]

Could you explain more of what you mean with the ESE pressing thing? How did that manifest itself exactly? I'm curious.

going out of their way to prepare food and/or cleaning for me would be good examples. my roomate's gf would occassionally do these at our appartment. Sure it was nice of her but at the same time I wasn't sure how to respond to these "acts of kindness", especially since she'd often complain about how messy it was blah blah blah, and then a few days after cleaning our kitchen it would be messy again and she'd come over and seem offended that we didn't respect the effort she put into our appartment enough to maintain its cleanliness (we never asked her to clean), whereas me and my roomate (ESTp) didn't really care if the kitchen was clean to begin with, so long as bacteria wasn't visibly growing everywhere it was good enough for us. I think that's a good example of an ESFj pressing their button but not getting the response they wanted.