Help!

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

What do you suggest I do for my situation. I feel so bored and jaded...and please don't say try do new things, because I do a lot of things already and it just makes me feel dead inside. Like I do something and conquer it really fast and then it just looks small and pointless. EVERYTHING FEELS DEAD INSIDE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Please no 'get off the internet and get a life' posts. I do that a lot already. It isn't about that.

And please don't say it's fear because I'm not afraid, it's just worthlessness. I don't see the point of doing ANYTHING.

I want the fire baaaaaaack.

I'm asking because I really do not want to start using drugs or develop an addiction. I saw my best friend nearly destroy herself 'just to feel' so I want to be very careful though I have the urge right now just to totally fuck up my body. I'm just so NUMB. I have a job, I just got a new car...what the fuck could it be? I don't know. I've lost all desire to have sex, like the instinct just died down. Everything just suddenly seemed to stop working. I feel like I'm already dead.

*cry cry cry cry cry* (Yeah right my tear ducts are too dry to cry.)

[Creepy-bg]

get a good woman?

[Creepy-bg]

try doing other things...
see a doctor and get some "legal" meds...
join a fight club...
watch TV and eat alot of doritos....
go make a really good #2...
run around in circles babbling incoherently...
watch Fast Times at Ridgemount High...
reformat your harddrive without backing anything up...
go swimming until you're covered in prunes...
go to church...
sit in the backseat on the bus and masturbate...
go out and hit on hot women then say "nah, psyche!" to any that you catch...
join the communist party...
join Al-Queda...
start a fist fight with a cop...
work in a soup kitchen...
give a bum a $50 bill...
take $100 out of the bank and light it on fire...
kick a random person in the nuts...

get used to it...

[Exodus]

Those are all good suggestions (at least most of them). I'd say go out and get some sunlight.

[cracka]

Don't think about being dead inside, THINK about being alive and why it's a pretty good deal.

Leave the house, walk down the street, go to the store, and pay everyone you pass a nice compliment or say hi to them.

OR

Go on a killing spree, I've heard that makes you really feel alive. Plus, it's the easiest way to get famous.

for the record, if I turn on the news tomorrow and find that a person killed 20 people tonight I'm gonna prolly laugh about it.

[Creepy-bg]

I think the point is that you need to stir shit up so that your head can reboot into a different frame of mind.

[Exodus]

Go on a killing spree, I've heard that makes you really feel alive. Plus, it's the easiest way to get famous.

Or maybe committing suicide in an interesting way, like jumping off Niagara Falls? But then you wouldn't get to enjoy the fame, of course.

[Creepy-bg]

Go on a killing spree, I've heard that makes you really feel alive. Plus, it's the easiest way to get famous.

Or maybe committing suicide in an interesting way, like jumping off Niagara Falls? But then you wouldn't get to enjoy the fame, of course.

no way man, cutting your own head off is the most interesting way to commit suicide. Or maybe overdosing on viagra

[cracka]

Go on a killing spree, I've heard that makes you really feel alive. Plus, it's the easiest way to get famous.

Or maybe committing suicide in an interesting way, like jumping off Niagara Falls? But then you wouldn't get to enjoy the fame, of course.

lol, well at this point, he's only dead on the inside... there's still some hope... if he killed himself... well, that would just suck. He wouldn't even be able to watch porn anymore.

[Creepy-bg]

He wouldn't even be able to watch porn anymore.

shit that's true... in fact maybe that's his problem now, he isn't watching enough porn! (or he needs to get a new perversion, you know, visit a totally different aisle at the XXX shop)

[cracka]

He wouldn't even be able to watch porn anymore.

shit that's true... in fact maybe that's his problem now, he isn't watching enough porn! (or needs to get a new perversion)

lol, you want to turn him onto goats huh... I bet you've already pm'd him some goat porn. Sick bastard.

[Creepy-bg]

He wouldn't even be able to watch porn anymore.

shit that's true... in fact maybe that's his problem now, he isn't watching enough porn! (or needs to get a new perversion)

lol, you want to turn him onto goats huh... I bet you've already pm'd him some goat porn. Sick bastard.

that goat said she was 18, I swear officer!

[cracka]

He wouldn't even be able to watch porn anymore.

shit that's true... in fact maybe that's his problem now, he isn't watching enough porn! (or needs to get a new perversion)

lol, you want to turn him onto goats huh... I bet you've already pm'd him some goat porn. Sick bastard.

that goat said she was 18, I swear officer!

