Misconceptions? INFj superiority and quietly destroying others

[CuriousSoul]

INFJ Arrogance

I thought it would be nice to hear other opinions about this topic, but I have come to think there is a lot of truth to this comment that appeared anonymously on this site ages ago:

ISFjs are funny, bright and career savvy. ISFjs were rated as type with the highest rated I.Q scores at socionics site.
ISFjs are not always submissive.
ISFjs may get angry and argue unlike INFjs; INFjs have a I am superier to you way about them , they are quietly forceful and rid themselves of negative people by withdrawing from them without much fuss. INFjs are surprisingly the worst enemies to have, they will destroy you quietly and are unforgiving but look like they are not up to anything. ISFjs are more forgiving and friendly.
Family members but not friends or strangers can treat ISFjs very very badly . ISFj i knew used to love saying family right or wrong

http://the16types.info/forums/viewto...?p=33376#33376

-INFJs have an I am superior to you way about them.

I know I do. Many other INFJs do come across this way. In my opinion it is partly simply about having a healthy self-respect, one should not be sorry for one's existence. On the other hand, many people can find it bloody annoying. I understand them, and I would not like to hurt anyone, but I do not intend to change my manners, it is just part of the way I am. Another explanation that comes to mind is that kind of half-consciously people tend to behave according to the Golden Rule Do unto others as you would have them do to you. I patronize others, because I do not mind being politely patronized myself. Kind of explains why the dual of INFJ is ESTj too...


-INFjs are surprisingly the worst enemies to have, they will destroy you quietly and are unforgiving but look like they are not up to anything.

Even this rings kind of true. Unfortunately. Perhaps because Fi is the base function, I do perceive insults often quite painfully, yet because of weak sensing hesitate to express my feelings, and unlike the sensory ISFjs cannot easily forget and move on because the past is present in ways that cannot be denied. Words once uttered cannot be taken back - and interesting enough once again if one looks at the dual description: In anger ESTjs may shout, throw or break things, often recalling their victims past failures.

Any thoughts, my fellow INFJs. And what about ISFJs, do you agree with the original anonymous comment?

[Arcanum]

Hi CuriousSoul,

-INFJs have an I am superior to you way about them.

I know I do. Many other INFJs do come across this way. In my opinion it is partly simply about having a healthy self-respect, one should not be sorry for one's existence. On the other hand, many people can find it bloody annoying.

Yes, unfortunately it might be true. In my case, it is caused by almost constant disillisionment to world/life matters which is shown as a cold facial expression. I also don't feel sorry for my existence, more like I feel it is useless and pathetic at times.

-INFjs are surprisingly the worst enemies to have, they will destroy you quietly and are unforgiving but look like they are not up to anything.

Even this rings kind of true. Unfortunately. Perhaps because Fi is the base function, I do perceive insults often quite painfully, yet because of weak sensing hesitate to express my feelings, and unlike the sensory ISFjs cannot easily forget and move on because the past is present in ways that cannot be denied

There is something really skewed in that INFJs are 'unforgiving.' It's more like, "I won't forgive you unless you convince me of being trustworthy." I'm always giving people the benefit of the doubt, because I like people, and like getting along with them.

Person said:

they are quietly forceful and rid themselves of negative people by withdrawing from them without much fuss

The first part a copy of type descriptions I've found everywhere, but the 'ridding' part is 100% true. When I avoid and ignore someone, it is my way of saying "f*%# you." But, this only happens in extreme circumstances.

[Fermi]

CuriousSoul, is it really you on the avatar? You were great in Rambo and Rocky.

I find it strange that no one else has put this to attention. Do you get lots of P.M?

[CuriousSoul]

@Superman
Damn, you finally blew my cover.
Yes, it is me, a few year ago, but I age gracefully.
You see, the real purpose of this site is to attract more fanmail to me.
Now why an earth am I not getting any???

[Fermi]

aha! I knew I was on to something here!

Well, now when I have openly take it up they should start coming! I send you a test mail to make sure your inbox really works :wink:

Perhaps your picture is to small.. you could mistake it for one of those 8 formed peanuts..

