omg, epiphany

People tend to break around me when I worry that they will. I have to feel somewhat threatened in some way for people to break. This means that it IS my influence over the dynamics of the situation that triggers this response! When I feel threatened suddenly people are psychologically unraveled. I swear I don't do it on purpose and I certainly don't know how it happens!!! I never want people to break... they just do. This means that I have to trust that people won't break in order to prevent it. But that's waaaayyyyyyyy too scary because it seems that even when I allow myself to feel safe and think that I have made a connection with someone and believe that it will be okay, they STILL break and that sucks WAAAYYYYYY more than if I had seen it coming. I feel like such a monster.