SLI laxness and control

[Slacker]

I've had people who don't know my husband ask me why he's always angry. I guess I can see people thinking that about them. Like if you think someone is always angry, you might think you're always doing something wrong to make them angry, which could make you feel like they're controlling, but that's an internal thing and not about the SLI.

My husband occasionally gets set on something and refuses to budge, but only about things that are truly just about him, and I don't think it's controlling for him to expect he can control himself and his personal space.

[Park]

Yeah, that too. All that stress and the simultaneous work on every task of the semester is the most annoying thing about studying.

Don't you hate it when they ask you to do something really complex and difficult in a very short amount of time? Like, I don't know, develop a comprehensive university records keeping software in two weeks with fully working database and user interface, or design an architectural plan for a ten story shopping mall due end of next week.

One of the things I've found the most annoying is that sometimes they EXPECT you to turn in a halfcocked project and just demonstrate some basic skills, which is about as pointless as it gets.

[Park]

I've had people who don't know my husband ask me why he's always angry.

Have you asked them why they think he's always angry?

[FDG]

I'm self-typing as SLI 5w6 and I'm quite far away from that "laid back/surfer"-vibe. Rigid and controlling would be a much better fit, especially when it comes to the impression people get from me before they get to know me.

(I personally don't think you make a rigid and anxious impression in person)

Anyway, @OP: ISFjs aren't exactly the most compromising type when it comes to doing things in a specific way. Although they normally have very few things that should be done exactly the way they want. These things often pertain to household and/or "their stuff" kind of maintenance, as far as I can tell. They have no problem "invading" your personal space and telling you how you should organize your own stuff. I personally don't mind at all, but I know a lot of people who would really mind.

[Park]

They have no problem "invading" your personal space and telling you how you should organize your own stuff. I personally don't mind at all, but I know a lot of people who would really mind.

I would. People like that tend to be too dumb to consider I might not want to have all of my stuff organized, or that there might be a different reason other than me not being capable or willing to do it. Bottom line is that it's MY space and MY stuff, and unless I explicitly ask for assistance, it's no one's business to interfere.

[FDG]

I would. People like that tend to be too dumb to realize I might not want to have all of my stuff organized, or that there might be a different reason other than me not being able or willing to do it.

My understanding of the issue is that they simply don't like to see stuff being "disorganized", so it's not really a matter of wants or needs. My emphasis on "like", so, yeah, it's either your preference or their preference.

[Park]

My understanding of the issue is that they simply don't like to see stuff being "disorganized".

Not my problem. I will keep my stuff as organized as I please, in the way I want and need it to be.

[Park]

When I arrange some of my tools and/or belongings a certain way, they might look almost completely out of place on the outside, but might also be strategically placed and organized to optimize a task I need them for. So screw the ESI, or whoever tries to barge in and mess that up or give me inappropriate advice.

[Park]

My emphasis on "like", so, yeah, it's either your preference or their preference.

Well again, screw those people. They can have their preferences concerning their own stuff, but not mine. (And vice versa, of course.)

And if someone is incapable of minding their own business and respecting other people's resources and property, I don't feel like it's my duty to accommodate them for it.

[FDG]

When I arrange some of my tools and/or belongings a certain way, they might look almost completely out of place on the outside, but might also be strategically placed and organized to optimize a task I need them for. So screw the ESI, or whoever tries to barge in and mess that up or give me inappropriate advice.

Well, as I said, the ESIs I know are normally very easygoing about 95% of everyday stuff. If you make it clear that you don't like it, I think they would stop that behavior, but still silently resent the situation.

[Pa3s]

Don't you hate it when they ask you to do something really complex and difficult in a very short amount of time?

One of the things I've found the most annoying is that sometimes they EXPECT you to turn in a halfcocked project and just demonstrate some basic skills, which is about as pointless as it gets.

Yes, absolutely. If you'd actually try and do the project thoroughly, you'd need much more time and they know that. But even if it's frustrating, you can't expect to have enough time to do anything which is related to $$$. Everyone's resources are limited and that's why they'll only spend enough to get it done. Without any extras.

I'm sure I don't know enough to make a valid judgement, but if you think that (for instance) the American public sector does a bad job, it may not be caused by the incompetence of the employees, but rather their chronically underfunding. It's the same when people bitch about government workers here. They don't understand that it's just not possible to do a decent job without the necessary time and funds.

If you need to work with a half-done project (for example, in a presentation with external guests), it's actually just a preparation for the job. My suggestion for fellow SLIs and everyone else is to never make a cherished hobby your job (except if you earn enough to make your own rules). It will ruin it.

(I personally don't think you make a rigid and anxious impression in person)

I believe you. But you never did a project with me.

[FDG]

I believe you. But you never did a project with me.

Yeah, I don't like to make projects with anyone else either, lol.

[Park]

@Pa3s: I see your point, but that doesn't mean we'd actually benefit from learning to work that way. People create regulations and manage non-human resources, not the other way around. And I think a faulty system should (and would, ideally) be changed and/or improved instead of perpetually recruiting workforce trained to comply to its shortcomings.

[blackburry]

I don't mess with other people's stuff, sheeeit.





My ex used to complain that I never organized his stuff. Erm, do it yourself? Any time I did clean/go through all his clutter, he'd immediately just throw everything back randomly on tables and drawers. His clutter was everrryywhere.

I hated when my mom used to constantly go through my things growing up and would throw out receipts for things that I wanted to return, would place clothing in spots and forget where she put them..

My grandmother is a hoarder. I can't tolerate that either-- she has cans piled to the ceiling in her closet from y2k... It's pretty bad safety hazard in a few of her storage rooms.


And...I lost my point.

[Park]

I don't mess with other people's stuff, sheeeit.

It's just those Italian ESI chicks with long legs and radiant blonde hair.

[Pa3s]

@Pa3s: I see your point, but that doesn't mean we'd actually benefit from learning to work that way. People create regulations and manage non-human resources, not the other way around. And I think a faulty system should (and would, ideally) be changed and/or improved instead of perpetually recruiting workforce trained to comply to its shortcomings.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not endorsing this system in any way. But most people are still forced to adapt to it, whether they like it or not. Everyone needs to make a living, after all. I was also implying that you don't necessarily have to do your job that way. If you can convince your customers with quality over quantity/speed, you'll certainly also be able to survive on a commercial basis. Many people still produce hand-crafted goods according to this principle.

[Park]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not endorsing this system in any way. But most people are still forced to adapt to it, whether they like it or not. Everyone needs to make a living, after all. I was also implying that you don't necessarily have to do your job that way. If you can convince your customers with quality over quantity/speed, you'll certainly also be able to survive on a commercial basis. Many people still produce hand-crafted goods according to this principle.

Yes.

I have always struggled with this issue personally. I do almost everything the way I want and think it should be done, completely ignoring the mainstream and refusing to compromise. Sometimes it feels like I'm banging my head against the wall, consciously making decisions that lead nowhere. But I'm kind of hoping that all the rebellion and noncompliance will eventually pay off one way or another, and I won't end up regretting most decisions I've made in the course of my life. But then, that's quite unlikely to happen, as I don't think I could ever be, or want to be, any different. I think I'm the kind of guy who just does what he wants, fights for what he values and bulldozes his way through obstacles. Then, what happens, happens.