[WVBRY]

Well from my own experiences with INFjs they can be very arrogant, well at least some of them can. Its not so much arrogance really, at least its not meant to come off that way, it comes off more as "youre not good enough, you need to work harder, you missed a spot, you screwed up here etc". I guess you could call it demanding perfectionism and the problem is that it can get too demanding on others IMO.

[Slacker]

My sister-in-law has said this about my INFj sister.

I don't know if my sister is arrogant or if she just doesn't see a point in having negativity around her. That's not precisely the same thing. She doesn't come across as arrogant to me.

I agree that if she's angry with someone she doesn't look like she's up to anything, but she doesn't "destory" anyone - she really just withdraws from the relationship in those situations.

[Topaz]

Interesting. Ive known a few INFJs for sure that I can speak aobut. One was my gilfriend in highschool. She was not arrogant at all. She was super sweet and gentle. She could be reserved around some and more open with others but hardly cold. I worked with one guy who claimed to be INFJ and he was arrogant. I didnt get him at all. He would snub everyone but a few. Since I was new I was outside of his circle. He would send others to ask for supplies from me. I could see right through the messenger though, and say if so-and-so wants supplies he has to come and ask me for them himself Is that evil?
Another INFJ I know is a guy. His wife is ESFJ. They are very kind and hospitable. I go over thier house and watch movies all the time. He likes to make short home movies with lego characters.
I wondered about the INFJs Ive met because I expected them to spill over with insight about the human condition and hidden motives of others etc. Nope. They dont talk about stuff like that much. Its almost like they try to demonstrate thier ideals indirectly by their actions and body language. Ive also noticed that alot of their frustation and stress goes inward rather than outwards towards others. For example the ESFJ wife will often speak up for her husband when she senses he is getting walked on. Funny sometimes I will encourage her to speak up for herself sometimes. :wink:
Another thing I expected was that they would be these super book worms. I havent noticed this inclination. At least two I know say they dont like to read much. (they love movies though ) Whaaaat?

[CuriousSoul]

Well from my own experiences with INFjs they can be very arrogant, well at least some of them can. Its not so much arrogance really, at least its not meant to come off that way, it comes off more as "youre not good enough, you need to work harder, you missed a spot, you screwed up here etc". I guess you could call it demanding perfectionism and the problem is that it can get too demanding on others IMO.

I have never considered myself a perfectionist - yet what you say about INFJs does sound somewhat familiar. I think it is largely a kind of instintive reaction, the second function Ne is our spontaneous expression, a function of control over the wholeness of the external situation.

-Well, it is pretty good but look here is still some room for improvement.
-What I was just trying to help you! Do you do not appreciate my insights?

[Quagmired]

My sister-in-law has said this about my INFJ sister.

I don't know if my sister is arrogant or if she just doesn't see a point in having negativity around her. That's not precisely the same thing. She doesn't come across as arrogant to me.

I agree that if she's angry with someone she doesn't look like she's up to anything, but she doesn't "destroy" anyone - she really just withdraws from the relationship in those situations.

**

Vengeful INFJ's will hang back and study a individuals weaknesses.
Most people won't expect it and won't know.
It's better that you don't meet a vindictive INFJ.
INFJ's will wait and find out if the offense/slight was intentional or not intentional. I look at the motivation first.
It has to be repeated and have to be forced to hang out with them and might be tempted to be vindictive . I personally don't seek revenge and will door slam/ directly confront/ or withdraw and know it's not worth my time. Depends on context.

[Exodus]

Like @Slacker said, EIIs are not vengeful. They are in general extremely avoidant of conflict and tend to withdraw if confronted. They occasionally do seem to take an attitude of moral superiority, but not in a demanding way.

[Emmym]

I think most of the behavior pointed out is true, but evidence of unhealthy or immature individuals. A healthy EII will know when their own intentions are bad and simply remove themselves from the situation. EIIs can learn to be more direct and honest, it just scares them, and they secretly enjoy having the upper hand (being able to sit on the information and quietly calculate all possible ways to destroy someone, then waiting for the right moment or creating it themselves). This should only come out in selfish, unhealthy EIIs, or ones that have been repeatedly victimized. Unfortunately, immature EIIs can always find justification for this by painting almost any situation as victimization that others were just too self-absorbed to notice (and stand up to--"no one protected me, so any means I use to defend myself are justifiable").

