are you into bdsm

[anndelise]

I understand why people could be sexual addict or simply love sex (because chemical's excretion on brain, so forth) but what I don't understand is why some people could find physically damage on sexual intercourse is highly arousing matter, like spanking, being tied up, cutting, etcetera? If someone could explain this, please enlighten me. And pardon for grammatical errors.

There's a variety of reasons.

Pain, for example, if applied properly and with a slowly building intensity helps release endorphins, which provides a non-drug induced high. I know many people who suffer from chronic pain who usually have to use heavy drugs. But when they want to take a break from the drugs, they'll seek out a good flogging, whipping, or even needles for the natural pain killer.

Some people like to play with control...giving or receiving. If you had the ultimate power in a relationship, what would you do with it? I know some people who use others up and spit them out as soon as someone new comes along. But I also know some who use their power to help keep the relationship beneficial and positive for both partners.

Submitting to your partner's desires means they tell you what they want, and how they want it without you having to guess nor worry if you are doing something right or doing it wrong. They will tell you. On the other end, telling someone what you want and how you want it means that you can get the kinds of activities that turn you on. And you can work towards clear communication and understandings of it without fear that your partner will leave.

Being tied up implies loss of not just control, but also of responsibilities.
For some, being tied up also implies being so greatly desired that you are prevented from leaving, that you are so greatly wanted that a person would bind you to them in some way.

Some people have high pressure jobs and when they finally get a chance to relax, they need a little help. Work hard, Play hard.

Some people like the psychologcal satisfaction of knowing that they have just survived something that would drop the average person. Some people use bdsm activities to work through emotions, trauma, etc. Some treat it as a form of artistic expression. Some just think it's fun and not to be taken too seriously.

There is such a huge range of psychological factors and sensation interpretations involved, often even in just one person. There are some books that go into some of the psychological aspects, but even those must narrow their range due to size limitations.

[Kill4Me]

He's just a troll

yeah, when in doubt, get defensive and call the person a troll to cover over your lack of having anything of insight to elaborate with.

because clearly you're more comfortable throwing around insults than you are with backing up your claim with any substance.

[Kill4Me]

@Kill4Me

Another type of bondage involves objectification in terms of being used as furniture. Again, pain doesn't have to be a part of it, and if you want the furniture to last..then the less pain the longer your footstool can last.

you're splitting hairs here, Ann...it's all bound up along the same spectrum imo.

[Absurd]

I like being pinned down during sex in all kinds of positions. And I like having my hair pulled, that's about as rough as I play. I like only non painful biting.

"Victim..."

Bondage and discipline are not necessarily masochistic.

So again, no...Bondage and Discipline do not necessarily include Sadism and Masochism.

If you're submissive, which rules out the domination part you're were talking about in your earlier post to me, I'm sure it isn't...

Cough.

Besides, the BDSM term incorporates S&M last time I checked. So I don't really know why one would reinterpret it, as to whitewash it or something - it is what it is.

The fact that B&D, S&M, D&S, etc. fall under BDSM is pretty telling already. It is still a form of sadomasochistic practices. Not unless you get handcuffed by some policeman and he gets a hard-on whilst performing that action and you, well, you don't both physically and mentally. And vice versa.



Anyhow, my own thread, the one I've been banned from tried to tie such behaviour with feminist ideologies to see whether there be any positive or negative predispositions...

To see whether termas tossed around this site aren't just empty slogans to begin with...

[InvisibleJim]

you're splitting hairs here, Ann...it's all bound up along the same spectrum imo.

The fact that B&D, S&M, D&S, etc. fall under BDSM is pretty telling already.

A lack of granularity on a label does not specify a lack of granularity by each individual. Durrr.

[Absurd]

What kind of lack, seriously? It reads Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. And I am perfectly aware some members of that culture won't be into beatings, but may be into urinating or defecating, etc.

"Duh!"

[Absurd]

A lack of granularity on a label does not specify a lack of granularity by each individual. Durrr.

What kind of lack, seriously? It reads Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. And I am perfectly aware some members of that culture won't be into beatings, but may be into urinating or defecating, etc., that is other forms of degradation.

"Duh!"

Times like these I think I am the only one that can actually read. Moreover if your into dragging your 'problems' into other peoples lives, go ahead, but I'm pretty skeptical it is going to get welcomed the way you think it is going to.

