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Thread: Delta Quadra dating problems

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    Default Delta Quadra dating problems

    I find it unfair that I have to choose between either narcissistic unattached SLIs who probably over-value tradition, overworking, superficial, business-like LSEs who probably won't look at me twice and flaky over-enthusiastic IEEs who are too undecided and all-over-the-place for me to take them seriously. I haven't met any EII males but I've probably overlooked them because they were shy. Sigh. Sorry about the crude descriptions. Also, I can't help but not take other quadras seriously in the dating field because I know that we might not be compatible long-term. I'm in shambles.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Well, you're doing it to yourself kid.
    Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.

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    I see the same reaction to LSE's from my EII secretary. My recommendation is to meet a bunch of them and to definitely not jump at the first one, but check out a bunch of them. You might be surprised at your compatibility, even if you think they are arrogant jerks sometimes. Or whatever you will think of them.

    In my experience, they don't stay single for long. You can catch one in the middle of college, or just near the end of his relationship with an IEI, but there's only about a three week window before they choose another person who will make a suitable wife to their children.

    The real challenge is in not becoming an ornament for their lives. So pick a guy who respects you as much as he does his neighbors. You should test this.

    Just sayin'.

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    This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens after 6000 years of civilization.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Ok, so you are Shaebette (old name). And you said you were C-EII. So you would be looking for Harmonizers. I've dated two H-LSE in my life and non of them were business-like.

    Or are you saying that the Hs have the same flaws? If I were you I wouldn't date anything else than H, because subtypes matters A LOT
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    No one is limiting you to just dating Delta STs or in your quadra except you. The only thing that would be unfair (to yourself) is you letting a Russian theory on relationships stand in the way of your happiness and/or fulfillment in life. Do what you love and eventually love will find you. Part of growing up is learning from bad relationships and decisions.

    This is not what Jung had in mind... he is rolling over in his grave.

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    This is not what Jung had in mind... he is rolling over in his grave.
    This is impossible - only Si-ego types roll over post-mortem. Haven't you read theory?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    I find it unfair that I have to choose between either narcissistic unattached SLIs who probably over-value tradition, overworking, superficial, business-like LSEs who probably won't look at me twice and flaky over-enthusiastic IEEs who are too undecided and all-over-the-place for me to take them seriously. I haven't met any EII males but I've probably overlooked them because they were shy. Sigh. Sorry about the crude descriptions. Also, I can't help but not take other quadras seriously in the dating field because I know that we might not be compatible long-term. I'm in shambles.
    You're literally describing the INTj experience. I'm not claiming that you've mistyped yourself. I'm saying that you're so Ne that you should focus on the high Si individuals never mind whether they're delta or alpha, because the chance that you're going to mistype a high Si individual when you make the claim of them being alpha is high anyway. But unhappiness draws in unhappiness. So by rejecting others you're causing them to avoid you or to try to cure you. And if all they want is to cure you, they'll leave you when you're no longer in need of curing.
    So... do what you will, life's fair.

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    Every type of people from every quadra could think similarly if they look through the lenses that you are looking. In that case one could say that it is fairly unfair.

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    Well the good news is Quadra Values is just a mythology. My breakdown for every socionics type and subtype conclusively put the nail in its coffin.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    Ok, so you are Shaebette (old name). And you said you were C-EII. So you would be looking for Harmonizers. I've dated two H-LSE in my life and non of them were business-like.

    Or are you saying that the Hs have the same flaws? If I were you I wouldn't date anything else than H, because subtypes matters A LOT

    Makes sense. I've never met any H-LSE. I only know one LSE btw, and he's Dominant.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smilex View Post
    You're literally describing the INTj experience. I'm not claiming that you've mistyped yourself. I'm saying that you're so Ne that you should focus on the high Si individuals never mind whether they're delta or alpha, because the chance that you're going to mistype a high Si individual when you make the claim of them being alpha is high anyway. But unhappiness draws in unhappiness. So by rejecting others you're causing them to avoid you or to try to cure you. And if all they want is to cure you, they'll leave you when you're no longer in need of curing.
    So... do what you will, life's fair.
    So I should focus on looking for high Si individuals? As compared to Te?
    Also, is that a caregiver thing? Wanting to cure or save you in some way, then leaving when you no longer need saving?