Some EIIs can hold onto grudges for a long time, though these feelings usually conflict with their innate desire to have positive bonds (by which the EII evaluates themselves). An EII would have to be very strong to maintain these grudges, or very immature, or something really terrible would have to have happened, OR the person would have to show themselves as untrustworthy and uncaring repeatedly over the years.

EIIs love to notice and point out other people's unethical behavior, and this contributes to their own sense of superiority. EIIs can appear blind to their own unethical behavior, and attempt to disown it by admitting to only a fraction of it without being under pressure to do so, giving the impression that they're devoted to fairness, when really, they studiously bury any evidence of evil intentions in themselves under heaps of tame, meaningless apologies.

[UDP]

mmm this reminds me of a forthcoming article on 'delta judgement'

I think it is extremely misunderstood

[Taknamay]

Some of the thoughts here are interesting... I don't know if it will help but I can share some of my experiences Re: grudges, vengeance, vindictiveness, and other things... it isn't to organized but like I said maybe it can help.

When I think of the person who has wronged me most, I don't really feel angry. I can just say to myself, "He is not in my life now. He could be the happiest man on earth and I wouldn't mind." And honestly, I wouldn't mind. But I know that it isn't true. Maybe it's the company I keep, but... the most hurtful people I have ever encountered have always been hurt themselves in some way. A person becomes so preoccupied with their own suffering, nothing else matters, so they allow themselves to hurt the people around them. It's not an excuse but I find it difficult to be angry with this kind of person.

And that's only the most destructive kind of person I have encountered (though there are probably worse kinds of people I never met). Some people are just being rude or insulting on purpose but there's no way I can hold a grudge about that.

I feel like I don't really have enemies, never have, and hopefully never will. Other people get frustrated at me sometimes, but I mostly feel bad about it at myself. I kind of think it takes two to tango when it comes to enemies.

Lately (like past couple weeks) I've been feeling down about humanity, not sure it's EII related though. I feel like too many people just go with society instead of really evaluating what they believe to be true and meaningful. However I also feel like this slight misanthropic feeling will go away in time also.

[Rebelondeck]

All Ijs trust their own rationalizations over that of others and this can be perceived as an air of superiority when it really isn't. Their processing style forces them to have to think in isolation or in a detached state, which can give the appearance of aloofness. Their independent thinking can also facilitate ruthlessness, if they're so inclined. However, ruthless Ijs tend to be more objective oriented than vindictive; usually, they'll try to run over you only if you stand in the way of their plans.

a.k.a. I/O

[huiheiwufhawriuhg]

The whole concept of revenge and enemies is very Se, I don't see why or how should it apply on INFjs.

[huiheiwufhawriuhg]

mmm this reminds me of a forthcoming article on 'delta judgement'

I think it is extremely misunderstood

Delta judgement is a thing, deltas are aristocrats after all, but their behavior is very passive agressive. If they think you're an idiot they simply won't talk to you or avoid your company, they wouldn't really plan a ravange.

[mclane]

I think subtype matters in this. EII-Fi can be pretty vengeful and punishing of what they see as wrongdoings, while EII-Ne are usually more conflict avoidant and forgiving.

[The Reality Denialist]

I don't know how Fi makes one vengeful. Just by reading LII profiles you can see that some state that LII can be very much like that as well pointing towards their role.

That is very foreign to me. I might get reactive on a spot but that is pretty much about it. Furthermore it actually makes me relationally bit sketchy to others when sets the absolute universal golden standard.

[Suzaku]

Like @Slacker said, EIIs are not vengeful. They are in general extremely avoidant of conflict and tend to withdraw if confronted. They occasionally do seem to take an attitude of moral superiority, but not in a demanding way.

I'm guilty of silently plotting to destroy someone like nothing's up if really wronged. But it may not come across like the INFj. More influence from inspiring people or historical figures. But I probably shouldn't be taken too seriously in this regard. (It really takes a lot)

[Rebelondeck]

I don't know how Fi makes one vengeful........

It doesn't but life can make one vengeful. I look upon Fi as the Jeanne d'Arc agenda; when in a self-righteous fervour, moralists will take on just about anyone.......