Gotta ask for ID... even if it's a goat.

lol, I've actually asked two women before to see their ID cuz I thought I might get in trouble.
I can't say I've ever worried too much about goats, none of em are legal if ya think about it.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I think Diana helped me the most. I've been disconnected with my friends again for a few reasons. We just seem to go our separate paths now. Thanks, that was very...intuitive, like you could just read me or something lol. Also I think I'm depressed because I like expected this person to 'save me.' I have no idea why I did that I'm usually much smarter than that, but I thought our friendship would solve all my problems. It still means a lot to me but I dunno, we just notice each other's faults a lot more than we used to. It's like we're different people sometimes. But yeah I just put so much stock into her and then I realized that the only reason why I even liked her before was because I had my own life. (I realize I still have my own life but it doesn't feel like it. Again I still 'do things' but it's like that's not the point, it's lacking internal foundation like Diana is talking about I think) We chat for about 2 hours every other day. We used to talk nonstop but now it just seems to be tiring.

I also learned that she clung to me a lot when she was having problems and I feel like she was using me more than anything else. So we just do stuff together but it's not the same as before. I really need to 'meet new people' I suppose, though it's hard because everybody I meet just talks about what they do at work. Now the friend just talks about how confident she is all the time and it's like she doesn't really need me anymore. I enjoy inspiring people and making them 'better' I guess so when they're all fixed up it's hard for me to see a reason to just kinda play with them. I've noticed I am sooo overly serious 'in real life' too despite being a wise-ass online.

And *sigh* @ the person who told me to get out and get some sunlight. Didn't I just say in my first post that I've been trying to do all that and it's not done shit for me?

Also I'm gay (I hate labels but it's necessary I tell everybody this since I get about 26394782 requests to be sexual w/women) so the woman thing won't help but I'll try a guy. I don't mind doing SOME sexual things w/chicks, but I have the urge to mount and be mounted by other men lol- it just doesn't seem right me fucking woman, I just know I was born this way. And I look up enough porn lol (the rougher the better) It helps but I like to only do it once and awhile and like sudden bursts so it seems reallllly exciting like how sex should be.

I actually discovered what I need to do to feel alive though but it's not morally correct (next post)

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I think I need to get revenge on people that's hurt me. I really have been much too nice and let people get away with a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of shit. It just wasn't healthy how much of a doormat I was. I know people say to let it go but I remember everything and I can never 'let it go.' I look at how naive I was back then and it was my own fucking fault. I believed every human was a little angel and only wanted to help me and everybody has pretty much let me down. Everybody I believed in kinda turns out to stab me in the back (for teenage girl ness)

(this is the part where ppl say 'YOU'LL ONLY DESTROY YOURSELF') But if I'm already dead does it really matter?

Hmm. Just the thought makes me feel better though. I actually feel much better but I'm tired so Ima gonna go to bed soon.

[UDP]

Everything you know about yourself is only so important.

Soon enough you will return to that which you came from, and what is left of your body will decay. You are not your body, or your mind. The pain you feel from identification with your "situation in life" is also false, or at the very least, no more temporary than your corporeal form.

Take heart that the ultimate direction of things is beyond your control, and know that you do have an immediate impact on all those surrounding you. Perhaps you should think of what you can do for them instead of focusing so much on yourself.

[Elro]

I think I need to get revenge on people that's hurt me. I really have been much too nice and let people get away with a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of shit. It just wasn't healthy how much of a doormat I was. I know people say to let it go but I remember everything and I can never 'let it go.' I look at how naive I was back then and it was my own fucking fault. I believed every human was a little angel and only wanted to help me and everybody has pretty much let me down. Everybody I believed in kinda turns out to stab me in the back (for teenage girl ness)

How about this: instead of taking revenge on people that have hurt you in the past, just refuse to let people hurt you in the future?

Perhaps most of the people you believed in stabbed you in the back. (I really don't know you, so I'm not sure if you're exaggerating or not.) But that does not mean everyone in the world would. Perhaps you're just trusting the wrong kind of people?

(this is the part where ppl say 'YOU'LL ONLY DESTROY YOURSELF') But if I'm already dead does it really matter?

You are not dead. You are typing this on a computer. That means you are either alive, a zombie, or an internet entity. All three are alive in some sense.

Hmm. Just the thought makes me feel better though. I actually feel much better but I'm tired so Ima gonna go to bed soon.

That's probably the best advice I could give you: when you feel like that, try sleeping. Sometimes I feel like shit about various things, but after waking up after a good night's sleep, I don't really care as much about it anymore. I'm not sure if you're the same way, but it probably couldn't hurt to try.