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiwi View Post
    Do you have any specific questions so we can help you to get another perspective on this?
    I feel you and I understand that you need to vent but It would be a real pity if this thread wouldn't give you any additional value.

    Btw not all IEEs are unfocused and flaky, some LSEs are as shy as EIIs and I know SLIs who are perhaps too attached but afraid (or unable?) to show it openly. So maybe you haven't met the nicest people yet.
    Well I guess my question would be, what do I do? Should I still seek out these people? I think I'm also frustrated because I recently lost two very important people (they didn't die, we fell out). One is my IEE ex, who I dated for years and proved to be flaky. The second was a narcissistic SLI who cut off all our ties because I rejected him romantically. This is why I'm rethinking and venting about the whole Quadra thing.
    I haven't met many LSEs so maybe my experience will be different.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Well I guess my question would be, what do I do? Should I still seek out these people? I think I'm also frustrated because I recently lost two very important people (they didn't die, we fell out). One is my IEE ex, who I dated for years and proved to be flaky. The second was a narcissistic SLI who cut off all our ties because I rejected him romantically. This is why I'm rethinking and venting about the whole Quadra thing.
    I haven't met many LSEs so maybe my experience will be different.
    Cutting people out of your life is frustrating and hurtful for a time but sooner or later you'll see that it sets you free mentally and you have more time for other people and strenghten your relations with them. Never leave a stage in your life without gaining some value or lesson from it; remember what you didn't like about those two individuals and try to stay away from such people in the future (otherwise it's possible that you fall back into old roles and relive the same conflicts again).
    You don't have to seek out people from the Delta quadra. That restricts your options for finding people you could like.
    Now allow yourself to be angry and sad, heal your wounds, grow from it. But once you've closed this chapter keep an open mind for other people, otherwise that would be unfair you and them.

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    Socionics is only one piece of the puzzle to see if two people will be compatible for relationships or even merely for interaction. Other factors that are just as important as Socionics: enneagram, instinctual stacking and most importantly non-typology personality characteristics.

    So dating someone from your quadra can work wonderfully as Socionics intended if you are at least somewhat compatible with non-Socionics factors too. However, if you aren't then it will prove nearly as problematic as dating outside of your quadra, but for different reasons.
    “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch

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    Quote Originally Posted by Raver View Post
    Socionics is only one piece of the puzzle to see if two people will be compatible for relationships or even merely for interaction. Other factors that are just as important as Socionics: enneagram, instinctual stacking and most importantly non-typology personality characteristics.

    So dating someone from your quadra can work wonderfully as Socionics intended if you are at least somewhat compatible with non-Socionics factors too. However, if you aren't then it will prove nearly as problematic as dating outside of your quadra, but for different reasons.
    Other factors do certainly weigh heavily in the mix of compatibility.

    For example, my ex and I are, respectively, female and male, and we are both heterosexual. Plus, we are about the same height and body type (with previously noted exceptions), earned about the same amount when we got married, have similar world views (the world is being trashed by irresponsible jerks), have similar levels of intelligence and education, and we both like beer. This got us through many years of marriage, even though our sociotypes (LIE and SLI) are a Supervisory relationship, which is generally rated as being #four from the bottom of the compatibility list.

    As the Supervisee, I admired her and was happy. Unfortunately, while I was in this state of blissful ignorance she, as my Supervisor, was busy compiling a list of my faults.