Seems like some people have the urge to tell other what they do and how they do it in bed, what coffee they drink and so on. Point is, did you hear any one asking you?

[anndelise]

The rest is... well, let's say it's not easy but I'll leave it. I don't need that much anyway, not really my area of expertise... tell me, are you go into psychology-sexual? Pardon, but do you have some experience, before?

And I'm grateful for your explanations. May peace be upon you

I was first introduced to the idea of bdsm activities in 2003. A friend of mine had been talking about becoming a slave and all the extreme things her master could do to her. I looked into it because I was worried about her and her kids. It turned out that she was just trying to gain attention and care-taking from her friends...who she had a history of emotionally manipulating them, which is why she was describing the more extreme activities. What I found was an odd world of a variety of interests by many average otherwise ordinary people. As someone who enjoys delving into people's minds, into why they do what they do, like what they like, etc, I found it quite fascinating for many years.

I was a member of Bondage.com for a while, til it began dying and everyone switched over to Fetlife. These are places where people from all over the world discuss topics and issues, gain new ideas, learn new skills to practice, meet other kinksters, and try to find matches with particular tastes and interests. Just reading the profiles alone and one gets the idea that not all activities are necessarily included in a particular relationship/interaction, and that one kink does not necessarily imply another kink.

I also became a member of the local kink group in this county and a neighboring one. Where again, people got together for dinners to discuss issues, interests, ideas, tools, meet potential partners, etc. These groups would also sometimes have members who would host "Play parties", or would get together as a group to travel together to kink clubs in major cities. There's even a few outdoor gatherings that last almost a week in which some of the top names in particular activities would give a class or demonstration. And in each of these gatherings you could see a huge variety of people letting it all hang out in a variety of ways. Pretty much like any other conference or party except the topic/theme is on sexuality, sexually related activities, and relationship styles.

I've not been active in the community for about a year now. But I do have a few close friends that I have made and a few acquaintences that I keep in touch with once in a while.

During the past 10 years I have also read numerous books written on various activities that fall under the umbrella label of "bdsm", as well as other fetishes. I can't say that I understand all the different mentalities, nor why some people are interested in certain activities. But I learned a lot about people and their individual hopes, fears, and desires....not just regarding sex, but also about their relationships with others, with their pasts, and even with themselves.

[Absurd]

Write you have cut your husband, anndelise, and I'm going to know you're into BDSM.

[anndelise]

Wow, that's very thorough. Paragraph 2 about new ideas, new skills... is that what I think about? Exactly what I think about?

I don't understand these two questions, as I never claimed to know what You personally think about.

You initially asked why some people could find bdsm activities highly arousing, so I offered generalized examples of why some people do.

You asked if I was into sexual psychology, and if I had prior experience. I answered generally that yes, I had some experiences as well as spent 10 years of (for my own curiosity) delving into people's minds related to bdsm on why they were into what they were into.

None of what I wrote was about You, personally. So I don't understand these two questions of yours.

[vesstheastralsilky]

Someone on another forum asked me whether I thought porn could be art (and if not, where the cutoff was and what I defined as porn) and craftsmanship in ropework was one of the things I brought up. Dildo glassblowing is cool too, but that's even more of a tangent.

All porn that is not art is badly executed.

[vesstheastralsilky]

(ugh potential fifty shades of gray reference unintentional)

That film was so boring and low-key.

[ashlesha]

That film was so boring and low-key.

Please don't quote me in threads from 5 years ago about potentially embarrassing topics, thanks.

[vesstheastralsilky]

What kind of lack, seriously? It reads Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. And I am perfectly aware some members of that culture won't be into beatings, but may be into urinating or defecating, etc.

"Duh!"

I think the differences psychologically are sufficient to be considered two different kinds of cultures - disgusting and nondisgusting/psychological.

NOW which one do the self-proclaimed infantile prefer? is one of the next questions.

[vesstheastralsilky]

Please don't quote me in threads from 5 years ago about potentially embarrassing topics, thanks.

Sorry

[noaydi]

As infantile, absolutely not into BDSM omg, never got this hype I find it repulsive.

But I would like to know quirky experience or phantasm of other infantil lol

[Starvish]

I think it's fun.

I'm Delta NF most likely.