    However, this in no way invalidates the idea that there are other, equally important pieces of the relationship puzzle.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    So I should focus on looking for high Si individuals? As compared to Te?
    Also, is that a caregiver thing? Wanting to cure or save you in some way, then leaving when you no longer need saving?
    Te is an extrovert function. That is what others use to consider you. If you want to associate with Te you make yourself into something that attracts Te. If you feel like you want to choose and go out and pick, then you're talking about your extrovert function. Te doesn't try to attract. Si may try to attract or it may try to prolong and avoid depending on how it's used. Point is, if you're focusing on evaluating your partners critically you're using Ne and that doesn't match with Te. If you just want a relationship, focus on being a person who's good with relationships and don't be too critical of the Te people who that attracts. Both work. It's your choice what you want.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Makes sense. I've never met any H-LSE. I only know one LSE btw, and he's Dominant.
    Yes you need to get to know more people. I think thats the answer to this thread
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    I find it unfair that I have to choose between either narcissistic unattached SLIs who probably over-value tradition, overworking, superficial, business-like LSEs who probably won't look at me twice and flaky over-enthusiastic IEEs who are too undecided and all-over-the-place for me to take them seriously. I haven't met any EII males but I've probably overlooked them because they were shy. Sigh. Sorry about the crude descriptions. Also, I can't help but not take other quadras seriously in the dating field because I know that we might not be compatible long-term. I'm in shambles.
    Lifes hard

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    not a single type description makes me horny

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    I find it unfair that I have to choose between either narcissistic unattached SLIs who probably over-value tradition, overworking, superficial, business-like LSEs who probably won't look at me twice and flaky over-enthusiastic IEEs who are too undecided and all-over-the-place for me to take them seriously. I haven't met any EII males but I've probably overlooked them because they were shy. Sigh. Sorry about the crude descriptions. Also, I can't help but not take other quadras seriously in the dating field because I know that we might not be compatible long-term. I'm in shambles.
    I find it unfair to have to listen to the self-righteous whining of EIIs all the time. And the descriptions aren't rude, they get right down to business: EIIs aren't really shy, they just lack balls.

    You should give more blowjobs and swallow the cum, the testosterone in it will work wonders.
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    I find it unfair to have to listen to the self-righteous whining of EIIs all the time. And the descriptions aren't rude, they get right down to business: EIIs aren't really shy, they just lack balls.

    You should give more blowjobs and swallow the cum, the testosterone in it will work wonders.
    Hasn't worked for me so far, you, OTOH, should probably give less blowjobs then

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    What is this thread I don't even...

    That said, maybe all the Delta's are fucked in the head because modern life is beta as fuck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    What is this thread I don't even...

    That said, maybe all the Delta's are fucked in the head because modern life is beta as fuck.
    modern life is Delta as fuck

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    Socionics isn't gospel, if you don't like other delta's then don't date them and feel free to match up with other types and perhaps reconsider your own typing if you feel this way with most delta's and not just a select few individuals. As to why the SLI cut ties, I know that I myself would feel insanely uncomfortable/embarrassed being around a friend after admitting my feeling to them and being rejected, to the point where I would consider avoiding them to avoid feeling said discomfort and embarrassment when around them and assuming they probably feel the same way. Romantic rejection from a stranger or associate is one thing but a friend is just oh God. So yeah, I don't know details or anything or the circumstances of how he's a narcissist but just saying why I as an SLI would consider cutting ties over that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    modern life is Delta as fuck
    IDK what gave you that idea but it's wrong.

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    deltas are dumb

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    modern life is Delta as fuck
    Do you actually think so? It’s always seemed Gamma to me — a type 9 Gamma now that I think about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Do you actually think so? It’s always seemed Gamma to me — a type 9 Gamma now that I think about it.
    type 9 (ineffectual, at harmony with others, Te polr, unproductive, lazy) and gamma (basically capitalism that takes advantage of workers to no end and cutthroat businesses) nice joke btw. type 9s are Te polr and can be found only in the merry quadras. the types in gamma are SEE (3w2), ESI (4w3), LIE (8w7) and ILI (1w2)
    Last edited by Number 9 large; 06-09-2019 at 12:47 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Do you actually think so? It’s always seemed Gamma to me — a type 9 Gamma now that I think about it.
    and yes i think so. a beta society would be more on the lines of nazi germany, or maybe even ancient sparta

    once a society stabilizes thats when Delta stage kicks in. Betas are all about revolution, war and implementing some new kind of system of beliefs. such a nazism, communism, but also the ideas of the french revolution. deltas are conservative, while betas want fast change. its why theyre the opposite quadras. deltas want stability and slow but steady change(or no change at all), and betas usually want revolution in some way. they always rebel (when you look at history). and seeing how western society has stabilized into sizable democracies that somewhat work well, yea id say its delta now. (with maybe a hint of gamma in some places, like america where theres no healthcare for all, and huge gaps between the richest and poorest people of the country, cuz delta societies tend to be more forgiving towards the weak ones in society cuz of Si (caregiving) over Se (aggressing) valuing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    and yes i think so. a beta society would be more on the lines of nazi germany, or maybe even ancient sparta

    once a society stabilizes thats when Delta stage kicks in. Betas are all about revolution, war and implementing some new kind of system of beliefs. such a nazism, communism, but also the ideas of the french revolution. deltas are conservative, while betas want fast change. its why theyre the opposite quadras. deltas want stability and slow but steady change(or no change at all), and betas usually want revolution in some way. they always rebel (when you look at history). and seeing how western society has stabilized into sizable democracies that somewhat work well, yea id say its delta now. (with maybe a hint of gamma in some places, like america where theres no healthcare for all, and huge gaps between the richest and poorest people of the country, cuz delta societies tend to be more forgiving towards the weak ones in society cuz of Si (caregiving) over Se (aggressing) valuing.
    I think when dealing with concepts as large and abstract as "society" it's possible to see different parts of it and come to different conclusions. Speaking about American society in particular, it seems individualistic to the point of isolationistic (Fi), then there's this emphasis on sensory experiences over comforts; take fast food, Instagram culture, pop culture in general, TV, and then there's the national obsession over sports, especially football. And I think there's this general, latent feeling of unease in many Americans, as if something is wrong, or about to be: I think this is related to the plethora of dystopian movies and YA literature that have been popular -- which seems related to (weak?) Ni. And of course there's Te: how concepts are taught in public schools, modern business culture, and I think also it's reflected in attitude towards stuff like higher education and books and such: education's only socially valued to the extent that it helps one "get a job", rather than being a goal in itself.

    Also, wouldn't you say the average American is more aggressive than caregiving?

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    The only LSEs I've met were either boring or adversarial. The one with a brain was in an incompatible monotheistic religion. Go figure.

    Except this one dude I worked with on a project who seemed cool. He was married.

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    EII-relationships with SLIs and IEEs don't seem to last long, but I have seen EIIs in very stable, mutually-supportive relationships with LSIs eventhough they tend to live somewhat separate lives under the same roof; regardless, the children seem to be well-adjusted with broad interests......

    a.k.a. I/O
    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 06-15-2019 at 02:28 PM.

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    Just be a virgin like me.

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    your type seems Fe
    and your understanding of types is partly strange

    > I can't help but not take other quadras seriously in the dating field because I know that we might not be compatible long-term. I'm in shambles.

    for romances should be good: duality, semiduality and activation. semiduality is other quadra
    other IR is doubtful from point of Jung's types. though you may find that ok until will get an experience of feelings to that 3 types

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    The only LSEs I've met were either boring or adversarial.
    as now you have EII in the profile. LSI associates better with you
    duals should not be perceived as boring
    more possibly other IR. close types mb perceived as boring

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    I'm wondering, does an extrovert always take the lead in a relationship? and between 2 introverts, who's the one to set things in motion?

    perhaps it's a give and take, switching roles, even when intro-extro relationships are formed

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    I'm thinking, it was Jung to introduce Introversion and Extroversion into the older typology systems. NSFT have always existed somehow.. but I think it's one of the trickiest dichotomy, if we erase it, the world is a better place. #Talanov

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    *makes the exorcism by Jung's book and burns Talanov

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    I've read *bumps Talanov mmm

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